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zarraa
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2nd July 2014, 12:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq View Post
Ek aur missal agarche aur garche ki hai......lekin mera andaaza yahi hai ki fusoon aur afsoon dono waahid hai aur zaroorat padne par inhe jama'a bhi istemaal kar sakte hai.....just like jaadu......fusoon aur afsoon hame bahr Ke mutaabiq chune jaane ki chhuut dete hai......Bas ustaad shaayro Ka koi sher mil jaye jahaa'n fusoon / afsoon ko jama'a liye gaya ho.
achchha mashwara hai ufaq sahab

ek khoobsurat nazm ke deedar hue, "mauzu e sukhan", jo faiz ahmad faiz sahab ki hai. is link mein wo darj hai aur faiz sahab ka recite karte hue audio bhi hai (thoda neeche scroll karna hoga)

http://poetrymehfil.wordpress.com/tag/faizahmedfaiz/

aakhiri stanza yahaan quote kar raha hooN. is meiN lafz-e-afsoon ka istemaal dekhiye aur apni raay se nawaaziye ...



ye bhi hain aise kai aur bhi mazmoon honge
lekin us shokh ke aahista se khulte hue honth
haay us jism ke kambakht dil aawez khatoot
aap hi kahiye kaheen aise bhi AFSOON honge
apna mauzu e sukhan in ke siva aur naheen
tab e shayar ka watan in ke siva aur naheen
-faiz


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

Last edited by zarraa; 2nd July 2014 at 12:52 AM..
   
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ufaq
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2nd July 2014, 10:12 AM

Bahut mashq kii aapne zarra sahib....afsoon Ke jama'a istemaal kiye jaane par koi shubah nahi....kyaa fusoon ke jama'a par istemaal kiye jaane ki koi missal mili aapko....Bas yahi aakhiri kaanta hai Jo jald se jald nikal jaaye to achcha.....abhi tak to
Yahi Natija saamne aaya hai ki .....afsoon..waahid aur jama'a dono jabki fusoon sirf waahid.............
   
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aadeil
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2nd July 2014, 10:45 AM

tarz-e-nigaah-e-chashm-e-fusoo.n unkii aisii thii
thii tegh haath me.n mere par qatl mai.n hua


~ Adil 'Safeer'



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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2nd July 2014, 10:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq View Post
Bahut mashq kii aapne zarra sahib....afsoon Ke jama'a istemaal kiye jaane par koi shubah nahi....kyaa fusoon ke jama'a par istemaal kiye jaane ki koi missal mili aapko....Bas yahi aakhiri kaanta hai Jo jald se jald nikal jaaye to achcha.....abhi tak to
Yahi Natija saamne aaya hai ki .....afsoon..waahid aur jama'a dono jabki fusoon sirf waahid.............
Shukriya Ufaq sahab

Chaliye lafz "afsoon" ke mutalliq to ek raay qaayam hoti dikh rahi hai ki ye singular aur plural donon tarah se istemaal ho sakta hai (unless there is any other opinion on this)

Ji mujhe lafz "fusoon" ke plural form mein istemaal ki koyee misaal naheen mili hai ab tak


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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Praneeta
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Love 2nd July 2014, 11:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
beautiful sher praneetaa ji...................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Waaah waah !! Bahaut khoob Praneeta ji !!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harash Mahajan View Post
Waah Praneeta ji bahut khoob...................
Shukriya aap sabhi ka

Regards


_______________________________________________
PRANEETA

Kaash k khamoshi bhi ek zabaaN hoti
Main dekta rehta unhe aur haal-e-dil bayaaN hota
Ananthpak
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aadeil
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2nd July 2014, 12:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
Zarraa saahab aur zainy saahiba, subha bakhair....

aap dono ki guftagoo padh kkar bahot hi acchaa lagaa, aur ye dekh kar aur bhii khushi huii ke seekhne sikhaane ka ye silsilaa chaal padaa hai apne mukaam ki taraf.....

main nishaandehii to nahi karnaa chahtaa magar mera ek choTaaa saa sawaal hai... aap dono se aur baaki ke padhne waalon se ke...

kyaa Lafz "NazreN" valid hai ???

Nazar se nazaare ho saktaa hai , Nigah se nigaaheN bhi ho saktaa hai magar kyaa Nazar ka plural NazreN ho saktaa hai.... i am bit confused..

agar aap isme koi lughaat ya misaal pesh karenge to meri kamilmii me izaafaa hoga....

shukriyaa

Shaad....
Shoaib bhai,
nazar means 'eyes' ya 'eye-sight'.. uska plural nazreN ya nazroN hota hai..
examples:
nazreN kahaaN sotii haiN
niindeN dhuaaN hotii hai


zaraa nazroN se kehdo ji
nishaanaa chuk naa jaaye


nazaare is plural for nazaaraa.. jiska matlab hai 'scenery'

ek example jisme donoN ka istemaal hua hai..
tere chehre se nazar nahi hatti
nazaare hum kya dekheN


agar koii gustakhee huii ho toh muaafii chahunga



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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sameer'shaad'
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2nd July 2014, 12:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Shukriya Ufaq sahab

Chaliye lafz "afsoon" ke mutalliq to ek raay qaayam hoti dikh rahi hai ki ye singular aur plural donon tarah se istemaal ho sakta hai (unless there is any other opinion on this)

Ji mujhe lafz "fusoon" ke plural form mein istemaal ki koyee misaal naheen mili hai ab tak
Zarraa saahab/ ufaq saahab aadaab.... jahaan tak mujhe khabar hai ye dono hi lafz "fusoon" aur "afsoon" waahid lafz hain aur dono ke maaynii ek hi hain... aap inhe lafz ayur alfaazz ki misaal se compare na karen... aur haan shayad ke istemaal kabhi ho jaae , magar ye dono lafz waahid hi hain..

doosrii baat ye ke aap isme lafz jod kar waahid aur jamaa ke taur pe istemaal kar sakte hain .. aur deegar murakkkab alfaaz banaaae jaa sakte hain.

waahid ke taur pe "FusooN-saazi" aur jamaa ke liye "fusooN-saaziyaaN" sahii istemaal hai... magar khud fusooN aur afsoooN waahid aur jamaa ke taur par self use nahi kiye ja sakte....

shukriyaa

Shaad....


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sameer'shaad'
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2nd July 2014, 01:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
Shoaib bhai,
nazar means 'eyes' ya 'eye-sight'.. uska plural nazreN ya nazroN hota hai..
examples:
nazreN kahaaN sotii haiN
niindeN dhuaaN hotii hai


zaraa nazroN se kehdo ji
nishaanaa chuk naa jaaye


nazaare is plural for nazaaraa.. jiska matlab hai 'scenery'

ek example jisme donoN ka istemaal hua hai..
tere chehre se nazar nahi hatti
nazaare hum kya dekheN


agar koii gustakhee huii ho toh muaafii chahunga
shukriyaa Aadeil saahab.........


Shaad...
   
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ufaq
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2nd July 2014, 01:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
Zarraa saahab/ ufaq saahab aadaab.... jahaan tak mujhe khabar hai ye dono hi lafz "fusoon" aur "afsoon" waahid lafz hain aur dono ke maaynii ek hi hain... aap inhe lafz ayur alfaazz ki misaal se compare na karen... aur haan shayad ke istemaal kabhi ho jaae , magar ye dono lafz waahid hi hain..

doosrii baat ye ke aap isme lafz jod kar waahid aur jamaa ke taur pe istemaal kar sakte hain .. aur deegar murakkkab alfaaz banaaae jaa sakte hain.

waahid ke taur pe "FusooN-saazi" aur jamaa ke liye "fusooN-saaziyaaN" sahii istemaal hai... magar khud fusooN aur afsoooN waahid aur jamaa ke taur par self use nahi kiye ja sakte....

shukriyaa

Shaad....
Shaad sahib....gustaakhi muaaf ...aapne shaayad is thread ko shuru se nahi pada...ya biich-2 me'n chhodkar pada hai.....post no.39 me'n Maine tasliim kiya hai ki dono alfaaz waahid hai aur inhe zaroorat parne par jama'a istemaal kiya ja sakta hai.....abhi ham sirf ustaad shuraa Ke ashaar ki padtaal kar rahe hai taaki waqt padne par hamaare paas sanad rahe....ki ye alfaaz jama'a liye gaye hai......
   
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sameer'shaad'
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2nd July 2014, 02:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq View Post
Shaad sahib....gustaakhi muaaf ...aapne shaayad is thread ko shuru se nahi pada...ya biich-2 me'n chhodkar pada hai.....post no.39 me'n Maine tasliim kiya hai ki dono alfaaz waahid hai aur inhe zaroorat parne par jama'a istemaal kiya ja sakta hai.....abhi ham sirf ustaad shuraa Ke ashaar ki padtaal kar rahe hai taaki waqt padne par hamaare paas sanad rahe....ki ye alfaaz jama'a liye gaye hai......
Ufaq saahab, muaafi ki koi baat nahi...

aapka khayaal bebuniyaad hai, main is guftgaoo ke shuru se aakhri lafz tak saath hi rahaa... aur jaisaa ke aap mera point dekhenge to maine zarraa sahab ki us baat ko quote kar ke muddaa aage badhaaya jahaan wo farmaate hain...

Ji mujhe lafz "fusoon" ke plural form mein istemaal ki koyee misaal naheen mili hai ab tak



ab agar aapne mere post ko poora padha hogaa to shayad aap dekhnege ke maine likhaa hai ke

dono hi lafz "fusoon" aur "afsoon" waahid lafz hain aur dono ke maaynii ek hi hain

to jab maayne ek hain, to aap ke is misre ke maayni main nahi samjh paa raha hoon..

dono alfaaz waahid hai aur inhe zaroorat parne par jama'a istemaal kiya ja sakta hai


ye to wahi bat hui ke dono muzakkar hain magar zarurat padne pe muannis bhi istemaal kiye ja sakte hain.... whatever

khair jahaan tak meri is post ka maslaa hai meine ye bhi kaha hai ke (agar aapne padhaa ho) ke isme lafz jod kar jaise (saazi, kaari etc) aap ise jamaa ke taur pe istemaal kar sakte hain individually nahi....


Shaad...
   
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ufaq
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2nd July 2014, 05:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
Ufaq saahab, muaafi ki koi baat nahi...

aapka khayaal bebuniyaad hai, main is guftgaoo ke shuru se aakhri lafz tak saath hi rahaa... aur jaisaa ke aap mera point dekhenge to maine zarraa sahab ki us baat ko quote kar ke muddaa aage badhaaya jahaan wo farmaate hain...

Ji mujhe lafz "fusoon" ke plural form mein istemaal ki koyee misaal naheen mili hai ab tak



ab agar aapne mere post ko poora padha hogaa to shayad aap dekhnege ke maine likhaa hai ke

dono hi lafz "fusoon" aur "afsoon" waahid lafz hain aur dono ke maaynii ek hi hain

to jab maayne ek hain, to aap ke is misre ke maayni main nahi samjh paa raha hoon..

dono alfaaz waahid hai aur inhe zaroorat parne par jama'a istemaal kiya ja sakta hai


ye to wahi bat hui ke dono muzakkar hain magar zarurat padne pe muannis bhi istemaal kiye ja sakte hain.... whatever

khair jahaan tak meri is post ka maslaa hai meine ye bhi kaha hai ke (agar aapne padhaa ho) ke isme lafz jod kar jaise (saazi, kaari etc) aap ise jamaa ke taur pe istemaal kar sakte hain individually nahi....
Bhai jii ......kisi kafz Ke ham-shanaas hone ke do taur hai....pahla ...lugaat aur dusra...Urdu shaairi ke saahib.e.ilm Ke ashaar me us lafz Ka istemaal........meri badqismati hai ki mere paas Jo lugaat hai usme alfaaz Ke waahid-jama'a Ka koi zikr nahi hai......to mai'n is muaame par deegar raaste ko hi ikhtiyaar kar sakta hu.

Janaab........Maine koi namumkin lagne wali baat nahi kahi ki Dono alfaaz waahid hai par jama'a bhi istemaal ho sakte hai...aise bahut se alfaaz hai....jaadu waahid hai....ab ek misre par nazar daaliye......ye hawaao , ghataao ye bahaaro Ke jaadu......ab kyu'nki jaadu Ki koi jam'a shakl nahi hai isliye > Ka jadu < ki jagah > Ke jaadu< lekar zaroorat ki bharpaai ki gayi hai...aur jiyaada dur kyaa jaane?????? Abhi zarra jii ne faiz sahib ki nazm Ka ek band bataur misaak pesh kiya hai jahaa'n unhone afsoon ko jama'a par liya hai.......

Rahii baat aapki is daliil ki saazi , kaari jodkar kami ko pura jar liya jaaye to bhai jii...agar in suffix ko jodne se agar bah'rbandi toot rahii ho ya adaayagi kharaab ho rahii ho to?????????

Main duharaata hu ki Ham ustaad shuraa Ke ashaar talaash rahe hai taaki zaroorat padne par unki sanad pesh ki ja sake......
   
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sameer'shaad'
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2nd July 2014, 05:19 PM

Mujhe aisaa lag raha hai ke aap faqat sanad ke intzaaar mein hi hain... lijiye jahaan tak maine research ki hai aapki shaan me chand aashar pesh karta hoon with reference..




aur ujlaa ho gayaa qurbat ka chaaNd
aur gahraa ho gayaa teraa fusooN

-Athar Nafees


tere andaaz-e-tabassum ka fusooN
haadse pahluu badal kar rah gaye..

-Sufi tabassum


chaaNd ke pahluu me dam saadh ke rotii hai kiran
aaj taaroN ka fusuuN Khaak nazar aayegaa

-Ahmed rahi


us chashm-e-fusuu.Ngar kaa agar paaye ishaaraa
TuuTii kii tarah aa_iinaa guftaar meiN aave

-Ghalib

dekho phir aaj ho na jaaye kahii.n Khuun-e-aitamaad
dekho na TuuT jaaye fusuu.N aitabaar kaa

-Mumtaz Mirza

ye kis kii chashm-e-fusuu.N_saaz kaa karishmaa hai
ki Tuut kar bhii salaamat hai.n dil ke but_Khaane

- Sufi tabassum


ye saare sher aapke ilmi fusooN ko nazr karta hoon ... ummeed karta hoon jo aap dhund rahe honge shayad ke mil gayaa ho... warna huqum kijiyegaa...


Shaad...
   
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ufaq
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ufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comufaq is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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2nd July 2014, 06:06 PM

Shaad saahib....aapne is nacheez Ka itna khyaal rakha aur ek fauz e ashaar khadi kar Di....is karam nawaazi Ka shukhriya.....lekin ek pech rah gayaa aapke maahq me...ham aise sher ki talaash jar rahe ho jahaa'n fusoon ko jama'a liye gaye ho....khair jaate-2 ek baar phir se shukria
   
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zainy
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zainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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2nd July 2014, 06:13 PM

DostoN fusoon aur afsoon alfaaz ko lekar kaafi hadd tak concept clear ho gaya hai...

Aap sab se guzarish hai ke in alfaaz ko lekar apne apne sher likhker post karein

Baqi behas bemayine hai...kahin is thread ki importance aur interest khatm na ho jaaye....

Lets move on!




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm
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sameer'shaad'
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sameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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3rd July 2014, 09:26 AM

tere andaaze muhabbat ka ye fusooN hai sanam,
ke mujh me log tere aks ko paa jaate hain..

Shaad....


Shaad...
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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3rd July 2014, 11:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
tarz-e-nigaah-e-chashm-e-fusoo.n unkii aisii thii
thii tegh haath me.n mere par qatl mai.n hua


~ Adil 'Safeer'

Waaah Aadeil sahab waah !!! Kya manzar kashi ki hai Janaab !! Bahaut hi khoobsurat sher hai ... is meiN nazaakat bhi hai aur asar bhi !!!

Aur fusoon-e-mehboob ka anjaam itna khatarnaak aur jaan leva bhi ho sakta hai, is khatre se ahl-e-mehfil ko aagaah karwaane ka shukriya


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

Last edited by zarraa; 3rd July 2014 at 11:26 AM..
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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3rd July 2014, 11:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
tere andaaze muhabbat ka ye fusooN hai sanam,
ke mujh me log tere aks ko paa jaate hain..

Shaad....


Wwwwwwaaaahhhhhh !!! Behtareen !!!! Kya baat kahi Shaad bhai !!! Is sher meiN mohabbat aur us ke fusoon ka jo roohaanee pehlu aap saamne laaye hain wo kamaal ka hai !!! Dheron daad aap ki nazar !!!!


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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AnjAAn!!!
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3rd July 2014, 11:49 AM

Yaar aap log kahna kya chahte haiN? Jaadoo ho ya fusooN mere khayaal se to singular ya plural donoN tarah se istemal ho sakte haiN. Aap hamesha sanad hi ki talaash meN kyuN lage rahte haiN. Kabhi kabhaar lafz ki property ki aur bhi dekha kariye ahbaab.

Kuch ghalat kaha ho to muaafi chahunga.


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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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3rd July 2014, 12:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnjAAn!!! View Post
Yaar aap log kahna kya chahte haiN? Jaadoo ho ya fusooN mere khayaal se to singular ya plural donoN tarah se istemal ho sakte haiN. Aap hamesha sanad hi ki talaash meN kyuN lage rahte haiN. Kabhi kabhaar lafz ki property ki aur bhi dekha kariye ahbaab.

Kuch ghalat kaha ho to muaafi chahunga.
Welcome to Fusoon-e-Alfaaz Anjaan sahab.

Apne khayaalaat baantne ka bahaut bahaut shukriya. All opinions are heartily welcome in this activity. Aap ki baat bhi apni jagah theek hai. Main aap ki is baat se ittefaq rakhta hoon ke lafz ki property ya essence ko samajhna bahaut zarooree hai shayari ke liye. Saath mein us ke nuances bhi samajh lein to shayari mein loch paida kar sakte hain.

Lekin agar kuchh members technical depth meiN jaana chaahte hain, aur agar unheiN aur auron ko is se seekhne ko milta hai, to wo bhi welcome hain.

As the saying goes .... it's all about having unity in diversity !!!

Khair chhodiye.... Jab aap jaise achchhe shayar ke qadam is bazm meiN parh gaye hoN, to hum us ka faayeda uthaanaa zaroor chaahenge Aap ke ek khoobsurat sher ka intezaar rahega "fusooN" ke oopar

Zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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sameer'shaad'
~$uper M0der@tor~
sameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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3rd July 2014, 12:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
tarz-e-nigaah-e-chashm-e-fusoo.n unkii aisii thii
thii tegh haath me.n mere par qatl mai.n hua


~ Adil 'Safeer'
waahh Aadeil saahab... Ghalib ki si taaseer hai is sher mein... bahot umdaah kareegaree nayaab namuuna aaapke ilm ka.... daad pesh hain

Shaad...


Shaad...
   
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aadeil
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3rd July 2014, 01:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
tere andaaze muhabbat ka ye fusooN hai sanam,
ke mujh me log tere aks ko paa jaate hain..

Shaad....
waaaaaahhhhhh... Shoaib bhai,
kya nakaashii hai iss sher meN.....

behadd khubsurat sher pe dilse dheroN daad...............

Adil



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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aadeil
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3rd July 2014, 01:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
waahh Aadeil saahab... Ghalib ki si taaseer hai is sher mein... bahot umdaah kareegaree nayaab namuuna aaapke ilm ka.... daad pesh hain

Shaad...
arey! Shoaib bhai,
kahaaN Ghalib saab aur kahaaN hum..
bas ek adnaa si koshish kii (mood meN jo the ..)

aapka mamnoon hooN janaab... bas yuN hausla badhaate raheN


Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Waaah Aadeil sahab waah !!! Kya manzar kashi ki hai Janaab !! Bahaut hi khoobsurat sher hai ... is meiN nazaakat bhi hai aur asar bhi !!!

Aur fusoon-e-mehboob ka anjaam itna khatarnaak aur jaan leva bhi ho sakta hai, is khatre se ahl-e-mehfil ko aagaah karwaane ka shukriya
Zarra bhai,
yeh chhoti si koshish apko pasand aayee, iss liye aapka shukra guzar hooN..

aur yeh bhii sahi hai .. kabhii kabhii kisii kii nazar hamaarii jaan bhii le leti hai.. LOLzz.. talvaar se jyada usse Dariyo.. ha ha ha.....

Adil ka salaam



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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3rd July 2014, 08:47 PM

DostoN ... abhi tak aap sab ne bahaut hi shaandaar tareeke se is activity meiN contribution kiya hai .... Is activity ke pehle 1 hafte ko khatm hone meiN 2 din bache hain...5 July ki midnight (12:00 AM mid night India time ya 6:30 PM GMT) ko ek hafta poora ho jaayega aur hum doosre lafz ke baare meiN baatcheet karna shuru kar deNge.

Jo members lafz "fasoon" ke mutalliq kuchh bhi farmaana chaaheiN, koyee sher ya commemt, meherbaanee kar ke agle do din meiN use is thread par pesh kareiN. hum aap ki shayari aur khayaalaat ki qadr karte hain aur us ke muntazir hain ... to dostoN apni raay aur shayari se is activity to zaroor nawaazeiN.

duaoN ke saath ...

Zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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4th July 2014, 03:36 AM

DostoN ... Aadaab .... Ek koshish pesh hai mukhtasar si nazm ki shakl meiN ...


fasurda shaam aur us par fusooN ye teri yaadoN ka
kaha tha waqt-e-rukhsat tu ne kya dhuNdhla gaya hai ab
zara sa bhi n baaki hai khumaar ab teri baatoN ka
ye tera lams baagh-e-dil meiN tha jo phool sa khilta
khizaaN meiN hijr ki wo kis tarah murjha gaya hai ab
koyee bhoola fasaana hai naheeN jis ka nishaaN milta
magar kamzor hoti yaad aur bhi dil dukhaati hai
haqeeqat se guzar aaye fusooN meiN jaan jaati hai

- zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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sameer'shaad'
~$uper M0der@tor~
sameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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4th July 2014, 11:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
DostoN ... Aadaab .... Ek koshish pesh hai mukhtasar si nazm ki shakl meiN ...


fasurda shaam aur us par fusooN ye teri yaadoN ka
kaha tha waqt-e-rukhsat tu ne kya dhuNdhla gaya hai ab
zara sa bhi n baaki hai khumaar ab teri baatoN ka
ye tera lams baagh-e-dil meiN tha jo phool sa khilta
khizaaN meiN hijr ki wo kis tarah murjha gaya hai ab
koyee bhoola fasaana hai naheeN jis ka nishaaN milta
magar kamzor hoti yaad aur bhi dil dukhaati hai
haqeeqat se guzar aaye fusooN meiN jaan jaati hai

- zarraa


ummdah peshkash.... waah zarraa saahab bas fusoooN hi fusooN... kaamaal hi kamaal... jawaab nahi aaapka.... dheron daad

Shaad..


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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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5th July 2014, 02:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
ummdah peshkash.... waah zarraa saahab bas fusoooN hi fusooN... kaamaal hi kamaal... jawaab nahi aaapka.... dheron daad

Shaad..
Shaad bhai ... is chhoti si koshish ko aap ne jo hausla afzaayee ata ki hai us ka tah e dil se mashqoor hoon


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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Ahmad Hyderabadi
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Thumbs up 6th July 2014, 12:14 AM

Zarraa bhaee....... Zarraa bhaee..... kin alfaaz mayn aapko mubarakbaad doon aur shukriya kahoon samajh nahee aataa!! Tahe dil say shukriya kahna chahoonga is ibteda k liye... a giant leap in my view in the right direction...... Thank You Sir!! For taking us on the journey of knowledge and learning and most importantly SHARING the knowledge and understanding.....!!


Duagoh

Ahmad
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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6th July 2014, 01:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahmad Hyderabadi View Post
Zarraa bhaee....... Zarraa bhaee..... kin alfaaz mayn aapko mubarakbaad doon aur shukriya kahoon samajh nahee aataa!! Tahe dil say shukriya kahna chahoonga is ibteda k liye... a giant leap in my view in the right direction...... Thank You Sir!! For taking us on the journey of knowledge and learning and most importantly SHARING the knowledge and understanding.....!!

Ahmad bhai .... bahaut khushi huwee aap ke is meherbaan paighaam ko dekh kar .... aap ki mohabbat bhari hausla afzai ka tah e dil se mashqoor hoon ... bahaut bahaut shukriya janaab !

Badhaayee ke asli haqdaar awwal to Zainy ji aur Shaad sahab haiN jinhone is activity ka idea diya tha .... aur ibteda karne ka hausla bhi ... aur sab se badh kar wo sabhi SDC members haiN jinhone itni khoobsurti se is activity mein hissa liya, apna ilm baanta, ustaad shora ke qalaam ke deedaar karwaayee, sawaal poochhe, jawaab diye, ray di, opinions rakkhe, agree kiya, disagree kiya .... aur jin members ne apni shayari se nawaaza unhonein to jaan hi phoonk di is mein ..... aur un members ka contribution bhi kam naheen jinhone chaahein post naheen kiya ho lekin is bazm meiN tashreef laaye aur is activity ko observe kiya ...

jab tak SDC ke members ka saath rahega tab tak is activity ke zariye bazm ki khidmat karne ki koshish karta rahoonga ... aur is mein mera khud ka selfish interest bhi hai kyunki mujhe khud seekhne ki sakht zaroorat hai

Ek baar phir se aap ka shukriya aur dheron duaein ...


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

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zarraa
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6th July 2014, 01:48 AM

aaj pehla hafta khatm hota hai aur ab hum silsila aage badhaayenge naye lafz ya jumle ke saath. lafz fusoon ya afsoon par jo SDC members ki apni shayari pesh huwee hai, wo yahaan par ek darj kar raha hoon


YeH nazreiN yeH baateiN sanam ki adaayeiN
In afsoon se ufff bachay kaisay koyee .................Zainy

Chura liya hai toone wo sab kuch dil ke dareechoN se jaane kaise
Bata fasooN gari ab ye teri mitegii lakeeroN se jaane kaise ......Harash Mahajan

fusoon e ishq pe zor kab kis ka chala hai
har dil mein kabhi na kabhi ishq pala hai ......Praneeta


tarz e nigaah e chashm e fusoo.n unkii aisii thii
thii tegh haath me.n mere par qatl mai.n hua ....... Aadeil Safeer


tere andaaze muhabbat ka ye fusooN hai sanam
ke mujh me log tere aks ko paa jaate hain .......Sameer Shaad



fasurda shaam aur us par fusooN ye teri yaadoN ka
kaha tha waqt e rukhsat tu ne kya dhuNdhla gaya hai ab
zara sa bhi n baaki hai khumaar ab teri baatoN ka
ye tera lams baagh e dil meiN tha jo phool sa khilta
khizaaN meiN hijr ki wo kis tarah murjha gaya hai ab
koyee bhoola fasaana hai naheeN jis ka nishaaN milta
magar kamzor hoti yaad aur bhi dil dukhaati hai
haqeeqat se guzar aaye fusooN meiN jaan jaati hai .......Zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

Last edited by zarraa; 6th July 2014 at 02:46 AM..
   
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6th July 2014, 02:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
aaj pehla hafta khatm hota hai aur ab hum silsila aage badhaayenge naye lafz ya jumle ke saath. lafz fusoon ya afsoon par jo SDC members ki apni shayari pesh huwee hai, wo yahaan par ek darj kar raha hoon


YeH nazreiN yeH baateiN sanam ki adaayeiN
In afsoon se ufff bachay kaisay koyee .................Zainy

Chura liya hai toone wo sab kuch dil ke dareechoN se jaane kaise
Bata fasooN gari ab ye teri mitegii lakeeroN se jaane kaise ......Harash Mahajan

fusoon e ishq pe zor kab kis ka chala hai
har dil mein kabhi na kabhi ishq pala hai ......Praneeta

tarz e nigaah e chashm e fusoo.n unkii aisii thii
thii tegh haath me.n mere par qatl mai.n hua ....... Aadeil Safeer

tere andaaze muhabbat ka ye fusooN hai sanam
ke mujh me log tere aks ko paa jaate hain .......Sameer Shaad


fasurda shaam aur us par fusooN ye teri yaadoN ka
kaha tha waqt e rukhsat tu ne kya dhuNdhla gaya hai ab
zara sa bhi n baaki hai khumaar ab teri baatoN ka
ye tera lams baagh e dil meiN tha jo phool sa khilta
khizaaN meiN hijr ki wo kis tarah murjha gaya hai ab
koyee bhoola fasaana hai naheeN jis ka nishaaN milta
magar kamzor hoti yaad aur bhi dil dukhaati hai
haqeeqat se guzar aaye fusooN meiN jaan jaati hai .......Zarraa

Masha Allah bohat khoob. ..
sabhi ashaar laajawaab hain




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

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naya jumla - 6th July 2014, 02:43 AM

DostoN

Aadaab

is baar hum ek lafz naheen balki ek jumle ya phrase par ghaur kareNge

ye jumla hai "daar-o-rasan" ya "rasan-o-daar" jis par aap ko koyee sher, qit'ta, rubaaee, nazm ya kuchh aur jise shayari kaha ja sake kehna hai...saath hi saath SDC style guftagoo aur gap shap bhi

"daar-o-rasan" means "gallows and noose" .... yaanee phaaNsee dene ke apparatus ko kehte haiN

"daar" means gallows ... wo structure (usually wooden) jis ke oopar rassee baaNdh kar phaaNsee di jaatee hai aur jis par phaaNsee diye jaane waale shakhs ko kharhaa karaaya jaata hai.

"rasan" means rope ya rassee .... jis se noose ya phaNda banaaya jaata hai phaaNsee dene ke liye.

kyunki kehte hain ki "a picture speaks a thousand words"' to is link meiN daar-o-rasan ki picture dekh sakte haiN

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/20...sh-d56fvo3.jpg


is khatarnaak se lagne waale jumle ka istemaal shayari meiN kaafee dekhne ko milta hai ...aur bade hi khoobsurat aur asardaar aashaar bane haiN is jumle ko le kar

uataad shora ke kuchh khoobsurat aur pur-asar aashaar dekhte haiN in jumloN par ...


DAAR-O-RASAN

qad-o-gesoo meiN qais-o-kohkan ki aazmaaish hai
jahaaN hum haiN wahaaN daar-o-rasan ki aazmaaish hai
-ghalib

teg munsif ho jahaaN daar-o-rasan hoN shaahid
begunah kaun hai us shahar meiN qaatil ke siwa
-ali sardaar jaafri

sabhi dareeda dahan ab badan dareeda hue
supurd-e-daar-o-rasan saare sar qasheeda hue
-faraz, nazm "mohasira" se

ailaan-e-haq meiN khatra-e-daar-o-rasan to hai
lekin sawaal ye hai ke daar-o-rasan ke baad
-kaifi azmi


RASAN-O-DAAR

aaj kyooN un meiN naheeN jurrat-e-taazeer ke hum
muntazir kab se khade haiN rasan-o-daar ke paas
-wamik jaunpuri

tamaam shahar meiN kya ek bhi naheeN mansoor
kaheNge kya rasan-o-daar aao sach boleiN
-qateel shifai

ye to tay hai ki jiye jaayeNge har haal meiN hum
un ke lab par rasan-o-daar ki baateiN hi sahi
-NM


to is hafte hum "daar-o-rasan" ya "rasan-o-daar" par shayari kar ke in jumloN par ghaur kareNge. in do jumloN meiN se jis ka bhi istemaal kareiN apne qalaam meiN ... guzaarish hai ki jumloN ko mukammal taur par hi istemaal kareiN ... daar alag aur rasan alag istemaal na karein (us se phaansi dene
meiN bhi mushkil aayegi ) this request is just to have some consistency within the activity, that's all.

(just to be clear, lafz "daar" akele bhi istemaal ho sakta hai aur us par bhi laajawaab sher kahe gaye haiN, but in this activity we will focus on the complete phrase)

ye silsila hum chalaayeNge Friday 11th Juky ki midnight tak, i.e. for the next 6 days

sabhi members se guzaarish hai ki sawaal, jawaab, comments aur shayari ka silsila banaye rakheiN jis se humein ek doosre se seekhne ko mile

kyuNki kuchh members ne pichhlee dafa diye gaye lafz ki digital taqti ki farmaaish ki thi .... to mere hisaab se in jumloN ki taqti hai ...

daar-o-rasan = 2X12
rasan-o-daar = 11221
(X = flexible between 1 or 2)

any other opinion on the taqti can also be discussed

chaliye, to intezaar kis baat ka .... kooch karte haiN daar-o-rasan ki or

duaoN ke saath
Zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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6th July 2014, 03:03 AM

Sach bolte hi aapse...

Hume shayari likhna to nhi aata...

Par aapki shayari padh kar...

FUSOON E SHAYARI SAR CHADH KAR BOL RAHA HI.....

   
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6th July 2014, 03:21 AM

Zarraa sahab. ... rehm huzoor. ...itne bade bade lafz denge to badi musibat hogi....nursery ke students ko 10th standards ka portion denge to bemaut mar jayenge hum....lol...




Zainy


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Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

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ufaq
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6th July 2014, 08:40 AM

Jo chal sako to chalo ki raah e wafaa bahut mukhtsar huyi hai
maqaam hai ab koi na manzil faraaz e daar o rasan se pahle


Faiz Ahmad faiz
   
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Love 6th July 2014, 09:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
Zarraa sahab. ... rehm huzoor. ...itne bade bade lafz denge to badi musibat hogi....nursery ke students ko 10th standards ka portion denge to bemaut mar jayenge hum....lol...
Tumhare comparison mein to hum abhi thik se born bhi nahi hue shayri ki duniya mein...meri soch kya kya samajh aaya hoga mujhe

sirf padha what to use in shayri and its meaning...aur sab explanation sar ke upar se gaya

still I am trying....

gunaah kiya kar ke ulfat 'pari' bewafaa yaar se
saza to milni hai kaise bachogi rasan-o-daar se


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6th July 2014, 03:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ankur tiwari View Post

Sach bolte hi aapse...

Hume shayari likhna to nhi aata...

Par aapki shayari padh kar...

FUSOON E SHAYARI SAR CHADH KAR BOL RAHA HI.....


Shukriya, aur khusamadeed Ankur ji !!!
Ye fusooN yooN hi chadha rahe aur kabhi na toote !!!


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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6th July 2014, 03:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
Zarraa sahab. ... rehm huzoor. ...itne bade bade lafz denge to badi musibat hogi....nursery ke students ko 10th standards ka portion denge to bemaut mar jayenge hum....lol...
Ha ha ha !!! Waise agar student qaabil hoN to advanced course ka chapter bhi diya ja sakta hai !! Mujhe poora yakeen hai aap aur is portion ko bakhoobee nibhayengi ... just give it a shot !!!

Waise koyee bhi naya lafz ya jumla tab tak hi mushkil lagta hai jab tak us ka istemaal khud na kiya ho. Jab 2-3 baar aap ise ko apne qalaam meiN istemaal kar lengi, to bilkul jaana pehchaana aur aasaan lagega.

Chaliye, ab jaldi 10th class ka homework ek khoobsurat sher ki shakl meiN pesh kijiyega


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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6th July 2014, 03:31 PM

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Originally Posted by ufaq View Post
Jo chal sako to chalo ki raah e wafaa bahut mukhtsar huyi hai
maqaam hai ab koi na manzil faraaz e daar o rasan se pahle


Faiz Ahmad faiz
Waah !!! Faiz sahab ke shaandaar sher ko hum tak pahuNchaane ka shukriya Ufaq sahab !!!


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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6th July 2014, 03:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Praneeta View Post
Tumhare comparison mein to hum abhi thik se born bhi nahi hue shayri ki duniya mein...meri soch kya kya samajh aaya hoga mujhe

sirf padha what to use in shayri and its meaning...aur sab explanation sar ke upar se gaya

still I am trying....

gunaah kiya kar ke ulfat 'pari' bewafaa yaar se
saza to milni hai kaise bachogi rasan-o-daar se

Welcome Praneeta ji ... Waah !!!bahaut hi achchhee koshish ki Praneeta ji. Khoobsurat sher hai ! aap ne is jumle ko bhi bakhoobi nibhaaya hai. gunaah aur rasan-o-daar ka connection bahaut hi achchhe se kiya hai aapne.

not sure if you are looking for feedback. agar haaN to bas ek chhoti si baat. kyuNki lafz "gunaah' ka istemaal metaphorical ya rhetorical sense meiN hua hai, to mere opinion meiN, agar daar-o-rasan ka metaphorical ya symbolic roop dikhta to sher aur bhi khul sakta tha ...
e.g. tanhaayee ke rasan-o-daar / ranj-o-gham ke rasan-o-daar etc

sorry, if this was unwanted advice aur ho sakta hai mera kehna ghalat ho ya aap us se ittefaaq na rakkhein, in which case please do share your views

waise, phir se keh doon, ki sher apne aap meiN khoobsurat hai

tashreef laane ka shukriya aur aage bhi aap ki maujoodgee ki ummeed rahegi


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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Love 6th July 2014, 04:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Welcome Praneeta ji ... Waah !!!bahaut hi achchhee koshish ki Praneeta ji. Khoobsurat sher hai ! aap ne is jumle ko bhi bakhoobi nibhaaya hai. gunaah aur rasan-o-daar ka connection bahaut hi achchhe se kiya hai aapne.

not sure if you are looking for feedback. agar haaN to bas ek chhoti si baat. kyuNki lafz "gunaah' ka istemaal metaphorical ya rhetorical sense meiN hua hai, to mere opinion meiN, agar daar-o-rasan ka metaphorical ya symbolic roop dikhta to sher aur bhi khul sakta tha ...
e.g. tanhaayee ke rasan-o-daar / ranj-o-gham ke rasan-o-daar etc

sorry, if this was unwanted advice aur ho sakta hai mera kehna ghalat ho ya aap us se ittefaaq na rakkhein, in which case please do share your views

waise, phir se keh doon, ki sher apne aap meiN khoobsurat hai

tashreef laane ka shukriya aur aage bhi aap ki maujoodgee ki ummeed rahegi
shukriya Zarraa ji aap ke response ke liye. definitely aap ka feedback welcome hai. aap ne jo suggest kiya i agree but i actually meant that punishment is suicide thats why used only rasan-o-daar. hope i make some sense here

thanks again


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