Meri sarkaar ye dhokha

anaarhi · 12:10 PM

दिल तो नादांन जो खाए है हर बार ही धोखा,
और उस पर ज़ुल्म ये के फ़ितरते यार है धोखा.

इन बहारों ने तो कई बार पुकारा मुझको ,
मगर हर बार दिया मेरे दिले बीमार ने धोखा.

क्यों अब तक होश बाकी है ये क्या इल्ज़ाम है तेरा,
खूँ नहीं मय है ये साकी मेरी सरकार ये धोखा.

उन को ख्वाबों में भी मैने बस परदे में देखा है,
मगर चर्चा है यारों में के है हुस्नार का धोखा.

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

यकीं किस पे करे कोई सुबह ही शाम हो जाती,
सितमगर वो ही निकलेगा है जिस पे यार का धोखा.

बड़ी ज़ालिम ये दुनिया है बचा के खाल चलता हूँ,
अनाड़ी बन के देता हूँ मैं हर अय्यार को धोखा.

dil to nadaan hai jo khaye hai har baar hi dhokha,
aur us par sitam ye ke fitrate yaar hi dhokha.

in bahaaro ne to kaee baar pukaara mujhko,
magar har baar diya mere dile bimaar ne dhokha.

kyun ab tak hosh baaki hai ye kya ilzaam hai tera,
khooN naheen mai hai ye saaki meri sarkaar ye dhokha.

unko khabon mein bhi maine bas parde mein dekha hai,
magar charchaa hai yaaro mein k hai husnaar ka dhokha.

tha dawa torh laayenge falak se chaand aur taare,
zaraa si jaan kya maangi khulaa dildaar ka dhokha.

yakeen kis par kare koee subah hi shamm ho jaati,
sitamgar wo hi niklega hai jis par yaar ka dhokha.

badhi zalim ye duniya hai bachaa k khaal chalta hoon,
anaarhi ban k deta hoon mein har ayyaar ko dhokha.

(अय्यार= over clever)

“Anaarhi”
18th May 2011

AHMAD SHAKIL · 24th May 2011, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anaarhi

दिल तो नादांन जो खाए है हर बार ही धोखा,

और उस पर ज़ुल्म ये के फ़ितरते यार है धोखा.

इन बहारों ने तो कई बार पुकारा मुझको ,
मगर हर बार दिया मेरे दिले बीमार ने धोखा.

क्यों अब तक होश बाकी है ये क्या इल्ज़ाम है तेरा,
खूँ नहीं मय है ये साकी मेरी सरकार ये धोखा.

उन को ख्वाबों में भी मैने बस परदे में देखा है,
मगर चर्चा है यारों में के है हुस्नार का धोखा.

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

यकीं किस पे करे कोई सुबह ही शाम हो जाती,
सितमगर वो ही निकलेगा है जिस पे यार का धोखा.

बड़ी ज़ालिम ये दुनिया है बचा के खाल चलता हूँ,
अनाड़ी बन के देता हूँ मैं हर अय्यार को धोखा.

dil to nadaan hai jo khaye hai har baar hi dhokha,
aur us par sitam ye ke fitrate yaar hi dhokha.

Khooob Matla Uthaya Anarri Ji.... Daad

in bahaaro ne to kaee baar pukaara mujhko,
magar har baar diya mere dile bimaar ne dhokha.

Anaarhi Ji Yahan Aik Baat Kehna Chahun Ga.... Aap Ne Matla Me " HE Dhoka" Radeef Lia Hai Or Is Sher Me "Beemar NE Dhoka" Or Mere Khyal Me Aap Bakhubi Samjhtay Hain Ke Is Tarha Radeef Tabdeel Krna Ghazal Ke Ussul Ke Khilaaf Hai...Or Is Tarha GHazal Ho Hee Nahi Sakti... Ya To Aap Sabhi Me "HE Dhoka" Istemaal Kren Ya "Ne Dhoka".

kyun ab tak hosh baaki hai ye kya ilzaam hai tera,
khooN naheen mai hai ye saaki meri sarkaar ye dhokha.

Ab Is Sher Me Bhi Aap Ne Radeef Tabdeel Kr Dia.... Mere Bhai Kis Ne Kaha Ke Is Tarha Ghazal Ho Jati Hai...? Jab Aap Jaisay Shayer Hee Aisi Ghaltiyan Kren Gay TO Phir Naye Aanay Walay Sekhnay Walay Kia Seekhen Gay...?

unko khabon mein bhi maine bas parde mein dekha hai,
magar charchaa hai yaaro mein k hai husnaar ka dhokha.

Ab Is Sher Me "Ka Dhoka" Yaar wesay Waqae Aap Bura Na Manaiye Ga, Aap Ki Ghazal Achi Hai Or Khyalaat Bhi Pukhta Hain Magar Apna Radeef Or Thori Behr Theek Kr Len...

tha dawa torh laayenge falak se chaand aur taare,
zaraa si jaan kya maangi khulaa dildaar ka dhokha.

yakeen kis par kare koee subah hi shamm ho jaati,
sitamgar wo hi niklega hai jis par yaar ka dhokha.

badhi zalim ye duniya hai bachaa k khaal chalta hoon,
anaarhi ban k deta hoon mein har ayyaar ko dhokha.

(अय्यार= over clever)

“Anaarhi”

18th May 2011

Anaarhi Ji...........!

Umeed Hai Ke Aap Meri Baton Ka Bura Nahi Manayen Gay.... Aap Aik Baat Phir Ghaur Farmayen Or Khud Sochiye Ga Ke Aap Ne Aaj Tak Kisi Baray Shayer Ki Ghazal Me Radeef Ko Tabdeel Hotay Paaya Hai....?
Aap Ki Shoch me Pukhtagi hai Or Alfaz bhi Achay Istemaal Krtay Hain Magr Mere Khyal Me Is GHazal Me Aap Ko Dobara Ghaur Ki Zarurat Hai.........

ALLAH PAAK AAP KO SADA KHUSH RAKHAY

samyasar1 · 24th May 2011, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anaarhi

दिल तो नादांन जो खाए है हर बार ही धोखा,
और उस पर ज़ुल्म ये के फ़ितरते यार है धोखा.

इन बहारों ने तो कई बार पुकारा मुझको ,
मगर हर बार दिया मेरे दिले बीमार ने धोखा.

क्यों अब तक होश बाकी है ये क्या इल्ज़ाम है तेरा,
खूँ नहीं मय है ये साकी मेरी सरकार ये धोखा.

उन को ख्वाबों में भी मैने बस परदे में देखा है,
मगर चर्चा है यारों में के है हुस्नार का धोखा.

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

यकीं किस पे करे कोई सुबह ही शाम हो जाती,
सितमगर वो ही निकलेगा है जिस पे यार का धोखा.

बड़ी ज़ालिम ये दुनिया है बचा के खाल चलता हूँ,
अनाड़ी बन के देता हूँ मैं हर अय्यार को धोखा.

dil to nadaan hai jo khaye hai har baar hi dhokha,
aur us par sitam ye ke fitrate yaar hi dhokha.

in bahaaro ne to kaee baar pukaara mujhko,
magar har baar diya mere dile bimaar ne dhokha.

kyun ab tak hosh baaki hai ye kya ilzaam hai tera,
khooN naheen mai hai ye saaki meri sarkaar ye dhokha.

unko khabon mein bhi maine bas parde mein dekha hai,
magar charchaa hai yaaro mein k hai husnaar ka dhokha.

tha dawa torh laayenge falak se chaand aur taare,
zaraa si jaan kya maangi khulaa dildaar ka dhokha.

yakeen kis par kare koee subah hi shamm ho jaati,
sitamgar wo hi niklega hai jis par yaar ka dhokha.

badhi zalim ye duniya hai bachaa k khaal chalta hoon,
anaarhi ban k deta hoon mein har ayyaar ko dhokha.

(अय्यार= over clever)

“Anaarhi”
18th May 2011

bhut hi khbsurat likha h anari g
daad kbool kre duaon k sth ijazat
yasir

kafiir · 24th May 2011, 01:34 PM

दिल तो नादांन जो खाए है हर बार ही धोखा,
और उस पर ज़ुल्म ये के फ़ितरते यार है धोखा.

क्यों अब तक होश बाकी है ये क्या इल्ज़ाम है तेरा,
खूँ नहीं मय है ये साकी मेरी सरकार ये धोखा.

उन को ख्वाबों में भी मैने बस परदे में देखा है,
मगर चर्चा है यारों में के है हुस्नार का धोखा.

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

बड़ी ज़ालिम ये दुनिया है बचा के खाल चलता हूँ,
अनाड़ी बन के देता हूँ मैं हर अय्यार को धोखा.

bhut hi bhadiya likha hai anari bhai apne iss baar bhi app bhut soch smjh ke orr waqt deke likhte hai appki ghazle hume behad pasand atti hai app unhi likhte rahye orr atte rahye
daad kubool kare

kafiir

anaarhi · 24th May 2011, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AHMAD SHAKIL

Anaarhi Ji...........!

Umeed Hai Ke Aap Meri Baton Ka Bura Nahi Manayen Gay.... Aap Aik Baat Phir Ghaur Farmayen Or Khud Sochiye Ga Ke Aap Ne Aaj Tak Kisi Baray Shayer Ki Ghazal Me Radeef Ko Tabdeel Hotay Paaya Hai....?
Aap Ki Shoch me Pukhtagi hai Or Alfaz bhi Achay Istemaal Krtay Hain Magr Mere Khyal Me Is GHazal Me Aap Ko Dobara Ghaur Ki Zarurat Hai.........

ALLAH PAAK AAP KO SADA KHUSH RAKHAY

Ahmad Shakeel sahab,

Shukriya aapka k aapne is nacheez par apna waqt diya. aap ne jo kuch bhi ooper kaha hai ek dam durust hai. gazal ki jo definition hai us k hisaab se radeef mein kaee galtiyan hain aur aisa nahin k mujhe inka ilm nahin tha, ye gazal?? type rachna kafi din puraani likhi hai magar kewal isi wajah se post nahi kari thi. aur ab is ko post kyu kiya ???

pehli baat k mein bilkul naya likhne waala hoon aisi galti ker sakta hoon........

doosri baat aur important mere hisaab se.. MAULANA ALTAAF HUSAIN HAALI ji ki ek book hai shayri par "mukadma e sher o shayri" usmein wo likhtey hai ....

"isme shak nahin k kafia wazan aur radeef se kavita ka gun aur parbhav dugna ho jata hai aur use sunna kaano ko priye lagta hai magar iran k kaviyon ne usse kafiye aur radeef k atyant kathore bandhano mein jakad diya hai. is parkaar ki shabdalankaaron ki paabandi meanings ki hatya kar deti hai aur kafie aur radeef ka bandan kavi ki abivyakti mein badha dalta hai. kavita ko sunder banaane k liye us par aisa bandan daalna jisse uski wastvikta nasht ho jaaye theek aisi baat hai jais kapde ko sunder banaane k liye uski kaat aisi ker dein k uska mool lakshye hi samaapt ho jaye yaani suvida aur tan dhakna. kaafia aur radeef kavita k mool tatv nahin hain ye kavita ko sunder banaane k liye paryog hone waale gehney hain."

ab in baaton ko dyan mein rakhtey hue ( jo ki meri nahin kisi badhe shayer ki hi hain) aap meri rachna ko dobaara padhe aur deken ki radeef ki jo thodi bahut tabdeeli hai us ki wajah se byan k kaheen maani majboot hi hue hai kam naheen.

aur ek baat lakeer ke faqeer hi baney rahengy to naee cheez kaise seekhengey ham log.

is rachna ki behr 2122/1122/1122/112 rakhney ki koshish ki hai . (Ai mohobbat tere anjaam pe rona aaya ) . zara gugunaa lein aur bataayen .mein apney aap mein sudhaar ki gunjaish hamesha rakhta hoon.

ho sakta hai aap meri baat se itefaaq na rakhtey hon.

shukriya

"Anaarhi"

naresh_mehra110 · 24th May 2011, 04:05 PM

Bahut Khoob Raha Andaaz E BayaaN ... Anaarhi Ji !

Qaafiye Aur Radeef Kaa Istemaal ... Ghazal Ko Aor Bhi Khoobsurat Banaataa Chalaa Gayaa ... Adhikaansh Ashaar Ki Fikr O Khayaal Ne Luft Se Labrez Kar Diyaa .... Ek Umdaa Peshkash ..... Tahe Dil Se Daad Qubuul FarmaayeN ...

Yunhi Kamaal Ki Shayri Karte RaheN ... Likhte RaheN ... ! Khush Rahen ... !

DuaaoN Ke Saath .... !

mittal_pali · 25th May 2011, 01:06 PM

Nice sharing................................

anaarhi · 26th May 2011, 09:07 AM

Yasir bhai, Shakil bhai, kafiir bhai, badhe bhai aur mittal ji,

Namaskaar,

hausla badaane aur apna keemti waqt dene ka shukriya. yoon hi saath detey rahiyega please.

regards,

"Anaarhi"

Ankita · 26th May 2011, 09:23 AM

anaarhi ji,

meri congrats sweekaar karen. kafiya radeef waqae kavita ko sunder banati hai par uska bandhan nahin hona chhahiye. mein bhi yehi maanti hoon. aap ki rachna bahut hi sunder lagi.

Regards,
A

anaarhi · 28th May 2011, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ankita

anaarhi ji,

meri congrats sweekaar karen. kafiya radeef waqae kavita ko sunder banati hai par uska bandhan nahin hona chhahiye. mein bhi yehi maanti hoon. aap ki rachna bahut hi sunder lagi.

Regards,
A

Ankita ji,
namaskaar ,
aapka ati dhaneywad ke aap ne ek samvedansheel muddey par saath diya .peshkash pasand kerney ka shukriya.

regards,

"Anaarhi"

------------------------

Radika ji,

namastey,

pashkash pasand kerney ka shukriya.

Regards

"Anaarhi"

---------------------

reps ++++ kerney ka sabhi saathiyon ka shukriya....

"Anaarhi"

loveforgudia · 28th May 2011, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anaarhi

badhi zalim ye duniya hai bachaa k khaal chalta hoon,
anaarhi ban k deta hoon mein har ayyaar ko dhokha.

(अय्यार= over clever)
Anaam Ji .. ek dum sahi haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii .,,,.. I AGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ... hehehehehehhehehe
“Anaarhi”
18th May 2011

Anaam Ji .. namaste, Kaise hai aap?? .. ji aap ki ye rachana bhi bahot pasand aayi hume ..

aap hammesha hi dil chhune waale ehsaason ke saath aate hai ...Anaam Ji ek baat bataaiye .. itane achchhi soch laate kahaan se hai aap .. hum ko bhi bataaiye hum bhi thodi le aayenge ..

Ji bahot achchha likha hai .. yunhi likhate rahiye aur aate rahiye .. keep smiling always

Bhagwaan Ji aap ko har khushi de,

Aapki Dost: Chandani

Jay Ambe

janumanu · 28th May 2011, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anaarhi

दिल तो नादांन जो खाए है हर बार ही धोखा,
और उस पर ज़ुल्म ये के फ़ितरते यार है धोखा.

इन बहारों ने तो कई बार पुकारा मुझको ,
मगर हर बार दिया मेरे दिले बीमार ने धोखा.

क्यों अब तक होश बाकी है ये क्या इल्ज़ाम है तेरा,
खूँ नहीं मय है ये साकी मेरी सरकार ये धोखा.

उन को ख्वाबों में भी मैने बस परदे में देखा है,
मगर चर्चा है यारों में के है हुस्नार का धोखा.

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

यकीं किस पे करे कोई सुबह ही शाम हो जाती,
सितमगर वो ही निकलेगा है जिस पे यार का धोखा.

बड़ी ज़ालिम ये दुनिया है बचा के खाल चलता हूँ,
अनाड़ी बन के देता हूँ मैं हर अय्यार को धोखा.

dil to nadaan hai jo khaye hai har baar hi dhokha,
aur us par sitam ye ke fitrate yaar hi dhokha.

in bahaaro ne to kaee baar pukaara mujhko,
magar har baar diya mere dile bimaar ne dhokha.

kyun ab tak hosh baaki hai ye kya ilzaam hai tera,
khooN naheen mai hai ye saaki meri sarkaar ye dhokha.

unko khabon mein bhi maine bas parde mein dekha hai,
magar charchaa hai yaaro mein k hai husnaar ka dhokha.

tha dawa torh laayenge falak se chaand aur taare,
zaraa si jaan kya maangi khulaa dildaar ka dhokha.

yakeen kis par kare koee subah hi shamm ho jaati,
sitamgar wo hi niklega hai jis par yaar ka dhokha.

badhi zalim ye duniya hai bachaa k khaal chalta hoon,
anaarhi ban k deta hoon mein har ayyaar ko dhokha.

(अय्यार= over clever)

“Anaarhi”
18th May 2011

anaari bhayee salaam............. aapki gahzal padhi........ par kafiyee ki chook to lagi mujhe... aur haali sahab ne kya likhaa hai ye maIn nahi jaanta, waise bhi likhaa ho to unhone kavitaa ke liye likhaa hoga ghazal ke liye nahi........ aur aapka kahnaa ki nayaa pryog karna chahiye to... uske liye kayde badlne ya unko todne ki zaroorat nahi, us dayre mai naya kaheN to maza aaye ..............
sath hi aapki ghazal behr mai nahi hai........

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

ye sher khaas pasand aayaa

anaarhi · 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janumanu

anaari bhayee salaam............. aapki gahzal padhi........ par kafiyee ki chook to lagi mujhe... aur haali sahab ne kya likhaa hai ye maIn nahi jaanta, waise bhi likhaa ho to unhone kavitaa ke liye likhaa hoga ghazal ke liye nahi........ aur aapka kahnaa ki nayaa pryog karna chahiye to... uske liye kayde badlne ya unko todne ki zaroorat nahi, us dayre mai naya kaheN to maza aaye ..............
sath hi aapki ghazal behr mai nahi hai........

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

ye sher khaas pasand aayaa

anaari bhayee salaam.............
Namaskaar fikr sahab,

aapki gahzal padhi........ par kafiyee ki chook to lagi mujhe...

shukriya janaab aap jaise hunarmand shayer ager kuch aisa soch rahe hain to theek hi hoga, apni taraf se kuch baatein hain jo yahan batana chahunga ke is gazal type rachna mein maine jo words as kafia use kiye hain wo hain....baar, yaar, bimaar, sarkaar, husnaar, dildar , yaar , ayyaar jo ki kafiye ki defination mein mere gyan ki limits k hisaab se fit aatey lagtey hain mujh ko, aur radeef liya hai dhokha. Gazal k kayde mein kafiye k baad radeef unchanged hona chahiye magar maine kuch liberty letey hue dono k beech ek joining word use kiya hai jisse radeef k expressions har sher mein alag ho gaye hain aur un expressions ki wazah se mujhko ye laga k byani mein kuch zyada sunderta aur variety aa gaee hai. Aur ek baat Gazal ki defination mein ye bhi ek baat hai k kafiya zaroor milna chahiye chahe radeef ho hi na. mera yahan opinion hai k agar bina radeef k bhi gazal ho sakti hai to variable radeef mein bhi gazal honi chahiye.

aur haali sahab ne kya likhaa hai ye maIn nahi jaanta, waise bhi likhaa ho to unhone kavitaa ke liye likhaa hoga ghazal ke liye nahi........
yakeenan Haali sahab ne gazal k baarey mein hi likha hai. aap ne book ka title note nahin kiya shayad " mukadma e sher o shayri" aur kafia wazan radeef gazal mein hi use hotey hai hindi kavitaayon mein inka itna mehtv nahin hai.

aur aapka kahnaa ki nayaa pryog karna chahiye to... uske liye kayde badlne ya unko todne ki zaroorat nahi, us dayre mai naya kaheN to maza aaye ..............

mera sochna hai ki jo bhi kayde aur dayre bane hain jis bhi field mein wo insaano dwara banaaye gaye hain is wajah se unmein sudaar aur changes ki hamesha hi gunjaish hoti hai aur unmein time to time change bhi laana hi chahiye nayee generation ko. agar religion mein dekhen to hindu dharam k kaydon aur dayron ko todker hi jain dharam, sikh dharam aadi kaee naye dharam nikley hai. yahan main apni baat badi kerney ki koshish nahin ker raha k apni choti si ek koshish ko itna badha example de k theek sabit keroon magar choti choti koshishyen hi milkar kuch bada change laati hain ateh unka swagat hona chahiye aur unko badaawa milna chahiye.

sath hi aapki ghazal behr mai nahi hai........

aapki ye baat incomlete hai, please isko poora karein. example ye thread hai..
http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?t=70139
is mein please zid sahab ki replies ko dobaara dekhein. please thoda waqt aur de k sher by sher takhtee ker k samjhayen aur theek tareeka bhi bataayen. talib ki bhut madad hogi.

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.
ye sher khaas pasand aayaa

shukyia janaab khyaal pasand kerney ka,

Regards

"Anaarhi"

janumanu · 30th May 2011, 12:22 PM

[QUOTE=anaarhi;427012]anaari bhayee salaam.............
Namaskaar fikr sahab,
namskaar ji

aapki gahzal padhi........ par kafiyee ki chook to lagi mujhe...

shukriya janaab aap jaise hunarmand shayer ager kuch aisa soch rahe hain to theek hi hoga, apni taraf se kuch baatein hain jo yahan batana chahunga ke is gazal type rachna mein .
ab aapne ghajal type rachna hi kah diyaa to baat aadhi yahi khatm samhiye ...

maine jo words as kafia use kiye hain wo hain....baar, yaar, bimaar, sarkaar, husnaar, dildar , yaar , ayyaar jo ki kafiye ki defination mein mere gyan ki limits k hisaab se fit aatey

kafiyaa aapkaa kya hai, yaha pe aapne ye hi taye nahi kiyaa hai

दिल तो नादांन जो खाए है हर बार ही धोखा,
और उस पर ज़ुल्म ये के फ़ितरते यार है धोखा.

aapkaa kafiyaa baar ... hai yaa... hi.....
kafiyaa kya hai ye matlaa hi taye karta hai ... so kafiyaa yaha pe finally kya hai. ye baat saaf nahi hai....

lagtey hain mujh ko, aur radeef liya hai dhokha.

ab aap dhokhaa ko radeef bataa rahe hai to... baar ko kafiya nahi kah sakte... uske baad lafz HI aata hai...........

Gazal k kayde mein kafiye k baad radeef unchanged hona chahiye magar maine kuch liberty letey hue dono k beech ek joining word use kiya hai jisse radeef k expressions har sher mein alag ho gaye hain aur un expressions ki wazah se mujhko ye laga k byani mein kuch zyada sunderta aur variety aa gaee hai.

ab liberty........... li hai aapne......... lekin aisa lenaa na lena hi mudda hai.......... agar isme hi aisis libetry lenge to bacha kya gahzal hai........... agar sirf khud ko lagne ki hai to... ispe bahas ho hi nahi sakti hai. apko ye acha lag raha hai. lag saktaa hai, mujeh nahi laga. ab kiski bat ki importance hai.......... likhne wale ki ya padhne wale ki ye baat gour karne layak hai...

Aur ek baat Gazal ki defination mein ye bhi ek baat hai k kafiya zaroor milna chahiye chahe radeef ho hi na. mera yahan opinion hai k agar bina radeef k bhi gazal ho sakti hai to variable radeef mein bhi gazal honi chahiye.

ab bhayee na to aapkaa radeef variable hai ... na aapka kafiyaa........ kyunki in dono ke baach ek aur lafz aapne daal diyaa hai... aap kis kis baat ki liberty le rahe hai..........

aur haali sahab ne kya likhaa hai ye maIn nahi jaanta, waise bhi likhaa ho to unhone kavitaa ke liye likhaa hoga ghazal ke liye nahi........
yakeenan Haali sahab ne gazal k baarey mein hi likha hai. aap ne book ka title note nahin kiya shayad " mukadma e sher o shayri" aur kafia wazan radeef gazal mein hi use hotey hai hindi kavitaayon mein inka itna mehtv nahin hai.

jab ghazal......... mai kafiyaa radeef ka mahatv hai hi to uska sahi se use hona hi chahye.. ye baat aap khud maan rahe haiN..

mera sochna hai ki jo bhi kayde aur dayre bane hain jis bhi field mein wo insaano dwara banaaye gaye hain is wajah se unmein sudaar aur changes ki hamesha hi gunjaish hoti hai aur unmein time to time change bhi laana hi chahiye nayee generation ko.

bhayeee. jo cheez bani hai. usme sudhaar chahiye. badlaab to nahi........... aur badlne se yakeenan ... gahzal ka roop bigad hi raha hai. sudharaa jkahin nhi dikhaa mujhe

agar religion mein dekhen to hindu dharam k kaydon aur dayron ko todker hi jain dharam, sikh dharam aadi kaee naye dharam nikley hai.

ab religion ki baat aur hai............. har baat ko har jagah laagu nahi kiyaa ja saktaa hai, aur hindu dharm aisi koe cheez nahi hai......... sanatan dharm hai...... hindu is a community ...... it is not a religion ...... hog bhi to maine aajtak padha nahi ..........

yahan main apni baat badi kerney ki koshish nahin ker raha k apni choti si ek koshish ko itna badha example de k theek sabit keroon magar choti choti koshishyen hi milkar kuch bada change laati hain ateh unka swagat hona chahiye aur unko badaawa milna chahiye.

agaar aap naya karnaa chahte hai to naya laye... purane ko change an kare, kyunki gahzal sirf aap hi nahi likhte hai, bahut hai jo is change ke ekdam ulat hai....

sath hi aapki ghazal behr mai nahi hai........

aapki ye baat incomlete hai, please isko poora karein. example ye thread hai..
http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?t=70139
is mein please zid sahab ki replies ko dobaara dekhein. please thoda waqt aur de k sher by sher takhtee ker k samjhayen aur theek tareeka bhi bataayen. talib ki bhut madad hogi.

ab aap ko kya samjhauN ki ye behr mai nahi hai, ye behr mai kaise layeN .........
jab aap is rule ko maan hi nahi rahe hIn .. to kya kahUn.... pahle ek man banayee fir baat karte haiN......
aapko lagtaa hai ye behr mai hai...... to aap maan sakte haiN ....
meri taraf se nahi hai...

janumanu · 30th May 2011, 12:37 PM

dil to nadaan hai jo khaye hai har baar hi dhokha,
aur us par sitam ye ke fitrate yaar hi dhokha.

2122/1122/1122/112
chaliyee apke liye thoda bahut ilzaam le hi leta hun....aur
ab yaha par aapki di huee takhti ke hisaab se hi dekhtaa hun....

pahlaa misraa takhti mai hai... par " khaa lafz jyda ho gaya hai

doosra misraa

aur us par ...( 2122). yaha tak theek hai..
sitam ye ke (1122) ab is tukde ka apne kaise wazn baandha ye nahi samjh aayaa..

fitrate yaar hi dhokha.//1122/112

na hi iska wazn samjh aayaa . aapne kaise fitrat lafz ki aise takhti kar di......

ab ise kaise behr mai kahuN...

Ankita · 2nd June 2011, 11:15 AM

padh kar mujhe laga nok zhonk new and old generation kay beech chal rahi hai.

anaarhi · 2nd June 2011, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janumanu

dil to nadaan hai jo khaye hai har baar hi dhokha,
aur us par sitam ye ke fitrate yaar hi dhokha.

2122/1122/1122/112
chaliyee apke liye thoda bahut ilzaam le hi leta hun....aur
ab yaha par aapki di huee takhti ke hisaab se hi dekhtaa hun....

pahlaa misraa takhti mai hai... par " khaa lafz jyda ho gaya hai

doosra misraa

aur us par ...( 2122). yaha tak theek hai..
sitam ye ke (1122) ab is tukde ka apne kaise wazn baandha ye nahi samjh aayaa..

fitrate yaar hi dhokha.//1122/112

na hi iska wazn samjh aayaa . aapne kaise fitrat lafz ki aise takhti kar di......

ab ise kaise behr mai kahuN...

मील पत्थर बहुत हैं यहां पर नक्शा कोई नहीं,
दूरियां बतलाते हैं सभी पर रस्ता कोई नहीं...."अनाड़ी"

yahi sach hai SDC ka Fikr sahab , jaise meel patharon par keval dooriya hi likhi hoti hain waise hi yahan kaee hunarmand aur bade shayer hain jinko parh kar aap apni shayri ki manzil ki doori ka pata to laga saktey hain magar guide koee nahin hai yahaan. aap ko apne raastey khud hi talaash kerney hootey hain zindgi main bhi sitaaron ko dekh dekh ker. is gazal ki technical mistake ka mudda asal mein parampra wadi soch aur sudharwadi soch ka mudda hai. dono mein difference of opinions hamesha se rahe hain. kisi kism ki bahas faaltu hai isliye is muddey ko yahin khatm kertey hain. aur jahan tak gazal ki behar ki baat hai to shabdon ki takhti ek technical baat hai, kaee baar wo waisee nahin hoti jaise dikhayee deti hai. yahan ye soch honi chahiye ki end product kya hoga, words ki takhti usee per depend kerti hai. apni baat maine jyada detail mein is thread per kahee hai.
http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthr...151#post427151

please visit.

regards,
anaarhi

janumanu · 2nd June 2011, 02:29 PM

[QUOTE=anaarhi;427152]मील पत्थर बहुत हैं यहां पर नक्शा कोई नहीं,
दूरियां बतलाते हैं सभी पर रस्ता कोई नहीं...."अनाड़ी"

yahi sach hai SDC ka Fikr sahab , jaise meel patharon par keval dooriya hi likhi hoti hain waise hi yahan kaee hunarmand aur bade shayer hain jinko parh kar aap apni shayri ki manzil ki doori ka pata to laga saktey hain magar guide koee nahin hai yahaan.

are bhayee....... sdc ka itnaa hi ahsaan bahut hai ki doori ka anzaa ho jata hai...... ab rahi guide karne ki baat............ to is raah mai sabhi raahi hai... raste maiN hai... manzil pe koe pahunchaa nahi hai..... apne apne hisaab se raste haiN, kuch nishaan hai jinpe chal rahe haiN... lekin aap khud kahte hai ki, purane raste nahi chahiye..... fir aisi shikayat bhi kaha tak sahi haii...

aap ko apne raastey khud hi talaash kerney hootey hain zindgi main bhi sitaaron ko dekh dekh ker. is gazal ki technical mistake ka mudda asal mein parampra wadi soch aur sudharwadi soch ka mudda hai. dono mein difference of opinions hamesha se rahe hain. kisi kism ki bahas faaltu hai isliye is muddey ko yahin khatm kertey hain. aur jahan tak gazal ki behar ki baat hai to shabdon ki takhti ek technical baat hai, kaee baar wo waisee nahin hoti jaise dikhayee deti hai.

aapki baat mana leta hun, par maine to aapki batayee takhti pe hi baat ki thi.......... aapne jo takhti di.. uspe hi baat thi meri......

yahan ye soch honi chahiye ki end product kya hoga, words ki takhti usee per depend kerti hai. apni baat maine jyada detail mein is thread per kahee hai.

bilkul shai end product kya hoga......... lekin woh product kaisa hai ye taye kaun kare.. product banane wala ya .. use use karne wala ye mudda to hai
agar aap market mai haiN to aapko uske parameter to manne honge ........... agar nahi maante haiN.... to fir aapko apni baat ( product) bilkul alag tareeke se rakhna hoga

http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthr...151#post427151

please visit.

defenatlty ........... hum yaha yahi karne ke liye to baitheyN hai hhuzoor.........

regards,
anaarhi

same here fikr ...........

ISHK EK IBADAT · 3rd June 2011, 07:10 PM

था दावा तोड़ लाएंगे फ़लक से चांद और तारे,
ज़रा सी जान क्या मागीं खुला दिलदार का धोखा.

Khubsurat khayal ........ anahari ji