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Parastaar
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15th April 2004, 04:56 AM

Aathwan (8th)aur aakhiri sher...

zara dekhein nazar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi.
karein deedar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi.
-masoom_s

bey gaanahe aur bhi bahut hai bhari duniyaa mein
mehfil-e-husn mein naa shinaas yaar, ruk to sahi
-Mast

nigaah-e-jaam hain ki sabab mere mitne kaa
hone de makhmoor yaar jee bhar ke ruk tau sahi
-Paras

4th Sher..

Ye moD zindagi ka na aayega lautke,
Aayegi bahaar jee bhar ke, ruk to sahi.

-Afshan.

Zindagi kushiyon aur ghum ka khazana hai
ghum toe umr bhar k saathi hain tu ruk to sahi

Nida

Phir kya... jo tanha hai safar me tu bhi
Tere khaatir bhi koi aaega..tu ruk to sahi,

nazar mili...be-saakhta yeh dil gaya
kareinge dil nissaar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi
-paras

bus yoon kahiye ki jaise taise humne ghazal poori kar di...lol aap sabne bahut achha likha hai...lekin most of you couldn't figure out kafiya and radeef in this ghazal...meri tarah aap bhi confused hee rahe...

tau chaliye issi pe baat karein...humko bhi haal hee mein iss baat kee samajh aayi hai...Kafiyaa is a must for everyone to follow...

for eg...the 1st sher was

zara dekhein nazar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi.
karein deedar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi.
-masoom_s

pehla sher ghazal ka 'matla' hai ismein dono lines mein 'radeef' hota hai...jaise ki yahan hai...

jee bhar ke ruk tau sahi...

ab baaki sab sher ke aakhir mein yeh hona chahiye thaa...waise choonki hum sab abhi students hain ghazal writing ke...tau hamein 'radeef' chota hee rakhna chahiye...

masoom sahib ne 'radeef' se pehle 'dedaar' lafz istemaal kiya hai...aur yahi hamara 'kafiyaa' hai...'aar'

yeh sher bilkul sahi hain...

zara dekhein nazar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi.
karein deedar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi.
-masoom_s

nigaah-e-jaam hain ki sabab mere mitne kaa
hone de makhmoor yaar jee bhar ke ruk tau sahi
-Paras

Ye moD zindagi ka na aayega lautke,
Aayegi bahaar jee bhar ke, ruk to sahi.
-Afshan.

nazar mili...be-saakhta yeh dil gaya 'paras'
kareinge dil nissaar jee bhar ke ruk to sahi
-paras

dekhiey inmein 'dedaar' 'yaar' 'bahaar' 'nissaar' kaise istemaal hua hai...

last sher is a 'matka' jahan shayar apni pehchan chod jata hai...khud se kuch keh kar...apne takhallus ke zariye...

chaliye bahut ho chuka lecture...phew...aayinda gaur farmaayiyega...

aayiye ab iss kuuche mein apni kalam aajmaaish karein ek naya sher.... ek nayi ghazal ...pesh karein


nayi ruton mein wo kuchh aur qareeb aaye
gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho

mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai
rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho

--Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan

Last edited by Parastaar; 15th April 2004 at 04:59 AM..
   
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