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Hum ko tanhaaioN meiN jeene do..(Ek nayi ghazal) |
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Hum ko tanhaaioN meiN jeene do..(Ek nayi ghazal) -
12th July 2002, 07:13 PM
Assalam-o-alaikum Dosto!!!
Maine ek nayi ghazal liki thi jise maine pehli baar khud wazan/beher meiN likhne ki poori koshish ki thi...aur Allah ke karam se mai kaafi kuch kaamyaab bhi huyi han magar poori tarah se na ho payi...Dua kijiye ke ek din poori tarah se kaamyaab ho sakoN  UstaadoN ke mashware ke baad maine chand tarmeem ki aur jo surat nikli woh pesh-e-khidmat hai...aap logoN ki janib se ray ka intizar rahega.... 2 1 2 2 1 2 1 2 2 2 faa-i-laa-tun ma-faa-i-lun faa-lun (Khafiif Musaddas Mahzuuf ) Ghazal arz hai... ---------------------------------------------------- Hum ko tanhaaiOn mai jeene do chupke chupke ye ashk peene do apnii chaahat ka mat sahaaraa do humko tanha ye zakhm seene do dil se yaadeN na miTne paayeN gii in ko aise hi dil mein jeene do darti hooN phir kahiiN na beh jaaoN rehne do tum na ye safeene do wo hi dikhta hai meri aankhoN meiN chaahe kitne bhii tum ayeene do chheen lo haafizah 'Shumaila' kaa bhoolne ke ya tum qareene do --------------------------------------------------- P.S  ustaadoN ne bataya hai ki mai 'ayeene' lafz ka istimaal yahan nahi kar sakti kyoNki sahii lafz 'aaiina' hai..magar chunki mujhe apna ye sher pasand hai aur rhyme bhi kar raha hai isliye ise yahaN use kar liya hai..muaaf kar dijiyega!! ) Aap sab ki ray ki muntazir..... Allah hafiz, Shumaila kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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(#2)
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12th July 2002, 09:41 PM
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
ummid hae aap kheriyyat sae hoNgee , aapka nayan kalam parha , ماشاء الله umda hae , kuch taraqqi ho rahi hae , sare takhuolat peyare heN ... aap kehti heN ..... Hum ko tanhaaiOn mai jeene do chupke chupke ye ashk peene do khuoob matla hae ... apnii chaahat ka mat sahaaraa do humko tanha ye zakhm seene do aaha ...wah .... ! dil se yaadeN na miTne paayeN gii in ko aise hi dil mein jeene do khuoob kaha ! .. darti hooN phir kahiiN na beh jaaoN rehne do tum na ye safeene do ha-e ha-e ...wah ! wo hi dikhta hai meri aankhoN meiN chaahe kitne bhii tum ayeene do acha hae ..... chheen lo haafizah 'Shumaila' kaa bhoolne ke ya tum qareene do offff ......itna zalim kon hae jisne ye dua maNgne par majboor kardia aapko ?! kher .....aap apni koshish jari rakkheN .. khuda hafiz sagar hamiN khum heN hamiN saghar hamiN maikash hamiN saqi ( majzoob ) |
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tasleem shumaila ji.... |
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(#3)
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tasleem shumaila ji.... -
12th July 2002, 11:44 PM
adaab shumailaji.........wah ji wah!...yeh matlaa bahut khoob likhaa hain aapne.....aur baaki ke aashaar bhi achche hain .... yeh jaan kar khushi huwi ki aapki beher samajhne aur implement karne ki koshish kaamyaab hoti jaa rahi hain....uske liye aapko mubarakbaad...ab aap hume islaah de sakti hain is vishaiy mein! .... achcha to phir...aashaa hai in galiyon mein mulakaatein hoti rahengi....tab tak ke liye aapko humara salaam!...k'hafiz...
kabhee saba ko kabhee naamaabar ko dekhte haiN woh aaye ghar meiN hamaare KHuda ki kudrat hai kabhee ham unko, kabhee apane ghar ko dekhte haiN nazar lage na kaheeN uske dast-o-baazoo ko ye log kyoN mere zaKHm-e-jigar ko dekhtaiN haiN ? |
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Shukriya Talha!! |
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(#4)
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Shukriya Talha!! -
13th July 2002, 02:59 AM
Bahut bahut shukriya is zarra navazi ka...tumhe ghazal pasand aayi ye jaan kar bahut khushi huyi mujhe
han bas koshish kar rahi hooN behr ko samajhne ki aur ye ghazal bhi usi ek koshish ka nateeja hai...bas dua karooN ke behr mujhe theek se samajh aa jaye..Accha phir....hauslaa afzaii ka ek baar phir shukriya!! DuaooN ke sath, Shumaila P.S:Ye tumne kuch urdu meiN likha hai kya....?mujhe kuch nazar nahi aa raha hai I mean kuch aur hi ulta seedha dhik raha hai..plz...roman script mein likh ke bataoo ke kya likha hai tumne??Thanx kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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Adaab Anamika!! |
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(#5)
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Adaab Anamika!! -
13th July 2002, 03:06 AM
Thank u so much for ur beautiful comments...I really appreciate it
Waise kahaN haiN aap??Bahut kam nazar aati haiN...aaya jaya kareiN...apna bhi koi kalaam waghaira post kareiN...hume intizaar rahega!! Ji haN bas koshish jaari hai behr ko samajhne ki..it seems so tough though!! Anyways....Bye and take care, Regards, Shumaila kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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(#6)
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13th July 2002, 04:18 AM
salam baji!
mene likkha tha : assalamu alikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuhu .. salam tha bas ....... or dosri jagah ( masha allah ) likkha tha bas ! hamiN khum heN hamiN saghar hamiN maikash hamiN saqi ( majzoob ) |
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Bahut Achche Shumaila ji |
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(#7)
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Bahut Achche Shumaila ji -
14th July 2002, 10:44 PM
Shumaila ji
Adaab Aapki nayee ghazal paRhi. Aur pasnand bhi bahut aaye. Aap apni koshishoN meiN din-b-din kaamyam ho rahiN haiN aur aapka sukhan nikharta ja raha hai ye dekh kar bada achcha lagta hai. Beher par aapki pakad banti jaa rahi hai yeh ek badi achchii baat hai. Apka kalaam achcha hai. Halanke mayuusi meiN dooba hua hai. Chand ashaar jo mujhe bade pasand aaye unka zikr karna chahoonga - Hum ko tanhaaiOn mai jeene do chupke chupke ye ashk peene do matlaa khoobsoorat hai dil se yaadeN na miTne paayeN gii in ko aise hi dil mein jeene do darti hooN phir kahiiN na beh jaaoN rehne do tum na ye safeene do bahut achhce sher hain wo hi dikhta hai meri aankhoN meiN chaahe kitne bhii tum ayeene do kya intehaa hai huzoor. waise to ustaadoN ne sahih hi kaha hai ke aap 'aayeene' istemaal to nahiN kar saktiiN lekin hum log advertising meiN to kaafi azaadi le lete haiN lafzoN ke saath. Mere khayal se aapka logic sahih hai. chheen lo haafizah 'Shumaila' kaa bhoolne ke ya tum qareene do aur ye maqta bhi khoobsoorat hai aur ek aur nayee intehaa ki baat kehta hai. ek aur khoobsoorat ghazal par aapko mubarakbaad ke saath. Praveen manziloN ne sun liya toh aur woh badh jaayeNgi |
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(#8)
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15th July 2002, 04:24 PM
Shumaila jee ....aapki shayri to din-ba-din aur bhi nikhartee ja rahin hain...paad kar bahut achaa laga ver well written...mujhe urdu nahin aati eslie mein hindi aur english mix kar ke hee likta huin
keep it up.........dil garden garden ho gaya |
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Thanx sagar... |
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(#9)
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Thanx sagar... -
15th July 2002, 06:30 PM
Quote:
Shukriya! kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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Bahut Bahut shukriya..!!! |
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(#10)
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Bahut Bahut shukriya..!!! -
15th July 2002, 06:37 PM
Adaab Praveen sahab!!
Kaise haiN?Is qadar zarra navazi ka shukriya..mujhe to samajh hi nahi aa raha hai ki kis tarah aapka shukriya ADA karooN Aap ne to itni taareef karke hume to kuch kehne layak hi nahi choRha...jis khuloos se aapne taareef ki hai ke bas dil khush ho gaya...ye sab aap hi logoN ki hausla afzaai ka nateeja hai ki aap ko hamare kalaam meiN nikhar nazar aa raha hai... Umeed hai aise hi aap logoN ka saath rahega...Aur aap ne kuch naya likha?? Chalein phir... Regards, Shumaila kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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Thanx Dastak! |
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Thanx Dastak! -
15th July 2002, 06:43 PM
Aapka bhi shukriya DASTAK ke aapne hamari ghazal paRHi aur uspe apne comments diye.....bas aap hi logoN ka pyaar hai jo baar baar kuch naya likhne ko jee chahta hai
aur urdu to hume bhi kuch khaas nahi aati hai isliye to hum bhi hindi aur english ka istimaal kar lete haiN...so Its absolutely OK...bas baat paRhne wale ko samajh aa jaye ye zyaada zaroori hai....  BTW,If u don't mind can I ask u whats ur real name?Is it RAHUL?? Shumaila  kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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(#12)
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15th July 2002, 07:30 PM
Shumaila ji,
waise mein bhi aap hi ki tarah koshish karta hoon kabhi likhne ke. Aur mere paas bhi lafzaon ka zakhira nahi hai. Aapki koshish sae yeh andaza ho raha hai ke, woh din door nahi jab aapki shayri ke charche hur jagha honge. wo hi dikhta hai meri aankhoN meiN chaahe kitne bhii tum ayeene do Mughe sahi kiya hai mughe maloom, phir bhi agar ayeene ki gagha waseele laga den to kiya yeh sahi hoga wo hi dikhta hai meri aankhoN meiN chaahe kitne bhii tum waseele do Apne ustad sae pata karlena, agar sahi hai to mughe bhi batana. imroz |
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(#13)
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15th July 2002, 07:35 PM
Shumaila ji,
waise mein bhi aap hi ki tarah koshish karta hoon kabhi likhne ke. Aur mere paas bhi lafzaon ka zakhira nahi hai. Aapki koshish sae yeh andaza ho raha hai ke, woh din door nahi jab aapki shayri ke charche hur jagha honge. wo hi dikhta hai meri aankhoN meiN chaahe kitne bhii tum ayeene do Mughe sahi kiya hai mughe maloom, phir bhi agar ayeene ki gagha waseele laga den to kiya yeh sahi hoga wo hi dikhta hai meri aankhoN meiN chaahe kitne bhii tum waseele do Apne ustad sae pata karlena, agar sahi hai to mughe bhi batana. imroz |
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16th July 2002, 01:42 PM
hi shumaila jee..waise mera naam rahul nahain hain par joo bhi hain aap mujhe jantee hain..mein pehle dusre naam se yaha mojood thaa...chaliyee guess kijiyee kaun huin mein.....hint de dete hain.....mein thoda sa mazakiya kism ka huin....
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Hmm... |
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(#15)
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Hmm... -
16th July 2002, 10:19 PM
Quote:
So is my guess right??  Shumaila kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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Shukriya !! |
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(#16)
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Shukriya !! -
16th July 2002, 11:27 PM
Quote:
Bahut shukriya Imroz sahab zarra navazi ka ..aapko ghazal pasand aayi ye jaankar accha laga aap ne poocha hai ki kya lafz "waseele" bator qaafiya istimal kiya ja sakta hai to..mere khayal se yahaN ye allowed nahi...kyoNki mere qaafiya meiN last ke rhyming alphabets haiN '....eene' hai jab ke waseele meiN its 'eele'..khair ,phir bhi maikasH sahab aur Feroz sahab ki ray jaan leiN to behtar hoga Adaab, Shumaila kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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18th July 2002, 01:52 PM
chaliyee..aap ne mujhe yaad too rakha. mein wo hee huin...apne mujhe khush kar diya mera maan kar raha hain mein aapko apni sabse kimtee cheez duin...................opps par mera dil to meri gf ke paas hain...sorry.....
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Pehchaan liya......... |
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(#18)
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Pehchaan liya......... -
20th July 2002, 05:28 PM
Quote:
 HA HA HA...nahi baba..dil wil nahi chahiye bas aap aake hamari ghazloN pe apne comments de dete haiN..ye kya kisi keemti cheez se kam thori na hai BTW,aap ne aajkal likhna choRh diya hai kya?? SHumaila kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!! |
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