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dil ke sau tudke kiye is bedard zamane ne. my first attempt. plz help me in improving
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ruhani
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dil ke sau tudke kiye is bedard zamane ne. my first attempt. plz help me in improving - 11th February 2005, 10:07 AM

kyo maan aaj bhi uddas hai jab isse gum ka hi gam nahi

Dil ke sau tudke kiye is bedard zamane ne is ka bhi gam nahi
kyo maan aaj bhi udaas hai,dil kyo aaj bhi khoon ke aansoo rota hai

shaam dhal rahi hai,sab taraf kala ganna saya hai
dil mein koi ummed baki nahi hai,khus hoon jis haal mein hoon.
phir bhi maan kyo aaj bhi udaas hai,dil kyo aaj bhi khoon ke aansoo rota hai!

aaasmaan bhi rota hai mera gam sunne ke baad
aaina khamosh hai,bhujh gaye ghar ke chirag
itna dard mila is bedard zammane se,phir bhi jee rahi hoon
phir bhi maan kyo aaj bhi udaas hai,dil kyo aaj bhi khoon ke aansoo rota hai!

kabhi akele beithe maan se poocha kyo to aaj bhi itna dukhi hai
khuda ne na jaane kya likha kismat mein
kyo sitam chup chap mein kisi ke sahu
kisi ne nahi jab samjha mujhe aapna
phir mein hi kyo sab ko aapna samajhti hoon.
sapne to meine kab ke dekhne bandh kar diye
kyoki sapne kabhi sach nahi hote.
itna sab kuch jante hue is bedard zammane ke bare mein phir bhi to aaj udaas hai. kyo aaj bhi khoon ke aansoo rota hai jab isse kisi ko koi pharak nahi parta!
   
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vaaiz
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11th February 2005, 10:50 AM

Ruhani Ji..

Zamane se eek sheer yaad aata hai... pata nahin shayar kaun hai par sheer aarz hai...

"ApnOn nai humain mara, gairon main kahan dum tha...
humari to kashti wahan doobi jahan paani kum tha..."

To ruhani ji, zamane ki parwah karne wale humesha duki hote hain... Yahan kisko dossre ki khushi aachi lagti hai. Zamane ki baatoon par na jaayo, jo dil main hain, unke parwah karo bus...


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ruhani
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11th February 2005, 11:01 AM

well vaaiz ji,
i got the point. bt the problem is ki bhula chahte hue bhi i am not able to forget wat all happened in my life. anyways thx for replying here. well still i wud love to ask u that hw did u find my post. suggestion no doubt was really good, bt wat abt wat i wrote. is it up to the mark.isse hgalib ji ka ek sheer yaad aaya.

DIL HI TO HAI SAGH-O-KHISHT,DARD SE BHAR NA AAYE KYO,
ROYENGE HUM HAZZAR BAAR,KOI HUMEIN SATAYE KYO.
IS SHER SE GALIB KEHTE HAI KI HUMARE SEENE MEIN EK DHARAKTA DIL HAI,KOI EENT YA PATHER TO NAHI KI KISI KE BURE SALOOK SE DIL BHAR NA AAYE AUR HUM RO NA PADE.HUMARA DIL AGAR DUKHEGA TO HUM HAZZAR BAAR ROENGE AUR AGAR KISI KO HUMARE RONE SE ITNI HI SHIKAYAT HAI TO HUMEIN SATAYA KYO JATA HAI. NOT WRITTEN BY ME.
   
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11th February 2005, 11:23 AM

Ruhani ji,

Mauf keejiyega, Agar Galib Saheb ki baat chali hai to main yeh sheer unke aap ke liye peech karta hoon...

"dost Gam_Khvaarii me.n merii sa_ii farmaaye.nge kyaa
zaKhm ke bharane talak naaKhun na ba.Dh jaaye.nge kyaa

beniyaazii had se guzarii bandaa paravar kab talak
ham kahe.nge haal-e-dil aur aap farmaaye.nge kyaa"

Aaisa hai Ruhani ji, ki mere experience ke hisaab se, zamana kyonki khud itna dukhi hai... ki usse sub ko dukhi dekhne main hi mazaa aata hai.... Aap jaise bhi hoon... Nuktacheene karne wale mil hi jaate hain. Isliye mera khayal zara doosra hai is baare main. Aur Galib Saheb ne yeeh bhi kaha hai ki aadmi ki phitrat hai dukh main doobne ki doosroon ki wajah se.... Aap dukhi hoonge to zamana aur dukh dega... aap sukhi hoonge, zamana aapke peeche chalega... mera daawa hai.. try kar ke deekhiye..

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11th February 2005, 11:50 AM

perfect answe vaaiz ji. kya khoob aapne samjhaya galib ke is sheer se. well awesome buddy.loved to read ur reply here. galib ji batoon ka silsila aage badate hue ek sheer pesh kar rahi hoon

KAPHAAS MEIN,MUJH SE RUDADE CHAMAN KEHTE,N DAAR,HUMDUM,
GIRI HAI JISPE KAL BIJLI,WOH MERA AASHIYAAN KYO HO.

andaza lagaiye aap kaaid mein hain aur aap ko pata lag gaya hai ki aapka ghar tabah ho chuka hai.itne mein aapki jaan pehchaan ka koi aadmi milta hai aur aap us se aapne ghar ka haal poochte hai.jab wo bhi janta hai ki aap ka ghar maliyamet ho chuka hai likein aapse kehte hue hich kicha raha hai.galib uski hichkichat ko dekhte hue aapne aap ko jhooti taseli dene ke aandaaz mein kehte hai ki bhai,kehte hue daar kyo rahe ho? mein to jail mein hoon kuch kar to sakta nahi.jis ghar ki tabahi ki khabar mujhe mili hai aur tum bhi jante ho veh koi aur ghar bhi to ho sakta hai? lazmi nahi ki mera hi ghar ujhar gaya ho.is vishay ko galib ne ek pakshi ki zubaan mein kehel waya hai.iss pakshi ko vyagra ne pinjre mein band kar rakha hai.lekin usne pichli raat aapne gulistaan mein bijli girti hui dekhi.itne mein ek aur azaad pakshi urte urte uske paas aa beitha hai.kaidi parinda pooch raha hai ki to kuch kehne se ghabra maat.kal jis gaunsle mein bijhli giri hai wo kisi aur ka bhi to ho sakta hai.aakhir baag mein hazaroon parindon ke gaunsle hai,ye koi zaroori nahi ki mujhi par musibaat ke pahad toot te chale jaye.ek to pehle mein padka gaya aur ab,jab ki mein kaid hoon, mera aashiyaana jala kar raakh kar diya gaya. NOT WRITTEN BY ME.
   
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11th February 2005, 12:08 PM

yehi problem hoti hai jub hum sub kuch sameet ke rakhna chachte hain....

Agaah aapni maut se koi bashar nahin...
samaan saubaras ka hai, pal ki khabar nahin.."

Hum loog kyon bhool jaate hain ki haqeequat ko chupaane se kuch nahin hoot hai.. woh to ho chuki hai... phir bhi humain umeed rehti hai doosroon se.. ki koi aayega... koi nahin aat hai.. aap ko jannat dekhni hai to marna aap hi ko padega.. doosre ke marne se kabhi jannat nahin dikhti hai....

Galib saheb ki eek nazum, jo ki ishara karti kai zamane se expectations ko lee kar... peech hai...

"rahiye ab aisii jagah chalakar jahaa.N koii na ho
hamasuKhan koii na ho aur hamazabaa.N koii na ho

bedar-o-diivaar saa ik ghar banaayaa chaahiye
koii hamasaayaa na ho aur paasabaa.N koii na ho

pa.Diye gar biimaar to koii na ho tiimaaradaar
aur agar mar jaaiiye to nauhaa_Khvaa.N koii na ho "

To ruhani jee....

Dukh ki kumi nahin hai duniya main..
woh to hum hain to jeeye chale ja rahe hain..
doosron ne koshish to bahut ki thi...
par hum hain jo maut se aab tak lade ja rahe hain...


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ruhani
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11th February 2005, 12:17 PM

TO CONTINUE AHEAD VAAIZ JI IT GOES AS

HAI SABZA ZAAR HAR - O - DEEWAR - E - GUMKADA,
JIS KI BAHAAR YE HO, PHIR US KI KHZAA N POOCH

YE RAAT BHAAR KA HAI HANGAMMA SUBHAH HONE TAK,
RAKHO N SHME PAR EH AHLE-AANJUMAN TAKIYA.

TOD BAITHE,JAB KI HUM JAAM-O-SUBU PHIR HUMKO KYA,
AASMMAN SE BADA-E-GULPHAM,GO BARSA KARE

MEIN HOON MUSTAKE JAFA,MUJH PE JAFA AUR SAHI
TUM KO BEDAD ME KHUS,IS SE SIVA AUR SAHI.

NOT WRITTEN BY ME
   
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11th February 2005, 01:05 PM

Great!

Thanks for sharing this one here. Lagta ha aapki aur humari bahut jamegi... aap bhi aache kalammon ko padna aur sarahaana pastans kate ho.

Keep writing!

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11th February 2005, 01:13 PM

Galib saheb ki eek aur nazum peesh karta hoon... mujhe bahut pasand hai...

phir mujhe diidaa-e-tar yaad aayaa
dil jigar tashnaa-e-fariyaad aayaa

[diidaa-e-tar=vet eyes, tashnaa=thirsty]

dam liyaa thaa na qayaamat ne hanoz
phir teraa vaqt-e-safar yaad aayaa

[hanoz=yet/still ]

saadagii haaye tamannaa yaanii
phir wo naii_rang-e-nazar yaad aayaa

[naii_rang=fascinating ]

uzr-e-vaamaa.Ndagii ae hasrat-e-dil
naalaa karataa thaa jigar yaad aayaa

[uzr=excuse, vaamaa.Ndagii=tiredness ]

zindagii yuu.N bhii guzar hii jaatii
kyo.n teraa raah_guzar yaad aayaa

kyaa hii rizavaan se la.Daaii hogii
ghar teraa Khuld me.n gar yaad aayaa

[rizvaa.N=doorkeeper of paradise, Khuld=heaven/paradise ]

aah wo jurrat-e-fariyaad kahaa.N
dil se ta.ng aake jigar yaad aayaa

[jurrat=audacity/dare]

phir tere kuuche ko jaata hai Khayaal
dil-e-Gum_gashtaa magar yaad aayaa

[kuuchaa=a narrow street/lane, Gum_gashtaa=missing ]

koii viiraanii-sii-viiraa.Nii hai
dasht ko dekh ke ghar yaad aayaa

[dasht=desert ]

mai.n ne majanuu.N pe la.Dakapan me.n 'Asad'
sang uThaayaa thaa ke sar yaad aayaa

[sang=stone ]

Vaaiz
   
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ruhani
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11th February 2005, 01:14 PM

THX VAAIZ JI FOR MOTIVATING ME. aapne mujhe samjha issi baat se hum khus hai. sahi kaha aapne ki khoob jameghi humari. lagta hai aap bhi meri tarah galib ji ke deewane hai.galib ji ke ziker se kuch yaad aaya so aage likh rahi hoon

HASTI KA ETBAAR BHI GAAM NE MITTA DIYA,
KIS SE KAHU KI DAGE JIGAR KA NISHAAN HAI.

DARD SE MERE HAI TUJH KO,BEKARARI,HAYEHAYE
KYA HUA ZALIM TIRI GAFLAT SHYAARI HAYEHAYE

MERE DIL MEIN GAR,NA THA ASHOBE GAM KA HAUNSLA
TUNE PHIR KYO KI THI MERI ,GUMGUSARI HAYE HAYE
   
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ruhani
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11th February 2005, 01:30 PM

kya baat hai.shukriya vaaiz ji. well galib ji ka ziker ho aur hum na likhe kuch yeh ho nahi sakta. so ahead one more for u

gar khamoshi se faida,akhfaar-eh-haal hai
khush hoon ki meri baat samajhna muhaal hai

hai hai,khuda n khwasta veh aur dushmani
eh shauk,munphail,yeh tujhe kya khyaal hai

veshsat mein meri asr-e-aafaak tang tha
dariyaa zamee ko ark-e-inf aal hai

hasti ke mat phareb mei aa jaiyo,'asad'
aalam tamaam halka-e-daam-e-khyaal hai
   
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11th February 2005, 01:34 PM

to leejiye... jub galib saheb ki baat ho to banda bhi peeche nahin rehta hai....

bahot sahii Gam-e-getii sharaab kam kyaa hai
Gulaam-e-saaqii-e-kausar huu.N mujhako Gam kyaa hai

[Gam-e-getii=sorrows of the world]
[Gulaam-e-saaqii-e-kausar=servant of the person who serves drinks from 'kausar', a river which flows in heaven]

tumhaarii tarz-o-ravish jaanate hai.n ham kyaa hai
raqiib par hai agar lutf to sitam kyaa hai

[tarz-o-ravish=behaviour and character; raqiib=rival]
[lutf=benevolence; sitam=torture]

suKhan me.n Khaamaa-e-Gaalib kii aatash_afashaanii
yaqii.n hai hamako bhii lekin ab us me.n dam kyaa hai

[suKhan=poem; Khaamaa-e-Gaalib=Ghalib's pen]
[aatash_afshaa.N=to pour fire; yaqii.n=trust; dam=pride]

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11th February 2005, 01:53 PM

vaaiz ji galib ki ek aur nazam pesh kar rahi hoon. aaj maan itna udaas tha par to be here with u has made me forget everything. its happy to see ur continuos replies.anyways here it goes as

dard minaat kase dawa n hua
mei n acha hua,bura n hua

jama karte ho kyo rakeebon ko
ek tamasha hua gila na hua

hum kahan kismaat aazmane jaye
to hi jab khanjer aazma n hua

kitne sheeri hai tere lab,ki rakeeb
gaaliyan kha ke bemazaa na hua

hai khabar garam un ke aane ki
aaj hi,ghar mei boriya n hua

kya wo namrud ki khudai thi
bandago mei mera bhala na hua

jaan di,di hui ussi ki thi
haq to yeh hai,ki haq aada na hua

zakhm gar dab gaya,lahu na thama
kaam gar ruk gaya,rava na hua

rehzani hai,ki dil-sataani hai
le ke dil,dilsitaan rawana hua

kuch to padiye ki log kehte hai
aaj galib gazalsara n hua
   
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