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dil ye dhadakata bhi nahi...dedicated to maikash
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sagar29in
Mashahoor Shayar
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dil ye dhadakata bhi nahi...dedicated to maikash - 15th July 2002, 05:48 PM


maikash sahab,

ek arse ke baad main is site per aaya. in dinon kucch aisa masruuf thaa ke bilkul aanaa huaa hi nahi aapki mehfil mein. lekin ab aaye to ek nayi chiiz lekar hi. is na-chiiz ki is cchotisi gazal per tavajjo chahunga.

aapka chahnewalaa

sagar.




koyi dam seene mein mere atakataa bhi nahi
ab tuze dekh ke dil ye dhadakataa bhi nahi

khub the tuz se maraasim kabhi ai dost mere
dil teri yaad ke aane se tadapata bhi nahi

tere tohfe, teri yaadein, tere khat aur tuu khud
tamaam chiizon se in mera ab vaastaa bhi nahi

dil-e-barbaad mein ik abr-e-dard hain 'sagar'
hain magar kya karein kambakht barasataa bhi nahi.....


wo mere dil ko kuchal ke chala gaya
anjane me muzko wo shayar bana gaya

Last edited by sagar29in; 15th July 2002 at 06:23 PM..
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maikasH
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19th July 2002, 06:32 AM

sagar sahab

aadaab

ek zamaane ke baad aap se mulaqaat ho rahi hai....daer se haaziri dene ke liye muaafi chahtaa huuN....ummiid hai aap meri iss lagzish ko khaatir meiN nahiiN laayeNgey......

itni izzat-afzaai ki maiN haqdaar to nahiiN phir bhi aapne jo apna ye kalaam khaadim ke naam kiya uske liye aapka bohat mashkoor-o-mamnoon huuN


aapne khaaksaar ko ghazal pe tabsire karne ki daavat di to idhar aapki khidmat meiN haazir huuN......

kuch khyaal haiN jo aapke saamne rakhna chahta huuN aur ummiid hai ke aap meri kisi bad'tamiizii ka buraa nahiiN maaneNgey...iss ijaazat ke saath aage baDhta huuN

koyi dam seene mein mere atakataa bhi nahi
ab tuze dekh ke dil ye dhadakataa bhi nahi

dono misrey bah'r meiN nahiiN haiN.....doosre misra kuch-kuch bah'r "mutqaarib saalim" ke kareeb lag raha hai magar kuch tarmiim darkaar hai....jaise :-
tujhey dekh kar dil dhadaktaa nahiiN

pehla misra khud dekh leN
.................................................. .....................

khub the tuz se maraasim kabhi ai dost mere
dil teri yaad ke aane se tadapata bhi nahi

yahaaN bhi bah'r ak mas'alaa hai.....ye suurat dekhiye :-

rishtaa kabhi jaan-o-dil ka tha tujhse
tujhe yaad kar dil tadaptaa nahiiN
.................................................. ......................

tere tohfe, teri yaadein, tere khat aur tuu khud
tamaam chiizon se in mera ab vaastaa bhi nahi

sabse pehle jo lafz " vaastaa" yahaaN ba-ta'ur qafiya istemaal nahiiN kiya jaa sakta...... pehle misre ke aakhir meiN agar lafz "bhi" lagaa diya jaaye to ye mere khayaal se ye bah'r hazaj saalim meiN aa jayega......maane ke ye badii bah'r ka misra hai jo ke hargiz yahaaN khap nahiiN saktaa....isliye issey phir se kahne ki koshish kijiye
.................................................. ............................

dil-e-barbaad mein ik abr-e-dard hain 'sagar'
hain magar kya karein kambakht barasataa bhi nahi

maqte ka khyaal bohat achchaa hai...mubarak ho....magar bah'r ka mas'alaa hai....maine jo do-ek ash'aar bataayeN haiN usii bah'r meiN ghazal phir se kehne ki koshish kijiye.....aur koi sawaalaat hoN to maiN haazir huuN.....mere paas jawaab na huaa to kisi ustaad se poocH leNge...........

aapse darkhuvvast hai ke meri kisi baat ka bura mat manaayiyegaa....maine ye forum isiliye maaNgaa tha ke yahaaN bahas ke zariye kuch seekhne ki koshish ki jaaye.....bas usii meiN mubtilaa huuN.......kisi ustaad shayar ka saath hota to mushkil aur bhi aasaan ho jaati....khair....ab aap aaye haiN to aate raha kijiye.......!!

aadaab
maikasH


.........................................

is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai
goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai

maikash
...............................
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hi sagar
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sumajoshi
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hi sagar - 20th July 2002, 12:16 PM

hmmmmm chan lihlas sagar saheb.. ekdam masth.. lihath rah... pan lokansathi nahi swata sathi... bhetu lavkarach....


suma
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adaab
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sagar29in
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adaab - 22nd July 2002, 06:57 PM

maikash sahab,


aap ka bahot bahot shukriya. nachiiz ki shayri per jo aap ne tavakko dee uske liye main aapka shukr guzaar huun. aur haan hausla afzaai ka bhi shukriya. ek arse ke baad yahan aana huaa to fir socha aap se milkar aage jaye.

socha kucch aapka bhi aitaraaf karta chaluun
yahan se guzra to socha aapko salaam karta chaluun

aur baki sab logon ka bhi shukriya jinhone is khaaksaar ki gazal per tavajjo zahir kii.

suma and sakhi .... thanx a lot.


sagar.


wo mere dil ko kuchal ke chala gaya
anjane me muzko wo shayar bana gaya
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Feroz
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25th July 2002, 08:33 AM

sagar sahab

aadaab

aap kii ghazal paDhii .. ek achchii koshish hai.. mainey apney bahut azziiz aur qaabil dost. maikash sahab ne bahut tafsiilii aur jaankaarii se bharpuur rai dii hai.. maiN un se har baat par muttafiq huuN.. aap us par ghaur farmaayiyegaa.. aur koshish jaarii rakhiyegaa.

Feroz
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sanjoo
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19th May 2003, 07:45 PM

sagar29in janaab kaha hoo ap...kyaa khandala ki wadiyon main gumm hogaye kyaa janaab...ap ke iis kalaam kii bhi jitanii tarif kii jayen kaam hain...koyii jaruri nahii ke dard sab ko raas aayen...kuch sachhyii se bhii saamnna hojayeN..SuNjj
   
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