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unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa |
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(#1)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa -
21st January 2002, 11:12 AM
unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa
ghazal kehna to ik bahaana thaa ek tamanna le ke aaya huuN tere haaThoN se zahar khaana thaa Mujhe khaab kyuuN diikhaye tune agar dil toD ke hii jaana thaa logoN ki aaNkh meiN chubhtaa raha zaraa sa apnaa aashiiaana thaa roo liiye tanhaaiioN meiN hum MehfiiloN meiN muskuraanaa thaa mere dushman gar na kaam aaye mere dostoN ko aazmaana thaa tum karte rahe wafaayeN "maikasH" bewafaaiioN ka jab zamaana thaa maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#2)
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23rd January 2002, 01:31 AM
Hi MaikasH ji
Bahut hi acha likha hai apne... Yeh lines ( or misra's as u say) bahut hi pasand ayi. maikasH unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa ghazal kehna to ik bahaana thaa tum karte rahe wafaayeN "maikasH" bewafaaiioN ka jab zamaana thaa keep smiling  neelo ;-) |
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wah wah wah |
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(#3)
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None
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wah wah wah -
23rd January 2002, 10:12 AM
maikash sahab.
aadaab maikash sahab , bahut achii koshish hai. naye naye Khyaalaat ke saath. mubaarak ho. kuchh ek takniikii gaDbaDations haiN. unkii nishaandehii karney kii koshish kar rahaa huN.... >Unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa ghazal kehnaa to ik bahaanaa thaa ..............is sher ka aur sher no 2 kaa doosraa misra bahr meiN haiN. pahley waaley nahiiN haiN. mere Khyaal se isey yuN durust kiyaa jaa saktaa hai... haal e dil aap ko sunaanaa thaa sher kahnaa to ik bahaanaa thaa. haalaaNkey Ghazal lafz bhii fit hotaa hai lekin mujhey lag rahaa thaa ke rawaanii meiN kuchh kamii hai, is liye Ghazal ki bajaai sher likh diyaa. >ek tamannaa le ke aayaa huuN tere haaThoN se zahar khaanaa thaa .....ek baat to ye ke zahar should be "zahr". (and similarly shahar should be written as shahr) bahut achaa sher hai lekiin pahlaa misraa bahr meiN nahiiN hai. is ko yuN kahaa jaa saktaa hai ke . ik tamanaa sii le ke aayaa huuN. lekin mere Khyaal meiN pahlaa misra behtarii chaahtaa hai. Mujhe khaab kyuuN diikhaaye tune agar dil toD ke hii jaanaa thaa .........bahut saadaa aur pyaaraa sher hai, lekin pahla misraa is kaa bhii out of bahr hai,aur duusrey meiN halkii sii fine tuning darkaar hai,ek suurat ye ho saktii hai ....... Khaab mujh ko dikhaaye kyuuN tuuney dil agar toD ke hii jaanaa thaa. logoN ki aaNkh meiN chubhtaa raha zaraa saa apnaa aashiiaana thaa ........yeh bhii ek achhaa sher hai, lekin ....... :-( wohi pahlaa misraa bahr meiN nahiiiN hai. aur agar lafz logoN hai to phir aaNkh nahiiN aaNkheiN honaa chaahiye...... hai ke nahiiN? , ek saadaa saa alternative ye ho saktaa hai ke. chubhtaa rahtaa thaa sab kii aaNkhoN meiN apnaa ChoTaa saa aashiaanaa thaa roo liiye tanhaaiioN meiN hum MehfiiloN meiN muskuraanaa thaa ...........hmmmmmmm!!!!!!! is sher ko maiN kahtaa to yuN kahtaa. is liye KhilwatoN meiN maiN royaa kyuNkey mehfil meiN muskuraanaa thaa. mere dushman agar na kaam aaye mere dostoN ko aazmaanaa thaa ............wah , wah achhaa tanz hai. lekin duusrey misrey ko yuN kahnaa chaahiye. dushmanoN ne diyaa naa gar dhokaa jaa ke yaaroN ko aazmaanaa thaa! tum karte rahe wafaayeN "maikasH" bewafaaiioN ka jab zamaanaa thaa achaa hai,,,,,,, Khoob , lekin pahlaa misraa kuchh laDkhaDaa gayaa hai. maqtaa kahnaa aasaan nahiiN hotaa, apney taKhallus ko fit karnaa mushkil hotaa hai, is misrey kii yeh suurat dekhiye...... ham ne tabh bhii wafaayeiN kii maikash bewafaa_oN kaa jab zamaanaa thaa. note="bewafaaoN" halaaNkey mere Khyaal meiN lafz wafaayeiN kaa istemaal munaasib naa ho. baharhaal, jo merii samajh meiN aayaa mainey bataa diyaa, ho saktaa hai aap ke kuchhh kaam aa jaaye. koshish jaarii rakhiyegaa. Feroz |
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Aadaab ustaad ji....!! |
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(#4)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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Aadaab ustaad ji....!! -
23rd January 2002, 10:20 AM
Mohtarim Feroz saahab....Aadab kabuul kijiye
Pehle to aapka shukriya adaa kar duuN jo aapne is nachiiz ki jausla-afzaaii ki...hamesha ki tarah aapne mere kalaam par apnii rae dii jiske liye bahot ehsaanmaNd huuN aapka janaab ustaad kii to taNqiid bhii tariif se baRh kar hoti hai....mujhe khushii huii ke aapne apne is shagird ki baat maan kar bazm'e'shayri.com meiN aana manzoor kiyaa Jaisa ke aapne jaante hii haiN ke matla kehna mere liye hamesha se hii pareshaanii ka baiis raha hai...aapne jo soorat nikaalii behud pasaNd aayii... haal e dil aap ko sunaanaa thaa sher kahnaa to ik bahaanaa thaa bahot khoob....aapne bajaa farmaaya ki lafz "ghazal" se rawaanii meN dikkaT aa rahii hai sher #2 meN ke mutalliQ aapne arz kiya ke pehla misraa behtarii chahta hai....ye suurat mulaahza farmaiiye.... ek justajuu thii merii jaan-e-jaaN tire haathoN se zahr khaanaa thaa >>Khaab mujh ko dikhaaye kyuuN tuuney >>dil agar toD ke hii jaanaa thaa is hser meN aapne doosre misre meN jo tabdiilii kii bahot achchii lagii....shukriya...! >>logoN ki aaNkh meiN chubhtaa raha >>zaraa saa apnaa aashiiaana thaa iss sher meN bhii aapko pehlaa misraa out of beh'r lagaa jiss se ki mujhe itefaak hai...rawaanii meN bhi mushkil nazar aa rahi hai...phir se koshish kar raha huuN...apnii rae diijiyega... har ikk ki aaNkh meN chubhtaa raha chotaa sa apnaa aashiiaanaa thaa >>roo liiye tanhaaiioN meiN hum >>MehfiiloN meiN muskuraanaa thaa yeh sher jab maine aapki rehnumaai ke baad dooabara paRhaa to apne aap se baRii shikaayat huii janaab....na sar hai na paer jaane kya soch ke maine isse ghazal meN shamil kar liya....aapne dusrust kiya jiske liye aapak shukarguzaar huuN... is liye KhilwatoN meiN maiN royaa kyuNkey mehfil meiN muskuraanaa thaa is sher meN zara sii tabdiilii karna ka talbgaar huuN...gustaakhii muaaf kijiyega...gaur kareN... is liye KhilwatoN meiN royaa maiN kyuNkey mehfil meiN muskuraanaa thaa maine lafz "maiN" ko misre ke aakhir meN move kiya hai....iss pe aapkii rae jaan'na chahtaa huuN >>mere dushman agar na kaam aaye >>mere dostoN ko aazmaanaa thaa ye sher aapne pasaNd kiya...bahot shukriya...aapne isse yuuN tabdiil kiya :- "dushmanoN ne diyaa naa gar dhokaa jaa ke yaaroN ko aazmaanaa thaa" umdaa laga...sirf ek choTii si tabdiilii aur chahta huuN...pehle misre meN "gar" ki jagah "agar" likhaa jaye to kaisa rahega...ho sakta hai aapne bhi issi ka tasavvur kiya ho...jaldi meN hoNge shayad to "a" lagaana bhuul gaye..LOL >>tum karte rahe wafaayeN "maikasH" >>bewafaaiioN ka jab zamaanaa thaa jo tabdiilii makte meN aapne kii sabse aalaa hai....bahot shukriya...yahaN phir se mujhe aapki baat se itefaak hai ke lafz "bewafaiiaN" aur "wafaayeN" ka baratnaa munaasib nahiN...koshish karuNgaa ke iss meN sudhaar ho... aap ek arse se is nachiiz kii rehnumaai kar rahe haiN jiske liye lafz "shukriya" kaafii nahiN.....pehli baar maine iss post meN aapke khayalaat se kahiN-kahiN na'itefaakii zaahir ki hai...badtamiizii ki muaafii pehle hi se maaNge leta huuN...umeed hai aapka saath aise hi miltaa rahega...!! bahot shukriya Feroz saahab maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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waaaaaaaaaaah maikash |
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(#5)
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waaaaaaaaaaah maikash -
19th July 2002, 12:07 AM
aadab maikash ji
aapki ye nai ghazal parhi ..., buhut khuoob hae , khaastor par masraa buhut pasan aayaa .... buhut he ache lage ... unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa ghazal kehna to ik bahaana thaa wah ji wah Mujhe khaab kyuuN diikhaye tune agar dil toD ke hii jaana thaa logoN ki aaNkh meiN chubhtaa raha zaraa sa apnaa aashiiaana thaa ha-e ha-e maikash ji ......v.nice roo liiye tanhaaiioN meiN hum MehfiiloN meiN muskuraanaa thaa tum karte rahe wafaayeN "maikasH" bewafaaiioN ka jab zamaana thaa wah khuoob .....khub .... likhte raheN or hame lutfandoz hone deN . ok bye sagar hamiN khum heN hamiN saghar hamiN maikash hamiN saqi ( majzoob ) |
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bahot accha likha hai aapne |
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(#6)
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bahot accha likha hai aapne -
27th July 2002, 10:58 AM
maikash jee , bahot dino ke baad aaj humne "aapki shayri" parhi...muaaf kijiyega
dil ke dard ko ek ehsaas hua aaj firse usi ki yaad aayi hai aaaj likhte rahiyega.... k'hafiz Malal Yeh Hai Ke ab Subh Ki Talb Bhi Nahi |
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wow |
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(#7)
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wow -
28th July 2002, 01:54 AM
maikashji
bahut sahi kaha hai bewafiyoon ka zamana tha... like they say muhobat karke dekhi to muhobbat ko pehchna hai WAFA TO BAS NAAM KI HAI BEWAFI KA ZAMANA HAI jaane kyu ppl are like they...they change more often then weather.. Priya>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jisnu Lagey, ohi'yo jaane, Kaun Jaane peer parayi! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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Wah.... |
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(#8)
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Wah.... -
28th July 2002, 04:27 AM
bahut khoob....brought back memories, your words are inspiring!
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Re: Unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa |
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(#9)
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Umda Shayara
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Re: Unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa -
29th July 2002, 07:57 AM
Maikashi ji,
aapko is nacheez ka aadaab. Jaane kyu aapki har ek ghazal padh ke us par kuch na kuch kehne ka mann hota hai. Aap yeh na samhiyega ki hamari aapse koi khaas dushmani hai lekin sach tau yeh hai ki jitna mazaa aapki likhi ghazalo ka jawaab dene mein aata hai, woh kisi aur ki likhaayee mein nahi aata. Aapne bahut pehle humse kaha tha ki bahut der ho gayi humne kuch post nahi kiya aur humne "exams" ka bahana diya tha. Exams tau khatam ho gaye lekin dil ko kuch bhaaya hi nahi jis par hum kuch kehte. Aapki yeh ghazal hamare dil ko bhaayi tau ab dobara hazir hai aapki aur is bazm ki khidmat mein. Umeed hai pasand aayegi . . . Ghazal kehne ki kala aapko humne sikhaayee Aur hami ko aap dete hai khitaab-e-bewafai Dil todne ka ilzaam hamare sar de kar Dil dukhaane waali baat tau aapne dohraayi Mere mehboob aapki har tamanna sar aankho par Lekin yeh kaisi fariyaad aapke hontho pe aayee? Aapko apne haatho se zehar pila tau de magar Humse tau sehan na hogi ik pal ki bhie judaai Aapki muskuraahat ke dard ko kya hum jaante nahi? Unhi ashko ki parchayi tau in nazron mein samayee 'Deep' ne bhie ki hai behisaab wafaye aapse 'maikash' Farak itna hai ke yeh dastaan sar-e-aam na sunayi -Deep |
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(#10)
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........
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29th July 2002, 11:06 AM
Sat Sri Akal Maikash ji _/\_
hamesha ke tare es baar be la'jawab he likha hai, lakin yeh kayaalat kuch alag he thay. Apki gazloN ke toa hum jitni tareef kareN utni he kam hai... "ek tamanna le ke aaya huuN tere haaThoN se zahar khaana thaa " "Mujhe khaab kyuuN diikhaye tune agar dil toD ke hii jaana thaa " aise he likhte rahiye ga..... ZaraSuniye ji, aapka jawab be la'jawab hai, very well said... aapki yeh lines humin bouth he pasand aai... "Aapko apne haatho se zehar pila tau de magar Humse tau sehan na hogi ik pal ki bhie judaai" 'Deep' ne bhie ki hai behisaab wafaye aapse 'maikash' Farak itna hai ke yeh dastaan sar-e-aam na sunayi" good luck and keep writing.... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ishq aakhda eh tera kakh reheN ve nai dena, chup reheN ve ne dena, tay kuch keheN ve nai dena. |
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bahut khoob maikash ji... |
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(#11)
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bahut khoob maikash ji... -
29th July 2002, 10:52 PM
adaab-o-tasleem maikash ji....aapki ghazal bahut pasand aayi...
unko haal-e-dil sunaanaa thaa ghazal kehna to ik bahaana thaa --wah wah!!!... ek tamanna le ke aaya huuN tere haaThoN se zahar khaana thaa --bahut khoob!... logoN ki aaNkh meiN chubhtaa raha zaraa sa apnaa aashiiaana thaa --aah...wah wah..... roo liiye tanhaaiioN meiN hum MehfiiloN meiN muskuraanaa thaa --kya baat hain !...wah! tum karte rahe wafaayeN "maikasH" bewafaaiioN ka jab zamaana thaa --bahut khoob....mubarakh ho... ..waqai bahut achchi ghazal hain....aapke aur qalam ka intezaar rahega...tab tak ke liye aapko anamika ka salaam!...k'hafiz.... kabhee saba ko kabhee naamaabar ko dekhte haiN woh aaye ghar meiN hamaare KHuda ki kudrat hai kabhee ham unko, kabhee apane ghar ko dekhte haiN nazar lage na kaheeN uske dast-o-baazoo ko ye log kyoN mere zaKHm-e-jigar ko dekhtaiN haiN ? |
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(#12)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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12th August 2002, 01:57 AM
sakhee sahiba......
aapko ghazal ke "saare hi" ash'aar qaabil-e-daad lage uske liye mera shukria qabool kijiye...... aadaab maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#13)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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12th August 2002, 01:59 AM
sagar sahab
aadaab ek baar phir se aapne itni muravvat se hausla afzaa'i ki.....bohat shukurguzaar huuN aapka..... maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#14)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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12th August 2002, 02:06 AM
bhai tanhadil
aadaab qabuul kijiye aap "itne" din baad hi sahi aakhirkaar aaye to haiN.....!! aapne hausla-afzaai kii............ tah-e-dil se shukurguzaar huuN maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#15)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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12th August 2002, 02:09 AM
priya sahiba....
aadaab ghazal pasaNd farmaane ka shukria........aur she'r sunaane ka bhii.....!! and about this :- >> jaane kyu ppl are like they...they change more often then weather << i totally and completely agree with you.....!! maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#16)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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12th August 2002, 02:12 AM
kamaal de kurri jee
shukriya.....thanx for such nice words...!! maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#17)
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12th August 2002, 06:09 AM
bohut accha likha hai aapne maikhash sahab
maza aagaya. aur feroz sahab ki raay bhi achi lagii. |
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(#18)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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17th August 2002, 07:52 AM
smah sahab/sahiba
ghazal pasaNd farmaane ka bohat shukria.....aur ustaad ji ki taraf se bhi shukria qabool kijiye.....!! ummiid hai aap yuuN hi hausla baDhaate raheNgey maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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