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****InSaaN TuT jAtA hAi****

****InSaaN TuT jAtA hAi****

kabhi masti main yeh shayar,kalam apna uthata hai,
naye mazmun ke phulonse,kagaz muskurata hai!.

hamesha khud ke saaye se,amiron ke juda rakhna,
darakhton ki ghani chhaon me,poda sukh jata hai!.

yakinan wo khandar main,ek din tabdil hoti hai,
kisi pukhta imarat ka sutun,jab ladkhadata hai!.

koi dipak ,koi tara,koi jugnu,koi aansu
teri palkon pe ruk jaye,to suraj duub jata hai!.

yeh mana kufr hai mayus hona,iski rehmat se,
mile jo aksar nakami...to inssan tut jata hai!.

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Bulandi per kabhi pohonchayega,mera hunar mujhe,
mujhe kadmon ke niche sidhiyan,achhi nahi lagti.

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:) **********(¨`·.·´¨) Always *************:)
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) Keep
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´ Smiling!
`·.¸.·´

Quote:

Originally Posted by qqplus (Post 221033)

wah..

bahut khuub.

Assalam walekum ziyaad ji,
kaise hain aap.
thnx aapko hamari ghazal pasand aayi,
bas hamein yuhin padhte rahiye..
tk cr
Allah hafiz

namskaar sony ji

bahot hi khub likha hai aapne asaar bahot hi achhey hai bas yhi likhte rahiye

khus rahiye

aapka dost
dhaval

Sony jee:

namaste:

Kaisi haiN aap? ummeed hai Khairiyat se HoNgi... Aap kii yeH Ghazal yuuN to kuchh din pahle hi nazar-nawaaz ho gaii thee.. par aaj reply karne ka mauqa mila hai.. sab se pahle ek achchhi koShiSh par daad dena chaahta huuN..... aur us ke baad do-ek baateN arz karna chaahta huuN.., umeed hai aap bura nahiiN maaneNgii...

Quote:

kabhi masti main yeh shayar,kalam apna uthata hai,
naye mazmun ke phulonse,kagaz muskurata hai!.

Sher Achchha hai. pahle misre meiN 'kabhii' ki jagah 'jab' kar deejiye aur 'yeh Shaayar' ke badle sirf 'Shaayar likhiye' to Khayaal aur saaf ho jaayegaa aur rabt bhi baRH jaayega.. aur duusre misre meiN kagaz muskuraata hai ki jagah, 'kaagaz bhi muskuraata hai kar deejiye....

jab masti meiN Shaayar kalam apna uThaata hai,
naye mazmun ke phholoN se kaagaz bhi muskuraata hai...

Quote:

hamesha khud ke saaye se,amiron ke juda rakhna,
darakhton ki ghani chhaon me,poda sukh jata hai!.

pahle misre meiN kuchh typo hai.. aap yeh kahna chaah rahi haiN..

hamesha khud ke saaye ko amiron se juda rakhna....

ab har ameer thoRe na bure hote haiN:) Kuchh achchhe bhii hote haiN.. Aap har kisii ko bura nahiiN kah sakte haiN.... :) aur ess lihaaz se aap ke Sher ka pahla misra Ghalat hai.. dusra misra behad achchha hai.... pahle misra kuchh aur sochiye....

Quote:

yakinan wo khandar main,ek din tabdil hoti hai,
kisi pukhta imarat ka sutun,jab ladkhadata hai!.

sutan ka matlab? Shaayad aap (base) neew ki baat kar rahii haiN.. par Sher kuchh kamzor hai..

Quote:

koi dipak ,koi tara,koi jugnu,koi aansu
teri palkon pe ruk jaye,to suraj duub jata hai!.

Sher achchha hai....daad! par ek baat arz karna chaahuNga aaNsuu aur jugnu to palkoN par ruk sakte haiN lekin deepak aur taara bhala palkoN par kaise rukeNge.. ???

Quote:

yeh mana kufr hai mayus hona,iski rehmat se,
mile jo aksar nakami...to inssan tut jata hai!.

iski>> Khuda kii,

ek suurat yeh bhii hai.,..:

Kufr hai maayus hona aye khudaa teri rehmat se,
par mile aksar naakaami to insaan toot jaata hai...

ek achchhii koShiSh par mere jaanib se mubaarak-baad qubool keejiye..

Mayank

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mayank (Post 221571)

Sony jee:

namaste:

Kaisi haiN aap? ummeed hai Khairiyat se HoNgi... Aap kii yeH Ghazal yuuN to kuchh din pahle hi nazar-nawaaz ho gaii thee.. par aaj reply karne ka mauqa mila hai.. sab se pahle ek achchhi koShiSh par daad dena chaahta huuN..... aur us ke baad do-ek baateN arz karna chaahta huuN.., umeed hai aap bura nahiiN maaneNgii...

Sher Achchha hai. pahle misre meiN 'kabhii' ki jagah 'jab' kar deejiye aur 'yeh Shaayar' ke badle sirf 'Shaayar likhiye' to Khayaal aur saaf ho jaayegaa aur rabt bhi baRH jaayega.. aur duusre misre meiN kagaz muskuraata hai ki jagah, 'kaagaz bhi muskuraata hai kar deejiye....

jab masti meiN Shaayar kalam apna uThaata hai,
naye mazmun ke phholoN se kaagaz bhi muskuraata hai...

pahle misre meiN kuchh typo hai.. aap yeh kahna chaah rahi haiN..

hamesha khud ke saaye ko amiron se juda rakhna....

ab har ameer thoRe na bure hote haiN:) Kuchh achchhe bhii hote haiN.. Aap har kisii ko bura nahiiN kah sakte haiN.... :) aur ess lihaaz se aap ke Sher ka pahla misra Ghalat hai.. dusra misra behad achchha hai.... pahle misra kuchh aur sochiye....

sutan ka matlab? Shaayad aap (base) neew ki baat kar rahii haiN.. par Sher kuchh kamzor hai..

Sher achchha hai....daad! par ek baat arz karna chaahuNga aaNsuu aur jugnu to palkoN par ruk sakte haiN lekin deepak aur taara bhala palkoN par kaise rukeNge.. ???

iski>> Khuda kii,

ek suurat yeh bhii hai.,..:

Kufr hai maayus hona aye khudaa teri rehmat se,
par mile aksar naakaami to insaan toot jaata hai...

ek achchhii koShiSh par mere jaanib se mubaarak-baad qubool keejiye..

Mayank

hi mayank ji,,
yes m fine,aap kaise hain?

aapka shukriya kaise ada karun,,
ji hamne bilkul bura nahi mana,,
aap yakin nahi karoge,,hamari shayri ya ghazal ,,itni gehrai se aaj tak kisi ne nahi padhi,
aur hum dilse keh rahe hain,,aapki taraf se kiye hue correction ko humne bohot dhiyan se padha,aur use samjha bhi,
aap ke isi correction ke baad,,hum apni is ghazal ko,phir se ek baar post kar rahe hain,
bas umeed kari hun,aage bhi aap hamein isi tarah samjhayenge,
thnx again
apna khayal rakhiye
Allah hafiz

**********(¨`·.·´¨) Always *************
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) Keep
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´ Smiling!
`·.¸.·´