View Single Post
bhulaa naa sakey
Old
  (#5)
Feroz
None
Feroz will become famous soon enough
 
Offline
Posts: 88
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Canada
Rep Power: 23
bhulaa naa sakey - 23rd January 2002, 09:38 AM

anil saahab,

aadaab,

aap kii nazm/Ghazal padhii, aur bahut pasaNd bhii aayii. darasl mere Khyaal meiN ye hai hii ek Ghazal numaa nazm, is liye aap agar is ko Ghazal ke qaidoN ke hisaab se likhtey to aur bhii mazaa aataa. agar is Ghazal kii ThoDii sii "fine tuning " ho jaaye to is meiN aur bhii nikhaar aa saktaa hai. jaise......

1.
Tere pyaar ko dil se bhula na sake
Ek khwaab jise haqeeket bana na sake,

aap is ko yuuN likhiye.

teraa pyaar dil se bhulaa naa sakey
ye sapnaa haqiikat banaa naa sakey.

2.
Humare pyaar meiN jaane kya kami reh gayi
Jo tumhare dil mein pyaar jaga na sake,
...........ek achhey sher ko yuN aur bhii Khoobsuat banaayaa jaa saktaa hai........

hamaarii mohabbat meiN kyaa khoT thaa
tere dil meiN chaahat jagaa naa sakey ...ya


Naseeb-naseeb ka khel hi to hai
Varna kyoN tumhe apna bana na sake,
...............is ko yuN kahaa jaa saktaa hai,
nasiiboN kaa shaayad koii khel thaa
ke tum ko hum apnaa banaa naa sakey.

AansuoN ke saath yeh jung hai puraani
Koshish ki bahut per inhe hara na sake,
.......wah wah, kyaa baat hai, bas is ko yuN kaheiNgey to bahr meiN aa jaayegaa. ..............

hamaarii GhamoN se koii jaNg thii
inheiN ham kabhii bhii haraa naa sakey


Rehmat karo itni batado wo chaaragari
Ki yaad tumhari dil meiN kabhi aa na sake."
.............achhaa sher hai, lekin is ko bhii is tarah se Theek kiiyaa jaa saktaa hai. lafz chaaraagarii kaa istemaal yahaaN munaasib nahiiN lag rahaa.

koii to bataa de tariikaa hameiN
terii yaad phir dil meiN aa naa sakey


yeh sirf merii naaqis raai hai, ho saktaa hai aap ko pasaNd naa aaye. buraa naa maaniyegaa. lekin Ghazal kahney kii koshish jaarii rakhiiyegaa. phir mileiNgey.

Feroz
  Send a message via Yahoo to Feroz  
Reply With Quote