[Mayank]

Sony jee:

namaste:

Kaisi haiN aap? ummeed hai Khairiyat se HoNgi... Aap kii yeH Ghazal yuuN to kuchh din pahle hi nazar-nawaaz ho gaii thee.. par aaj reply karne ka mauqa mila hai.. sab se pahle ek achchhi koShiSh par daad dena chaahta huuN..... aur us ke baad do-ek baateN arz karna chaahta huuN.., umeed hai aap bura nahiiN maaneNgii...

kabhi masti main yeh shayar,kalam apna uthata hai,
naye mazmun ke phulonse,kagaz muskurata hai!.

Sher Achchha hai. pahle misre meiN 'kabhii' ki jagah 'jab' kar deejiye aur 'yeh Shaayar' ke badle sirf 'Shaayar likhiye' to Khayaal aur saaf ho jaayegaa aur rabt bhi baRH jaayega.. aur duusre misre meiN kagaz muskuraata hai ki jagah, 'kaagaz bhi muskuraata hai kar deejiye....

jab masti meiN Shaayar kalam apna uThaata hai,
naye mazmun ke phholoN se kaagaz bhi muskuraata hai...

hamesha khud ke saaye se,amiron ke juda rakhna,
darakhton ki ghani chhaon me,poda sukh jata hai!.

pahle misre meiN kuchh typo hai.. aap yeh kahna chaah rahi haiN..

hamesha khud ke saaye ko amiron se juda rakhna....

ab har ameer thoRe na bure hote haiN Kuchh achchhe bhii hote haiN.. Aap har kisii ko bura nahiiN kah sakte haiN.... aur ess lihaaz se aap ke Sher ka pahla misra Ghalat hai.. dusra misra behad achchha hai.... pahle misra kuchh aur sochiye....

yakinan wo khandar main,ek din tabdil hoti hai,
kisi pukhta imarat ka sutun,jab ladkhadata hai!.

sutan ka matlab? Shaayad aap (base) neew ki baat kar rahii haiN.. par Sher kuchh kamzor hai..

koi dipak ,koi tara,koi jugnu,koi aansu
teri palkon pe ruk jaye,to suraj duub jata hai!.

Sher achchha hai....daad! par ek baat arz karna chaahuNga aaNsuu aur jugnu to palkoN par ruk sakte haiN lekin deepak aur taara bhala palkoN par kaise rukeNge.. ???

yeh mana kufr hai mayus hona,iski rehmat se,
mile jo aksar nakami...to inssan tut jata hai!.

iski>> Khuda kii,

ek suurat yeh bhii hai.,..:

Kufr hai maayus hona aye khudaa teri rehmat se,
par mile aksar naakaami to insaan toot jaata hai...

ek achchhii koShiSh par mere jaanib se mubaarak-baad qubool keejiye..

Mayank