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zarraa
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19th July 2014, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
Zarra saheb khalwat per aakhiri shair arz hai:-

khalwat-e-jana ka kia zikr karieN ae saheb!
umar to beet gayi hai... jaan bhi chali jaye gi.......
Waahhhh !!!!! Kis nazaakat se mazmoon ko aahista aahista khola hai !! Silken touch !! Dheron daad !!

I must say this ... Hassan sahab ... lafz "khalwat" par ghaur karne meiN aap ne kamaal ki jalwagari dikhaayee hai ... 7 sher aur 1 qit'ta ... saare ke saare khoobsurat aur umdah fiqr liye .. sabhi meiN lafz-e-khalwat ke saath poora insaaf huwa hai ... main bayaan naheen kar sakta aap ka contribution kis qadar beshkeemtee raha hai !! dheron daad aur duaein aap ko !!


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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lafz "khalwat" par kahe members ke apne qalaam
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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lafz "khalwat" par kahe members ke apne qalaam - 20th July 2014, 12:02 AM

dostoN ...pesh haiN lafz "khalwat" par members ke apne kahe aashaar. aap sab ka shukriya, jinhone yahan shirkat kari aur jo yahaan tashreef laaye.*

aur shukriya ki aap shora ne meri is darkhwaast ka paas rakkha ki "lafz-e-khalwat ki khalwat meiN khalal daalte haiN aur ise le kar aate haiN apne aashaar ki anjuman meiN"*


khalwat meiN kiye jurm ki saza!
aaj nahi to kal zaroor milay gii..*
-hassan

Khalvat-o-jalvat kii apnii surate.n
Gham me.n ek pyaara to duuja shaadii me.n
-aadeil

hai yaQeeN k khatam hooN gay ayaam-e-khalwat
phir hum bhi khoob lootieN gay maza-e-ulfat
-hassan

Khalvat-nashii.n hoo.n haath me.n khaalii hai baadiyaa
Hai intezaar ki aake pilaaye labo.n se wo
-aadeil

hum aadi-e-khalwat, shamil-e-jalwat nahi hona
haiN bohat ba-murrawwat, be-murawwat nahi hona
-hassan

majma ushshaaq ka laga paayeiN
jo bhi khalwat meiN milne jaate haiN
-zarraa

janay Rab kis se raazi hai
woh parda-nasheeN, hum khalwat-nasheeN
-hassan

Khalwat mein doobii hun koh-e-ghum ko lekar
Chhor gaya tha wo jahan raastey mein
-n@zneen

khalwat meiN chupay dard ko woh kia janay!
woh shaks to hur waqt shararat meiN rehta hai
-hassan

Meri sharartoN ko na samajh behisii
Khalwat meiN behte ashq baateiN nahiN kartey
-n@zneen

kyuN na biyaaN kar dooNh aaj ehwaal-e-shab-o-roZ
kabhi ulfat, kabhi nafrat, kabhi jalwat, kabhi khalwat
-hassan

kis ki yaadoN ka ye fusoon hai jo
khalwatoN ko sajaaye jaata hai
kal ke daar-o-rasan ki fikr ho kyooN
kal ka bosa hi yaad aata hai
-zarraa

fusooN-e-ishQ meiN giraftaar
*aaj khalwatooN ki hai yalghaar*
intezaam-e-daar-o-rasan se qabal
ik bosa-e-yaar ke talabgaar
-hassan

Khalwat pasandee jo zaahir ki hamnay
Turbat hamaaree banaanay lagay wo
-ahmad hyderabadi

hum ne socha tha ki ye hungaama-e-mehfil hai par
kam n ye shorish huwee khalwat meiN bhi aane ke baad
-zarraa

*khalwat-e-jana ka kia zikr karieN ae saheb
umar to beet gayi hai... jaan bhi chali jaye gi
-hassan

sabhi shora ka bahaut bahaut shukriya, aur jaisa ki aap ne oopar dekh liya hoga, Hassan sahab ne humein 7 sher aur 1 qita se nawaaza hai jis ke liye un ka khaas taur se shukriya ada karna chaahoonga.


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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naya lafz ...
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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naya lafz ... - 20th July 2014, 12:45 AM

dostoN ... is baar ka lafz hai .... ZINDAAN .....

"zindaaN" means prison / jail / qaidkhaana

is ka pronounciation "zindaaN (nasal sound attached to "daa")*ya "zindaan" hai.

zinDaaN meiN "D" ka pronunciation "Dukh" (sorrow), "Daam" (price), "Dil" (heart) jaisa hai*... aap samajh gaye hoNge.

to is baar hum lafz "zindaaN" par ghaur kareNge, koyee sher, qit'ta, nazm, rubaayee ya aur kuchh jise shayari kaha ja sake, keh kar.

shayari ke saath saath SDC style guftagoo bhi jaaree rakkheNge, seekhne sikhaane ke maqsad se. members se darkhwaast hai ki is lafz par apne khayaalaat aur ilm bhi baaNtte raheiN aur is ki nuances par roshni daaleiN, jis se hum sab saath saath seekh sakeiN. jin members ko koyee sawaal ya doubt ho, wo behichak poochh leiN, aur baaki members se guzaarish hogi ki wo us par apni raay deiN.

ab is lafz par kuchh ustaad shora ke aashaar ka lutf lete haiN ...

khaana-zaad-e-zulf haiN zanjeer se bhaageNge kyooN
haiN giriftaar-e-wafa zindaaN se ghabraaveNge kya
-ghalib

jis ko dekho wo hi zanjeer-ba-pa lagta hai
shahar ka shahar huwa daakhil-e-zindaaN jaanaaN
-faraaz

zanjeer-o-deewaar hi dekhi tum ne to "majrooh" magar hum
koocha-koocha dekh rahe haiN aalam-e-zindaaN tum se ziyaada
-majrooh sultaanpuri

bujha jo rozan-e-zindaaN to dil ye samjha hai
ke teri maaNg sitaaroN se bhar gayi hogi
chamak uthe haiN salaasil to hum ne jaana hai
ke sahar ab tere rukh par bikhar gayi hogi
- faiz ki nazm se

ai khaak nasheenoN uth baitho
wo waqt kareeb aa pahauNcha hai
jab takht giraaye jaayeNge
jab taaj uchchaale jaayeNge
ab toot gireNgeeN zanjeereiN
ab zindaanoN ki khair naheeN
jo dariya jhooM ke utthe haiN
tinkoN se n taale jaayeNge
- faiz ki nazm se

pa-band-e-salaasil hai pe zindaan-e-jahaaN meiN
rindaan-e-jahaaN ki si kare baat azeezoN
-insha

"zindaaN" ki taqti hai 22 aur "zindaan" ki 221, mere opinion meiN. any other opinion is welcome.

is lafz par ghaur karne ka silsila hum jaaree rakkheNge agle 4 din tak, yaani 23rd July midnight India time ya 6:30 PM GMT.

to ab intezaar kis baat ka ! lafz-e-zindaaN ke zindaaN meiN khushi khushi bharti ho jaate haiN ...

duaoN ke saath
zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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Hassan
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20th July 2014, 01:03 AM

is qadar pazeeraayi per manooN-o-mashkoor hooN Zarraa saheb,
boht behtareen lafz chunna hai is baar, aik koshish haazir hai naye lafz per:-


in khalwatooN se ab hum ukta chuke haiN 'hSn'
youn jabr-e-musalsal se behtar humaiN zindaaN nawaaz doh...


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")

Last edited by Hassan; 20th July 2014 at 02:01 AM..
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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20th July 2014, 03:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
is qadar pazeeraayi per manooN-o-mashkoor hooN Zarraa saheb,
boht behtareen lafz chunna hai is baar, aik koshish haazir hai naye lafz per:-


in khalwatooN se ab hum ukta chuke haiN 'hSn'
youn jabr-e-musalsal se behtar humaiN zindaaN nawaaz doh...
Khushi huwee ki aap ko lafz pasand aaya Hassan bhai.

Waah !!! Kya khoob sher kaha aap ne !! Zindaan bhi ek preferred destination ho sakta hai, ye kya khoob khayaal nikaala hai aap ne. Dheron daad !!!


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

Last edited by zarraa; 20th July 2014 at 03:10 PM..
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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20th July 2014, 03:08 PM

Chaliye, maiN bhi ek sher arz karta hooN taki Hassan sahab ko "zindaaN" meiN "khalwat" ka ehsaas na ho Ab baaki "qaidiyoN" ka besabri se intezaar hai ki is zindaaN meiN bhi ek anjuman sajaayee jaaye

rawaaN aisa ke afsurda rahe zindaan-e-tan meiN ye
lahoo ko mere nazzara-e-khanjar achchha lagta hai

-zarraa

(afsurda = depressed)


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

Last edited by zarraa; 20th July 2014 at 03:11 PM..
   
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Hassan
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Thumbs up 20th July 2014, 10:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen View Post

Hassan u r awesome yaar kya speed mein sher kehte ho aur wo bhi itni behtareen...impressive

Hahaha... bas lagta hai aap jese doston ki duayen hain...

Saath dete raho ge jab tak, tab tak younhi kuch na kuch aamad hoti rahe gi... insha Allah


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")

Last edited by Hassan; 20th July 2014 at 10:09 PM..
   
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Hassan
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Smile 20th July 2014, 10:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Khushi huwee ki aap ko lafz pasand aaya Hassan bhai.

Waah !!! Kya khoob sher kaha aap ne !! Zindaan bhi ek preferred destination ho sakta hai, ye kya khoob khayaal nikaala hai aap ne. Dheron daad !!!
Zarraa saheb.. Aap jis andaaz se tareef karte hain, boht acha lagta hai

Umeed hai aagay bhi aap ki taraf se aise ache ache
comments aatay rahien ge

Apna khiyaal rakhiye ga,,


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")

Last edited by Hassan; 20th July 2014 at 10:08 PM..
   
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Hassan
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Thumbs up 20th July 2014, 10:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Chaliye, maiN bhi ek sher arz karta hooN taki Hassan sahab ko "zindaaN" meiN "khalwat" ka ehsaas na ho Ab baaki "qaidiyoN" ka besabri se intezaar hai ki is zindaaN meiN bhi ek anjuman sajaayee jaaye

rawaaN aisa ke afsurda rahe zindaan-e-tan meiN ye
lahoo ko mere nazzara-e-khanjar achchha lagta hai

-zarraa

(afsurda = depressed)
wahh... wahh.. wahh.. kia kehne saheb...

kesa lajawaab shair pesha kiya hai aap ne... boht boht acha laga mujhe...
Zindaan k saath khoob insaaf hua hai... dherooN daad qabool kijiye...

DuaooN k saath,,


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")
   
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Hassan
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Exclamation 20th July 2014, 10:16 PM

Zarra saheb,,, aap ki koshish ko mad-e-nazar rakhte hue,
maiN bhi kuch kehna chahooN ga, zara nazar kijiye:-



qabal-az-qaid mujhe kuch to hausla de mere yaar!
suna hai Qaidi -e- zindaaN 'Qaatil' bhi hote haiN......


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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20th July 2014, 11:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
wahh... wahh.. wahh.. kia kehne saheb...

kesa lajawaab shair pesha kiya hai aap ne... boht boht acha laga mujhe...
Zindaan k saath khoob insaaf hua hai... dherooN daad qabool kijiye...

DuaooN k saath,,
Tah e dil se mashqoor hoon aap ka Hassan sahab


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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zarraa
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zarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzarraa is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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20th July 2014, 11:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
Zarra saheb,,, aap ki koshish ko mad-e-nazar rakhte hue,
maiN bhi kuch kehna chahooN ga, zara nazar kijiye:-



qabal-az-qaid mujhe kuch to hausla de mere yaar!
suna hai Qaidi -e- zindaaN 'Qaatil' bhi hote haiN......

waaah waaah bahaut khoob ! kya sher kaha aap ne Hassan bhai !

chaliye aap ki aawaaz mein aawaaz milaate hue ...

qatl zindaaN meiN tay to hai lekin
qaid-e-tanhaayee maar daale hai

-zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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Hassan
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Thumbs up 21st July 2014, 12:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
waaah waaah bahaut khoob ! kya sher kaha aap ne Hassan bhai !

chaliye aap ki aawaaz mein aawaaz milaate hue ...

qatl zindaaN meiN tay to hai lekin
qaid-e-tanhaayee maar daale hai

-zarraa
wahhh.... fabulous.. lajawaab .. Zarra saheb...
kia khoob jawaab pesh kiya hai aap ne...


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
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aadeil
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21st July 2014, 09:55 AM

taakhir se shirkat hone ke liye muaafee chaahta hooN..
kaafi achchhe ashaar aur qitta pesh kiye haiN dostoN ne toh sab ko dheroN daad wa mubaarakbaad...


aur Ziddsaab,
aap zaroor hamaare ghar shirkat kijiye.. aapko jo bhii brand chaahiye saath baith ke piyenge


meri ek adnaa si koshish..
fusooN ho bos e daar o rasn ka unke jahaaN aisaa
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhunde ho zindaanii* agar unkii

zindaanii = imprisonment



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



http://www.shayri.com/forums/signaturepics/sigpic89874_2.gif

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ananthpak
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21st July 2014, 12:11 PM

ek koshish .........

mureed hu.n tera zindaan hu.n tere ishq main
ab chhahe jaa.n lele ya zindagi baksh de





Mohabbat ke ye silsile na the
Jab tak tum hum mile na the

*pari*
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21st July 2014, 12:18 PM

niche ke sher ko thoda change karke, another try..
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
fusooN ho bos e daar o rasn ka unke jahaaN aisaa
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhunde ho zindaanii* agar unkii

zindaanii = imprisonment
fusooN jo bos e daar o rasn ka wo ab dikhate haiN
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhundoo ye zindaanii e hastii* meN

zindaanii e hastii = prison of life



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



http://www.shayri.com/forums/signaturepics/sigpic89874_2.gif

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21st July 2014, 12:41 PM

ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka


halqaa = chain



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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21st July 2014, 12:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
niche ke sher ko thoda change karke, another try..


fusooN jo bos e daar o rasn ka wo ab dikhate haiN
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhundoo ye zindaanii e hastii* meN

zindaanii e hastii = prison of life
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka


halqaa = chain

wah...bohat khoob aadil sahab. .nice word play. ...




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm
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21st July 2014, 02:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka


halqaa = chain
nice one aadeil saahab...........................................


Shaad...
   
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21st July 2014, 02:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
wah...bohat khoob aadil sahab. .nice word play. ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
nice one aadeil saahab...........................................
aap dono ka tehe dil se shukrguzaar hooN jo aapko yeh chhoti sii koshish pasand aayee....

ek aur koshish...
jab kabhii kar looN ibaadat yeh duaa yazdaan* se
wo riha kar de na mujhko raahat e zindaan* se


yazdaan = God
raahat e zindaan = peace/tranquility/comfort of prison



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



http://www.shayri.com/forums/signaturepics/sigpic89874_2.gif

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21st July 2014, 11:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
niche ke sher ko thoda change karke, another try..


fusooN jo bos e daar o rasn ka wo ab dikhate haiN
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhundoo ye zindaanii e hastii* meN

zindaanii e hastii = prison of life
Waah Aadeil sahab waah !! Bahaut hi khoob sher .... great depth and word play ... aur ek hi sher meiN aapne fusoon-e-alfaaz ka poora "highlights package" pesh kar diya .....
....WWWWAAAHHHHH !!!!

aur "khalwat-kadaa" aur "zindaanii-e-hasti" ... bade haseen jumle istemaal kiye !!

just clarifying for learning purpose .... "zindaanii-e-hasti" would mean "imprisonment of life / existence" ?


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

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22nd July 2014, 12:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka


halqaa = chain
WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H

WHAT A GORGEOUS SHER !!! TOO GOOD !!!

dil khush ho gaya pardh ke Aadeil bhai !!!!!

....zulfoN ke halqoN se bana zindaaN ...... kya baat hai !!!

is sher se humeiN seekhne ka ek nukta milta hai ...

shayari meiN lafz "zindaaN" ke saath aksar kayee symbols attach kiye jaate haiN jo qaidkhaane ki saza se talluq rakthe hain ... jaise zanjeer, salasil, salaakeiN, deewaar wagairah wagairah .... yahaaN Aadeil sahab ne behad hi khoobsurti se "halqoN" ki baat ki hai jo zulf ke bhi haiN aur zindaaN ki zanjeeroN ke bhi ... aur waah kya "fusoon-e-alfaaz" paida kiya is se .... theek samjha Aadeil sahab ?


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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22nd July 2014, 12:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
wahhh.... fabulous.. lajawaab .. Zarra saheb...
kia khoob jawaab pesh kiya hai aap ne...
Shukriya Hassan bhai ..........


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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zarraa
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22nd July 2014, 12:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ananthpak View Post
ek koshish .........

mureed hu.n tera zindaan hu.n tere ishq main
ab chhahe jaa.n lele ya zindagi baksh de
Waah !! Bahaut khoob !! Mohabbat mein khud ko mehboob ke haathon mein supurd kar dene ka jazba badi hi shiddat ke saath bayaan kiya hai !! Bahaut bahaut daad Ananthpak ji !!!

Just a small point, mere limited opinion meiN, yahaan "tera zindaanee hoon" (I am a prisoner) ya "tere zindaan mein hoon" (I am in your prison), might sound more appropriate .... but just my opinion ... any other opinion is most welcome

sher par phir se daad !!!!


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa

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22nd July 2014, 12:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil View Post
aap dono ka tehe dil se shukrguzaar hooN jo aapko yeh chhoti sii koshish pasand aayee....

ek aur koshish...
jab kabhii kar looN ibaadat yeh duaa yazdaan* se
wo riha kar de na mujhko raahat e zindaan* se


yazdaan = God
raahat e zindaan = peace/tranquility/comfort of prison
Wwwwaahhh !!!! Kya falsafaana sher kaha Aadeil bhai !!!

"riha" aur "raahat" ka wordplay achchha laga. "raahat e zindaan" bhi ek naya khayaal pesh kiya is bazm mein. saath hi "zindaan" ko qaafiye meiN istemaal kar ke bhi is lafz par guftagu ke silsile mein ek naya rang daal diya.

Bahaut khoob aur dheron daad !!


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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22nd July 2014, 12:49 AM

Josh Malihabadi ki ek shaandaar inqalaabi nazm, zindaaN par ....

kya hind ka zindaaN kaaNp raha hai gooNj rahi haiN taqbeereiN
uktaaye haiN shaayad kuchh qaidi aur torh rahe haiN zanjeereiN
deewaroN ke neeche aa aa kar yooN jama huwe haiN zindaanee
seene meiN talaatum bijlee ka aaNkhoN meiN jhalaktee shamsheereiN
- josh


link of the nazm with translations of difficult words below :

https://www.facebook.com/notes/salma...42849552391725


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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Sad 22nd July 2014, 01:00 AM

Aaj ki ghair haazri ki muafi chahta hon Zarra saheb... Kuch zehan mein aa raha hai.. Arz hai:-

Giraftar hue jab se tere zaati Zindaan meiN!
Aaina jab bhi dekhta hon, phoot ke roti hai jawani meri


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")
   
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22nd July 2014, 01:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
Aaj ki ghair haazri ki muafi chahta hon Zarra saheb... Kuch zehan mein aa raha hai.. Arz hai:-

Giraftar hue jab se tere zaati Zindaan meiN!
Aaina jab bhi dekhta hon, phoot ke roti hai jawani meri
Khushaamadeed Hassan bhai

Waah !!! Kya pursoz sher kaha !! Khoob !!

Aap ke sher meiN "zindaan" aur "aaina", in do lafzoN ko saath dekh kar ek khayaal aaya hai ... aap ki ijaazat se pesh karta hooN ...

ye khudaaraayee bhi paNhuchee hai kahaaN
aainaa banne laga hai zindaaN

-zarraa


safar ki daastaaN kehte agar manzil koyee paate
chalo kisse suna dete haiN kuchh pairoN ke chhaaloN ke

-zarraa
   
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Hassan
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22nd July 2014, 01:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Khushaamadeed Hassan bhai

Waah !!! Kya pursoz sher kaha !! Khoob !!

Aap ke sher meiN "zindaan" aur "aaina", in do lafzoN ko saath dekh kar ek khayaal aaya hai ... aap ki ijaazat se pesh karta hooN ...

ye khudaaraayee bhi paNhuchee hai kahaaN
aainaa banne laga hai zindaaN

-zarraa
wahhh wahhh wahhh Zarraa saheb..

Kia kehne aap ke.. Aap ne to mujhe lajawab kar dia

Dheroon daad qabool kijiye...


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")
   
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22nd July 2014, 04:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Waah !! Bahaut khoob !! Mohabbat mein khud ko mehboob ke haathon mein supurd kar dene ka jazba badi hi shiddat ke saath bayaan kiya hai !! Bahaut bahaut daad Ananthpak ji !!!

Just a small point, mere limited opinion meiN, yahaan "tera zindaanee hoon" (I am a prisoner) ya "tere zindaan mein hoon" (I am in your prison), might sound more appropriate .... but just my opinion ... any other opinion is most welcome

sher par phir se daad !!!!

bohat bohat shukriya Zarraa sahab .....I whole heartedly agree to your opinion sir ....yes your suggestion would add life to my sher ...thanx a lot.....

mureed hoon ,tera zindaanee hoon main
ab chhahe tu jaa.n lele ya zindagi baksh de





Mohabbat ke ye silsile na the
Jab tak tum hum mile na the

*pari*
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ufaq
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22nd July 2014, 09:13 AM

Ek ...toota - phoota sher mera bhi

ye saza khud hii muqarar kii , nahi'n Royungaa mai'n.
Aa'nkh zindaa'n ho gayi aur ashk zindaani huye'n.


Ufaq......
   
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22nd July 2014, 10:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq View Post
Ek ...toota - phoota sher mera bhi

ye saza khud hii muqarar kii , nahi'n Royungaa mai'n.
Aa'nkh zindaa'n ho gayi aur ashk zindaani huye'n.


Ufaq......
waaahhhhh.. Ufaq saab,
yeh ek khubsurat sher hai, aankhoN ko ashkoN ka zindaan bayaaN kiya hai.. aur dard ko dil meN chhupa ke ashkoN ko aankhoN meN qaid karne kii baat jo kahii hai.... behad khubsurat bayaanaat hai, janaab....

dili daad.....



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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22nd July 2014, 10:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Waah Aadeil sahab waah !! Bahaut hi khoob sher .... great depth and word play ... aur ek hi sher meiN aapne fusoon-e-alfaaz ka poora "highlights package" pesh kar diya .....
....WWWWAAAHHHHH !!!!

aur "khalwat-kadaa" aur "zindaanii-e-hasti" ... bade haseen jumle istemaal kiye !!

just clarifying for learning purpose .... "zindaanii-e-hasti" would mean "imprisonment of life / existence" ?
pehle aapke savaal ka javaab de deta hooN

Jee, bilkul.. sahi maanee pehchana hai aapne

aur aapka tehe dil se shukriya jo iis naacheez kii adnaa si koshish ko aap hamesha saraahte haiN



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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22nd July 2014, 10:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
is qadar pazeeraayi per manooN-o-mashkoor hooN Zarraa saheb,
boht behtareen lafz chunna hai is baar, aik koshish haazir hai naye lafz per:-


in khalwatooN se ab hum ukta chuke haiN 'hSn'
youn jabr-e-musalsal se behtar humaiN zindaaN nawaaz doh...
Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Hassanbhai,
behad khubsurat sher..... daad hi daad.......



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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22nd July 2014, 10:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H

WHAT A GORGEOUS SHER !!! TOO GOOD !!!

dil khush ho gaya pardh ke Aadeil bhai !!!!!

....zulfoN ke halqoN se bana zindaaN ...... kya baat hai !!!

is sher se humeiN seekhne ka ek nukta milta hai ...

shayari meiN lafz "zindaaN" ke saath aksar kayee symbols attach kiye jaate haiN jo qaidkhaane ki saza se talluq rakthe hain ... jaise zanjeer, salasil, salaakeiN, deewaar wagairah wagairah .... yahaaN Aadeil sahab ne behad hi khoobsurti se "halqoN" ki baat ki hai jo zulf ke bhi haiN aur zindaaN ki zanjeeroN ke bhi ... aur waah kya "fusoon-e-alfaaz" paida kiya is se .... theek samjha Aadeil sahab ?
Zarrasaab,

bahot bahot shukriya aapkii nawaazish ke liye

aur saahab aapne bilkul sahi samjha halqe (baaloN/zulfon kii curls) bhii hotii hai aur zanjeer kii rings bhii hote haiN ..

yahaaN iis lafz halqaa pe Ghalib saab ka ek sher pesh karna chahunga.. out of context hai iis liye muafee ka arzmand hooN
bus ke hooN 'GHalib' aseeree meiN bhee aatish zer-e-pa
moo-e-aatish-deeda hai halqa meree zanjeer ka

(aseeree = imprisonment; zer-e-pa = under the feet;
moo = hair; aatish-deeda = roasted on fire)



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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22nd July 2014, 10:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
Aaj ki ghair haazri ki muafi chahta hon Zarra saheb... Kuch zehan mein aa raha hai.. Arz hai:-

Giraftar hue jab se tere zaati Zindaan meiN!
Aaina jab bhi dekhta hon, phoot ke roti hai jawani meri
waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
bahot khub, Hassanbhai

zor e kalaam aur zyaadaa



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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22nd July 2014, 10:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq View Post
Ek ...toota - phoota sher mera bhi

ye saza khud hii muqarar kii , nahi'n Royungaa mai'n.
Aa'nkh zindaa'n ho gayi aur ashk zindaani huye'n.


Ufaq......
waahhh kyaa baat hai ..... ummdah sher kaha aapne. mubaarak ho


Shaad...
   
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22nd July 2014, 10:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Josh Malihabadi ki ek shaandaar inqalaabi nazm, zindaaN par ....

kya hind ka zindaaN kaaNp raha hai gooNj rahi haiN taqbeereiN
uktaaye haiN shaayad kuchh qaidi aur torh rahe haiN zanjeereiN
deewaroN ke neeche aa aa kar yooN jama huwe haiN zindaanee
seene meiN talaatum bijlee ka aaNkhoN meiN jhalaktee shamsheereiN
- josh


link of the nazm with translations of difficult words below :

https://www.facebook.com/notes/salma...42849552391725
waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Zarrasaab,
kya khub peshkash hai......... nazm se ehl-e-mehfil ko rubaroo karvaane ke liye shukriya



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
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22nd July 2014, 11:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Khushaamadeed Hassan bhai

Waah !!! Kya pursoz sher kaha !! Khoob !!

Aap ke sher meiN "zindaan" aur "aaina", in do lafzoN ko saath dekh kar ek khayaal aaya hai ... aap ki ijaazat se pesh karta hooN ...

ye khudaaraayee bhi paNhuchee hai kahaaN
aainaa banne laga hai zindaaN

-zarraa
waaaaahhh, Zarrabhai, waaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

kya baat kahii hai aqs ko aaine meN qaid karne kii jo baat kahii hai behad hii khubsurat wordplay hai, janaab. dili daad....



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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22nd July 2014, 11:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Wwwwaahhh !!!! Kya falsafaana sher kaha Aadeil bhai !!!

"riha" aur "raahat" ka wordplay achchha laga. "raahat e zindaan" bhi ek naya khayaal pesh kiya is bazm mein. saath hi "zindaan" ko qaafiye meiN istemaal kar ke bhi is lafz par guftagu ke silsile mein ek naya rang daal diya.

Bahaut khoob aur dheron daad !!
jii Zarrasaab,

ek adnaa si baat keh dii hamne jo har insaan se talluk rakhtii hai
yeh zindagii ek zindaan hi toh hai phir bhii hameN uskii itnii havas hai ki hum khuda se ye hi dua karte haiN ki hameN lambii umr mile

aapka bahot bahot shukriya



ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता



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