|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
25th June 2015, 08:49 AM
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
Hum bewajah udaasee meiN aankheiN malte rahe
raat ki aagosh meiN saaye humeiN nigalte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Yaar ki khaatir he aksar raaheiN badalte rahe
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Some Mirrors Lie...
Offline
Posts: 3,133
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Shehr-e-husn
Rep Power: 44
|
25th June 2015, 11:33 AM
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
Hum bewajah udaasee meiN aankheiN malte rahe
raat ki aagosh meiN saaye humeiN nigalte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Yaar ki khaatir he aksar raaheiN badalte rahe
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
7th sher
gulshan-e-zeest meiN phool humaiN daste rahe...
hum choohle per paani ki tarah ubaltay rahe...
choole : burner, stove
ubaltay : boil
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
25th June 2015, 12:47 PM
A Note to keep in mind......
Doston Koocha e kalaam me ham aap sab kaa tahe dil se istaqbaal karte hain....
jaisaa ke aap sab jaane hi hain ke ab is silsile ko nayaa roop diyaa jaa raha hai jisse seekhne sikhaane ki chahat rakhne waale logon ko bahut madad mil rahee hai...aur yaqeen maniye hame bahut hi acchee feedback mil rahe hain is naye kadam se......
jaisaa ke kaha gaya hai ke har matla ke saath nayee behar dee jaaegii aur members ko usiii behar me apne sher bhii likhne honge.... agar thodii bahut galtii hotii hai to moderators apne level pe use sahii kar denge...... lekin agar wo sher bilkul hi behar se khaaariz hai to ho saktaa hai use ghazl me hissaa na diyaa jaae.....
aap sab se guzaarish hai ke sher ko post karne se pahle iskii jaanch kar len ya kisii jaankaar se pooch len to mehrbaanii hogee.......
yaqeen maniye hamne is pahal se bahut se badlaaw dekhe hain aur bahut se logon ke dil me behar seekhne ki tamanna ko bhi dekhaa hai.... ummeed hai aap sab ka saath hame yunhi miltaa rahegaa.....
All suggestions are most welcome............
Team SDC
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
Revised Ghazal till now..... -
25th June 2015, 01:11 PM
Behar- 2122 2122 2122 212
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
Hum bewajah udaasee meiN aankheiN malte rahe
raat ki aagosh meiN saaye humeiN nigalte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Thee nahii manzoor wo raaheN jahaaN baDhte rahe. (Sagar Aashna)
(edited on request of Sagar saahab)
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
7th sher
gulshan-e-zeest meiN phool humaiN daste rahe...
hum choohle per paani ki tarah ubaltay rahe. (Hassan bhai)
kis tarah ki raah hai, kaise musaafir hain yahaaN,
peeTh me khanjar chubhaaye jo gale milte rahe..... (shaad)
posts that are not in Behar completely are in Red color.... members are reqested to please update the sher before the Ghazal gets completed and ready for posting.... thanks....
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
25th June 2015, 03:14 PM
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
Hum bewajah udaasee meiN aankheiN malte rahe
raat ki aagosh meiN saaye humeiN nigalte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Thee nahii manzoor wo raaheN jahaaN baDhte rahe. (Sagar Aashna)
(edited on request of Sagar saahab)
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
7th sher
gulshan-e-zeest meiN phool humaiN daste rahe...
hum choohle per paani ki tarah ubaltay rahe. (Hassan bhai)
kis tarah ki raah hai, kaise musaafir hain yahaaN,
peeTh me khanjar chubhaaye jo gale milte rahe..... (shaad)
arz meri aye khuda kya sun sakegaa tuu kabhii
aasmaan ko bas isi ek chaah meiN takte rahe(madhu).
posts that are not in Behar completely are in Red color.... members are reqested to please update the sher before the Ghazal gets completed and ready for posting.... thanks....
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
25th June 2015, 03:32 PM
Madhu ji agar beher nahi aati to?
Yaha par kai members ko behr ache se nahi aati isliye suggestion hai Ki jab log likh kar bhej dein to aap Mein se ek behr ke jaankaar sabke sher Mein thoda bohut ferbadal kar behr Mein kar dein. Issey sabka housla badega aur seekhne ko bhi milega.
Aur members se bhi request hai Ki isey sportingly lein. Taaki hum sab kuch naya seekhein aur humare hunar Mein bhi nikhar aaye.
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
25th June 2015, 03:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by masti
Madhu ji agar beher nahi aati to?
Yaha par kai members ko behr ache se nahi aati isliye suggestion hai Ki jab log likh kar bhej dein to aap Mein se ek behr ke jaankaar sabke sher Mein thoda bohut ferbadal kar behr Mein kar dein. Issey sabka housla badega aur seekhne ko bhi milega.
Aur members se bhi request hai Ki isey sportingly lein. Taaki hum sab kuch naya seekhein aur humare hunar Mein bhi nikhar aaye.
|
bilkul sarika yahi kahna chahte hain ham..ki sabhi ise sportingly lein..aur poochne mein hichkichayein nahi...jise bhi behr aati hai sabhi support karne ko ready hain hamesha..par agar sher poora hee behr se bahar ho to thodi mushkil hoti hai to bas post karne se pahle pooch lein ya kisi ki madad se likhein to behtar hoga..
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
25th June 2015, 04:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
A Note to keep in mind......
Doston Koocha e kalaam me ham aap sab kaa tahe dil se istaqbaal karte hain....
jaisaa ke aap sab jaane hi hain ke ab is silsile ko nayaa roop diyaa jaa raha hai jisse seekhne sikhaane ki chahat rakhne waale logon ko bahut madad mil rahee hai...aur yaqeen maniye hame bahut hi acchee feedback mil rahe hain is naye kadam se......
jaisaa ke kaha gaya hai ke har matla ke saath nayee behar dee jaaegii aur members ko usiii behar me apne sher bhii likhne honge.... agar thodii bahut galtii hotii hai to moderators apne level pe use sahii kar denge...... lekin agar wo sher bilkul hi behar se khaaariz hai to ho saktaa hai use ghazl me hissaa na diyaa jaae.....
aap sab se guzaarish hai ke sher ko post karne se pahle iskii jaanch kar len ya kisii jaankaar se pooch len to mehrbaanii hogee.......
yaqeen maniye hamne is pahal se bahut se badlaaw dekhe hain aur bahut se logon ke dil me behar seekhne ki tamanna ko bhi dekhaa hai.... ummeed hai aap sab ka saath hame yunhi miltaa rahegaa.....
All suggestions are most welcome............
Team SDC
|
Shaad bhai
Maafi Maine apka ye post miss kar Diya. Aapka irada aur niyat jaankar bohut acha laga. Yakeen maniye issey main zaati taur par bohut laabh utha rahi hun.
Magar saath hi saath ek sujhaav hai. Jisey samne lane Ki gustaakhi kar rahi hun. Kucha e kalam ek purana thread hai aur iss sey bohut naye purane members Jude hain aur unke emotions bhi Jude hain aur ab agar behr Ki pabandi Ki wajah se wo yaha nahi likh payenge to dukh hoga.
Aap kripya ek nayi thread shayri Ki paathshala Mein shuru karein jissey hum sab seekhne waalo ko fayda bhi ho aur Kisi ke emotions bhi hurt na ho
Agar kuch galat kaha ho to maafi chahungi.
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
25th June 2015, 05:15 PM
saath hi saath main to ye bhi kahungi ki sirf behr ki hi nahi tense ki, emotions ki bandish bhi rakhen, ek sher dusre se mel khata ho. ek misra dusre misre se mel khata ho ye bhi sikhaayein aur samjhaayein. Taaki hum sab ek muqammal ghazal likhna seekhein.
waha sab apni ego chod kar aayein aur bejhijhak ek dusre se pooche aur samjhaaein.
sorry main phir zada bol rahi hu to.
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
25th June 2015, 05:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by masti
Shaad bhai
Kucha e kalam ek purana thread hai aur iss sey bohut naye purane members Jude hain aur unke emotions bhi Jude hain aur ab agar behr Ki pabandi Ki wajah se wo yaha nahi likh payenge to dukh hoga.
|
Sarika jee aadaab..... main aapke concern ki saraahnaa kartaa hoon..... aur merii koshish bhi yahi thee ke is pahal ke saath nayee activities bhi shuru kee jaaen.....
aapka sawal thaa....
aur ab agar behr Ki pabandi Ki wajah se wo yaha nahi likh payenge to dukh hoga
main samajh nahii paa raha hoon ke aap kin members ke baare me baaat kar rahi hain jo isse bahut pahle se jude hain aur ab bhii aate hain....
jahaan tak mujhe yaad hai 2010 ke baad se is post me isse jude hue koi puraane member nahi aaye hain...... shaayad mast saahab ne hi iskaa dobaara aaghaz kiya hai..... aur rahi baat badlaaw kii to badlaaw to aate rahte hain agar aage badhna hai to.....
jahan tak mera maannaa hai ke kuch nayaa seekhne ke liye agar changes kiye jaaaen ya rules banaae jaaen to isme koi buraaaii nahii hai... aap khud bhii to behar seekhne ka prayaas kar rahi hain isi thread ke maadhyam se.... aur mera sochna hai ke agar ek kar sakta hai to dussra kyun nahii.....
i can only say that, please motivate the New-bees rather doing the opposition of new steps taken....
lets see what others think.... agar aur bhi members ko ye shiqaayat hoteee hai to koocha e kalaam se behar ki bandish hataa dii jaaegee.....
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
25th June 2015, 05:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
Sarika jee aadaab..... main aapke concern ki saraahnaa kartaa hoon..... aur merii koshish bhi yahi thee ke is pahal ke saath nayee activities bhi shuru kee jaaen.....
aapka sawal thaa....
aur ab agar behr Ki pabandi Ki wajah se wo yaha nahi likh payenge to dukh hoga
main samajh nahii paa raha hoon ke aap kin members ke baare me baaat kar rahi hain jo isse bahut pahle se jude hain aur ab bhii aate hain....
jahaan tak mujhe yaad hai 2010 ke baad se is post me isse jude hue koi puraane member nahi aaye hain...... shaayad mast saahab ne hi iskaa dobaara aaghaz kiya hai..... aur rahi baat badlaaw kii to badlaaw to aate rahte hain agar aage badhna hai to.....
jahan tak mera maannaa hai ke kuch nayaa seekhne ke liye agar changes kiye jaaaen ya rules banaae jaaen to isme koi buraaaii nahii hai... aap khud bhii to behar seekhne ka prayaas kar rahi hain isi thread ke maadhyam se.... aur mera sochna hai ke agar ek kar sakta hai to dussra kyun nahii.....
i can only say that, please motivate the New-bees rather doing the opposition of new steps taken....
lets see what others think.... agar aur bhi members ko ye shiqaayat hoteee hai to koocha e kalaam se behar ki bandish hataa dii jaaegee.....
|
Main aapki baton se ittefaq rakhti hoon shaad.....
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
25th June 2015, 06:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
Sarika jee aadaab..... main aapke concern ki saraahnaa kartaa hoon..... aur merii koshish bhi yahi thee ke is pahal ke saath nayee activities bhi shuru kee jaaen.....
aapka sawal thaa....
aur ab agar behr Ki pabandi Ki wajah se wo yaha nahi likh payenge to dukh hoga
main samajh nahii paa raha hoon ke aap kin members ke baare me baaat kar rahi hain jo isse bahut pahle se jude hain aur ab bhii aate hain....
jahaan tak mujhe yaad hai 2010 ke baad se is post me isse jude hue koi puraane member nahi aaye hain...... shaayad mast saahab ne hi iskaa dobaara aaghaz kiya hai..... aur rahi baat badlaaw kii to badlaaw to aate rahte hain agar aage badhna hai to.....
jahan tak mera maannaa hai ke kuch nayaa seekhne ke liye agar changes kiye jaaaen ya rules banaae jaaen to isme koi buraaaii nahii hai... aap khud bhii to behar seekhne ka prayaas kar rahi hain isi thread ke maadhyam se.... aur mera sochna hai ke agar ek kar sakta hai to dussra kyun nahii.....
i can only say that, please motivate the New-bees rather doing the opposition of new steps taken....
lets see what others think.... agar aur bhi members ko ye shiqaayat hoteee hai to koocha e kalaam se behar ki bandish hataa dii jaaegee.....
|
Aapki baat bhi theek hai...
Badlaav to zindagee ka niyam hai. Mujhe nahi laga tha ki aapko mera suggestion ' opposition' lagega. kyunki mujhe laga tha hum dono same page par hain jahan tak seekhne sikhaane ki baat hai.
any way wo ek kahaawat hai ek ne kahi dusre ne mani log kahen dono gyani... To main aap logon ke saath hun saath hun. aap log jo sabke baare mein sochte hain aur apna keemati waqt nikaalte hain wo sarahniye hain aur aap sab samajhdaar hain jo socha hoga sabki bhalaayi mein hi socha hoga.
Muafi chahungi agar koi baat buri lagi ho to.
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Offline
Posts: 1,477
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delhi .. ovalswitches@gmail.com
Rep Power: 26
|
25th June 2015, 08:46 PM
I support Shad and Madhu ki behr honi chahiye ...koi baat nahi hum jaise log jo behr ke bare mein conconfident nahin haiN pooch pooch ker aage badenge ..aur ek din khud b khud theek likhna seekh jayenge behr meiN...
Sanjay Sehgal
khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
25th June 2015, 08:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamdam
I support Shad and Madhu ki behr honi chahiye ...koi baat nahi hum jaise log jo behr ke bare mein conconfident nahin haiN pooch pooch ker aage badenge ..aur ek din khud b khud theek likhna seekh jayenge behr meiN...
Sanjay Sehgal
|
I like the spirit....................................
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Offline
Posts: 1,477
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delhi .. ovalswitches@gmail.com
Rep Power: 26
|
25th June 2015, 10:14 PM
Behar- 2122 2122 2122 212
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
YuN Nigalte ja rahe the mujh ko saye raat ke,
bebasi meiN is kadar hum hath ko malte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Thee nahii manzoor wo raaheN jahaaN baDhte rahe. (Sagar Aashna)
(edited on request of Sagar saahab)
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
7th sher
gulshan-e-zeest meiN phool humaiN daste rahe...
hum choohle per paani ki tarah ubaltay rahe. (Hassan bhai)
kis tarah ki raah hai, kaise musaafir hain yahaaN,
peeTh me khanjar chubhaaye jo gale milte rahe..... (shaad)
khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
Last edited by Hamdam; 25th June 2015 at 10:18 PM..
Reason: ist sher modified
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
26th June 2015, 09:24 AM
bahut shukriya sanjay ji......................
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
26th June 2015, 09:58 AM
1st sher
YuN Nigalte ja rahe the mujh ko saye raat ke,
bebasi meiN is kadar hum hath ko malte rahe (Hamdam)
chaliye saahab isse laal rang haTaa dete hain kyunkki ab ye ek muqammal sher huaa hai.....
bahut si daad ur mubaarakbaad.......
mujhe behad khushi hai ke aapne ek kadam aage badhnaa gawaara kiyaa..... shukriyaa dil se pesh karnaa chahungaa aapke is pahal ke liye.....
shaad.......
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
26th June 2015, 11:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by masti
Aapki baat bhi theek hai...
Badlaav to zindagee ka niyam hai. Mujhe nahi laga tha ki aapko mera suggestion ' opposition' lagega. kyunki mujhe laga tha hum dono same page par hain jahan tak seekhne sikhaane ki baat hai.
any way wo ek kahaawat hai ek ne kahi dusre ne mani log kahen dono gyani... To main aap logon ke saath hun saath hun. aap log jo sabke baare mein sochte hain aur apna keemati waqt nikaalte hain wo sarahniye hain aur aap sab samajhdaar hain jo socha hoga sabki bhalaayi mein hi socha hoga.
Muafi chahungi agar koi baat buri lagi ho to.
|
thankss sarikaa jee........... jo aap hamaarii bhaavnaaon ko samajh gayeen....
take care... and keep learning........
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
26th June 2015, 11:31 AM
On request of Hassan bhai......
trying to present the modified version of sher ... As this is very much out of meter hence there will be slight modifications in words and meanings, hope can be considered...
2122 2122 2122 212
Before:
7th sher
gulshan-e-zeest meiN phool humaiN daste rahe...
hum choohle per paani ki tarah ubaltay rahe. (Hassan bhai)
Later:
Phool ham ko Gulshan-e-yaaraa ke yoon daste rahe.
choolhe ke paanii pe ham bhii bulbule bante rahe....
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
26th June 2015, 11:34 AM
Now the Ghazal is completed in this Behar and will be posted separately.....
Behar- 2122 2122 2122 212
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
YuN Nigalte ja rahe the mujh ko saye raat ke,
bebasi meiN is kadar hum hath ko malte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Thee nahii manzoor wo raaheN jahaaN baDhte rahe. (Sagar Aashna)
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
7th sher
Phool ham ko Gulshan-e-yaaraa ke yoon daste rahe.
choolhe ke paanii pe ham bhii bulbule bante rahe.... (Hassan bhai)
8th sher
kis tarah ki raah hai, kaise musaafir hain yahaaN,
peeTh me khanjar chubhaaye jo gale milte rahe..... (shaad)
9th sher
arz meri aye khuda kya sun sakegaa tuu kabhii
aasmaan ko bas isi ek chaah meiN takte rahe ..... (madhu)
Last edited by sameer'shaad'; 26th June 2015 at 12:35 PM..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
26th June 2015, 12:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
Now the Ghazal is completed in this Behar and will be posted separately.....
Behar- 2122 2122 2122 212
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
YuN Nigalte ja rahe the mujh ko saye raat ke,
bebasi meiN is kadar hum hath ko malte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Thee nahii manzoor wo raaheN jahaaN baDhte rahe. (Sagar Aashna)
(edited on request of Sagar saahab)
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
7th sher
Phool ham ko Gulshan-e-yaaraa ke yoon daste rahe.
choolhe ke paanii pe ham bhii bulbule bante rahe.... (Hassan bhai)
kis tarah ki raah hai, kaise musaafir hain yahaaN,
peeTh me khanjar chubhaaye jo gale milte rahe..... (shaad)
arz meri aye khuda kya sun sakegaa tuu kabhii
aasmaan ko bas isi ek chaah meiN takte rahe ..... (madhu)
|
Oh wow.........................
Sabki mehnat kya rang laayi hai?
Ek baat to hai jo beher band ghazal ko gaane ka mazaa hai wo alag hi hai....
apne aap hi mann gungunaa uthata hai.
simply loved it....................
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 410
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Jammu, J&K.
Rep Power: 14
|
26th June 2015, 04:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
A Note to keep in mind......
Doston Koocha e kalaam me ham aap sab kaa tahe dil se istaqbaal karte hain....
jaisaa ke aap sab jaane hi hain ke ab is silsile ko nayaa roop diyaa jaa raha hai jisse seekhne sikhaane ki chahat rakhne waale logon ko bahut madad mil rahee hai...aur yaqeen maniye hame bahut hi acchee feedback mil rahe hain is naye kadam se......
jaisaa ke kaha gaya hai ke har matla ke saath nayee behar dee jaaegii aur members ko usiii behar me apne sher bhii likhne honge.... agar thodii bahut galtii hotii hai to moderators apne level pe use sahii kar denge...... lekin agar wo sher bilkul hi behar se khaaariz hai to ho saktaa hai use ghazl me hissaa na diyaa jaae.....
aap sab se guzaarish hai ke sher ko post karne se pahle iskii jaanch kar len ya kisii jaankaar se pooch len to mehrbaanii hogee.......
yaqeen maniye hamne is pahal se bahut se badlaaw dekhe hain aur bahut se logon ke dil me behar seekhne ki tamanna ko bhi dekhaa hai.... ummeed hai aap sab ka saath hame yunhi miltaa rahegaa.....
All suggestions are most welcome............
Team SDC
|
Shaad saaHb, adaab !
Taakheer keliye maazrat chahunga.
I'm more than happy with this change.
It will give us an opportunity to learn new things.
MaiN apni baat karuN to beh'r pe maiN shayad home work nahi karta. Lekin Mods ne yeh dosh point out kar ke mujhe sochne pe majbuur kiya ke abhi bohot kuchh karna baaqi hai.
And a serious budding shayar should never hesitate from such challenges.
I welcome the proposal with open heart.
Sagar Aashna
****************
Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar
Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
26th June 2015, 04:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagar Aashna
Shaad saaHb, adaab !
Taakheer keliye maazrat chahunga.
I'm more than happy with this change.
It will give us an opportunity to learn new things.
MaiN apni baat karuN to beh'r pe maiN shayad home work nahi karta. Lekin Mods ne yeh dosh point out kar ke mujhe sochne pe majbuur kiya ke abhi bohot kuchh karna baaqi hai.
And a serious budding shayar should never hesitate from such challenges.
I welcome the proposal with open heart.
|
Sagar jiiii..aapko yahaan dekhkar bahut khushi huyi mujhe....agar wakai aap ki tarah aur bhi log aisa soch rahe hain aur hamara sath de rahe hain to yakeen ho chala hai ki hamari ye koshish zaroor ek achchi raah pe aage badh rahi hai aur ek din kamyabi iske kadam choomegi.....
Bahut shukriya.....
Aate rahiye...
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 15,199
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chandigarh (Mohali)
Rep Power: 63
|
26th June 2015, 04:34 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.....Sunita Thakur.....
यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
Last edited by sunita thakur; 26th June 2015 at 04:38 PM..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
26th June 2015, 10:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
Now the Ghazal is completed in this Behar and will be posted separately.....
Behar- 2122 2122 2122 212
Matla
raat bhar khaamoshiyon se guftagoo karte rahe,
ham charaaGon ki tarah chup chaap se jalte rahe (Shaad)
1st sher
YuN Nigalte ja rahe the mujh ko saye raat ke,
bebasi meiN is kadar hum hath ko malte rahe (Hamdam)
2nd sher
har subah laayii umeedoN se bhara ek din magar.
Naa khabar lii yaar ne ham shaam ban dhalte rahe (Madhu)
3rd sher
haath jo tuune meraa thaama nahi aye hamsafar
zulmaton ki raah par hum be jhijhak chalte rahe (Masti)
4th sher
aatishon se udh rahe the khwaab mere raat bhar
hasraton ki justjuu mein khwaab hi palte rahe (Mast)
5th sher
ManzileiN to paas thiiN aur walwala bhi Thaa magar
Thee nahii manzoor wo raaheN jahaaN baDhte rahe. (Sagar Aashna)
6th sher
Dil ko mere gam mile jab se ki uskii khwaahisheiN
fir usii ke khwaab in AaNkhoN me kyuN khilte rahe.(madhu)
7th sher
Phool ham ko Gulshan-e-yaaraa ke yoon daste rahe.
choolhe ke paanii pe ham bhii bulbule bante rahe.... (Hassan bhai)
8th sher
kis tarah ki raah hai, kaise musaafir hain yahaaN,
peeTh me khanjar chubhaaye jo gale milte rahe..... (shaad)
9th sher
arz meri aye khuda kya sun sakegaa tuu kabhii
aasmaan ko bas isi ek chaah meiN takte rahe ..... (madhu)
|
Bahut khoob ghazal huyi hai doston....sabhi ko bahut sari daad aur mubarakbaad meri taraf se..... .....
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
29th June 2015, 06:34 PM
Arey ab agla matla bhi to dijiye. Humara karwaan e ghazal ruka hua hai.
Aur iss baar koshish kar ke nayee Behr dein taaki humaari alag alag tarah ki behrs mein likhne ki practice ho.
Aur jaldi.
Ab to beqaraari badh gayi hai.
|
|
|
|
|
Super Mod
Offline
Posts: 3,901
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 45
|
1st July 2015, 12:12 AM
Agli ghazal ki aur rukh karte aaj ek chota beher uthaa kar ghazal likhne ki koshish ki jaaye
Beher: Matadarik musaddas saalim
Takhti:212, 212, 212
Arkaan: Faa-i-lun, Faa-i-lun, Faa-i-lun
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaan
Qasid
___________________________________________
नाम-ए-वफ़ा की जफ़ा बताएं
क्या है ज़हन में क्या बोल जाएँ
रफ़्तार-ए-दिल अब थम सी गयी है
'क़ासिद' पर अब है टिकी निगाहें
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
1st July 2015, 10:14 AM
Waahh bahut khoob matla diya hai anu...chhoti behr me likhne ka apna hee maza hai....to all d best doston...main bhi hazir hone ki koshish karoongi kuch likh payi to...
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
1st July 2015, 11:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mast
Agli ghazal ki aur rukh karte aaj ek chota beher uthaa kar ghazal likhne ki koshish ki jaaye
Beher: Matadarik musaddas saalim
Takhti:212, 212, 212
Arkaan: Faa-i-lun, Faa-i-lun, Faa-i-lun
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaan
|
ek behad haseen aur pursoz gair muraddaf ghazal kaa aaghaaz karne keliye tahe dil se mubaarakbaad aapko mast saahab.......
ek baat bataana chahungaa personally mujhe aisaa lagta hai ke dikhne me jo behar jitnee chotee hotee hai use nibhaana utnaa hi mushil hotaa hai.....
magar Masha Allaah se hamaare members itne zaheen hain ke unhe koii mushkilaat nahii aawegee......
jald haazir hota hoon agle sher ke saath.... filhaal ijaazat .....
Shaad....
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
1st July 2015, 05:41 PM
Waah! mast saahab matla bohut pasand aaya humein. ek sher meri taraf se bhi.
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaa.n
1st Sher
Reh Gayi Aarzoo dil mein hi
chal pada ashq ka kaarwaa.n
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Offline
Posts: 1,477
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delhi .. ovalswitches@gmail.com
Rep Power: 26
|
1st July 2015, 11:23 PM
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaa.n
1st Sher
Reh Gayi Aarzoo dil mein hi
chal pada ashq ka kaarwaa.n
3rd sher
humne khud banaya ek jahaN,
kho,dee phir apni pehchaN
|
|
|
|
|
"Taish meN hai Taish"
Offline
Posts: 5,535
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Lost In The Cobwebs Of Mah Mind...!!
Rep Power: 48
|
1st July 2015, 11:27 PM
Chalo bahut waqt baad meri taraf se bhi is post pe haaziri...
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaa.n
1st Sher
Reh Gayi Aarzoo dil mein hi
chal pada ashq ka kaarwaa.n
3rd sher
humne khud banaya ek jahaN,
kho,dee phir apni pehchaN
4th sher
chand taare uthaaye hue,
dhoondti ik naya aasmaaN...
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
1st July 2015, 11:41 PM
Waaahhh bahut khoob sher huye hain doston...
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
2nd July 2015, 07:32 PM
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaa.n(mast)
1st Sher
Reh Gayi Aarzoo dil mein hi
chal pada ashq ka kaarwaa.N(masti)
3rd sher
humne khud banaya ek jahaN,
kho,dee phir apni pehchaN(hamdam)
4th sher
chand taare uthaaye hue,
dhoondti ik naya aasmaaN(taish)..
5th sher
gam mila dil laga ke mujhe
kuch na baki hai soona jahaaN(madhu)
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
2nd July 2015, 09:34 PM
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaa.n(mast)
1st Sher
Reh Gayi Aarzoo dil mein hi
chal pada ashq ka kaarwaa.N(masti)
3rd sher
humne tau khud dekha ek jahaN,
Payi phir ek nayi pehchaN(hamdam)
4th sher
chand taare uthaaye hue,
dhoondti ik naya aasmaaN(taish)..
5th sher
gam mila dil laga ke mujhe
kuch na baki hai soona jahaaN(madhu)
6th sher
jo hame jaan se ajeez the,
wo sabhii ho gaye raayegaaN.
Last edited by Hamdam; 2nd July 2015 at 10:31 PM..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
2nd July 2015, 09:45 PM
Waaah!!....bahut khoob sher shaad ji.....
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
|
3rd July 2015, 04:35 PM
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaa.n(mast)
1st Sher
Reh Gayi Aarzoo dil mein hi
chal pada ashq ka kaarwaa.N(masti)
3rd sher
humne tau khud dekha ek jahaN,
Payi phir ek nayi pehchaN(hamdam)
4th sher
chand taare uthaaye hue,
dhoondti ik naya aasmaaN(taish)..
5th sher
gam mila dil laga ke mujhe
kuch na baki hai soona jahaaN(madhu)
6th sher
jo hame jaan se ajeez the,
wo sabhii ho gaye raayegaaN.(Shaad)
7th sher
Dil mera le gaya tha kabhi
ab vo aashiq mera hai kahaa.n (Masti)
|
|
|
|
|
Super Mod
Offline
Posts: 3,901
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 45
|
3rd July 2015, 04:43 PM
Matla
khoob hai ishq ka vo bayaan
gam mera ab bana daastaa.n(mast)
1st Sher
Reh Gayi Aarzoo dil mein hi
chal pada ashq ka kaarwaa.N(masti)
3rd sher
humne tau khud dekha ek jahaN,
Payi phir ek nayi pehchaN (hamdam)
4th sher
chand taare uthaaye hue,
dhoondti ik naya aasmaaN(taish)..
5th sher
gam mila dil laga ke mujhe
kuch na baki hai soona jahaaN(madhu)
6th sher
jo hame jaan se ajeez the,
wo sabhii ho gaye raayegaaN. (Shaad)
7th sher
Dil mera le gaya tha kabhi
ab vo aashiq mera hai kahaa.n (Masti)
Matla
Khaak hi Khaak tha kar gaya
kis tarah tha uthaa ye dhuaa.N (Mast)
Lijiye Doston Ghazal mukammal huyi, yaha bas Sanjay Sahab ka sher di huyi takhti ke bahar hai aur meri unse baat bhi ho gayi hai umeed hai jald hi unka sahi sher bhi aa jaayega. Sabko is muqammal ghazal ki behad mubaarakbaad.
Qasid
___________________________________________
नाम-ए-वफ़ा की जफ़ा बताएं
क्या है ज़हन में क्या बोल जाएँ
रफ़्तार-ए-दिल अब थम सी गयी है
'क़ासिद' पर अब है टिकी निगाहें
|
|
|
|
|
"Taish meN hai Taish"
Offline
Posts: 5,535
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Lost In The Cobwebs Of Mah Mind...!!
Rep Power: 48
|
3rd July 2015, 05:27 PM
To kya ab maiN agla matla pheNkuN...??
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
|
3rd July 2015, 05:55 PM
Ji bilkul aap matla dijiye taish ji....
अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
|
|
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Rate This Thread |
Linear Mode
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is On
|
|
|
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
|
|