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zainy
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zainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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30th June 2014, 02:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Bahaut bahaut shukriya Zainy ji shayari ke silsile ka aaghaaz karne ka. aur waah kya haseen aaghaaz kiya hai. it makes beautiful sense to me. kya shokhi kya naaz o ada hai sher meiN. waah !!!

lafz fasoon romantic shayari meiN badi khoobsurti se istemaal hota hai aksar

yahaan aapne sanam ke kayee pehluoN ko fusoon ka darja diya hai jis se sahayar ke bachne ki koyee ummeed nazar naheen aatee hai (I will use "shayar" as a gender neutral term in this thread, as is the custom nowadays to use gender neutral terms for describing professions, e.g. term "actor" is used for both male and female actors)

yahaaN aap ne lafz-e-fusoon ke ek khoobsurat pehloo ko numaayaa kiya hai ... wo yeh ki shayari ki duniya meiN aksar aashiq apne maashooq ke fusoon se bachne ki baat karta hai (aashiq-maashooq used in a gender neutral sense as well) lekin dil hi dil us ke fusoon ke lutf meiN giraftaar rehne ka maza bhi leta hai ye baat aapne khoobsurti se "afsoon se uff bache kaise koyee" keh ke badi hi ada se kahi hai !! Khoob !!

par lagta hai typing error se "afsooN" ki jagah "afnooN" type ho gaya hai

bas, kuchh baateiN lafz par discussion ke taur par kehna chaahooNga ... islaah ke taur par naheeN...

1. mere opinion meiN (jo galat bhi ho sakta hai), "ye" ki jagah "in" zyada munaasib ho shayad. "in asfsoon se" sounds intuitively better to me than "ye afsoon se" (behr mein wazan same rahega agar "in" ke "n" ko "afsoon" se "af" se jod dein) ... lekin shayad aapne "yeh" ki takraar se sher meiN lutf paida karne ki koshish ki hai ... to kya us haalat meiN yeh zyada munaasib rahega ? can't say ... sochne ki baat hai .... what is your opinion or the opinion of other members on this ?

2. ek aur purely subjective aur opinion based raiy ... sher meiN aapne 3 fusoon ka zikr kiya
hai sanam ke afsoon paida hote hain ... 1. adaayein 2. baateiN 3. nazreiN ... adaayeiN aur
aateiN ek activity ke jaisee haiN jis se sanam fusoon paida karta hai ye, lekin nazroN ka hona bhar hi baais-e-fusooN kaise hai ye baat pooree tarah par khulee naheeN shayad .... agar is baat ka zikr hota ki sanam nazron ka istemaal kaise karta hai fusoon paida karne ke liye, to shaayad lutf aur bhi badh sakta ...for example, nazroN ka ishaara, sharaarat, masti etc ya nazroN se mujhe dekhna wagairah wagairah

Zainy ji ...ye sirf mera nazariya bhar hi hai bas ... meree raay par aap ki raay

Baakee members se bhi darkhwaast hai ki wo bhi apni raay zaahir kareiN is post par ya aur posts par ...

Zainy ji, ek khoobsurat sher jis meiN lafz ka bhi khoobsurat istemaal kiya hai us par aap ko dheron daad !!!

Dheron duaoN ke saath ... Zarraa
zarra sahab...

Ek adna se sher ko aapne itni ahmiyat de di...meri samajh me nahi aa raha kin alfaaz me aapka shukriyah ada karun..

1) Typing mistake maine theek kar di hai....

2)Regarding "yeh" and "in" ..actually maine 122 122 122 122 behr use ki hai...kya "in"..is behr me fit hoga?...not sure????

3)..regarding nazreiN. ..well behr ki majboori thi ..warna kuch na kuch zarur add karti .....(waise nazreiN lafz khud fusoon ka pitara hai.aur kuch likhne ki zaroorat hi mehsoos nahi huyi.........)

chaliye khair...yeh bataiye afsoon lafz sahi istemaal hua ya nahi is sher me....?




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm

Last edited by zainy; 30th June 2014 at 06:40 AM..
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