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Kabhi lafz bhul jaun
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@ahna@
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Kabhi lafz bhul jaun - 18th December 2012, 11:49 PM
meri pehli koshish jab maine likhna shuru kiya tha...yahan share karti hun... umeed hai... achhi lage aapko....



Kabhi lafz bhul jaun
Kabhi khwaab bhul jaun
Tujhe iss kadar chahun
Apni har baat bhul jaun
Ruth kar tujhse kabhi
Jo yunhi dur chali jaun
To jate hue main khudko
Tere hi paas bhul jaun
   
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Ahmad Hyderabadi
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19th December 2012, 02:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by @ahna@ View Post
meri pehli koshish jab maine likhna shuru kiya tha...yahan share karti hun... umeed hai... achhi lage aapko....




Kabhi lafz bhul jaun

Kabhi khwaab bhul jaun


Tujhe iss kadar chahun



Apni har baat bhul jaun



Ruth kar tujhse kabhi


Jo yunhi dur chali jaun


To jate hue main khudko


Tere hi paas bhul jaun
Tasleemaat Aahnaa Sis, aapki yay kavita buhat sundar lagee. Considering its one of your very first works, it is a very good start indeed..it shows you got the talent and are not very far off from the track. Is kavita ki pahli 4 lines actually are near perfect fit fo a ghazal's beginning two ashaar, there is matlaa and there is the 2nd shayr.

Kabhie Lafz Bhool Jaaon
Kabhie Khwaab bhool Jaaon!

Tujhay is qadar chahoon,
Har baat bhool jaaoon!

Look there you go.. you have the idea and the talent so congratulations for a great beginning. Pahli ball par he chauka maardiya.. keep going and keep sharing!

Duagoh
Ahmad
   
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@ahna@
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19th December 2012, 08:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahmad Hyderabadi View Post
Tasleemaat Aahnaa Sis, aapki yay kavita buhat sundar lagee. Considering its one of your very first works, it is a very good start indeed..it shows you got the talent and are not very far off from the track. Is kavita ki pahli 4 lines actually are near perfect fit fo a ghazal's beginning two ashaar, there is matlaa and there is the 2nd shayr.

Kabhie Lafz Bhool Jaaon
Kabhie Khwaab bhool Jaaon!

Tujhay is qadar chahoon,
Har baat bhool jaaoon!

Look there you go.. you have the idea and the talent so congratulations for a great beginning. Pahli ball par he chauka maardiya.. keep going and keep sharing!

Duagoh
Ahmad
Ahmed bhai.....

main to itni khush ho gai aapkka comment padhkar... meri to morning best best ho gaii... tahe dil se shukriya aapka jo aapne aisi chhoti si koshish pe bhi itna waqt diya .. padha aur pasand bhi kiya aur hausla afzaai bhi.... yunhi sikhate rahiyega.... thanx alot.....
   
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Taish
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19th December 2012, 09:10 AM
aahna ji bahut bhulakkad haiN aap, kahin aapko short term memory loss to nahin ho gaya hai na ji....?? :P


Neways on a serious note, as ahmad bhai said, being ur start, the presentation and the depth of the feelings in it, both are very deep indeed... umeed karta hun aage aane wale waqt me aapse aur bhi umdaa qalamkaari dekhne ko milegi.....


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Ishq hota tha, ishq karte haiN,
Vo zamana tha, ye zamana hai...

----Taish
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@ahna@
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19th December 2012, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Taish View Post
aahna ji bahut bhulakkad haiN aap, kahin aapko short term memory loss to nahin ho gaya hai na ji....?? :P


Neways on a serious note, as ahmad bhai said, being ur start, the presentation and the depth of the feelings in it, both are very deep indeed... umeed karta hun aage aane wale waqt me aapse aur bhi umdaa qalamkaari dekhne ko milegi.....
Taish ji........

thnx alot for praising my poetry.. and yes i will try my best to improve myself and post sm really good work here..... keep encouraging....
   
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Rajeev Sharma
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19th December 2012, 02:14 PM
Kabhi lafz bhul jaun
Kabhi khwaab bhul jaun

Tujhe iss kadar chahun
Apni har baat bhul jaun





bahut khubbbbbbbbbbbbbb
koshish zaari rakhiyega ........................

maNzil pr nazar rakhtaa huN
zaari apnaa safar rakhtaa huN !!
===========================


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@ahna@
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19th December 2012, 03:14 PM
shukriya rajeev saheb .................
   
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Rashmi sharma
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19th December 2012, 03:32 PM
bahoot khoob upper wale saare comments mein mujhe bhi dekh lena mtlb samjhana saare comments mere bhi vichaar hain aapke liye or ek or baat mom banana thaan liya lagta hai
aise hi hai na good going aise hi active raho be blessed

Rashmi Sharma
path par kaante bahut hain tere
par manjil par jaana too.ne
dar na jatilata se jeewan ki
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pasat na hone paye honsle
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Hamdam
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19th December 2012, 08:53 PM
Dear Ahna ,

Aap ki is bhulne walee adat se SDC mein aap ki dhoom machi hui hai. Manana parega
aap mein kuch khas baat hai, tabhi to aap ne two days mein Posts ki century bana di...

Waise aap ki kavita achi lagi

Good to see young and active memebers on this forum..Keep posting

Sanjay Sehgal


khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
Last edited by Hamdam; 19th December 2012 at 08:55 PM..
   
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@ahna@
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20th December 2012, 12:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rashmi sharma View Post
bahoot khoob upper wale saare comments mein mujhe bhi dekh lena mtlb samjhana saare comments mere bhi vichaar hain aapke liye or ek or baat mom banana thaan liya lagta hai
aise hi hai na good going aise hi active raho be blessed
thnx rashmi ji...

aapne ek sath itne sare compliments de diye.......

nahin ji abhi mom banne me bahot der hai... abhi to meri sirf ek poem post hui hai.. kuch aata jata hai nahin mujhe..... .
par koshish karti hun har jagah hone ki... koi sawal karega tabhi to wahan jawab dene koi aayega...

ek bar fir shukriya aapka ji
   
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@ahna@
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20th December 2012, 12:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Hamdam View Post
Dear Ahna ,

Aap ki is bhulne walee adat se SDC mein aap ki dhoom machi hui hai. Manana parega
aap mein kuch khas baat hai, tabhi to aap ne two days mein Posts ki century bana di...

Waise aap ki kavita achi lagi

Good to see young and active memebers on this forum..Keep posting

Sanjay Sehgal

humdam ji.........

aapke reply ke sath double century puri ho gai...... yupppyyyyyyyy
thnx aapne mera dhyan iss taraf kiya.. warna miss ho jata...... aur luckily aapke comment ka reply hi 200th post hoga mera......
thxxxxxxxxxxx................. and meri poem pasand karne ka bhi thnxxxx.
khush rahiye likhte rahiye
Allah hafiz
   
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zainy
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20th December 2012, 07:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by @ahna@ View Post
meri pehli koshish jab maine likhna shuru kiya tha...yahan share karti hun... umeed hai... achhi lage aapko....



Kabhi lafz bhul jaun
Kabhi khwaab bhul jaun
Tujhe iss kadar chahun
Apni har baat bhul jaun
Ruth kar tujhse kabhi
Jo yunhi dur chali jaun
To jate hue main khudko
Tere hi paas bhul jaun
Bohat hi simple aur sweet kavita hai aapki ahna ji...likhti rahiye....:-)



Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

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sunita thakur
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Thumbs up 20th December 2012, 09:06 PM
Tujhay is qadar chahoon,
Har baat bhool jaaoon!

Dear Ahna...aap keh rhi hai ki yeh pehli poetry hai, par ahsaas dekhe jaaye to pehli nahi lagti hame opper likha sher behaddddddd accha lga...aap koshish karti rhe aise hi thoda thoda likhne ki, hame yakeen hai ki aap aik din SDC ke maane hue shayroN meiN aayengi...ameeN

god bless u dear

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
   
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23rd December 2012, 12:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by @ahna@ View Post
meri pehli koshish jab maine likhna shuru kiya tha...yahan share karti hun... umeed hai... achhi lage aapko....



Kabhi lafz bhul jaun
Kabhi khwaab bhul jaun
Tujhe iss kadar chahun
Apni har baat bhul jaun
Ruth kar tujhse kabhi
Jo yunhi dur chali jaun
To jate hue main khudko
Tere hi paas bhul jaun
Very Impressive ! Good Expressions !!

Nice Effort !!!



YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...

---Naresh Mehra----
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4th January 2013, 12:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by @ahna@ View Post
meri pehli koshish jab maine likhna shuru kiya tha...yahan share karti hun... umeed hai... achhi lage aapko....



Kabhi lafz bhul jaun
Kabhi khwaab bhul jaun
Tujhe iss kadar chahun
Apni har baat bhul jaun
Ruth kar tujhse kabhi
Jo yunhi dur chali jaun
To jate hue main khudko
Tere hi paas bhul jaun
bahot sunder
.....................................
   
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