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24th July 2014, 12:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Masha Allah bohat khoobsurat ashaar bane hain is baar bhi...
Sabhi dostoN ka tah e dil se shukriyah .....is thread ko follow karne ke liye...
Zarraa sahab ki mehnat jitni bhi tareef karun kam hi hogi...
Pure sdc team ki taraf se aapka shukriyah adaa karna chahungi
Ek sher
Is jism ke zindaan mieN ek umr se qaidi haiN.
Urr jayeNge hum aakhir ek roz reha ho kar.
Nm
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Zainy ji ... bahaut achchha lagta hai aap jis tarah se hum sab ka kis pyaar ikhlaas aur shafqat se saath detee rehtee hain ....main aap ka bahaut shukrguzaar hoon .... waise is activity ka idea bhi to aap ka hi tha .... aur mujhe yahaan khidmat karna mehnat naheen balki baais-e-lutf mehsoos hota hai ... bazm-e-SDC ke sabhi saathiyon ka main tah-e-dil se shukrguzaar hoon jin se mujhe seekhne ko itna kuchh mila hai aur mil raha hai !
aur waah kya khoobsurat sher share kiya hai !
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 24th July 2014 at 01:31 AM..
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Naya lafz ... -
24th July 2014, 01:25 AM
dostoN ... is baar ek seedhe saade lafz par ghaur kareNge .............JABEEN
"jabeen" ke maayne "forehead" ya "maathaa" hai ... is ka pronounciation "jabeen" (ending with "n") ya "jabeeN" (nasal sound attached to "bee")
ye lafz seedha saada zaroor dikhta hai, lekin hai bahaut hi khoobsurat aur maanikhez .... is se n jaane kitne jumle, mazmoon, misaalein aur jazbaat nikal ke aate hain ...
"jabeen" mein taqdeer ya kismat likhi ho sakti hai, ise jhuka kar bandagi ya parastish ki ja sakti hai, ise majbooree ya shikast mein ragrha ya ghisa ja sakta hai, hairat ya pareshaani mein is par bal parh sakte hain, ise choom kar kisi ko pyaar mohabbat shafqat ka izhaar kiya ja sakta hai, kisi mah-jabeen (one with forehead like moon) ya zohra-jabeen (one with forehead like venus) ke husn ki taareef kari ja sakti hai .... aur bhi bahaut kuchh kiya ja sakta hai "jabeen" ke saath
toh is baar hum lafz "jabeen" par ghaur kareNge, koyee sher, qit'ta, nazm, rubaayee ya aur kuchh jise shayari kaha ja sake, keh ke. aap "jabeeneiN", "jabeenoN" wagairah ka bhi istemaal kar sakte haiN. aashaar par koyee bandish hai ... jitney chaaheiN utne keh sakte haiN, aap ki marzi ... behr ki bhi koyee bandish naheeN ... bas jo bhi kaheiN, "jabeen" ke mutalliq hi kahein...
shayari ke saath saath SDC style guftagoo bhi jaaree rakkhenge. maqsad sirf ek doosre se kuchh seekhne ka hoga. members se darkhwaast hai ki is lafz par apne khayaalaat aur ilm bhi baaNtte raheiN aur is ki nuances par roshni daaleiN, jis se hum sab saath saath seekh sakeiN.
"jabeen" ki taqti hai 121 aur "jabeeN" ki 12, mere opinion meiN. any other opinion is welcome.
chaliye, dekhte haiN "jabeen" par kuchh ustaad shora ke khoobsurat aashaar ...
hota hai nihaaN gard meiN sehra mere hote
ghista hai jabeeN khaak pe dariya mere aage
-ghalib
jabeeN sajda karte hi karte gayi
haq-e-bandagi hum ada kar chale
-meer
agar n zohra-jabeenoN ke darmiyaaN guzre
to phir ye kaise kate zindagi kahaaN guzre
-jigar
karo kaj jabeeN pe sar-e-qafan mere qaatiloN ko gumaaN n ho
ke ghuroor-e-ishq ka baaNkpan pas-e-marg hum ne bhula diya
-faiz
suna hai aaina tamsaal hai jabeen us ki
jo saada-dil haiN usey ban-saNwar ke dekhte haiN
-faraaz
aap ka sang-e-dar naheeN chamka
hum jabeeneiN siyah kar baithe
-qaabil ajmeri
... and finally ............
ai meri zohra-jabeeN
tujhe maaloom naheeN
tu abhi tak hai haseeN
aur maiN jawaan
tujh pe qurbaan meri jaan meri jaan
-saahir (song from film "waqt)
lafz "jabeen" par ghaur karne ka silsila hum chalaaenge agle 4 din tak, yaani 27th July midnight India time ya 6:30 PM GMT tak.
to chaliye, ab lafz-e-jabeen ke aage jabeen ko ghiste hain ke wo hamaare aashaar mein tashreef le aaye aur hum pyaar se us ki jabeen ko choom sakein
duaon ke saath
zarraa
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 24th July 2014 at 01:30 AM..
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AN ILLUSION
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24th July 2014, 09:02 AM
......LAFZ JABEE'N PAR EK KOSHISH
###########################
Mah me'n to daagh hai nazro'n se bachaane Ke liye
Mahjabee'n tu bhee lagaa le mujhe kaajal ki tarah....
Ufaq.........
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24th July 2014, 09:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Aadeil, Hassan, Zarraji, ufaq you guys are awesome....zindaan word par itni khoobsurat shayri pesh ki hai ap logon ne meri tarafse dheron daad.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
wahhhh!!! boht khoob...
aap hamesha ki tarah is baar bhi aik alag soch ke
sath nazar aaye,, dheroN daad qabool kijiye,,,
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Waaaahhhhhh !!! Zabardast sher kaha Aadeil bhai !!!! Ghazab !! Qaasid-e-Zindaan .... Waaahhh !!! Dheron daad !!!
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Nazneen, Hassanbhai, Zarrasaahab aur Zainyji...
aap sabhii ka tehe dil se shukrguzaar hoo.n, ashaar-navaazii ke liye
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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24th July 2014, 09:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Rashk-e-jinaan* hai ye Zindaan-e-Ishq
Maut de dey mujhe rehaaii na dey
rashk-e-jinaan=similar to heaven
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waaaaahhhh, Naazneenji ...
bahot hi khubsurat khayaal pesh kiya hai aapne.....
dheroN dheroN daad-o-mubaarakbaad.....
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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24th July 2014, 09:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
it was awesome..... no doubt!
aik koshish meri taraf se bhi:-
maiN harf-e-na-haasil hooN mitaa dijiye mujhe
ik waaqia samajh ke bhula dijiye mujhe..
yeh faaslay na mita sakooN ga tamam umer!
zindaaN ke maQtal pe latka dijiye mujhe....
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waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
laajawaab, besh qimtii, be hisaab, behad khubsurat qittah pesh kiya hai, Hassanbhai
dili daad-o-mubaarakbaad....
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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24th July 2014, 09:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Ek sher
Is jism ke zindaan mieN ek umr se qaidi haiN.
Urr jayeNge hum aakhir ek roz reha ho kar.
Nm
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waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Zainyji............
kya khubsurti se zindagii kii haqiqat kii bayaanaat huii hai... jism ka zindaan, bahot hi umda khayaal.......
share karne ke liye shukriya ......
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 24th July 2014 at 09:42 AM..
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24th July 2014, 09:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq
......LAFZ JABEE'N PAR EK KOSHISH
###########################
Mah me'n to daagh hai nazro'n se bachaane Ke liye
Mahjabee'n tu bhee lagaa le mujhe kaajal ki tarah....
Ufaq.........
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waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
kya gehraaiii hai janaab aapke iis sher me.n
behad laajawaab, pesh qimmtii sher hai yah...................
dilse dhero.n daad-o-mubaarakbaad hamaari jaanib se.....
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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24th July 2014, 10:04 AM
jabiin/jabeen lafz pe hamarii ek koshish:
na de umr-e-daraazii kii duaaae.n maah-e-shab baa-waqt
jabiin-e-pur-shikan bhii umr ka ehsaas dilaataa hai
jabiin-e-pur-shikan = face full of lines
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 24th July 2014 at 10:09 AM..
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24th July 2014, 10:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Thnx aadeil, your sher's are awesome, your growth is impressive.
Aur naaz se nazneenji q
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haaa haaaa haaaa....
Zarraji ne tumhe itnii respect dii iis sher pe, toh maine bhii de dii ...
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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24th July 2014, 11:17 AM
kuchh aur jhumle
jabiin-e-khaaksii me.n ek jabiin-e-sang bhii aisa
yahaa.n nazr-e-qafas jaa.n aur safhaa-e-dahr dikhaataa hai
jabiin-e-khaaksii = face covered with dust
jabiin-e-sang = stone faced
nazr-e-qafas = confined to cage / captive
safhaa-e-dahr = page of life / face of life (age)
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 24th July 2014 at 11:30 AM..
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24th July 2014, 12:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Bahot khoob......your use of urdu couplets are simply outstanding.
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Thank you, Naaz
iis tarah hausla badhaate rahiye qalam meN aur ravaangii aa jaati hai
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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24th July 2014, 12:25 PM
jabiiN ghista rahaa aage saraab-e-rahmat-e-parvar
siyaah-ruu jab huaa to raakh chehre pe lagaataa hai
saraab-e-rehmat-e-parvar = mirage/illusion of mercy of God
siyaah-ruu = black faced
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 24th July 2014 at 12:27 PM..
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Aapki dost
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24th July 2014, 12:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq
......LAFZ JABEE'N PAR EK KOSHISH
###########################
Mah me'n to daagh hai nazro'n se bachaane Ke liye
Mahjabee'n tu bhee lagaa le mujhe kaajal ki tarah....
Ufaq.........
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
jabiin/jabeen lafz pe hamarii ek koshish:
na de umr-e-daraazii kii duaaae.n maah-e-shab baa-waqt
jabiin-e-pur-shikan bhii umr ka ehsaas dilaataa hai
jabiin-e-pur-shikan = face full of lines
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
kuchh aur jhumle
jabiin-e-khaaksii me.n ek jabiin-e-sang bhii aisa
yahaa.n nazr-e-qafas jaa.n aur safhaa-e-dahr dikhaataa hai
jabiin-e-khaaksii = face covered with dust
jabiin-e-sang = stone faced
nazr-e-qafas = confined to cage / captive
safhaa-e-dahr = page of life / face of life (age)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
jabiiN ghista rahaa aage saraab-e-rahmat-e-parvar
siyaah-ruu jab huaa to raakh chehre pe lagaataa hai
saraab-e-rehmat-e-parvar = mirage/illusion of mercy of God
siyaah-ruu = black faced
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wah..............................................
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
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24th July 2014, 01:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
wah..............................................
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aapka bahot bahot shukriya, Zainyji.. bas yuN hi hausla badhaate rahiye
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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24th July 2014, 03:38 PM
matle aur makte ke ashaar baaki 3 ashaar ke muttafiq
bhale ibn-us-sabiil hi ibn-e-maryam ko banaataa hai
jabii.n-saaii me.n hi aksar wo khud kulfat le aataa hai
ibn-us-sabiil = born out of opportunity
ibn-e-maryam = son of Maryam/Mary (messiah/Jesus)
jabii.n-saaii = head bowed to pray / prayer
kulfat = sorrow
jabiiN dekhe Safiiraan-e-haram ke baa-hayaa jhuke
ye to achchhaa Safiiraan-e-chaman hi sub.h laataa hai
safiiraan-e-haram = ambassadors of holy place (metaphor of priests)
safiiraan-e-chaman = chirping of birds in the garden
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 24th July 2014 at 04:01 PM..
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24th July 2014, 04:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
matle aur makte ke ashaar baaki 3 ashaar ke muntafiq
bhale ibn-us-sabiil hi ibn-e-maryam ko banaataa hai
jabii.n-saaii me.n hi aksar wo khud kulfat le aataa hai
ibn-us-sabiil = born out of opportunity
ibn-e-maryam = son of Maryam/Mary (messiah/Jesus)
jabii.n-saaii = head bowed to pray / prayer
kulfat = sorrow
jabiiN dekhe Safiiraan-e-haram ke baa-hayaa jhuke
ye to achchhaa Safiiraan-e-chaman hi sub.h laataa hai
safiiraan-e-haram = ambassadors of holy place (metaphor of priests)
safiiraan-e-chaman = chirping of birds in the garden
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Mujhe to lagta hai aapne urdu me Phd ki hai...
uff..agar aap meanings na likhay to ek lafz bhi samaj nahi aayega...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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24th July 2014, 06:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
matle aur makte ke ashaar baaki 3 ashaar ke muttafiq
bhale ibn-us-sabiil hi ibn-e-maryam ko banaataa hai
jabii.n-saaii me.n hi aksar wo khud kulfat le aataa hai
ibn-us-sabiil = born out of opportunity
ibn-e-maryam = son of Maryam/Mary (messiah/Jesus)
jabii.n-saaii = head bowed to pray / prayer
kulfat = sorrow
jabiiN dekhe Safiiraan-e-haram ke baa-hayaa jhuke
ye to achchhaa Safiiraan-e-chaman hi sub.h laataa hai
safiiraan-e-haram = ambassadors of holy place (metaphor of priests)
safiiraan-e-chaman = chirping of birds in the garden
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Mujhe to lagta hai aapne urdu me Phd ki hai...
uff..agar aap meanings na likhay to ek lafz bhi samaj nahi aayega...
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lagta hai Ghalib saheb aur Allama Iqbal saheb Aadil saheb k khawab mein
Aaty hain aur roz naya lafz de jate hain
Jokes apart.... Boht khoob.. Besh qeemat daad.
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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24th July 2014, 09:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
laajawaab, besh qimtii, be hisaab, behad khubsurat qittah pesh kiya hai, Hassanbhai
dili daad-o-mubaarakbaad....
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ManooN hooN Aadil bhai... aap ki mohabbatoN k liye...
milte rahiye ga,,
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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24th July 2014, 09:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
jabiin/jabeen lafz pe hamarii ek koshish:
na de umr-e-daraazii kii duaaae.n maah-e-shab baa-waqt
jabiin-e-pur-shikan bhii umr ka ehsaas dilaataa hai
jabiin-e-pur-shikan = face full of lines
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
kuchh aur jhumle
jabiin-e-khaaksii me.n ek jabiin-e-sang bhii aisa
yahaa.n nazr-e-qafas jaa.n aur safhaa-e-dahr dikhaataa hai
jabiin-e-khaaksii = face covered with dust
jabiin-e-sang = stone faced
nazr-e-qafas = confined to cage / captive
safhaa-e-dahr = page of life / face of life (age)
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wahh wahhh.. boht khoob..... jawab nahi aap ka Aadil bhai..
dil se nikli dherooN daad-o-mubarakbaad qabool kijiye...
DuaooN k saath,,
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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24th July 2014, 09:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
I have tried writing a marsiya but its only a four liner whereas marsiya is a poem so actually i dnt knw wht it is i just wrote it i would truly appreciate if you point out my mistakes and give me a chance to improve further.
Firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat* meiN qatl-e-imaaN hua
Ibn-e-adam khudse kyuN bad-gumaN hua
Sar nezoN se hue juda maidaan-e-qarbala
Ghaaeb har jabeeN se aj kyuN sajda-e-nishaaN hua
*firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat= desire of pleasantness of life/luxury
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Naaz, it that you?
woww ... a big wowwww.....
boht kamal ka marsiya pesh kiya hai.... lajawab.... be-misaal..
tum teh-e-dil se nikli dherooN daad ki mustahiq ho.....
keep up!
regards,
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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FusooN-e-IshQ Ne Jab Deewanaa Banaya...!!! -
24th July 2014, 10:10 PM
Adaab hazreen-e-mehfil-e-fusoon-e-alfaaz,
Pesh-e-khidmat hai 'aik koshish' hamare ab tak ke alfaazoN per:-
fusooN-e-ishQ ne jab deewanaa banaya!
zeest ko ik bewafaa ne tamashaa banaya..
haal kia biyaaN ho, hum jese be-haal ka….!
rasan-e-daar khud unhoN ne apnaa banaya
kabhi ho jaati hai niyyat kharab, beech bazaar!
haan! bosa-e-rukhsar ne humaiN ruswaa banaya
phir chaaye khalwatoN ke baadal chaar soo!
us sung ne jab bar-mala muqadammaa banaya
zindaaN meiN zikr-e-yaar ke siwa kuch na kiya!
ussi mah-e-jabeen ke charche, jis ne paglaa banaya
sung : stone
bar-mala : manifestly
muqadammaa : case
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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24th July 2014, 10:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Too good Hassan i suggest u post this ghazal in shayrie ishq taaki aur log bhi padh sakein appreciate kar sakein.
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shayri-e-ishQ ya Dard......???
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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24th July 2014, 10:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Its suitable for shayri-e-ishq but u cn post in dard if u want.
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dard hi dard hai ghazal meiN........
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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24th July 2014, 10:44 PM
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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24th July 2014, 11:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq
......LAFZ JABEE'N PAR EK KOSHISH
###########################
Mah me'n to daagh hai nazro'n se bachaane Ke liye
Mahjabee'n tu bhee lagaa le mujhe kaajal ki tarah....
Ufaq.........
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Waahhh!!! Daagh-e-jabeen hone ki tamanna !! Kya dilkash khayaal hai !!! Bahaut khoob sher kaha Ufaq bhai !!!
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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24th July 2014, 11:45 PM
Waaahhhh !!!! Jitni bhi taareef ki jaaye Aadeil bhai aap ki aur aap ke qalaam ki kam hogi. Aap ne to poora afsaana-e-jabeen ki keh daala. Aur waah kya khoob kaha hai !!! Har baab ilmii noor se chamakta hua !! Har safa roohani sukoon mein dooba !!!
Behad umdah shayari pardhne ka zauq to haasil hula hi, saath hi lafze-jabeen ko mukammal taur par samajhne mein ek bahaut barha qadam liya hai !!!
Dheron daad bahaut si mubaarakbad behad shukriya aur dil se duaein !!
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
jabiin/jabeen lafz pe hamarii ek koshish:
na de umr-e-daraazii kii duaaae.n maah-e-shab baa-waqt
jabiin-e-pur-shikan bhii umr ka ehsaas dilaataa hai
jabiin-e-pur-shikan = face full of lines
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
kuchh aur jhumle
jabiin-e-khaaksii me.n ek jabiin-e-sang bhii aisa
yahaa.n nazr-e-qafas jaa.n aur safhaa-e-dahr dikhaataa hai
jabiin-e-khaaksii = face covered with dust
jabiin-e-sang = stone faced
nazr-e-qafas = confined to cage / captive
safhaa-e-dahr = page of life / face of life (age)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
jabiiN ghista rahaa aage saraab-e-rahmat-e-parvar
siyaah-ruu jab huaa to raakh chehre pe lagaataa hai
saraab-e-rehmat-e-parvar = mirage/illusion of mercy of God
siyaah-ruu = black faced
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
matle aur makte ke ashaar baaki 3 ashaar ke muttafiq
bhale ibn-us-sabiil hi ibn-e-maryam ko banaataa hai
jabii.n-saaii me.n hi aksar wo khud kulfat le aataa hai
ibn-us-sabiil = born out of opportunity
ibn-e-maryam = son of Maryam/Mary (messiah/Jesus)
jabii.n-saaii = head bowed to pray / prayer
kulfat = sorrow
jabiiN dekhe Safiiraan-e-haram ke baa-hayaa jhuke
ye to achchhaa Safiiraan-e-chaman hi sub.h laataa hai
safiiraan-e-haram = ambassadors of holy place (metaphor of priests)
safiiraan-e-chaman = chirping of birds in the garden
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maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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25th July 2014, 12:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
I have tried writing a marsiya but its only a four liner whereas marsiya is a poem so actually i dnt knw wht it is i just wrote it i would truly appreciate if you point out my mistakes and give me a chance to improve further.
Firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat meiN qatl-e-imaaN hua
Ibn-e-adam khudse kyuN bad-gumaN hua
Sar nezoN se hue juda maidaan-e-qarbala
Ghaaeb har jabeeN se aj kyuN sajda-e-nishaaN hua
*firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat= desire of pleasantness of life/luxury
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ye qalaam shayari ki jis bhi kism mein aata ho, ek baat tay hai, ki ye behad hi khoobsurat aur umdah hai !!! teer ki tarah har misra tez dhaar liye hai aur seedhe nishaane par bhi hai ! aur is mein aapne aham sawaal bhi uthaaye hain !! bahaut hi khoob N@zneen ji aur dheron daad !! lafz-e-jabeen bhi barhe asardaar tareeke se qalaam mein aaya hai !!!
ek chhoti si baat .... decide naheen kar pa raha hoon ki aakhiri misre ke context mein "sajda-e-nishaan" ya "nishaan-e-sajda" mein kaun sa zyaada munaasib rahega. agar aap ka ishaara "jabeen se sajde ka nishaan ghaayab hai" se hai to "nishaan-e-sajda" (haalanki ye qaafiye mein naheen baithega) ya phir "sajde ka nishaan" (jo qaafiye mein baithega) shaayad munasib rahe ... just my opinion ... aap apne ehsaas aur maayne ke hisaab se faisla kar lein ... and any other opinion is most welcome ...
ek baar phir se is qalaam (shayad ise qita to keh hi sakte hain) par bahaut si daad !!
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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25th July 2014, 12:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
Adaab hazreen-e-mehfil-e-fusoon-e-alfaaz,
Pesh-e-khidmat hai 'aik koshish' hamare ab tak ke alfaazoN per:-
fusooN-e-ishQ ne jab deewanaa banaya!
zeest ko ik bewafaa ne tamashaa banaya..
haal kia biyaaN ho, hum jese be-haal ka….!
rasan-e-daar khud unhoN ne apnaa banaya
kabhi ho jaati hai niyyat kharab, beech bazaar!
haan! bosa-e-rukhsar ne humaiN ruswaa banaya
phir chaaye khalwatoN ke baadal chaar soo!
us sung ne jab bar-mala muqadammaa banaya
zindaaN meiN zikr-e-yaar ke siwa kuch na kiya!
ussi mah-e-jabeen ke charche, jis ne paglaa banaya
sung : stone
bar-mala : manifestly
muqadammaa : case
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WWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!! kamaal hi kamaal !!! Hassan bhai, aapne to fusoon-e-alfaaz ke jalwa chaar soo bikher diye ... saath hi har sher apne mazmoon ke saath insaaf kar raha hai !! zabardast !!! dheron daad bahaut si mubaarakbaad behad shukriya dil se duaein !!
one very minor point ... 2nd sher ke misra-e-saani mein shayad typing error se "rasan-e-daar" type ho gaya hai instead of "rasan-o-daar"
ek baar phir se bahaut si daad is khoobsurat aur yaadgaar ghazal par !
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 25th July 2014 at 12:25 AM..
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25th July 2014, 12:28 AM
bal shuaaoN ke se parhe jaayeiN
ke jabeeN bhi to aaftaab hai ye
-zarraa
(shuaaoN = rays, aaftaab = sun)
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 25th July 2014 at 01:10 AM..
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25th July 2014, 12:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
WWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!! kamaal hi kamaal !!! Hassan bhai, aapne to fusoon-e-alfaaz ke jalwa chaar soo bikher diye ... saath hi har sher apne mazmoon ke saath insaaf kar raha hai !! zabardast !!! dheron daad bahaut si mubaarakbaad behad shukriya dil se duaein !!
one very minor point ... 2nd sher ke misra-e-saani mein shayad typing error se "rasan-e-daar" type ho gaya hai instead of "rasan-o-daar"
ek baar phir se bahaut si daad is khoobsurat aur yaadgaar ghazal par !
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Zarra saheb... rasan-e-daar is liye use kiya,
rasan means rassi aur daar means phansi...
maqsad yeh tha ke unhon ne phansi ki rassi apne hath se khud banayi...
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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25th July 2014, 12:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Bahot bahot shukriya zarraji, your way of appreciation is so motivating and whnever you suggest something u r always so humble,
Definitely your suggestion is most welcome aur jaisa ki apne kaha 'sajde ka nishaan' zada thik hoga to mai bhi agree karti hun qki pehle maine 'sajde ka nishaan' hi likhi thi thn i changed it to 'sajda-e-nishaan' ill again change it to previous one thnx once again
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Thanks for such a warm response .... and you are most welcome
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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25th July 2014, 12:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
Zarra saheb... rasan-e-daar is liye use kiya,
rasan means rassi aur daar means phansi...
maqsad yeh tha ke unhon ne phansi ki rassi apne hath se khud banayi...
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ohhho !! achha !! in that case I stand corrected Hassan sahab !! aap ki baat waajib hai !! thanks for clarifying aur waah "rasan-e-daar" se ek dilchasp aur uncommon kahani kahi aapne sher mein
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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25th July 2014, 12:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat* meiN qatl-e-imaaN hua
Ibn-e-adam khudse kyuN bad-gumaN hua
Sar nezoN se hue juda maidaan-e-qarbala
Ghaaeb har jabeen se aj kyuN sajde ka nishaaN hua.
*firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat= desire of pleasantness of life/luxury
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Waah ............................ Waah !
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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25th July 2014, 12:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
ohhho !! achha !! in that case I stand corrected Hassan sahab !! aap ki baat waajib hai !! thanks for clarifying aur waah "rasan-e-daar" se ek dilchasp aur uncommon kahani kahi aapne sher mein
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Be-had shukriyaaH, Zarra saheb...
actually, aap ke diye gaye alfaazoN se circumstances change hote rahey
wese, aap ka shuker-guzaar hooN, ke aap ne mujhe aise alfaaz diye..
jis se meri diary meiN aik aur Ghazal ka izaafa hua....
thanks a lot for being there and so supportive...
miltay rahiye ga,,
DuaooN k saath,
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
Last edited by Hassan; 25th July 2014 at 12:55 AM..
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25th July 2014, 12:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
bal shuaaoN ke se parhe jaate
ke jabeeN bhi to aaftaab hai ye
-zarraa
(shuaaoN = rays, aaftaab = sun)
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ke jabeen bhi to aftaab hai yeh.... wahhhhh!!
boht boht khoob... dherooN daad!
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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25th July 2014, 12:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat* meiN qatl-e-imaaN hua
Ibn-e-adam khudse kyuN bad-gumaN hua
Sar nezoN se hue juda maidaan-e-qarbala
Ghaaeb har jabeen se aj kyuN sajde ka nishaaN hua.
*firaaq-e-aysh-o-ishrat= desire of pleasantness of life/luxury
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is that you Naaz?
aik baar phir se ... "Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh",
DuaooN k saath,,
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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25th July 2014, 01:35 AM
Ji zaroor ..... aur abhi to n jaane kitni ghazlein betaab hain aap ki qalam se zindagi se zindagi paane ke liye .... aap ko abhi bahaut si dairiyon ki zaroorat parhne waali hai
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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25th July 2014, 01:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Wah! zarraji bahot khoob ' jabeen aaftaab ho to shuaaon ke bal kaise parhe jaen' behad umdaa...dheron daad qubool kijiye.
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Bahaut bahaut shukriya N@zneen ji sher ke ehsaas se rabt qaayam karne ke liye
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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25th July 2014, 01:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
ke jabeen bhi to aftaab hai yeh.... wahhhhh!!
boht boht khoob... dherooN daad!
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Bahaut bahaut shukriya aap ka Hassan bhai !!
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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