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~.. bas isi baat ka gila humko |
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(#1)
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~.. bas isi baat ka gila humko -
23rd December 2010, 09:58 AM
pahli ghazal hai is section maiN..... islaah darkaar hai aap sabki
 kambkhat yeh pahli gahzal hai jisne mujhe tang kar rakha hai , 10 din ho gaye haiN . likhe hue na banti hai na bigadti hai ... aap sabke hawale,,,, zara sanwaar deN ek maktaa bacha hai ho hi nahi pa raha ....!!  ______________________________________________ bas isi baat ka gila humko usko kyuN, kyuN nahi mila humko haiN dukhi hum khushi se bas sabki dukh hua dukh ka kab bhala humko door karne lagi hai nazdeeki paas laya tha faasla humko doosroN ke liye bhi muskaao phool kahne ko ye khila humko apne kaise paraye hote haiN tumse milkar pata chala humko _ - Fikr |
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(#2)
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24th December 2010, 02:40 PM
zainyji ,sabse pahle to apka shukriya adaa karna chaunga ki aapne is nek kaam ko anjaam diya. isse yakinan saare sdc ka faida hoga.
------------------------------------------------------------- mere khayaalaat fikr sahab pesh kar raha hu aapki ghazal par. ye islaah nahi hai...mera opinion hai bus. bas isi baat ka gila humko usko kyuN,kyu nahi mila humko 1] shayri me zabaandaani ka bada khayaal rakhna hota hai bhai.... aapka saani dayre me nahi hai mere hisaab se....itna sakht lehja nahi istemaal kar sakte shayad. agar koi film ke situation par ye matla hota to baat alag....magar independent ghazal me aise kahna zara haTke hai thoda narm karke batata hu.... kyu u.se ,kyu nahi mila humko( usko aur u.se me tum aur aap jaisa farq hai).......khayaal badalna nahi hai ,so is khayaal me sahayd aisa kahne se ek baar nibh jaaye 2] ulaa bahut accha laga, bhai haiN dukhi hum khushi se bas sabki dukh hua dukh ka kab bhala humko 1] lafze 'dukh' rawaaj me hai...magar generally 'dukhi' adab me nahi..... 2] ajeeb sa sher laga bhai....aam zindagi me aisa kuch kah jana ,baat alag hai...magar ghazal me mujhe theek nahi lagta. 3]agar ab apko lage ki meri baat kuch jayaz hai...aise kuch try kijiye gum hame hai to gum ka auro ke gum hua gam ka kab bhala humko....saani phir bhi khul nahi raha hai. shayad aise khule gum raha gam ka kab bhala humko aise kuch girah lagaiye door karne lagi hai nazdeeki paas laya tha faasla humko 1] sahi kaha bhai...jyada milne/ chahne se problem hota hai....likhawat se ye samjah aa raha hai mujhe..... mai use translate kar raha hu is filmy gaane ki tarz par...... milo na tum to hum ghabraayen...milo to ankh churaaye lafazi (word play) sher hai...bahut accha laga us lihaaz se.... meri daad kabool karo bhai...magar bahut saare variantions me jaa sakta hai -door hone lagi hai nazdiki -paas aane lagi hai nazdiki -paas aane lagi hai zindagi ab -door jaane lagi hai zindagi ab......bus idea explore kar raha hu...jis rang me shayar chadaana chaahe...saani bhi isi hisaaab se modify ho sakta hai... alfaaz khoob baraten hai aapne...so uske liye daad ye sher shayrana laga. doosroN ke liye bhi muskaao phool kahne ko ye khila humko na fikr o khayaal naya hai na alfaaz naye hai na hi kisi tarah se adaigi........ab in teeno me kam e kam ek zara hatke ho,jab jaake shayri hui.....aise bahut saare maujudaa ashaar ko tod phod kar bana hai ye.....so asar kam hai iska yaha no daad.  apne kaise paraye hote haiN tumse milkar pata chala humko 1]'hote' lafz zara ulaa uljhaa raha hai mere khayaal se....bahut se matlab nikal rahe hai.so correct baat tak pahuchne me der lag sakti hai. chuki roman editor nahi istemaal kiya hai'hote' aur ' hotein padne par mafhoom alag ho jata hai aur tense ka problem create kar raha haiagar sahi na samjhe koi to. do karibi surat darj karta hu ulaa ki( halka nuance alag ho hi jata hai lafz ka position badalne par) kyu paraaye sabhi ho jaate hai apne bhi kyu paraaye lagte hai.... 2] agar ulaa film/video me hota aapka ,jab adaa ho jata sahi maayne se...so galat bilkul nahi hai.... ulaa ko jyo ka tyo adaa karne me 'hote' ik khas tarah se adaa karna hoga aur body language ka bhi sahara lena hoga(film/video)..sar hilakar ya haath ke ihaare se. 3] apne kaise paraaye hote hai ke badle agar aise kahe 'kaise apne paraaye hote hai' to mere hisaab se behtar ho kyuki a- sawaal seedhe shuru ho to accha hai (agar beher ki bandish na ho to...aur yaha nahi hai) b-'apne paraaye' do opposites ek saath aane se zara khubsurti bada sakte hai. sher accha laga sahab aapka. daad meri taraf se. (apko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai) regards |
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(#3)
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Anshumali
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24th December 2010, 07:11 PM
Vikas Ji ...... zidd sahab ki class humeshaa bahut seekh de jaati hai ... aisi class ki mujhe bhi bahut zaroorat mehsus hoti hai .... jo aapke bahaane hume bhi mil jaati hai ... lagtaa hai ghazal likhna koi bachchoN kaa khel nahi ... bahut kuch abhi baaki hai ... yeh hi zidd sahab ki class bataati hai har baar hume ...
bahut bahut shukriya ... zidd sahab ! vikas ji ... aapki fikR ne bhi bahut mutacir kiya hume ... dili daad ! khush rahen ... ! duaaon ke saath ... !  YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#4)
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25th December 2010, 11:07 AM
Quote:
jo baate maine upar kahin hai uske bina bhi ghazal utni hi khoobsurat hai. jo kaha ek tarfa nazariya hai..... aap sahab class jaise lafz na istemaal kijiye.isse wroter ki sabse pahle insult hai.hamaari sharmindgi to hai hi uske baad. aapki muhabbat ki kadr hai mujhe... aapne unparalleled izzzatafzai ki hai.... aap please meri baat ko gaur se sochiye aur bura nahi maniyega.,please regards |
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(#5)
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25th December 2010, 11:29 AM
Quote:
shukriaya bhayee sari bateN samjh gaya lekin chuki roman editor nahi istemaal kiya hai'hote' aur ' hotein padne par mafhoom alag ho jata hai aur tense ka problem create kar raha hai, haiN se kya mafhoom alag ho raheN hai, ye nahi samjh aayaa kyuN bola aapne thodi si aur light mareN, |
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(#6)
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25th December 2010, 11:32 AM
Quote:
haan itna hi fark padega jaise, bachy dharmendr ki movie dekh ke niklate hai aur thodi der tak usi ke style mai dialog marte hai..... shukriyaa apko jitni bhi gahzal pasand aayee |
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warm regards and thanks alot |
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(#7)
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warm regards and thanks alot -
25th December 2010, 11:39 AM
Zidd jii, aapka bahut bahuts shukriya ki aapne enti bareeki se ek ek sher ko expalin kiya hai, sach kahuN to shayad aapko hansi aaye meri baat par, jis waqt VIKAS jii ne yeh gazal post ki thi maine usi waqt pad li thi aur socha tha ki bhala es gazal ko aur nikharne ki kya jaroorat hai, sab kuch bahut accha likha hai, aur ab aapki rai padkar lag raha hai ki waqai bahut kuch tha es meiN jo nikhar kar saamne nahi aaya tha......esi tarah sabko guide karte rahiye, apna keemti waqt aap de rahe haiN es ke liye aapka dil se shukriya.
reps for u +++ regards .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए... 
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(#8)
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25th December 2010, 12:04 PM
Quote:
ye section likhne walo ke saath, sath, khud SDC ke liye bhi banaya hai, mera manna hai ki shayri SDC ke liye hi nahi balki, SDc ko shayri ke liye hona chahiye ........ yahaN sanjeeda tour pe shayri karni chahiye aur uske liye badhava lena chahiye, aur ye zimmedaari MOD ko alag se nibhaani hi chahiye ........!!!! bas itna hi, shukriyaa |
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(#9)
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25th December 2010, 12:19 PM
Quote:
dil se shukriya .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#10)
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Anshumali
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25th December 2010, 09:00 PM
Quote:
duaaon ke saath ... ! YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#11)
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Anshumali
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25th December 2010, 09:05 PM
Quote:
YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#12)
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Anshumali
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26th December 2010, 09:40 AM
Quote:
Isme Sharmindaa hone jaisi koi baat nahi hai ... Fikr Ji ki mujhe bhi utni fikr hai ... jitni aap mehsoos karte hai .... jitni jaldi unki shaayri me nikhaar aaya ... aisa bahut kam dekhne me aataa hai ... yeh sab aapkaa aashirwaad hai ... maine class lafz dishaanirdesh ke hisaab se likhaa thaa .. aur koi mantavye nahi thaa .... har vidhaa ke nikhaar ke pichhe Guru ka saanidhye param aavashak maanaa gaya hai ... kisi bhi vidhaa ke sudhaar ki baariikiyoN ko sirf ek Guru hi darshaa saktaa hai ... maine iss nazariye ko hi yaha rakhne ki koshish ki thee ... kehte hai naa ..... bin guru gyaan nahi ... binaa guru ke sab adhuraa hai .... ! isme koi shaq nahi ..... Fikr ji ke humesha khayaal bahut khoob hote hai ... har ghazal me ... yeh bhi usse achhuuti nahi thi ... mujhe bahut umdaa lage isske khayaal aur adaayegi ... fikr ji bahut acchaa likh rahe ha aaj kal ... isse inkaar nahi kiya jaa sakta ... behr par acchi pakaDh nazar aa rahi hai ... yeh sab ... zidd sahab ka hi karishmaa kahungaa main ... ilm baantne se BaDhtaa hai ..... isko aapne SDC par saabiit karke dikhaaya hai ... humari khushkismaati hai ... hume aap jaisa dost aur Guru mila .. jo sabki FikR rakhtaa hai ... ! khush rahen ... apna theek se khayal rakhen... duaaon ke saath .... YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#13)
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~"REBELLIOUS IN LOVE"~
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26th December 2010, 09:46 AM
Quote:
suhkriya Vikas ji 4 sharing with us Regards _______________________________________________ PRANEETA
 Kaash k khamoshi bhi ek zabaaN hoti Main dekta rehta unhe aur haal-e-dil bayaaN hota Ananthpak |
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(#14)
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5th January 2011, 01:32 PM
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Thanks lot,,,,, |
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