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Badaa aadmii hai -- Abhi Tamrakar
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Badaa aadmii hai -- Abhi Tamrakar - 15th July 2014, 07:59 PM


Namaskaar, Mai shayad is forum par pehli baar koi itni lambi post kar raha hu. Ummeed hai aap sabhi ko pasand ayegi..
Sujhaav kamiyaan yadi mile to sadar amantrit hain
..






Binaa tere ... khudaa mere.. seher kaisii.. safar kaisaa..
KaheeN daryaa kaheeN pyaasaa idhar bhatkaa udhar bhatkaa ~
- Abhi Tamrakar

Last edited by Abhi.Tamrakar; 15th July 2014 at 08:45 PM.. Reason: image design
   
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sameer'shaad'
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15th July 2014, 09:33 PM

bahot kkhoob peshkash abhi saahab.... kyaa khoob aadmii ki mano dashaa darshaai hai aaapne.... bahot si daad aur mubaarakbaad....

Shaad...


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zarraa
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15th July 2014, 09:56 PM

wwwwwaaaahhhh !!!!! ek behtareen ghazal se nawaaza hai bazm ko aap ne Abhi ji. kya kehne !!! aadam-zaat, zindagi, samaaj, duniya ... in par chun chun ke khayaalaat zaahir kiye. andaaz-e-bayaan aur rawaanee bhi khoob hai. dheron daad aur bahaut si mubaarakbad aap ko.

aapne "kamiyaan" bataane ko kaha, to mere liye bada mushkil kaam hai kyuNki mujhe behad pasand aayee ye umdah ghazal . phir bhi ek chhoti si baat. 6th sher ke misra-e-sani ka pehla lafz ek baar phir dekh leiN. jahaan tak mujhe samajh aa raha hai lafz "kyuN" ka wazan 2 hai, jab ki aap ki ghazal ke behr mein har misra 1 ke wazan se shuru hota hai. (as far as I know "kyuN" does not have a flexible wazan between 1 &2 and it is fixed as 2, but in case I am wrong then would be happy to learn ). kyun ki aap ki ghazal ka har misra badi khoobsurti se behr nibhaata hua laga, bas is liye ye baat aa gayee. but this is my opinion only ... finally, as a shayar, it's your call

aapne "sujhaav" maanga, to itna hi hai ki aisi hi aur bhi khoobsurat ghazlon ko padhne ka lutf hum ko dete rahiye

ek baar phir, zabardast qalaam par dili daad !!!!


maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
   
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Smile 16th July 2014, 06:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
bahot kkhoob peshkash abhi saahab.... kyaa khoob aadmii ki mano dashaa darshaai hai aaapne.... bahot si daad aur mubaarakbaad....

Shaad...
shukriya shaad bhai
khush o aabad rahe.


Binaa tere ... khudaa mere.. seher kaisii.. safar kaisaa..
KaheeN daryaa kaheeN pyaasaa idhar bhatkaa udhar bhatkaa ~
- Abhi Tamrakar
   
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Abhi.Tamrakar
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16th July 2014, 06:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
wwwwwaaaahhhh !!!!! ek behtareen ghazal se nawaaza hai bazm ko aap ne Abhi ji. kya kehne !!! aadam-zaat, zindagi, samaaj, duniya ... in par chun chun ke khayaalaat zaahir kiye. andaaz-e-bayaan aur rawaanee bhi khoob hai. dheron daad aur bahaut si mubaarakbad aap ko.

aapne "kamiyaan" bataane ko kaha, to mere liye bada mushkil kaam hai kyuNki mujhe behad pasand aayee ye umdah ghazal . phir bhi ek chhoti si baat. 6th sher ke misra-e-sani ka pehla lafz ek baar phir dekh leiN. jahaan tak mujhe samajh aa raha hai lafz "kyuN" ka wazan 2 hai, jab ki aap ki ghazal ke behr mein har misra 1 ke wazan se shuru hota hai. (as far as I know "kyuN" does not have a flexible wazan between 1 &2 and it is fixed as 2, but in case I am wrong then would be happy to learn ). kyun ki aap ki ghazal ka har misra badi khoobsurti se behr nibhaata hua laga, bas is liye ye baat aa gayee. but this is my opinion only ... finally, as a shayar, it's your call

aapne "sujhaav" maanga, to itna hi hai ki aisi hi aur bhi khoobsurat ghazlon ko padhne ka lutf hum ko dete rahiye

ek baar phir, zabardast qalaam par dili daad !!!!
Zarra ji bahut bahut shukriya...
Ghazal adayegi me lafz ka wazn unke swar par hota hai jaisa ki ham sabhi jante haiN.. isiliye swar ke hisab se kuchh lafzoN ko 1 ya 2 ke wazn pe liya ja sakta hai..
sahi shabda KyooN hai bade u ki matra ke sath .. par jab misra -e- sani me iska istemaal kiya gaya to ye KyuN padha gaya yani chhoti u ki matra ke sath..

Fixed wazn wale kuchh akshar hain (matraoN sahit) "Kai" , 'MaiN', 'Kau' jinme 'ai' ya 'au' ki matra ho unhe 1 ke wazn par kisi sthiti me nahi liya ja sakta.. 'u', 'i' or 'oo', 'ii' ke case me ye chhoot hai jab matra shabda ke akhir me ho. log aajkal 'aa' ko bhi chhoot ke dayre me lene lage hain jabki ye sahi nahi hai..

ispar beherhaal mera jawab yahi hai mai @zidd sir, @Anjaan sahab ya @ufaq sahab ke reply ka wait karuga is pa roshni dalne ke liye in case mai galat bhi ho sakta hun..


Binaa tere ... khudaa mere.. seher kaisii.. safar kaisaa..
KaheeN daryaa kaheeN pyaasaa idhar bhatkaa udhar bhatkaa ~
- Abhi Tamrakar

Last edited by Abhi.Tamrakar; 16th July 2014 at 06:59 AM..
   
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ufaq
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16th July 2014, 08:17 AM

Abhi sahib......Achchi ghazal likhi hai aapne....mujhe bhi Achchi lagii........

Aapne bahut sii baate'n kahi ...maslan swar Ke hisaab se wazn walii....., Flexibility ko lekar bhii aapne farmaaya....aapki kuch baate'n arooz Ke hisaab se sahii hai to kuch baate'n ghalat....ab har baat Ka zikr to is post me'n nahi'n kar paaunga..isle liye to flexibility par ek article hi likhna padega.....

Khair abhi sirf lafz KYUU'N par ghaur karte hai...kyu'nki is ghazal Ke mutaaliq ek wahi lafz wajah e bahas banaa huya hai......

Kyuu'n......4 haruuf se milkar banaa hai.....kaaf (k) , yaa (y) , waao ( uu) , noon guna( 'n) .........kabhi -kabhi yaa (y) lafz me'n apna wazood kho deti hai aur usko takhti me'n shumaar nahi'n kiya jaata..aisee yaa ko yaa-e-makloot kahate hai......

Kyuu'n ..me'n bhi yaa makhloot ho gayi hai..to ab takhti karte waqt ham ...kyuu'n ko is tarah padenge....kuu.....( ghaur talab hai ki nuun ghuna bhi takhti me'n shumaar nahi hoti ) ......ab kuu Ka wazn zaahir hai ki aapko 2 par hi Lena hogaa kyu'nki yaa Ke makhloot kar dene se haasil huye lafz ko 1 par nahi'n le sakte...

labo luaab ye hai ki kyuu'n Ka wazn 2 hi hogaa.....

Kyuu'n se milte-julte kuch aur alfaaz hai......kyaa , jyu'n-tyu'n , pyaar.....in sabme me'n yaa-e-makloot Ka istemaal kiya gayaa hai........

Ummiid hai mai'n kisi qaabil raay qaayam karne me'n qaamyaab ho sakaa hu
   
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zainy
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16th July 2014, 12:20 PM

Bohat khoob Abhi sahab...

Dil se dheron daad qubool kijiye

Yuhi likhte rahiye




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

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Abhi.Tamrakar
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16th July 2014, 01:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq View Post
Abhi sahib......Achchi ghazal likhi hai aapne....mujhe bhi Achchi lagii........

Aapne bahut sii baate'n kahi ...maslan swar Ke hisaab se wazn walii....., Flexibility ko lekar bhii aapne farmaaya....aapki kuch baate'n arooz Ke hisaab se sahii hai to kuch baate'n ghalat....ab har baat Ka zikr to is post me'n nahi'n kar paaunga..isle liye to flexibility par ek article hi likhna padega.....

Khair abhi sirf lafz KYUU'N par ghaur karte hai...kyu'nki is ghazal Ke mutaaliq ek wahi lafz wajah e bahas banaa huya hai......

Kyuu'n......4 haruuf se milkar banaa hai.....kaaf (k) , yaa (y) , waao ( uu) , noon guna( 'n) .........kabhi -kabhi yaa (y) lafz me'n apna wazood kho deti hai aur usko takhti me'n shumaar nahi'n kiya jaata..aisee yaa ko yaa-e-makloot kahate hai......

Kyuu'n ..me'n bhi yaa makhloot ho gayi hai..to ab takhti karte waqt ham ...kyuu'n ko is tarah padenge....kuu.....( ghaur talab hai ki nuun ghuna bhi takhti me'n shumaar nahi hoti ) ......ab kuu Ka wazn zaahir hai ki aapko 2 par hi Lena hogaa kyu'nki yaa Ke makhloot kar dene se haasil huye lafz ko 1 par nahi'n le sakte...

labo luaab ye hai ki kyuu'n Ka wazn 2 hi hogaa.....

Kyuu'n se milte-julte kuch aur alfaaz hai......kyaa , jyu'n-tyu'n , pyaar.....in sabme me'n yaa-e-makloot Ka istemaal kiya gayaa hai........

Ummiid hai mai'n kisi qaabil raay qaayam karne me'n qaamyaab ho sakaa hu
dhanyawad ufaq sahab.. ye ek doubt bhi clear ho gaya..


Binaa tere ... khudaa mere.. seher kaisii.. safar kaisaa..
KaheeN daryaa kaheeN pyaasaa idhar bhatkaa udhar bhatkaa ~
- Abhi Tamrakar
   
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16th July 2014, 01:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen View Post
Impressive.......bahot khoobsurat ghazal hai.....excellent piece of work.
thankyou for your kind appreciation


Binaa tere ... khudaa mere.. seher kaisii.. safar kaisaa..
KaheeN daryaa kaheeN pyaasaa idhar bhatkaa udhar bhatkaa ~
- Abhi Tamrakar
   
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16th July 2014, 01:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
Bohat khoob Abhi sahab...

Dil se dheron daad qubool kijiye

Yuhi likhte rahiye
dhanyawad zainy ji
khush o aabad rahiye


Binaa tere ... khudaa mere.. seher kaisii.. safar kaisaa..
KaheeN daryaa kaheeN pyaasaa idhar bhatkaa udhar bhatkaa ~
- Abhi Tamrakar
   
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