Janaab Akhilesh ji,
aap me shero-shayree kee achchhee khaasee ummeed hai. khayaal achche piro lete hain aap aur kam-o-besh ek flow kee talaash bhee Dhang se kar lete ho aap.
jis andaaz me aap ne likhaa hai us se zaahir hai ki aap ek gazal kahne kee koshish me hain. koshish achchhee hai. aur behtaree aa jaay agar aap kuchh takneeki baaton ko bhee seekh leN aur unka dhyaan rakhen. gazal ke chand usool hote hain ho bilkul kee mushkil nahee hain. ye usool to aap kisi bhee site pe padh kar jaan sakte hain magar mai yahaan sirf meter ya behr kee baat kahoongaa jo ki gazal kaa ek aham hissa hain.
shuruaat me aap ne ek khoobsoorat meter chuni hai, pahlee line me hee.
ankoN me isko: 2122 2122 2122 212 kahenge. lekin pahle sher ki doosree line me ye meter zara see hat gayee hai. agar aap is tarah se kahen to meter theek ho jaayegee.
wo satana tera chupke se mujhe yuun dekh kar
apne dil ki aarzuuoN ko dabaana yaad hai
ab aap padh kar dekho aur paaoge kee flow jyada sahee bantee hai.
You probably know about meter, behr, maatra, 2 1 etc.. magar aap ko meri 2122 ki baat samajh me nahi aayi to zaroor bataanaa. We can talk a little more about it.
baaki ke sher bhi khayaal me durust hone ke baawzood meter se gir gaye hain. aap koshish kar ke unhe sudhaar sakte ho, agar chaaho to.
ummeed hai aap meri bin maangee salaah kaa buraa nahi maanoge!
apni koshish share karne ka shukriyaa. yuun hee jaari rakhiye silsilaa..
duaaoN ke saath,
Arun Bekhabar