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batado wo chaaragari
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anil_tantia
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batado wo chaaragari - 16th January 2002, 11:49 PM



"Tere pyaar ko dil se bhula na sake
Ek khwaab jise haqeeket bana na sake,

Humare pyaar meiN jaane kya kami reh gayi
Jo tumhare dil mein pyaar jaga na sake,

Naseeb-naseeb ka khel hi to hai
Varna kyoN tumhe apna bana na sake,

AansuoN ke saath yeh jung hai puraani
Koshish ki bahut per inhe hara na sake,

Rehmat karo itni batado wo chaaragari
Ki yaad tumhari dil meiN kabhi aa na sake."
   
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Namaste Anil jee
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molly
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Namaste Anil jee - 16th January 2002, 11:59 PM

Pehle to humara namaste kabool kijiye Anil jee. I m molly ... ek adna si shayri.com ki reader. mujhe shayri ka koi gyan nahin lekin read karne ka bahot shauq hai.


Aapne sabhi lines bahot hi khub likhi hain..aisa lagata hai ke aapne kalam ko dard mein dubokar yeh lines likhi hain ...


"Tere pyaar ko dil se bhula na sake
Ek khwaab jise haqeeket bana na sake,

Humare pyaar meiN jaane kya kami reh gayi
Jo tumhare dil mein pyaar jaga na sake,

Naseeb-naseeb ka khel hi to hai
Varna kyoN tumhe apna bana na sake,

AansuoN ke saath yeh jung hai puraani
Koshish ki bahut per inhe hara na sake,

Rehmat karo itni batado wo chaaragari
Ki yaad tumhari dil meiN kabhi aa na sake."



Do keep writing


Take care

Molly


[COLOR="Plum"]"When people come together, they find ways to separate."[/COLOR]

Last edited by molly; 17th January 2002 at 12:02 AM..
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Waah!!
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shumaila
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Thumbs up Waah!! - 17th January 2002, 03:58 AM

Wah Anil sahab!!
Welcome to shayri.com!!
Bahut umda ghazal pesh ki hai aapne......waise to saare hi shers bahut acche likhe hain lekin khaaskar ye shers mujhe bahut pasand aaye..


Humare pyaar meiN jaane kya kami reh gayi
Jo tumhare dil mein pyaar jaga na sake,

Naseeb-naseeb ka khel hi to hai
Varna kyoN tumhe apna bana na sake,

AansuoN ke saath yeh jung hai puraani
Koshish ki bahut per inhe hara na sake


Likhtey rahiyega,
shumaila


kabhi kisi ko muqammal jahan nahi milta
kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!!
   
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shukriya
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anil_tantia
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shukriya - 17th January 2002, 09:15 PM

Aapko yeh ghazal pasand aayi , shukriya

per maah kijiyega meiNe likhna chod diya hai yeh pehle ki hi likhi ghazal hai. per apni purani ghazal hum aapki khidmet meiN pesh karte rahenge
   
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bhulaa naa sakey
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Feroz
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bhulaa naa sakey - 23rd January 2002, 09:38 AM

anil saahab,

aadaab,

aap kii nazm/Ghazal padhii, aur bahut pasaNd bhii aayii. darasl mere Khyaal meiN ye hai hii ek Ghazal numaa nazm, is liye aap agar is ko Ghazal ke qaidoN ke hisaab se likhtey to aur bhii mazaa aataa. agar is Ghazal kii ThoDii sii "fine tuning " ho jaaye to is meiN aur bhii nikhaar aa saktaa hai. jaise......

1.
Tere pyaar ko dil se bhula na sake
Ek khwaab jise haqeeket bana na sake,

aap is ko yuuN likhiye.

teraa pyaar dil se bhulaa naa sakey
ye sapnaa haqiikat banaa naa sakey.

2.
Humare pyaar meiN jaane kya kami reh gayi
Jo tumhare dil mein pyaar jaga na sake,
...........ek achhey sher ko yuN aur bhii Khoobsuat banaayaa jaa saktaa hai........

hamaarii mohabbat meiN kyaa khoT thaa
tere dil meiN chaahat jagaa naa sakey ...ya


Naseeb-naseeb ka khel hi to hai
Varna kyoN tumhe apna bana na sake,
...............is ko yuN kahaa jaa saktaa hai,
nasiiboN kaa shaayad koii khel thaa
ke tum ko hum apnaa banaa naa sakey.

AansuoN ke saath yeh jung hai puraani
Koshish ki bahut per inhe hara na sake,
.......wah wah, kyaa baat hai, bas is ko yuN kaheiNgey to bahr meiN aa jaayegaa. ..............

hamaarii GhamoN se koii jaNg thii
inheiN ham kabhii bhii haraa naa sakey


Rehmat karo itni batado wo chaaragari
Ki yaad tumhari dil meiN kabhi aa na sake."
.............achhaa sher hai, lekin is ko bhii is tarah se Theek kiiyaa jaa saktaa hai. lafz chaaraagarii kaa istemaal yahaaN munaasib nahiiN lag rahaa.

koii to bataa de tariikaa hameiN
terii yaad phir dil meiN aa naa sakey


yeh sirf merii naaqis raai hai, ho saktaa hai aap ko pasaNd naa aaye. buraa naa maaniyegaa. lekin Ghazal kahney kii koshish jaarii rakhiiyegaa. phir mileiNgey.

Feroz
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