zindagi ka safar

rumi · 04:10 PM

Hi all,
kafi dINO^n ke baad aaana hua , islia ke aaplogo^n se maafi ka talabgaar hoon.
ummid hai mujhe maaf kar denge.

isi ummid se aaj ek aisi ghazal pesh kar raha hoo^N jiska hamari zindagi se kafi nazdeek ka rista hai.
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haa^n to arz hai,

PAIDA TO PEHLE TAAB-E-NAZARA KARE KOI.
FIR USKE BAAD TERA TAMASHA KARE KOI.

ROYE NAA ZAAR-ZAAR NAA TADPAA KARE KOI.
JAB DIL HEE JAYE TO KYA KARE KOI.

ZAKHM-JIGAR KA MERE MADAWA KARE KOI.
MERI BHI SHAM-E-GHAM SAWERA KARE KOI.

DUNIYA BAHUT BADA HAI SAMJHA KARE KOI.
APNE HISAR-E-WAHAM SE NIKLA KARE KOI.

SABKO KO NAA EK NIGAH SE DEKHA KARE KOI.
APNI NAAR KA ZAVIYA BADLA KARE KOI.

JAANA HI CHAHTA HAI TO JAAYA KARE KOI.
MUD-MUD KE ISS TARAH SE NAA DEKHA KARE KOI.

KAB TAK SAR-E-NIYAZ KO RUSWA KARE KOI.
KIS-KIS SADA KE SAMNE SAJDA KARE KOI.

RAFTAAR USKI TEZ BAHUT TEZ HO GAYEE.
KAISE SAMANDAR-E-WAQT KA PICHAA KARE KOI.

TERE TASSAWO-ORAT SE RAUSHAN HAI ZINDAGI .
AIYE CHAAND KIOUN TERI TAMANNA KARE KOI.

HAI DOOBNA TO DIL KE SAMANDAR ME DOOB JAYE.
AANKHO^N KE QASTIYO^N ME NAA DOOBA KARE KOI.

TERA HUSOOL HAI JABKE HAI MAKSOOD-E-ZINDAGI.
KIOUN KAR KHUDA SE TUJH NAA MANGA KARE KOI.

MUMKIN NAHI KE WAQT SE KAROO^N MUFAHAMAT.
MUJH SE JO RUTHNA HAI TO , RUTHA KARE KOI.

DIL KYA HAI JAAN KO BHI KAROO^N NAZR-E-DOSTI.
HAR DOST BANKE MUHKO DIKHAYA KARE KOI.

CHODUNGA MAI NAA DAAMAN SABR-O-QARAR KA.
JITNA BHI JIS TARAH SATAYA KARE KOI.

YEH BHI TO APNE APNE MUQADDAR KEE BAAT HAI.
CHAHA KARE KOI PAAYA KARE KOI.

ISS KA KHAYAL DIL ME, TASWEER NAZAR ME HAI.
MUJH KO AISE ME NAA CHEDA KARE KOI.

ITNA BHI NAA HO JAYE KOI KHUDA SE BADGUMA^N.
KUCH AIYTABAR QALB-SHIKASTA KARE KOI.

MAI NE KISI KE WASYE SAB KUCH LUTA DIYA.
ABB TO MERI WAFA PE BHAROSA KARE KOI.

SULJHA HAI NAA SULHEGAA ,YEH AQDAA HAYAT KA.
KAH DO KE YUN NAA QAWISH-E-BEJAA KARE KOI.

MUSHKIL BAHUT HAI FAN-E-GHAZAL-GOI AYE RUMI.
USTAADI SUKHAN KA NAA DAAVAA KARE KOI.

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AAPKE TANQEED KA HAMESHA SE MUNTAZIR RAHA HOO^N, ISLIA
AAJ BHI AAPKE MASWIRO KA INTEZAR HAI.
BAS DEKHNA YEH HAI AAP APNA JAWAB KAB BHEJTE HAI^N.

ACHA
SABBA KHAIR.

Shimul · 15th December 2003, 04:19 PM

Bohot hi behtarin aur khubsurat sa Gazal pesh kiye hein aapne.

Bohot achha laga parte hue. Dilki duniya meh aise bhi haal hoti hein.

Par keya kare? Shukriya. Aise hi likhte rahiyega. Take care. God bless you.

rumi · **SHUKRIYA -** 15th December 2003, 04:47 PM

HI SHIMUL JEE
AAPKA BEHAD BEHAD SHUKRIYA.
WARNA KHAKSAAR ISS QABIL KAHA^N.
AAPLOGO^N KI HAUSLA-AFZAI HI MERA RASTA HUMWAAR KARTI HAI, AUR MAI USI RASTE PAR CHALNE LAGTA HOO^n.
ACHA AAAPKA FIR SE EK SUKRGUZAR HOO^n.
WISH U GOOD LUCK.

Shimul · 15th December 2003, 06:11 PM

Rumi Jee, aap toh mujhe sharminda kar rahe hein. Mein ish kabil kaha? Please next time don't say this much. Just say what your heart says. That would be good enough for me. Thanks. Take care. God bless you.

rumi · **haa^n to shimul jee -** 16th December 2003, 02:22 PM

good day shimul jee
mujhe yeh jaan kar khushi hui ke aap ke andar talent hai magar is baat ka guroor bilkul nahi hai.
kioun ke aapke posted record ko dekh kar koi bhi samajh sakta hai ke aap acha likhte hain aur doosro ko inspire bhi karte hain.
so i m very thanful to u for incouraging me.
ok i m stopping my pen.

khuda hafiz

Sarwar A. Raz · **aap kee Ghazal -** 21st December 2003, 11:17 AM

Rumi saaHeb:aadaab!

aap kee Ghazal dekhee. bohat lambee hai! pasand aa'ee. kuChh GhalatiyaaN haiN. maiN chand misroN kaa vazn hee Theek kar rahaa hooN. itnaa vaqt naheeN hai k tafseel se likhooN. aap dekh leN.

Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:
-----------------------------
PAIDA TO PEHLE TAAB-E-NAZARA KARE KOI.
FIR USKE BAAD TERA TAMASHA KARE KOI.

saHeeH lafz hai "phir": aur :fir: Ghalat hai. she'r aChhaa hai! daad Haazir hai.
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ROYE NAA ZAAR-ZAAR NAA TADPAA KARE KOI.
JAB DIL HEE JAYE TO KYA KARE KOI.

doosraa misra' vazn (meter) meiN naheeN hai. iss ko yooN kar leN:

jab dil hee jaaye haath se to kyaa kare ko'ee?
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ZAKHM-JIGAR KA MERE MADAWA KARE KOI.
MERI BHI SHAM-E-GHAM SAWERA KARE KOI.

bohat Khoob! lekin doosraa misra' vazn se baahar hai. yooN kaheN:

meree bhee shaam.e.Gham kaa saveraa kare ko'ee
-------------------------------------
DUNIYA BAHUT BADA HAI SAMJHA KARE KOI.
APNE HISAR-E-WAHAM SE NIKLA KARE KOI.

:dunyaa: mu'aanas (feminine) hai aur :baRaa: uss ke saath likhnaa Ghalat hai. pehlaa misra' yooN bhee vazn meiN naheeN hai. aur haaN saHeeH lafz hai :wahm: na k :waham: jiss meiN :hey: per aap ne Ghalatee se zabar lagaa diyaa hai. yooN sochiye:

dunyaa buree hai aisaa na sochaa kare ko'ee
apne Hisaar.e.wahm se niklaa kare ko'ee
---------------------------------------------
SABKO NAA EK NIGAH SE DEKHA KARE KOI.
APNI NAZAR KA ZAVIYA BADLA KARE KOI.

maiN ne aap kee typos Theek kar dee haiN. ab she'r durust hai.
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JAANA HI CHAHTA HAI TO JAAYA KARE KOI.
MUD-MUD KE ISS TARAH SE NAA DEKHA KARE KOI.

aChhaaa she'r hai!
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KAB TAK SAR-E-NIYAZ KO RUSWA KARE KOI.
KIS-KIS SADA KE SAMNE SAJDA KARE KOI.

aap :sadaa: ke saamne sajda naheeN kar sakte haiN! iss kaa ko'ee matlab naheeN hai. yooN keh sakte haiN:

kab tak -------------
kiss kiss ke ghar ke saamne----------
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RAFTAAR USKI TEZ BAHUT TEZ HO GAYEE.
KAISE SAMANDAR-E-WAQT KA PICHAA KARE KOI.

doosre misre' meiN :samandar: kee vajh se vazn Kharaab ho gayaa hai. iss ko :samand: (=ghoRaa, sawaaree) kar deejiye!

raftaar ------------------
kaise samand.e.vaqt kaa ----------
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TERE TASSAWO-ORAT SE RAUSHAN HAI ZINDAGI .
AIYE CHAAND KIOUN TERI TAMANNA KARE KOI.

doosraa misra' vazn meiN Kharaab hai:

a'e chaaNd kaise teree--------------
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HAI DOOBNA TO DIL KE SAMANDAR ME DOOB JAA
AANKHO^N KEE KASHTIYO^N ME NAA DOOBA KARE KOI.
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ab baaqee ke ash'aar ko aap Khud hee Theek kareN. in meiN se voh misre' jin per * lagaa hai vazn se baahar haiN.

*TERA HUSOOL HAI JABKE HAI MAKSOOD-E-ZINDAGI.
*KIOUN KAR KHUDA SE TUJH NAA MANGA KARE KOI.

*MUMKIN NAHI KE WAQT SE KAROO^N MUFAHAMAT.
MUJH SE JO RUTHNA HAI TO , RUTHA KARE KOI.

DIL KYA HAI JAAN KO BHI KAROO^N NAZR-E-DOSTI.
HAR DOST BANKE MUHKO DIKHAYA KARE KOI.

*CHODUNGA MAI NAA DAAMAN SABR-O-QARAR KA.
*JITNA BHI JIS TARAH SATAYA KARE KOI.

YEH BHI TO APNE APNE MUQADDAR KEE BAAT HAI.
*CHAHA KARE KOI PAAYA KARE KOI.

*ISS KA KHAYAL DIL ME, TASWEER NAZAR ME HAI.
*MUJH KO AISE ME NAA CHEDA KARE KOI.

*ITNA BHI NAA HO JAYE KOI KHUDA SE BADGUMA^N.
*KUCH AIYTABAR QALB-SHIKASTA KARE KOI.

MAI NE KISI KE WASYE SAB KUCH LUTA DIYA.
ABB TO MERI WAFA PE BHAROSA KARE KOI.

*SULJHA HAI NAA SULHEGAA ,YEH AQDAA HAYAT KA.
KAH DO KE YUN NAA QAWISH-E-BEJAA KARE KOI.

*MUSHKIL BAHUT HAI FAN-E-GHAZAL-GOI AYE RUMI.
USTAADI SUKHAN KA NAA DAAVAA KARE KOI.

rumi · **shukriya -** 21st December 2003, 05:14 PM

Aadab arz hai janab .

aapka bahut-bahut shukriya.

aapne naacheez ko iss qabil samjha, aur rahnumai kee.
chu^n ke mai yeh naa kahoonga ke aapne kuch galat kaha hai,
aur aapne jo samjha kuch galat samjha hai.

kioun ke har ka nukt-e-nazar ek saa nahi hota, islia mai yehi kahna chahoonga ke aapne jo apne nazariye se samjha hai wo sahi samjha hai.

lekin kuch auraq aise bhi hote hain jinhe sirf shayar hi samajh sakta hai.

aaapki tanqido^n ka hamesha muntazir.

Sarwar A. Raz · 21st December 2003, 08:03 PM

Rumi saaHeb:aadaab!

Khat kaa shukriya! yeh zaahir hai k aap abhee shaa'iree ke maidaan meiN nau.vaarid haiN aur yeh bhee k aap ko tanqeed pasand naheeN hai. yeh aap kaa nuqta.e.nazar hai aur iss kaa aap ko mukammal Haq hai. jo baateN aap ne shaa'iree ke Havaale se likhee haiN un per tabsire kee Haajat naheeN hai. aap itmeenaan rakheN k aa'inda aap kee shaa'iree per meree jaanib se ko'ee tabsira naheeN ho gaa. agar ko'ee raaste meiN aaNkheN band karne per Khud hee israar kare to uss kee rehnumaa'ee mumkin naheeN hai.

du'aa go

Sarwar A. Raz :Sarwar:

rumi · **Aadab arz hai janab -** 22nd December 2003, 01:59 PM

Aadab arz hai janab,
mujhe iss baat ka qatai afsos hai janab aapko meri baat ka bura laga.
warna mai iss qabil nahi aapke tanqido^n par koi sawal-jawab karoo^n.
aaapne phir meri nazariye ko galat samjha hai.
mai ne sirf yeh kaha tha ke mai ne galat to likha hai lekin wo mera nazariyiya tha, aapne use sahi kiya wo aapka nazariyiya tha.

waise mujhe yeh ummid hai aap itni jaldi naraz nahi ho^Nge.
aapko to abhi mujhe kafi kuch sikhana hai.
kuch aapse sikhi hui ibarate^n iss khat me nazar bhi aa jayengi.
waise agar aap ko takleef hui ho to mai mafi ka talabgaar hoo^n.

aur zyada kya likhoo^n.

khuda hafiz.