kyuuuuuu.........

[glitters]

KYU INSAN MANN KI BAAT
CHUPATE HAI,KYU DAAR TEH
HAI DIL KI BAAT BETANE SE,
PHIR KYU ROTE HAI PYAAR NA MILNE
SE,KOI NE ROKA TOH NAHI TAH IZHARE
KARENE SE....TOH PHIR KYUU...........

This my first shayri,its not all that perfect,my urdu is not very good also
so dont mind if u find any mistakes.

AISCH

[sidh]

hi ash ji,


actually humne notice nahi kiya ki aap new user hai warna hum waise to sabko reply karte hai...... neways hum to apke dost jaroor banna chahege ....... aur ek dost apko jaroor malega woh hai humare aur sabke aman ji " ab unke bare me kya kehna unki shayri padhna jaroor pasand ayegi apko ...... waise shayri ki baat aur hai par apki ki tarah hum bhi is dotcom me newbie hi the kuch dinno pehle par inhone humara hosla badhaya ........


neways jo inhone muje sikhsha di unme se apko kuch bata hu

see u have expressed ur feelings very nicely but there shud me rythme in ur lines then woh kehte hai na "sone pe suhaga"

i have tried by modifying ur words i hope apko bura nahi lagega .....gar laga ho to mafi chahta hu


"aye insaan....

man ki baat chupate ho kyu....
dil ki baat batane se darte ho kyu...........
pyar na milne par rote ho kyu....
izhaar-e-mohabat se kisi ne roka to nahi, phir kyu..........."

neways i think amanji ne ise aur achi tarah modify kiya hota par humne koshis jaroor ki hai........

apse sunne ke liye bekaraar rahege ashji aur amanji


ki baat kyu

[sidh]

i just wanted to explain u the rythme

just see the words "dil ki baat" common in fst two lines n every line ending with kyu which gives it a sp touch...........


thats it

[Sharaabi]

Aap yahaaN naye haiN, to maiN aapko abhi samjhaauN ga nahiiN, kyooN ki aapko khud paDne se zada samajh aaye ga -Here - yeh maikasH sahab ne likha hai, aur shuru shuru meiN isko paD ke mujhe bahot madat mili thi..!

Aur sidh sahab, itna sharminda na ki jiye.. aapne koSHiSH ki, aur koSHiSH se bande upar paauNchte haiN

Aap dono likhte rahiye,
Aman

[glitters]

hi sidh ji aur aman ji,

thanx for u reply,bhot khush hui,sidh ji i liked the way u
changed the shayri it was good,mager me koshis karungi to write well,the problem is i donno urdu too well i just rite the way i speak it,coy normally i talk english so i have no idea about the proper words in urdu,u ll seee in ma shayris wat i mean..

well thanx for ur help

khuda hafiz

glitters

[sidh]

hi glitters,
hmmm apka prob hum samaj gaye ,chalo kuch aisa karte hai aap isi tarah likthe rahiye apke dil ki batien,aur hum uuse isi tarah sawar te rahege....... is tarah humari bhi achi practice hogi.......
kya khayal hai ???? agree????

will wait for ur reply
till then...............

[glitters]

hii sidh ji,

sorry for a late rply maafkarna,well i have not written anythin so far waqt nahi milta mager inshallah jaldi likhage so u can correct it
see u soon

glitters