Accha Aadami Hone Ka Ilzaam Mila

[zidd]

Dear doston,
meri nayi koshish peshe kidmat hai.......
Is me radeef nahin hai isliye shayad tecnically ghazal nai hui.....par mujhe pata nahin....isliye dar dar kar pesh kar raha hu....

phir bi yeh meri koshish, pata nahin kyon ,mujhe ab tak ki sari koshison se sab se jyada pasand hai......
baki ap hi bata sakenge mai sahi hu ya galat

Vo shaks jisko tumne, juzba e katil ka naam diya
Kya karogi gar usne tumhara dil maang liya ?


kal kya ro liye kuch der, tere saath hum
Ek accha aadmi hone ka tune ilzaam diya !


Kuch to hadd hogi jazbate muhabbat ki bi yaron
sirf ek khata par tune dusmani kitni baar kiya


Muft to baate(distribute) hai dard roz woh saudagar
phir kya kasor tha mera gar ek namuna maang liya


Cherche hue teri mehfil me ashiki ke bare jab
sabne muh uthakar kisi 'zidd' ka naam liya

[LAMHA]

Originally Posted by chocboy

Dear doston,
meri nayi koshish peshe kidmat hai.......
Is me radeef nahin hai isliye shayad tecnically ghazal nai hui.....par mujhe pata nahin....isliye dar dar kar pesh kar raha hu....

phir bi yeh meri koshish, pata nahin kyon ,mujhe ab tak ki sari koshison se sab se jyada pasand hai......
baki ap hi bata sakenge mai sahi hu ya galat




Vo shaks jisko tumne, juzba e katil ka naam diya

Kya karogi gar usne tumhara dil maang liya ?


kal kya ro liye kuch der, tere saath hum
Ek accha aadmi hone ka tune ilzaam diya !


Kuch to hadd hogi jazbate muhabbat ki bi yaron
sirf ek khata par tune dusmani kitni baar kiya


Muft to baate(distribute) hai dard roz woh saudagar
phir kya kasor tha mera gar ek namuna maang liya


Cherche hue teri mehfil me ashiki ke bare jab
sabne muh uthakar kisi 'zidd' ka naam liya

muje lagta hai ki aapko apni is koshish ko darr darr ke pesh karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai dear...kyonki aap ki ye koshish bahut khoob rahi....aur aise bhi dil ke ehsaason ko koi bandishen nahi hoti....aap apne har ehsaas ko be-jhijhak is mehfil me pesh kar sakte hai...keep it up.....

[Rani Aflatoon]

Originally Posted by chocboy

Dear doston,
meri nayi koshish peshe kidmat hai.......
Is me radeef nahin hai isliye shayad tecnically ghazal nai hui.....par mujhe pata nahin....isliye dar dar kar pesh kar raha hu....

phir bi yeh meri koshish, pata nahin kyon ,mujhe ab tak ki sari koshison se sab se jyada pasand hai......
baki ap hi bata sakenge mai sahi hu ya galat




Vo shaks jisko tumne, juzba e katil ka naam diya

Kya karogi gar usne tumhara dil maang liya ?


kal kya ro liye kuch der, tere saath hum
Ek accha aadmi hone ka tune ilzaam diya !


Kuch to hadd hogi jazbate muhabbat ki bi yaron
sirf ek khata par tune dusmani kitni baar kiya


Muft to baate(distribute) hai dard roz woh saudagar
phir kya kasor tha mera gar ek namuna maang liya


Cherche hue teri mehfil me ashiki ke bare jab
sabne muh uthakar kisi 'zidd' ka naam liya

bohot acha hai
bohot kya bohot ziyada acha hai ji
padh kar yun laga
jaise apni life ke baare main padh rahi hoon,,
yunhi likhte rahiye
keep it up.

[zidd]

Originally Posted by N@zneen

hmmm gair mudarraf ghazal hai ye........tumhare har sher ki 2nd line ne frst line ko bht achche se compliment kia hai, thoughts x'cellent, all in all gud attempt, can get better....................

nazneenji.....apne 'gud' kaha to bande ka hausla buland ho gaya
apne kaha better ho sakta hai....aap se guzarish hai ke yeh batayien ab ke kin kin pehlu se mai is aur better kar sakta hu
regards

[zidd]

Originally Posted by LAMHA

muje lagta hai ki aapko apni is koshish ko darr darr ke pesh karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai dear...kyonki aap ki ye koshish bahut khoob rahi....aur aise bhi dil ke ehsaason ko koi bandishen nahi hoti....aap apne har ehsaas ko be-jhijhak is mehfil me pesh kar sakte hai...keep it up.....

lamhaji,...hausla afzai ke liye bahot bahut shukriya......
puri koshish karunga ki agee bhi mera likha apko pasand aata rahe..
regards

[zidd]

Originally Posted by Rani Aflatoon

bohot acha hai
bohot kya bohot ziyada acha hai ji
padh kar yun laga
jaise apni life ke baare main padh rahi hoon,,
yunhi likhte rahiye
keep it up.

raniji...kaise hai aap?
agar kisi writer ka likhe kisiko directly relate kar jaaye to usse badi tarif koi aur nahin ho sakti hai...
apne to ultimate daad di hai jiske liye mai tehe e dil se mai shukriya ada karta hu apka....bahot bahot shukriya
effection and regards

[nalinmehra]

bhai jaan, hamara toh haath gazhal likhne me tang hai, but apke ehsaas bahut khubsurat thay............. good effort bro

Originally Posted by chocboy

Dear doston,
meri nayi koshish peshe kidmat hai.......
Is me radeef nahin hai isliye shayad tecnically ghazal nai hui.....par mujhe pata nahin....isliye dar dar kar pesh kar raha hu....

phir bi yeh meri koshish, pata nahin kyon ,mujhe ab tak ki sari koshison se sab se jyada pasand hai......
baki ap hi bata sakenge mai sahi hu ya galat




Vo shaks jisko tumne, juzba e katil ka naam diya

Kya karogi gar usne tumhara dil maang liya ?


kal kya ro liye kuch der, tere saath hum
Ek accha aadmi hone ka tune ilzaam diya !


Kuch to hadd hogi jazbate muhabbat ki bi yaron
sirf ek khata par tune dusmani kitni baar kiya


Muft to baate(distribute) hai dard roz woh saudagar
phir kya kasor tha mera gar ek namuna maang liya


Cherche hue teri mehfil me ashiki ke bare jab
sabne muh uthakar kisi 'zidd' ka naam liya

[zidd]

Originally Posted by nalinmehra

bhai jaan, hamara toh haath gazhal likhne me tang hai, but apke ehsaas bahut khubsurat thay............. good effort bro

nalinji,......
daad dene ke liye bahut shukriya
aise hi hausla afjaye karte rahiye
regards

[Rani Aflatoon]

Originally Posted by chocboy

raniji...kaise hai aap?
agar kisi writer ka likhe kisiko directly relate kar jaaye to usse badi tarif koi aur nahin ho sakti hai...
apne to ultimate daad di hai jiske liye mai tehe e dil se mai shukriya ada karta hu apka....bahot bahot shukriya
effection and regards

hum theek hai ji

aap kaise ho,,?
ji bas aap yunhi likhte rahe aur share karte rahe.
and ur most welcome ji

[Mujeeb]

http://www.shayri.com/forums/showpos...3&postcount=28

http://www.shayri.com/forums/showpos...5&postcount=30

Aadaab !

sab se pehle to SDC meN app ko teh dil se khush aamdeed kehta hoN , uske baad hi app se aik iltamaas hai keh ager app ne beHr ka e'lm seekhna ho to bara-e-karam pehle urdu seekhiye , kiyoN zyada tar loogoN ko mughaaltaa isi waja se hota hai aur beHr mushkil lagti hai kiyoN keh unko alfaaz ki adaagi saHeeH nahieN aati aur zyada tar log isi wajah se beHr ke e'lm se anjan rehte haiN , jab tak app alfaaz ki adaaigi meN maahir nahieN hote app beHr ke e'lm se waaQif nahieN ho sakte , yeh mera zaati tajurba hai ... baaqi app ki apni merzi .

opper diye huwe rabt app ki beHc ke rabt haiN yahaN unka numayaaN kerna mere liyaa waajib tha .


ab app ki ghazal ki jaanib do baatieN arz kerna chahoNga

Originally Posted by chocboy

Vo shaks jisko tumne, juzba e katil ka naam diya
Kya karogi gar usne tumhara dil maang liya ?

jazba-e-qaatil ??? waise moHteram yeh jazba-e-qaatil naam to ho nahieN sakta haaN albata amal , fe'l zaroor ho sakta hai ,

Originally Posted by chocboy

kal kya ro liye kuch der, tere saath hum
Ek accha aadmi hone ka tune ilzaam diya !

achaa aadmi hone ka ilzaam ??? mere liye kuch naya amal hai yeh

ilzaam to buraaii ke lagaey jaata haiN

Originally Posted by chocboy

Kuch to hadd hogi jazbate muhabbat ki bi yaron
sirf ek khata par tune dusmani kitni baar kiya

jazbaat e mohabbat ki koi hadd nahieN hoti dosri baat dushmnai kitni baat kiyaa ghalat hai dushmani kitni baar ki ho sakta hai

Originally Posted by chocboy

Muft to baanTete(distribute) hai dard roz woh saudagar
phir kya kasoor tha mera gar ek namuna maang liya

kuch Hairat angez raha yeh sher mere liye

Originally Posted by chocboy

Cherche hue teri mehfil me ashiki ke bare jab
sabne muh uthakar kisi 'zidd' ka naam liya

samjh nahieN paaya keh app kiyaa bayan kerna chahte haiN

yeh choTa sa tabCirah app ki nazar

yaad rahe koii bhi tabsirah kisi ko neecha Thehraane ke liye nahieN hota aur na hi kisi ko thehs pahuchaane ke liye .

ager kisi per nagawar guzre to bara-e-karam zaroor fermaa daiN

Mujeeb

[zidd]

mujeeb sahab..aadab

apne samay nikal paye uske liye mai apka tehe dil se shukriya......
apne jo tacniki taur ki galtiyan batayi usse mujhe jaroor faida hoga...
bas ek baat se mai apke sahmat nahin hu woh yeh ki fikr ko kisi tarah traditional thoughts ke hisab se bandha jaye....
mai kafi detail me iske bare me apse baat karna chahta tha aur apko mere har sher ka point of view batana chahta tha par achanak todi waqt ki pabandi ho gayi hai 2-3 dinon se...varna waise to mai hamesha free rahta hu..
isliye sirf ik chota example doonga magar apse phir detail me baat karne ki apse izazat mangne ki gustakhi karunga.
jaise apne kaha ki' jazbaton ki koi hadd nahin hoti'... isliye shayri iske khilaf nahin chal sakti....to mai ye jaroor kahunga ki istarah ki baton ko fixed premise nahin banaya ja sakta...dusre ka opinion ulta aur valid ho sakta hai
...mai thode dinon ke liye out of city jaa raha hu isliye apse mai apse kabhi phir aur discussion karne ki izazat ka paband hu
ap bilkul na sochein ki mujhe koi baat buri lagi....mujhe to ap ke comment aane par bahut accha laga....uu hi age bhi apki kripa drusti ham pad padti rahein...yeh hari ummeed rahegi...

apka shagird

[Mujeeb]

Aadaab !

ChhooTey miyaaN ??? yaa baRe miyaaN ???khair kuch bhi kaise mizaaj haiN ?
mujhe app ki tafseeli guftagoo ka intezaar rahe ga , meN ne app ki soch ya app ki shayri per koi pabandi nahieN lagaii , haaN albata seedhi soch se jo haT ker laga tha mujhe woh bayan kiyaa maiNne, jaisa keh app bhi is baat se bakhoobi waakif haiN maiN ne app ko kuch rad o badal kerne ko nahieN kaha , aur na hi yeh kaha keh yeh shayri meN mumkin nahieN hai , ab shayri ki mumkinaat dekhieN to , moHboob ko chaand jaisa bayaaN ker rahe haiN ya uski mamaClat ker rahe haiN , jabke insaan aur chaand ka kiyaa mawaznaa , sab chaltaa hai ab aik aur miCaal bhi day doN app ko Dr.Allama Iqbaal fermaate haiN :

Khudii ko ker buland itna keh har taQdeer se pehle
khudaa bande se khud pooche bata terii raza kiyaa hai

ab ager shayri meN koi pabandi hoti to janab in per aitraazaat lagte keh khudaa kab poochne laga hai bande ki raza ya bhala kiyoN pooche ?


ab amoomi taur per mohabbat meN jazbaatoN ki koi Had nahieN hoti balkeh jazbaat ki bhi koi Had nahieN hoti , khair ager app per yeh baat garaN guzri to uske liye mazrat .

aik baat a'rz kerna chahta hoN keh ghazal per diye gaey tabSira' per her koii mutafiQ ho yeh qatee' zaroori nahieN hai aur na hi meN app ko yeh keh raha hoN keh app meri zaati raaey per hi munHaSir kerieN .

Mujeeb

[zidd]

mujeeb ahab...aadab
aapki photo dekhkar to hum bade miyan hi ho sakte hai.....

der se likne ki muafi chahata hu...lekin shayad achha hi hua kyunki in thode dino me mere ilm me ijafa hua hai ,isliye apke tabsireh ko ab mai alag andaz me dekh raha hu

ap ki kahi sari bateiN sahi hai....mai apni galtiyan kabool karta hu....
ainda koshish karunga ki sahi likh sakun.....

dheer sahab ne bilkul sahi kaha hai ki sher ka matlab to sukhanfehm nikal hi lega aur enjoy bi kar lega lekin shayar ko iska sahara aur excuse lekar galat ya naqis andaz me nahin likne chaiye....

zinda hai to fikr bhi sab kar lenge....acchi fikr bhi kar lenge...shayrana fikr bi kar lenge....magar us fikr ko, agar sare kayde kanun ke mutabik piroh na sake to shayri nahi hogi....vo to bus shayrana guftagoo ho jayegi...mai yeh baat samajh gaya hu...fikr ki keemat tabhi hai jab usse sahi tarike se piroya jaye varna acchi fikr ek khubsurat laash ki tarah hai... vo sunder to hai par mari hui
phir laash gar sunder bi hai to kya fayda? mai ye baat jaan gaya hu ki fikr ki numaish karne se pehle usse bahut kasoutiyon par utarna padta hai...

meri aakhen kholne ka teh e dil se shukriya

agee bi ap ke tabsireh ka mujhe hamesha intezar hoga

regards