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(#481)
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31st July 2006, 06:21 PM
1)bheer main wo ajnabi mera humsafar nikla,
lootne jisko gaya tha voh mera ghar nikla. -Veer 2)thahakeN lagaaye jis ke barbaadi par ham, Vo toe apne hee tabahee ka manzar nikla.. -Nisha 3)jise humne pooja thaa khudaa samajh kar, Ussi ke haathoN meN jafaa ka khanjar nikla.. -Nisha 4)Nashaa chhaya hai tera es tarah dil meN, Kabhii jaaN niklee toe kabhii jigar nikla.. -Mayank |
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(#482)
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raat ki tanhaii
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31st July 2006, 06:26 PM
baap re...
itni gehrai se kabhi socha hi nahi.. maaf kijiega anjaana rahi saahab.. main koi shayar nahi hu.. bas jo bhi mann karta hai likh deti hu.. khair sudhar ke liye shukriya nisha par itnaa to huaa, kuchh log pahchaane gaye... |
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(#483)
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raat ki tanhaii
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31st July 2006, 06:30 PM
1)bheer main wo ajnabi mera humsafar nikla,
lootne jisko gaya tha voh mera ghar nikla. -Veer 2)thahakeN lagaaye jis ke barbaadi par ham, Vo toe apne hee tabahee ka manzar nikla.. -Nisha 3)jise humne pooja thaa khudaa samajh kar, Ussi ke haathoN meN jafaa ka khanjar nikla.. -Nisha 4)Nashaa chhaya hai tera es tarah dil meN, Kabhii jaaN niklee toe kabhii jigar nikla.. -Mayank 5)Jise humne apne dard ka marhum samjha, Wohi hamare har dard se bekhabar nikla.. -Nisha par itnaa to huaa, kuchh log pahchaane gaye... |
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hi |
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(#484)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
31st July 2006, 06:35 PM
)bheer main wo ajnabi mera humsafar nikla,
lootne jisko gaya tha voh mera ghar nikla. -Veer 2)thahakeN lagaaye jis ke barbaadi par ham, Vo toe apne hee tabahee ka manzar nikla.. -Nisha 3)jise humne pooja thaa khudaa samajh kar, Ussi ke haathoN meN jafaa ka khanjar nikla.. -Nisha 4)Nashaa chhaya hai tera es tarah dil meN, Kabhii jaaN niklee toe kabhii jigar nikla.. -Mayank 5)Jise humne apne dard ka marhum samjha, Wohi hamare har dard se bekhabar nikla.. -Nisha do aansu peene main uski umar guzar gai, mere har aansu ke peeche samander nikla....... veer ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#485)
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1st August 2006, 09:14 AM
)bheer main wo ajnabi mera humsafar nikla,
lootne jisko gaya tha voh mera ghar nikla. -Veer 2)thahakeN lagaaye jis ke barbaadi par ham, Vo toe apne hee tabahee ka manzar nikla.. -Nisha 3)jise humne pooja thaa khudaa samajh kar, Ussi ke haathoN meN jafaa ka khanjar nikla.. -Nisha 4)Nashaa chhaya hai tera es tarah dil meN, Kabhii jaaN niklee toe kabhii jigar nikla.. -Mayank 5)Jise humne apne dard ka marhum samjha, Wohi hamare har dard se bekhabar nikla.. -Nisha 6) do aansu peene main uski umar guzar gai, mere har aansu ke peeche samander nikla....... -veer 7) sab ke hontho par chuppi thi mere qatal ke baad, jo ro-ro behaal tha usi ke hathho mai khanjar nikla... -sunita virender  .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए... 
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(#486)
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Adhoori Aas
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2nd August 2006, 12:19 PM
Quote:
kal raat se hoon main bechain bada, karan mere dukh ka mere ander nikla. dilip |
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(#487)
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2nd August 2006, 12:29 PM
1st sher
bheer main wo ajnabi mera humsafar nikla, lootne jisko gaya tha voh mera ghar nikla. -Veer 2nd sher thahakeN lagaaye jis ke barbaadi par ham, Vo toe apne hee tabahee ka manzar nikla.. -Nisha 3rd sher jise humne pooja thaa khudaa samajh kar, Ussi ke haathoN meN jafaa ka khanjar nikla.. -Nisha 4th sher Nashaa chhaya hai tera es tarah dil meN, Kabhii jaaN niklee toe kabhii jigar nikla.. -Mayank 5th sher Jise humne apne dard ka marhum samjha, Wohi hamare har dard se bekhabar nikla.. -Nisha 6th sher do aansu peene main uski umar guzar gai, mere har aansu ke peeche samander nikla....... -veer 7th sher sab ke hontho par chuppi thi mere qatal ke baad, jo ro-ro behaal tha usi ke hathho mai khanjar nikla... -sunita virender 8th sher kal raat se hoon main bechain bada, karan mere dukh ka mere ander nikla. -dilip main aap sabko iss kuuchhe mein shirkat karne ke liye badhaayi deti hoon...aur ek khuubsurat ghazal kehne ke liye daad...mayank jee iss mein bhi kuchh tabdiliyaan karke aur achha bana sakte hain...but remember this is the learning process....plz follow rules and before writing check what can be changed to make your sher the best you can post...Best of luck! Guys...keep posting... gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho --Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan |
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(#488)
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2nd August 2006, 12:33 PM
1)
bheer main wo ajnabi mera humsafar nikla, lootne jisko gaya tha voh mera ghar nikla. -Veer 2) thahakeN lagaaye jis ke barbaadi par ham, Vo toe apne hee tabahee ka manzar nikla.. -Nisha 3) jise humne pooja thaa khudaa samajh kar, Ussi ke haathoN meN jafaa ka khanjar nikla.. -Nisha 4) Nashaa chhaya hai tera es tarah dil meN, Kabhii jaaN niklee toe kabhii jigar nikla.. -Mayank 5) Jise humne apne dard ka marhum samjha, Wohi hamare har dard se bekhabar nikla.. -Nisha 6) do aansu peene main uski umar guzar gai, mere har aansu ke peeche samander nikla....... -veer 7) sab ke hontho par chuppi thi mere qatal ke baad, jo ro-ro behaal tha usi ke hathho mai khanjar nikla... -sunita virender 8) kal raat se hoon main bechain bada, karan mere dukh ka mere ander nikla. -dilip dilip ji dekhiye na kitni khoobsurat gazal ban gaye hai, app yu hi kosish kartey raho. ab naye gazal shuru kartey hai. yeh "rajveer ji" ki gazal ka share hai, es se shuru kartey hai: 1) "humay pyar say apna bana gaya koi, gham main bhee hasna sikha gaya koi" -veer .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#489)
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2nd August 2006, 12:36 PM
Quote:
.....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#490)
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2nd August 2006, 12:38 PM
yeh "Rajveer ji" ki gazal ka share hai, es se shuru kartey hai:
1) "humay pyar say apna bana gaya koi, gham main bhee hasna sikha gaya koi" -Rajveer .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#491)
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Adhoori Aas
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Location: india , shivpuri
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2nd August 2006, 12:52 PM
1st sher
humay pyar say apna bana gaya koi, gham main bhee hasna sikha gaya koi" -Rajveer 2nd sher jindgi apni thi ab thak adhoori si isme aakar jeena sikha gaya koi -dilip Sorry Dilip jee, I had to budge in here... Plz guys no comments no quotes...add the shers exactly like this....comments can be made by people who are helping us learn...others can keep their comments to the minimum and post them at the end of the ghazal...thank you... dekhiey...baat banti nazar nahin aa rahi...dilip jee aapko sher kee length ka bhi dhyaan rakhna hoga...jaise ki mayank sahib ne kaha...just read the sher again and see if it is flowing the same way as Veer's then plz edit it again...and repost it...i really would like to see people making an effort to learn...otherwise this thread will be like any other thread...gar meri baat aap logon ko buri lage tau muaafi chahti hoon...but iss se pehli ghazal was a hopeless example of bad shayri...aur humne yeh thread shayri ke dastoor seekhne ke liye hee taamir kiya thaa... Dilip jee... guzarish hai aapse ki aap dobara se apna sher pesh karein aur usi format mein jaise maine kiya...shukriya paras |
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(#492)
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2nd August 2006, 02:09 PM
1st sher
humay pyar say apna bana gaya koi, gham main bhee hasna sikha gaya koi" -Rajveer 2nd sher jindgi apni thi ab thak adhoori si isme aakar jeena sikha gaya koi -dilip 3rd sher "humey pyar se appna banna gaya koi, ankho ko satrangi sapney dikha gaya koi" -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#493)
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Adhoori Aas
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2nd August 2006, 02:27 PM
Quote:
bas gaya deere se aake dil me mere soone ghar me ek pool khila gaya koi dilip |
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(#494)
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2nd August 2006, 02:48 PM
1st sher
humay pyar say apna bana gaya koi, gham main bhee hasna sikha gaya koi" -Rajveer 2nd sher jindgi apni thi ab thak adhoori si isme aakar jeena sikha gaya koi -dilip 3rd sher "humey pyar se appna banna gaya koi, ankho ko satrangi sapney dikha gaya koi" -sunita virender 4th sher bas gaya deere se aake dil me mere soone ghar me ek pool khila gaya koi -dilip 5th sher "humey pyar se appna banna gaya koi, thandi padi sanso ko garma gaya koi" -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#495)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
2nd August 2006, 03:32 PM
6th share......
khaakh ke dher mein mujhe sulake, phoolon ko meri chadar bana gaya koi..... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#496)
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Adhoori Aas
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Location: india , shivpuri
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2nd August 2006, 03:39 PM
ghane andheron me jo dhoodne laga unko
dheere se mera hath sahala gaaya koi. dilip |
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(#497)
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2nd August 2006, 03:40 PM
6th share......
khaakh ke dher mein mujhe sulake, phoolon ko meri chadar bana gaya koi..... -'veer' 7th sher "char din humey pyar ke sapney dikhla ke, zindgi bhar ke aansu daman mai de gaya koi" -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#498)
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2nd August 2006, 04:00 PM
phir se hum "rajveer ji" ki latest gazal ke share se shuru kartey hai.
1st sher jab jee chahe chale anaa mere dil main, ye aisa ghar hai jisme darwaza nahi hota... -rajveer .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#499)
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Registered User
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Location: Khariar, Odisha
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2nd August 2006, 08:20 PM
Quote:
Professional shaayar to maiN bhee nahee huuN.. par ham apne 'creativity satisfaction' ke liYe hee likhTe haiN na.. Bas koshish rehni chaahiye kee kuchh achchhii aur gehri baar kaha jaaye rhyme meN.. Mayank |
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hi |
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(#500)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
3rd August 2006, 09:56 AM
jab jee chahe chale anaa mere dil main,
ye aisa ghar hai jisme darwaza nahi hota... 'veer' hum khud he kar dete hai dil apna aage, hamare dil pe to unka nishana nahi hota...... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#501)
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Re: hi -
3rd August 2006, 01:43 PM
2nd sher
hum khud he kar dete hai dil apna aage, hamare dil pe to unka nishana nahi hota...... 'veer' 3rd sher “hum bhi na paatey ishq mai juddai kabhi, par anjame ishq ka phele andaza nahi hota” -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#502)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
4th August 2006, 12:29 PM
mera naam bhee mufliso main shumaar hota,
gar mere paas teri yaadon ka khazana nahi hota...... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#503)
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Re: hi -
4th August 2006, 02:11 PM
4th sher
mera naam bhee mufliso main shumaar hota, gar mere paas teri yaadon ka khazana nahi hota...... 'veer' 5th sher hum bhi kushi ke geet ga saktey thy mahfilo mai, agar teri be-waffaei ka mere paas fasana nahi hota...... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#504)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
5th August 2006, 10:07 AM
mere ashak bhee sookh ke moti ban jate gar,
inke behne ko teri judai ka bahana nahi hota........ 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#505)
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5th August 2006, 10:41 AM
6th sher
mere ashak bhee sookh ke moti ban jate gar, inke behne ko teri judai ka bahana nahi hota........ 'veer' 7th sher hum bhi na yu udhas rahtey har waqt gar, mere paas tere pyar ka nazrana nahi hota.... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#506)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
5th August 2006, 12:05 PM
chal rahe hai hum yu hee badlon ki tarha,
hum bethikano ka koi thikana nahi hota...... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#507)
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5th August 2006, 12:25 PM
1st sher
jab jee chahe chale anaa mere dil main, ye aisa ghar hai jisme darwaza nahi hota... veer' 2nd sher hum khud he kar dete hai dil apna aage, hamare dil pe to unka nishana nahi hota...... 'veer' 3rd sher “hum bhi na paatey ishq mai juddai kabhi, par anjame ishq ka phele andaza nahi hota” -sunita virender 4th sher mera naam bhee mufliso main shumaar hota, gar mere paas teri yaadon ka khazana nahi hota...... 'veer' 5th sher hum bhi kushi ke geet ga saktey thy mahfilo mai, agar teri be-waffaei ka mere paas fasana nahi hota...... -sunita virender 6th sher mere ashak bhee sookh ke moti ban jate gar, inke behne ko teri judai ka bahana nahi hota........ 'veer' 7th sher hum bhi na yu udhas rahtey har waqt gar, mere paas tere pyar ka nazrana nahi hota.... -sunita virender 8th sher chal rahe hai hum yu hee badlon ki tarha, hum bethikano ka koi thikana nahi hota...... 'veer' rajveer ji dekho yeh gazal hum dono ne hi milkar puri ki hai, ab naye shuruaat kartey hai, ek naye mukhdey se. .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#508)
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5th August 2006, 12:43 PM
dosto ab naye gazal ka mukhda hai:
1st sher "kuch na tha yaad ishq mai khokar ek arse se humey, woh jo ajj ruth gaye to humey kai kaam yaad aaye" -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#509)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
5th August 2006, 01:10 PM
"kuch na tha yaad ishq mai khokar ek arse se humey,
woh jo ajj ruth gaye to humey kai kaam yaad aaye" sunita ji ashko ko peekar bhee jab qadam na larkhraiye to, humko teri masti bhari nazron ke jaam yaad aaye...... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#510)
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Moderator
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5th August 2006, 02:06 PM
1st sher
kuch na tha yaad ishq mai khokar ek arse se humey, woh jo ajj ruth gaye to humey kai kaam yaad aaye.... -sunita virender 2nd sher ashko ko peekar bhee jab qadam na larkhraiye to, humko teri masti bhari nazron ke jaam yaad aaye...... 'veer' 3rd sher tere bichdney ke baad jab appna khayal aaya to, phir humey tere diye sabhi iljaam yaad aaye....... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#511)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
5th August 2006, 03:57 PM
dosto ki mehfil main jab kabhi huie hamari ruswai,
barbas hee hume dushmno ke paighaam yaad ayee...... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#512)
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Moderator
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5th August 2006, 04:19 PM
4th sher
dosto ki mehfil main jab kabhi huie hamari ruswai, barbas hee hume dushmno ke paighaam yaad ayee...... 'veer' 5th sher jab kisi ne baato baato mai mere mahboob ka naam liya, dil ne jaise thokar kaye dard ne badkar thaam kiya..... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#513)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
5th August 2006, 07:20 PM
sunita ji nahi yeh share hamari gazal main nahi fit ho sakta....is ka kafia alag hai.....plzzzz dobara try kijiye....
jab kisi ne baato baato mai mere mahboob ka naam liya, dil ne jaise thokar kaye dard ne badkar thaam kiya..... hamari gazal is kafiye par chal rahi hai...... dosto ki mehfil main jab kabhi huie hamari ruswai, barbas hee hume dushmno ke paighaam yaad ayee...... ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#514)
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Moderator
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8th August 2006, 09:26 AM
4th sher
dosto ki mehfil main jab kabhi huie hamari ruswai, barbas hee hume dushmno ke paighaam yaad ayee...... 'veer' 5th sher teri yaddo se humey jab kabhi bhi milli tanhai, to waffa mai diye tere sab inaam yaad aaye........ -sunita virender ab thik hai raj ji, batana....! .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#515)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
8th August 2006, 10:26 AM
5th sher
teri yaddo se humey jab kabhi bhi milli tanhai, to waffa mai diye tere sab inaam yaad aaye........ -sunita virender ab thik hai raj ji, batana....! haan sunita ji ab sahi hai...or bhut khub likha appne...... 6th share manzil par pounch kar jab tanhai or barh gai, mujhe wo rah ke sab guzre mukaam yaad aaye...... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#516)
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Moderator
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Re: hi -
8th August 2006, 10:48 AM
6th share
manzil par pounch kar jab tanhai or barh gai, mujhe wo rah ke sab guzre mukaam yaad aaye...... 'veer' 7th share tere pyar mei bhool gaye thi appno ko mai, dil tootne ke baad kai dosto ke naam yaad aaye..... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#517)
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raat ki tanhaii
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8th August 2006, 08:22 PM
1st sher
kuch na tha yaad ishq mai khokar ek arse se humey, woh jo ajj ruth gaye to humey kai kaam yaad aaye.... -sunita virender 2nd sher ashko ko peekar bhee jab qadam na larkhraiye to, humko teri masti bhari nazron ke jaam yaad aaye...... 'veer' 3rd sher tere bichdney ke baad jab appna khayal aaya to, phir humey tere diye sabhi iljaam yaad aaye....... -sunita virender 4th sher dosto ki mehfil main jab kabhi huie hamari ruswai, barbas hee hume dushmno ke paighaam yaad ayee...... 'veer' 5th sher teri yaddo se humey jab kabhi bhi milli tanhai, to waffa mai diye tere sab inaam yaad aaye........ -sunita virender 6th share manzil par pounch kar jab tanhai or barh gai, mujhe wo rah ke sab guzre mukaam yaad aaye...... 'veer' 7th share tere pyar mei bhool gaye thi appno ko mai, dil tootne ke baad kai dosto ke naam yaad aaye..... -sunita virender 8th sher tujhe chaha,tujhe pooja teri ibaadat ki maine.. jo tune thukraya ye zindagi khuda ke naam kar aae.. -nisha par itnaa to huaa, kuchh log pahchaane gaye... |
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hi |
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(#518)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
9th August 2006, 12:40 PM
dosto ajj hum ek nai gazal suhru karne ja rahe hai........plzzzzzz har koi apna share poore josh ke saath likhe.......kafiye ka poora poora dhiaan rakhna........
roz subha chand saansain lekar jeene ki koshish karta hoon, jeevan path par thake qadmon se chalne ki koshish karta hoon.. 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#519)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: hi -
9th August 2006, 01:02 PM
roz subha chand saansain lekar jeene ki koshish karta hoon,
jeevan path par thake qadmon se chalne ki koshish karta hoon.. 'veer' [/B][/QUOTE] IInd sher bhula kar sare dukh jeevan ke, fir jeene ki koshish karta hoon, shaam dhale ghar me aakar ke, fir til-til karke marta hoon. << |
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hi |
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(#520)
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shayri is my life
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Punjab(Phagwara)Now:(California) USA
Rep Power: 33
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hi -
9th August 2006, 01:11 PM
dilip ji appke ehssas appke alfaaz bhut pyare hote hai.....bass zara technical problem hai app gazal ke kafiye ko samjha karo.....dekho appne likha yeh share......
bhula kar sare dukh jeevan ke, fir jeene ki koshish karta hoon, shaam dhale ghar me aakar ke, fir til-til karke marta hoon. is main app kafiye ko barkaraar nahi rakh paye......isko app aise likhte....... 2nd share shaam dhale aksar ghar aakar til-til karke marta hoon, bhulke sare dukh jeevan ke jeene ki koshish karta hoon...... 'dilip' is main appka kafiya barkaraar raha........ bura mat manna bass samjhne ki koshish karna......agar bura lage to maaf kar dena........ ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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