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| View Poll Results: I think this may be Ghazal of the month: | |||
| Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar!!(chaahat) |
   
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0 | 0% |
| abke ai dost tumhara yeh hunar dekhainge(Rajveer) |
  
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15 | 60.00% |
| Teri panaah me.N shaqs ruswa kis kadar hoga(pooja) |
  
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3 | 12.00% |
| "ISHQ KA HUNAR"(Sunita Virender) |
  
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5 | 20.00% |
| to.D de dil ko aisaa hunar to nahiiN.......!(Dhaval) |
  
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2 | 8.00% |
| Voters: 25. You may not vote on this poll | |||
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Poetry submitted for ghazal of the month July2007 |
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Poetry submitted for ghazal of the month July2007 -
25th July 2007, 06:21 PM
Azeez dostoN,
Ghazal of the month'july' ke liye hame kul 5 Ghazal mile haiN, Aur un meiN se hii kisii Ghazal ko chun,na hai. maiN sab se pahle un dostoN ka shukr-guzaar huuN jinhone 'ghazal of the month' meiN hissa liya aur apnii poetry hame bheji... maiN sabhii poetry yahaaN post kar raha huuN... aage jald hii Praveen jee aur Maikash jee apnii raa'ey deNge... Shukriyah! ***************************************** 1) Ghazal submitted by Chaahat: NTitle : Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar!! HonTh bhi nahi hilTe.. aur keh jaaTe hain haal-e-jigar.. Aankhon se baaT karTe hain huzoor, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Band karke sapne kayi, apni naazuk palkon par.. Dikha jaaTe hain har zarra mujhe, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Padh leTe hain meri aankhen, mera dard-e-jigar.. KarTe hain mukarrarr khud hi saza, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. SiTam karke bhi mujhe, anjaan banTe hain woh magar.. LaaTe hain mere aansoon apni aankhon mein, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Unki har nazar ka, mujhpe hoTa hai ek ajeeb asar... Har baar pehchaan leTe hain meri har dhadkan, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Hunar unke iTne hain, ki bayaan karTi rahun main saari sahar.. Unke har hunar se ikraar hai, Saath nibhaayegi 'ChaahaT' ye Zindagi ka safar.. 2) Ghazal submitted by Rajveer Title: abke ai dost tumhara yeh hunar dekhainge abke ai dost tumhara yeh hunar dekhainge kaise jeete ho leke dard-e-jigar dekhainge.. mo'ajije dekhe hain ham ne yooN to pehle bhii bahut abke barish mein jhulastaa apna ghar dekhainge..... pehle nazaron se zamaane ki bacha to le.n tujhe phir yeh hoga ki tujhe ek nazar dekhainge..... yun to raahon mein kati zindagi apni ab tak hoga tai kaise tire dil ka safar dekhainge..... gam ki taariikiyon se gar yeh huwaa bach paaye tab kahin hoga sakoo.n ki bhii sehar dekhainge.. umr bhar fikr men jinke liye rahna hai huwaa kyaa unheiN kuchh hai hamari bhii fikr dekhainge.... chal diye pyaar hamaaraa to yooN hi Thukraake zindagi tanha karoge jo basar dekhainge..... gair ki baahon mein jis roz wo soye honge 'veer' us roz tumhara bhii sabar dekhainge..... 3) Ghazal submitted by Pooja4588 Title: Teri panaah me.N shaqs ruswa kis kadar hoga Teri panaah me.N shaqs ruswa kis kadar hoga Khaak bhi panaah na de, uska sayaa jidhar hoga rafta rafta dam nikal hi gaya taNhaa raah me.N MaNzil dikha ke chhod janaa bhi ek hunar hoga gaalo.N pe ye lakiir nishaan'e'lahoo sii nazar aai zaroor nigaaho.N me.N kisi Qaatil ka basar hoga mere yaar ko bhii maar daale gum'e'bewaffaaii tere dushman ki duao.N me.N to koi asar hoga kab tak Kharch karoge ess kadar kaffan pe mere Ab to Pooja ke marne ka silsilaa bhii aksar hoga 4) Ghazal submitted by Sunita Virender Title: "ISHQ KA HUNAR" kar husan ko tanha dikha ishq ka hunar gaye muskurati aankho ko ashkon se kar tar gaye..... chhor teri galion ko jab ham door nikal gaye thaa har jaanib tera hii charcha ham jidhar gaye...... pa to lete ham bhi mohabat ki manzil shayad par aap sar-e-rah chhor manzil ka safar gaye...... dhundha kiye hum unhe har gali har shehar jalane ko dil mera wo rakeebon ke ghar gaye..... dekha jo sawan ne bhi dil mera jalta huaa uske aansu barish ban patton pe bikhar gaye...... thii ab bhi kush shikayatain yaaron ko hamse hamko thaa ye guma.n ki ham sudhar gaye...... jal rahi thii saanso ki loo tim timati huyii aur wo jaate jaate kar hawaon ko khabar gaye...... sar-e-bazm jo kiya haal-e-dil byaa.n hamne hamari is aada ko woh kah shayri ka hunar gaye...... thaa wada ki rukhsatii pe aaounga jaroor leke khuli palkain ham intzaar mein guzar gaye..... suna na doon zamane ko daasta.n bewafaii kii isii dar se jaate jaate 'sunita' ko de zehar gaye........ 5)Ghazal submitted by Dhavalrami4u Title::to.D de dil ko aisaa hunar to nahiiN.......! to.D de dil ko aisaa hunar to nahiiN, raah me.N chho.De wo hamsafar to nahiiN yaadoN kii chaadareN kaam le leNge ham, sard raatoN ki itnii fikar to nahiiN baab-e-dil par chale raat din haaN magar, teri chaahat ka ko'ii asar to nahiiN baab-e-dil: dil ke raste par... aarazoo ho bahaaroN ki jiske liYe, paas apne haaN aisaa Shajar to nahiiN Shajar: pe.D nuZhat aaYegi kahaaN sey yeH to bataa, ess dil kaa haal tujHe Khabar to nahiiN nuZhat: KhuShii dil ko taaboot saa maan ke kahti haii, ke "Dhaval" yeH tirii hii kabar to nahii |
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Your comments about the poetry submitted for "Ghazal of the month july-2007" |
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(#2)
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Your comments about the poetry submitted for "Ghazal of the month july-2007" -
27th July 2007, 06:58 PM
Azeez dostoN,
aap Ghazal of the month meiN submitted poetry ke liye yahaaN comments de sakte haiN  mujhe ummeed hai kii aisa karne se Ghazal of the montyh meiN shaamil huye dostoN kii hausila afzaayii hogii....Shukriyah! Mayank |
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Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar!! |
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(#3)
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Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar!! -
28th July 2007, 01:38 PM
Quote:
Chaahat jee: Namsate: Aap kii nazm achchhi lagiii... Par aap ko 'hunar' lafz ko bataur qaafiye istemaal kar aap ko Ghazal kahnii hai, par aap ne ek dilkash nazm kahii daali Aap kii yeh nazm behad achchhi lagii, ess ke liye mere taraf se daad aur mubaarakbaad qubool keejiye ooparwaale se duaa hai kii aap ko aur hunarmand kare, aur aap ke kalaammeiN aur nikhaar aaye: Shukriyah! Mayank |
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28th July 2007, 01:44 PM
Rajveer jee:
Namsate: aap kii Ghazal achchhi lagii: aur KhaaS taur se ehsaas behad achchhe lage ... aap ne wazn meiN likhane kii koshish kii hai yeh khushii kii baat hai........ lekin mujhe kahiiN kahiiN kuchh kamiyaaN nazar aayii...... aap kii nazr kar raha huuN.. par yeh meri nijii raa'ey hai aur aap se ittefaaaq rakkheN aisa zaruuri nahiiN hai Quote:
'kaise le kar jeete ho dard-e-jigar dekheNge' Sher ka khayaal achchah hai, daad! Quote:
Moajije dekheN haiN ham ne yuuN bahuut pahle bhii, duusa misra behtar hai... Khayaal achchha hai , daad! Quote:
Duusre misre meiN bhii yeh aib hai, Tujhe>>>> tumHe wazn se bhiii khaariz hai dono misre: Sher yuuN likh sakte haiN: Pahle nazaroN se zamaane kii bachaaleN tum ko Phir tumHe jee bhar ke jaanam ek nazar dekheNge Quote:
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Gham kii taariikiyoN se gar ham kabhii bach nikle tab kahiiN jaa kar sukuuN kii ham saHar dekheNge.. Quote:
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ooparwaale se duaa hai kii aap ko aur hunarmand kare, aur aap ke kalaammeiN aur nikhaar aaye: Shukriyah! Mayank |
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28th July 2007, 01:46 PM
hmmmmm...mayank ji hamarey liye bhi kuch likh detey....
 asal mei.n mera likha es kabil hi nahi laga na...esi liye...koi baat nahi next time sahi.....  majaak kar rahi hoon.....sach mat samaj lena kush rahiye .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए... 
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28th July 2007, 01:52 PM
Puuja jee:
aap kii Ghazal achchhi lagii ess ke liye mere taraf se daad! haazir hai... do-ek baateN arz karna chaahata huuN, joo kii meri nijii raa'ey hai.. ummeed hai aap bura nahiiN maaneNgii... Quote:
uska saaya>>>> Saaya us ka Quote:
raah meiN... RaahoN meiN, pahle misre meiN likha hai aap ne, 'Tanhaa raah meiN dam nikalna' ess ka matlabb yeh hota hai kii aap raah maiN tanha the, par duusre misre meiN 'Manzil dikha kar chhor jaana' dono misroN meiN rabt nahiiN huaa... Quote:
Nazar aai>lagti hai Sher ke ehsaas bohat achchhe haiN Daad!Quote:
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 kafan par kharch yeh to physical hua, aur marne ka silsila yeh logical hai..kyuN kii insaan physically ek baar hi mar sakta hai.. Puuja jii aap kii yeh koShish achchhi lagii, daad! Ummeed hai aage bhii aap yuuN hii likhati raheNgii.. ooparwaale se duaa hai kii aap ko aur hunarmand kare, aur aap ke kalaamoN meiN aur nikhaar aaye: Shukriyah!Mayank |
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28th July 2007, 01:56 PM
Sunita jee:
Namsate: aap kii yeh koshish nazar nawaaz huii, aur yeh ek achchhi koshish hai, ess ke liye mere taraf se daad haazir hai qubool keejiyegaa... Quote:
Khayaal achchha hai, Quote:
Tera>> tumHaara ess Sher ka bhii Khayaal achchha hai , daad! Quote:
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ham>>> ham ne rakeeboN>> raqeeboN Khayaal achchah hai, daad! Quote:
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kush>> kuchh Quote:
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Sunita jee: aap kiii Gahzal achchhi lagii, daad haazir hai.. qubool kejeiyegaa.. ummeed hai aap meri kahii huii koii bhii baat ko bura nahiiN maaneNgii aur aage bhii yuuN hii likhte raheNgii... ooparwaale se duaa hai kii aap ko aur hunarmand kare, aur aap ke kalaamoN meiN aur nikhaar aaye: Shukriyah! Mayank |
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28th July 2007, 02:01 PM
Dhaval jee:
Sab se pahle maiN aap ka shukriyah adaa karna chaahata huuN jo aap ne yahaaN hissa lioya, aur apne ehsaas bayaaN kiye..... kuchh ek baateN arz kar raah huun, jo meri nijii raa'ey haiN.. Quote:
 Khayaal ulajh gaye haiN)Quote:
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par paRh kar laboN par muskurahat chha gayeeDhaval jee: aap kii yeh koshish achchhi lagiii.. ummeed hai aap aage bhii yuuN hii likhte raheNge... Merii koii baat burii lagii ho darkinaar kar deejiyega... ooparwaale se duaa hai kii aap ko aur hunarmand kare, aur aap ke kalaamoN meiN aur nikhaar aaye: Shukriyah! Mayank |
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28th July 2007, 02:03 PM
Quote:
Mayank |
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28th July 2007, 02:40 PM
Quote:
arreeee bhaag kar kaha jaogey...... hum aise hi aapka peecha chorrney wale nahi.....  .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#11)
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28th July 2007, 04:10 PM
wellll..........
Meri tarafse sabko best wishes.................... Ab main kisiek ki tarif nahin akr sakti...sab mere apne hi hain...sabko best luck compeitition ke liye.....agli baar main bhi shayad part lungi..is baar dhyan hi nahin raha.... mausam Jaane kya samjhi main useN Faasla nazar aaya....Kuch kadmon ke saath se |
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28th July 2007, 04:45 PM
Quote:
"Ghazal of the month" meiN hissaa leke mujHe bhii baRaa achchhaa lagaa.. yahaaN sey bahot kuch seeKhne ko mileNgaa mujHe... aur KhuShii ess baat kii hay kii maiN kuch kadam aage baRh sakuNgaa ess safar meiN... to maiN aapkaa shurKriyaaH adaa karnaa chaahtaa huuN tah-e-dil sey kii aapne mujHe yeH maukaa diYaa...! Quote:
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jee bhaiyaa... Quote:
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aapko Khayaal pasaNd aaYeN...KhuShii hu'ii..jee haaN sahii tarah sey bayaaN karne kii aglii baar poorii kosiSh karuNgaa... Quote:
huzoor duaa haii aapke laboN par muskuraahat haMeShaa banii raheN..Quote:
Mayank bhaiyaa...maiN baRaa hii mamnoon huuN..aapne ess kosiSh ke liYe apnaa qeemtii waQt diYaa..aor ess kosiSh ko apnii raa'ey sey nawaazaa...KhuShii hu'ii... Bahot kuch seeKhne ko milaa..aur kosiSh yehiii raheNgii yahaaN sey aage aur bhii seeKhtaa rahuN...aor aapkii baatoN ko darkinaar kyuuN karuN?? aapkii baateN sahii haii aor maiN kosiSh karuNgaa kii apnii GhaltiYoN ko door karuN...aapkaa aik baar fir sey shurKriyaaH...! Quote:
duaaoN ke saath ijaazat aapka ~ Dhaval |
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Ghazal No. 1 |
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Birha Tu Sultan
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Ghazal No. 1 -
30th July 2007, 06:28 PM
1) Ghazal submitted by Chaahat:
Title : Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar!! HonTh bhi nahi hilTe.. aur keh jaaTe hain haal-e-jigar.. Aankhon se baaT karTe hain huzoor, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Band karke sapne kayi, apni naazuk palkon par.. Dikha jaaTe hain har zarra mujhe, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Padh leTe hain meri aankhen, mera dard-e-jigar.. KarTe hain mukarrarr khud hi saza, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. SiTam karke bhi mujhe, anjaan banTe hain woh magar.. LaaTe hain mere aansoon apni aankhon mein, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Unki har nazar ka, mujhpe hoTa hai ek ajeeb asar... Har baar pehchaan leTe hain meri har dhadkan, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. Hunar unke iTne hain, ki bayaan karTi rahun main saari sahar.. Unke har hunar se ikraar hai, Saath nibhaayegi 'ChaahaT' ye Zindagi ka safar.. .................................................. ........ .................................................. ........ chaahat saahiba aadaab,namaste aur sat sri akaal aapki Ghazal ke muttalliq chaNd baateiN aapse kehna chahta huuN :- Ghazal ka format Ghalat hai, ya to matle meiN bhi "Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar" ba'ta'ur radeef istemaal kiya hota ya aapne Ghazal Ghair-muraddaf kahi hoti to theek hai, yahaaN Ghalati huii hai **Band karke sapne kayi, apni naazuk palkon par.. **Dikha jaaTe hain har zarra mujhe, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar palkoN par "sajaa" sakte haiN "rakh" sakte haiN, "palkoN par baNd karna" sahi tarqeeb nahiiN hai, she'r ka khayaal behadd kamzor hai aur donoN misroN meiN koii rabt mujhe nazar nahiiN aaya **Padh leTe hain meri aankhen, mera dard-e-jigar.. **KarTe hain mukarrarr khud hi saza, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. yeh she'r bhi bohat kamzor hai, donoN misroN meiN rabt yahaaN bhi nadaa'rad hai **SiTam karke bhi mujhe, anjaan banTe hain woh magar.. **LaaTe hain mere aansoon apni aankhon mein, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. "laate haiN mere aaNsoo apni aaNkhoN meiN" kaha jaana Ghalat hai, "meri aaNkhoN meiN tere aaNsoo" vaghera theek hai, ga'ur farmaaiyega, rabt ka mas'alaa yahaaN bi barqaraar hai **Unki har nazar ka, mujhpe hoTa hai ek ajeeb asar... **Har baar pehchaan leTe hain meri har dhadkan, Vaah kya khoob hai unka hunar.. bohat kamzor she'r hai, khayaal aur bayaan donoN ke hisaab se, maf'huum saaf nahiiN haiN **Hunar unke iTne hain, ki bayaan karTi rahun main saari sahar.. **Unke har hunar se ikraar hai, Saath nibhaayegi 'ChaahaT' ye Zindagi ka safar.. radeef aur qafiya maiN pehle hi keh chuka huuN ke aapne sahi istemaal nahiiN kiya hai isliye is par aur kuch nahiiN kahuuNga, aapne yahaaN bhi radeef badal diya hai jo ke Ghalat hai, "hunar se iqraar" Ghalat hai Notes : 1. aapke kalaam ka koii bhi misra wazan meiN nahiiN hai, jise mayank miyaaN "rawaani" kehte haiN 2. aapne "..." ka jo istemaal kiya hai voh be'maani hai roman urdu script meiN dots,commas aur exclamation points vaGhera ka khaas matlab hota hai isey vahiiN istemaal kiya jaata hai jahaaN zaroorat hoti hai, jaise ke agar koi jumlaa adhuura choRaa jaaye to us na'muqammal misrey ke aakhir meiN dots istemaal kiye jaate haiN, kahiiN hai'raani ki taraf tavvajo darkaar ho to vahaan "!" lagaay jaata hai vaGhera vaGhera 3. aapne kayi jagah bewajah capital letters istemaal kiye haiN jo ke Ghalat hai,roman urdu script meiN capital letters bhi bohat khaas matlab rakhte haiN jaise ke hindi meiN jahaaN "biNdu" lagaaya jaata hai roman urdu meiN us biNdu ko capital N likha jaata hai , example : hindi ka shabd hai "biNdiya" , yahaaN ba ke uupar jo biNdi hai usey roman urdu meiN capital N se likha jaayega, ab sochiye "saadhu ki kuTiya" meiN aap capital T istemaal nahiiN kareNge to padhne waala kya samjhega ! edit : "t" aur "T" ka farq bataana maiN bhool gaya tha isliye post edit kar raha huuN. taras,taraf,tujhe jaise alfaaz meiN "t" lagta, ab is lafz par dhyaan dijiye "TuuTa" jaise dil todna, sheesha todna, voh waala TuuTa, is lafz meiN capital T ka istemaal kiya jaayega, agar aisa nahiiN kareNge to iski aawaaz aisi ban'tii hai jaise koi tot'lee zabaan meiN bol raha ho, ummiid hai ye wajaahat aapke kaam aayegi, aap agar saahib-e-ilm ke kalaam ga'ur se padheNge to ye tam'aam farq badi aasaani se aapki samajh meiN aa jaayeNge aapne yeh kalaam judgement ke liye haazir kiya hai isliye aapko awwal to kisi baat ka bura nahiiN lagna chahiye agar laga ho to maiN mazrat chahta huuN, mashq jaari rakhiye rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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Birha Tu Sultan
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30th July 2007, 08:24 PM
2) Ghazal submitted by Rajveer
Title: abke ai dost tumhara yeh hunar dekhainge abke ai dost tumhara yeh hunar dekhainge kaise jeete ho leke dard-e-jigar dekhainge.. mo'ajije dekhe hain ham ne yooN to pehle bhii bahut abke barish mein jhulastaa apna ghar dekhainge..... pehle nazaron se zamaane ki bacha to le.n tujhe phir yeh hoga ki tujhe ek nazar dekhainge..... yun to raahon mein kati zindagi apni ab tak hoga tai kaise tire dil ka safar dekhainge..... gam ki taariikiyon se gar yeh huwaa bach paaye tab kahin hoga sakoo.n ki bhii sehar dekhainge.. umr bhar fikr men jinke liye rahna hai huwaa kyaa unheiN kuchh hai hamari bhii fikr dekhainge.... chal diye pyaar hamaaraa to yooN hi Thukraake zindagi tanha karoge jo basar dekhainge..... gair ki baahon mein jis roz wo soye honge 'veer' us roz tumhara bhii sabar dekhainge..... .................................................. ............... .................................................. ............... Rajveer saahab sat sri akaal aapki Ghazal pe chaNd ta'suraat haazir haiN :- aapne Ghazal wazan meiN kehne ki kohshish ki hai jiski mujhe bohat khushi hai **abke ai dost tumhara yeh hunar dekhainge **kaise jeete ho leke dard-e-jigar dekhainge.. matle par mujhe koii khaas aitraaz nahiiN hai thoda tabdeel kar diya jaaye to aur achcha ho jaayega, ye suurat dekhiye : abke ai yaar tumhaara bhi hunar dekheNge tum saNbhaaloge kaise dard-e-jigar dekheNge note kijiye ke pehle misre meiN "bhi" lagaane se ye aapki khud ki dard-e-jigar se kash-ma-kash ki baat bhi bayaan meiN aa jaati hai aur duure misre ke "tum" ki wajah se bayaan meiN rabt bhi badh jaata hai ***mo'ajije dekhe hain ham ne yooN to pehle bhii bahut ***abke barish mein jhulastaa apna ghar dekhainge..... ek duusre thread meiN mayank miyaaN ne pehle misra ki duusri suurat tajveez ki hai mujhe uss se puura itte'faaq hai go lafz-e-moji'zey aapne Ghalat likha hai sahi lafz hai "moji'zey" :- moaj'izey dekheN haiN ham ne yuuN bahuut pahle bhii duusra misra mere hisaab se wazan meiN nahiiN hai, yuuN dekhiye abke baarish meiN jhulas'taa huaa Ghar dekheNge lekin is suurat meiN she'r ke mafhuum saaf nahiiN hue, aap khud dekh lijiyega **pehle nazaron se zamaane ki bacha to le.n tujhe **phir yeh hoga ki tujhe ek nazar dekhainge..... is she'r ke mutt'alliq mayank saahab ne aapko jo islaah di hai vo durust hai go duusra misra maiN chahta huuN ke aap phir se kehne ki kohshish kareiN **yun to raahon mein kati zindagi apni ab tak **hoga tai kaise tire dil ka safar dekhainge bhai yeh she'r bohat kamzor hai,duusre misre ke wazan meiN bhi gaRbaRation hai,tavvajo dijiyega **gam ki taariikiyon se gar yeh huwaa bach paaye **tab kahin hoga sakoo.n ki bhii sehar dekhainge.. phir se kahiye! **umr bhar fikr men jinke liye rahna hai huwaa **kyaa unheiN kuchh hai hamari bhii fikr dekhainge.... "fiqr" yahaaN is qafiya meiN nahiiN khap sakta, qafiya badaliye aur phir se kahiye **chal diye pyaar hamaaraa to yooN hi Thukraake **zindagi tanha karoge jo basar dekhainge..... mayank saahab ne jo aitraaz uThaaya hai vo jaayaz hai,pehla misra yuuN kaha jaa sakta hai : aaj tanhaa to aap humko choRe'y jaate ho **gair ki baahon mein jis roz wo soye honge **'veer' us roz tumhara bhii sabar dekhainge..... maqta mujhe khusuun pasaNd aaya lekin ismeiN jo qafiya aapne istemaal kiya hai voh munaasib nahiiN hai goya "fiqr" pe aitraaz uThaaya gaya hai "sabar" dar-asl punjabi ka lafz hai aur urdu meiN sahi lafz "sabr" hai, duusra misra yuuN bhi keh sakte haiN : veer us roz tera haal-e-jigar dekheNge Notes : jis baat ki mujhe sabse zyada khushi hai (jaise ke maine uupar darj kiya hai) voh yeh hai ke aapne Ghazal wazan meiN kehne ki bhar'puur kohshish ki hai aur aap is kohshish meiN kisi hadd taq kaamyaab bhi hue haiN isliye meri mubarakbaad qabuul kijiye aur roman urdu script ke baare meiN maine kuch zaroori baateiN isi thread meiN darj ki haiN aap usey zaroor padhiyega aur mashq jaari rakhiye aapka ko'ii sawaal ho to maiN taa'bedaar huuN rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#15)
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3rd August 2007, 09:15 AM
Quote:
Aapki saari baatein padhi.. ji haan jaanti hun... meri ghazal me rabt ki kami hai.. par kya hai.. dil ke aage kalam me her pher karne pad jaate hain.. lekin aapka bahut bahut shukriya.. jo aapne har ek cheez itne ache se explain ki.. aage se behter likhne ki koshish zaroor karungi.. Bas aapse do baatein kehna chaahti thi.... ek to mere yeh '...' dots ki... yeh meri aadat hai.. mujhe urdu nahi aati, urdu me kaise kis shabd par vazan dete hain, nahi jaanti... bas apne mann se likhti hun.. aur doosri baat "T" ki... samjhti hun main, ki kisi akshar ko Capital ltrs me likhne se us akshar par vazan padta hai, lekin maine "T" vazn ke liye nahi likha... agar aap meri koyi bhi rachna padhenge, usmein "T" capital hi paayenge.. iski vajah shaayad aapko mere signatures ki last line de paaye. Aur aapki baaki saari baaton ne mujhe sochne ke liye majboor kiya.. aur yehi aawaaz aayi.. ki priya bache bahut improvement ki zaroorat hai Thanx to you, jo aapne mujhe meri kamzoriyon se aagaah karvaya.Thanx once again! "Dikha kar khawaab in aankhon ko, De gaye aansoon in mein Tum.. Kaise chalka doo yeh aansoon, In mein bhi To rehTe ho Tum.." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Sirf Tanu Ki ChaahaT...... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ |
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(#16)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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3rd August 2007, 08:03 PM
3) Ghazal submitted by Pooja4588
Title: Teri panaah me.N shaqs ruswa kis kadar hoga Teri panaah me.N shaqs ruswa kis kadar hoga Khaak bhi panaah na de, uska sayaa jidhar hoga rafta rafta dam nikal hi gaya taNhaa raah me.N MaNzil dikha ke chhod janaa bhi ek hunar hoga gaalo.N pe ye lakiir nishaan'e'lahoo sii nazar aai zaroor nigaaho.N me.N kisi Qaatil ka basar hoga mere yaar ko bhii maar daale gum'e'bewaffaaii tere dushman ki duao.N me.N to koi asar hoga kab tak Kharch karoge ess kadar kaffan pe mere Ab to Pooja ke marne ka silsilaa bhii aksar hoga .................................................. ................. .................................................. ................. namaste Pooja jee aapki Ghazal pe chaNd khayalaat haazir haiN : pehla mash'viraa aapko yeh hai ke kohshish kijiye ke aap thoda bohat bahuur ka ilm haasil kareiN, internet pe aapko bohat se links mil jaayeNge jahaaN se aapko wazan ki baa'riikiyoN ki jaankaari mil sakti hai **Teri panaah me.N shaqs ruswa kis kadar hoga **Khaak bhi panaah na de, uska sayaa jidhar hoga she'r ke maf'huum saaf nahiiN hai, aap kya kehna chaah rahi haiN ye zaahir nahiiN ho raha, pehle misre meiN aapne kahaa hai voh shakhs(go kaun hai aur kiski panaah meiN hai,ye saaf nahiiN hua,in donoN meiN se ek situtation bhi clear hoti to baat ban jaati) "panaah meiN hai" aur duusre misre meiN aap keh rahi haiN ke "panaah nahiiN mili", yeh Ghalat ho gaya, mayank saahab ne ek duusre thread meiN jo "kis qadar" ki baja'ye "is qadar" tajveez kiya hai, us par bhi ga'ur kijiye **rafta rafta dam nikal hi gaya taNhaa raah me.N **MaNzil dikha ke chhod janaa bhi ek hunar hoga mayank saahab ki islaah padh lijiye, mujhe unki islaah se itte'faaq hai **gaalo.N pe ye lakiir nishaan'e'lahoo sii nazar aai **zaroor nigaaho.N me.N kisi Qaatil ka basar hoga mayank miyaaN ne yahaaN bhi mere kaam aasaan kar diya hai, unke islaah par tavvajo dijiye, thodi wajaahat maiN kar deta huuN, pehle misre meiN aapne "gaaloN" ka zikr kiya isliye "lakeer" ki jagah "lakeereiN" hona chahiye, agar ek gaal ka zikr hota to lakeer bartaa jaa sakta tha **mere yaar ko bhii maar daale gum'e'bewaffaaii **tere dushman ki duao.N me.N to koi asar hoga yeh she'r meri guzaarish hai ke phir se kahiye, aapne kaha hai ke mere yaar ko "bhi" Gham-e-bewafaii ne maar daala iska matlab yeh hua ke aap khud ko bhi bewafa keh rahi haiN jo ke mera khayaal hai ke aap nahiiN kehna chahti, duusre misre meiN aapne kahaa hai "tere dushman", yeh dushman kiska hai yeh saaf nahiiN hua, misroN meiN rabt nahiiN banaa aur she'r ka khayaal kya hai ye bhi wajeeh nahiiN hua **kab tak Kharch karoge ess kadar kaffan pe mere **Ab to Pooja ke marne ka silsilaa bhii aksar hoga ye she'r bhi, muaaf kijiyega, bohat kamzor hai,jis marne pe kafan ki zaroorat pade voh marna sirf ek hi baar hota hai, isliye kafan ke kharche ki baat be'maani aur Ghair-zaroori hai aapne kohshish ki hai isliye aap shab'aashii ki haqdaar haiN, mubarakbaad haazir hai, aur aapse darkhuvaast hai ke meri kisi baat ko dil pe mat lijiyega, judgement dena badaa hi na'shukraa kaam hai,aur mehnat kareNgi to ek din yaqeenan kaamyaab hoNgii, mashq jaari rakhiye rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#17)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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3rd August 2007, 09:30 PM
4) Ghazal submitted by Sunita Virender
Title: "ISHQ KA HUNAR" kar husan ko tanha dikha ishq ka hunar gaye muskurati aankho ko ashkon se kar tar gaye..... chhor teri galion ko jab ham door nikal gaye thaa har jaanib tera hii charcha ham jidhar gaye...... pa to lete ham bhi mohabat ki manzil shayad par aap sar-e-rah chhor manzil ka safar gaye...... dhundha kiye hum unhe har gali har shehar jalane ko dil mera wo rakeebon ke ghar gaye..... dekha jo sawan ne bhi dil mera jalta huaa uske aansu barish ban patton pe bikhar gaye...... thii ab bhi kush shikayatain yaaron ko hamse hamko thaa ye guma.n ki ham sudhar gaye...... jal rahi thii saanso ki loo tim timati huyii aur wo jaate jaate kar hawaon ko khabar gaye...... sar-e-bazm jo kiya haal-e-dil byaa.n hamne hamari is aada ko woh kah shayri ka hunar gaye...... thaa wada ki rukhsatii pe aaounga jaroor leke khuli palkain ham intzaar mein guzar gaye..... suna na doon zamane ko daasta.n bewafaii kii isii dar se jaate jaate 'sunita' ko de zehar gaye........ .................................................. ..................... .................................................. ..................... Sunita jee namaskaar pehle to aapse mazrat chahta huuN jo aapke khatoN ka jawaab dene meiN mujhse aksar "chook" hoti rahi hai, ummiid hai ke aapne muaaf kar diya hoga ab aapki Ghazal pe aate haiN : kar husan ko tanha dikha ishq ka hunar gaye muskurati aankho ko ashkon se kar tar gaye..... riivaayat ke hisaab se aur urdu literature ke mutaabiq ishq ke hunar kitne bhi hoN lekin un meiN husn ko tanhaa karna shumaar nahiiN hai, jo husn ko tanhaa choR jaaye usko ishq nahiiN keh sakte ye meri z'yaati ra'ye hai isliye isko Ghalat to maiN nahiiN kahuuNga lekin iss se itte'faaq mujhe nahiiN hai,she'r meiN agar aap ishq ki baja'ye aadam ko guneh'gaar theh'raatiiN to zyada theek tha, duusri baat yeh ke "kar tar" kuch jam nahiiN raha, ismeiN koii taqniiquii nuqs to nahiiN hai lekin zabaan ka lehja dekha jaate to ajeeb sa jaan paRtaa hai,matlaa wazan meiN nahiiN hai us par tavvajo dijiyega **chhor teri galion ko jab ham door nikal gaye **thaa har jaanib tera hii charcha ham jidhar gaye...... khayaal ko madd-e-nazar rakheiN to yeh she'r be'aib hai, wazan ka mas'alaa barqaraar hai isliye aur kuch nahiiN kahuuNga **pa to lete ham bhi mohabat ki manzil shayad **par aap sar-e-rah chhor manzil ka safar gaye...... safar ki ibtedaa maNzil ke liye hi hoti hai isliye "maNzil ka safar" kehna Ghair-munaasib hai, go aapne "be-maNzilaa-safar" se ta'lluq rakhte bohat se she'r padhe hoNge lekin unmeiN bhi aapko maNzil ke wajood ka ishaara kahiiN na kahiiN zaroor milega, chaahe voh shaayir ki soch meiN ho,ummiid meiN ho, khwaab meiN ho, bayaan meiN ho, taNz meiN ho ya lehje meiN **dhundha kiye hum unhe har gali har shehar **jalane ko dil mera wo rakeebon ke ghar gaye..... pehle misre meiN aapne "hum" kahaa hai aur duusre meiN "mera" ye Ghalat hai, "hum" ke saath hamesha "hamaara" aur "maine" ke saath "mera" ka istemaal hota hai, iska khyaal rakhiye, yeh ek bohat hi aam Ghalati hai jo anjaane meiN ho jaati hai, aap apna kalaam ga'ur se padheNgi to aapki aisii LaGhziishoN ka aNdaaza ba'khoobi ho jaayega, she'r achcha hai, mubarak ho **dekha jo sawan ne bhi dil mera jalta huaa **uske aansu barish ban patton pe bikhar gaye...... ye she'r theek se bayaaN nahiiN ho paaya, misroN meiN rabt nadaa'rad hai aur mafhuum saaf nahiiN hue, phir se kahiye **thii ab bhi kush shikayatain yaaron ko hamse **hamko thaa ye guma.n ki ham sudhar gaye...... she'r achcha hai, behtar ho sakta hai, ga'ur farmaaiyega jal rahi thii saanso ki loo tim timati huyii aur wo jaate jaate kar hawaon ko khabar gaye...... mujhe yaqeen hai ke aap "loo" nahiiN "la'u" kehna chahti haiN, pehle misre meiN "jalne" aur "Tim'Timaane" donoN ka zikr Ghair-zaroori hai, duusri baat yeh ki agar saaNsoN ki la'u pehle hi "Tim'Timaa" rahi haiN to iska matlab yeh hua ke hawaa pehle se hi chal rahi hai aur jab hawaa hai to unke hawaa ko khabar karne se kya farq padaa ? haaN agar aap yuuN kehti ke "mad'ham hai" vaGhera to kuch baat ban jaati, she'r kamzor hai, phir se dekh lijiye **sar-e-bazm jo kiya haal-e-dil byaa.n hamne **hamari is aada ko woh kah shayri ka hunar gaye...... she'r ka lehja, muaaf kijiyega, bohta bachkaana hai, aapki tavvajo darkaar hai **thaa wada ki rukhsatii pe aaounga jaroor **leke khuli palkain ham intzaar mein guzar gaye..... lafz-e-"ruKhsat'ii" amooman (note kijiye :amooman,hamesha nahiiN) shaadi ke waqt dulhan ko rukhsat karne ke ma'haul ko reflect karne ke liye bartaa jaata hai, "waqt-e-ruKhsat" zyada theek hai shayad, again this is my personal opinion, others may have a different view, aapne jis lehje meiN "guzar gaye" istemaal kiya hai adb-e-sukhan ko khaatir meiN laate hue mujhe us par bhi thoda sa ait'raaz hai, phir se dekh lijiye **suna na doon zamane ko daasta.n bewafaii kii **isii dar se jaate jaate 'sunita' ko de zehar gaye........ khayaal bohat kamzor hai aur bayaan us se bhi zyada, Ghazal ka maqta bohat ehmiiyat rakhta hai,tam'aam Ghazal meiN yeh ek akela she'r hota hai jis meiN shaayir apne ehsa'saat aur apne takkhayyul ko apne-aap se joRne meiN puuri aazaadi mehsuus karta hai isliye is par zyada dhyaan dijiye Notes :- aapne ek achchi kohshish ki hai iske liye meri mubarakbaad qabool kijiye jaise ke maine uupar darj kiya hai ke aapne yeh Ghazal judgement ke liye pesh ki hai isliye aapko kisi baat ka usoolan bura lagna to nahiiN chahiye agar lagaa ho to muaaf kar dijiyega dots aur urdu roman script se ta'lluq rakhti kuch baateiN maine is thread ki pehli reply meiN darj kii haiN use'y aap zaroor padhiyega, jaise ki mohtarma chaahta ne arz kiya hai ke yeh unki aadat hai lekin burii aadaateiN badalne meiN hi aql'maNdii hoti hai aur agar aap kuch seekhna chaahte haiN to apni GhalatiiyoN ko nazar'aNdaaz mat kijiye, aaj-kal kisi ke paas itna waqt nahiiN hai ke be'wajah aapna waqt kharch karke aapko aapki laGhziishoN se do-chaar karaaye aur mera yaqeen kijiye kisi kalaam ko ga'ur se padhna aur uss par apne khayaal bayaan karna koi do-chaar minute ka kaam nahiiN hai, rasmii "vaah-vaah" se aapko koii fai'daa nahiiN hone waala isliye meri yahi advice hai ke jitna ho sake seekhne ki kohshish kijiye, achche likhne waaloN ke kalaam padhiye aur note kiya kijiye ke unhone kaun sa lafz kaise likha hai, iss se aapki roman urdu theek ho jaayegi aapko koii sawaal puuchna ho to maiN haazir huuN mashq jaari rakhiye rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#18)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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3rd August 2007, 09:54 PM
Quote:
Chaahat jee namaste aapne kahaa ke dots barat'naa aapki aadat hai aur "T" aapne wazan ke liye nahiiN likha, achchi baat hai yaqeen kijiye capital alphabets aur dots ke istemaal ka urdu zabaan se duur-duur taq koii lena-dena nahiiN hai, aap jo hindi aur urdu ke lafz english meiN type karte haiN isii ko "roman urdu script" ka naam diya gaya hai aap chaaheN to isse'y "hindi roman script" ya "devanagiri script" bhi keh sakti haiN, iss script ke apna ek format hai aur apne rules haiN, maine aaj-taq kisi ko bhi iss script ko 100% theek istemaal karte hue nahiiN dekha hai and thats including me, har koii apne hisaab se likhta hai "lekin" jo log urdu/hindi shayri meiN internet pe apna kuch maqaam banaa paaye haiN un meiN se kam-se-kam 95% log iss script ke basics follow karte haiN, maine aapko ek salaah di thi jisko maan'ne ya na maan'ne ke liye aap puuri tarah se aazaad haiN ab maine aapki kan'paTTi pe "dambooKH" thode na rakhii hai rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#19)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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3rd August 2007, 11:46 PM
5)Ghazal submitted by Dhavalrami4u
Title::to.D de dil ko aisaa hunar to nahiiN.......! to.D de dil ko aisaa hunar to nahiiN, raah me.N chho.De wo hamsafar to nahiiN yaadoN kii chaadareN kaam le leNge ham, sard raatoN ki itnii fikar to nahiiN baab-e-dil par chale raat din haaN magar, teri chaahat ka ko'ii asar to nahiiN baab-e-dil: dil ke raste par... aarazoo ho bahaaroN ki jiske liYe, paas apne haaN aisaa Shajar to nahiiN Shajar: pe.D nuZhat aaYegi kahaaN sey yeH to bataa, ess dil kaa haal tujHe Khabar to nahiiN nuZhat: KhuShii dil ko taaboot saa maan ke kahti haii, ke "Dhaval" yeH tirii hii kabar to nahii Dhaval bhaii kem chho? bhaii rajveer saahab aur aapki tarr'aqii se maiN bohat khush huuN, jeete rahiye aa'iiye aapki Ghazal pe kuch baateiN ho jaaye :- **to.D de dil ko aisaa hunar to nahiiN, **raah me.N chho.De wo hamsafar to nahiiN matle'y ke maf'huum zaahir nahiiN ho paaye, pehle misra agar aap durust kar paayeiN to kuch baat bane aur misraa-e-awwal ke aakhir meiN comma's ki zaroorat nahiiN hai **yaadoN kii chaadareN kaam le leNge ham, **sard raatoN ki itnii fikar to nahiiN muaaf karna miyaaN bayaan kamzor hai aur khayaal meiN kuch khaas wazan nahiiN hai aur duusre aapse bhi vohii Ghalati ho gayi jo Rajveer saahab se huii, "fiqar" Ghalat hai, sahii lafz hai "fiqr" lihaaza ba'taur qaafiya yahaaN istemaal nahiiN kiya jaa sakta **baab-e-dil par chale raat din haaN magar, **teri chaahat ka ko'ii asar to nahiiN mere khayaal se "baab" ke may'iine aksar ba'taur "chapter" wajuud meiN laaye jaate haiN, agar aap koi misaal ataa kar sakeiN jahaaN "baab" ko "maNzil" ke hawaale se kahaa gaya hai to aapki badi mehr'baani hogi aur mujhe bhi kuch seekhne ka mauqa milega, fai'daa hi hoga, kam se kam mera to zaroor hoga  **aarazoo ho bahaaroN ki jiske liYe, **paas apne haaN aisaa Shajar to nahiiN achcha she'r hai, daad qabuul kijiye, duusre misrey meiN shayad aapne lafz-e-"haaN" beh'r ko wazan dene ke liye istemaal kiya hai, mera mash'viraa hai ke iss se parhez kareiN, khayaal achcha hai **nuZhat aaYegi kahaaN sey yeH to bataa, **ess dil kaa haal tujHe Khabar to nahiiN yeh she'r padhne ke baad jo pehli baat zahan meiN aayi voh arz hai :- maine aksar ye dekha hai ke kuch naye likhne waale jo urdu zabaan seekhne ki zaroorat shiddat se mehsuus karte haiN voh ka'ii baar ek bohat badi Ghalati kar jaate haiN aur voh Ghalati hai "mushkil urdu alfaaz ko pehle se chun kar unheiN zabardastii apne kalaam meiN istemaal karna", bhai yaqeen kijiye is se fai'daa kam aur nuqsaan z'yaada hota hai, aise aap apni soch se na'iNsaafii karte haiN,sabse behtar tareeqaa hai aap asti'zaa ke kalaam padhiye aur sirf padhiye hi nahiiN unheiN samajhne ki kohshish kijiye, samjheNge to padhne ka lutf do-baala ho jaayega aur seekheNge bohat kuch, maiN ye nahiiN kehta ke aapne bhi aisaa hi kiya hai lekin aap khud aqlmaNd haiN aur ummiid hai ke "ishaara" dhooNdh leNge duusre misre'y ka wazan yuuN shayaad theek ho jaaye : "haal-e-dil ki tujhe kuch khabar to nahiiN" **dil ko taaboot saa maan ke kahti haii, **ke "Dhaval" yeH tirii hii kabar to nahii aapne phir vohii Ghalati yahaaN doh'raii hai, "qabar" nahiiN hai, sahi lafz hai "qabr" isliye qaafiye meiN nahiiN khap sakta aapko maqta phir se kehna padega Notes : - maiN pehle hi keh chuka huuN ke aapke sukhan meiN bohat nikhaar aaya hai aur sabse badi baat yeh hai ke aap wazan meiN likhne ki kohshish kar rahe haiN aur aapki seekhne ki tam'anna is baat se saaf zaahir hoti hai ke aap beh'r pe tavvajo de rahe haiN. aapne mehnat ki hai aur yaqeen kijiye zaaya nahiiN gayi, meri mubarakbaad tasleem kijiye, aapka koii sawaal ho to maiN aapki khidmat meiN haazir huuN rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#20)
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4th August 2007, 03:22 PM
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 mera to sar chakra gaya hai padkar kitna bekaar likha hai maine...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......maikash ji aapne kitni gaur se padda hai sabhi ko...aur har ek ki galtiyaN etne pyar se samjai haiN....bahut bahut shukriya....koshish karuNgi ki next time behtar likh sakku......aapne apne keemti waqt se etna jayada waqt hum na-samjoN ki shayri padne meiN lagaya aur humey sahi rai di...tahe-dil se shukargujar hoon.....humey koi shikayat nahi hai....balki aapke ahsaan-mand haiN es baar to nahi par agli baar meri hi gazal hogi no. 1 bahut bahut shukriya maikash ji kush rahiye .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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shukriyah! |
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shukriyah! -
4th August 2007, 07:45 PM
maikaSh bhaaii, ssa, maiN aap ka tah-e-dil se Shukr-guzaar huuN, jo aap ne yahaaN sabhii aihbaab-e-sukhan ke liye apnii masruufiyat zindagii meiN se kuchh Ghadi yahaaN ke liye jaaya kiya.. aur aap ne jis peshawar dhaNg se ta'assuraat diye haiN us ke liye Shukriya ka lafz bohat kam hai aur yeh ham sab kee khush qismatii hai kii aap jaise suKhan dost ke ess forum kii raah-numaa'ii kar rahe haiN.. maiN jaan,ta huuN kii yeh bohat meHnat ka kaam hai aur aap apnii zindagii maiN pahle se hii bohat masruuf haiN aur yeh kaam aap sa kuSHaadah dil aur nek insaan hi kar sakta hai.. maiN ummeed karta huuN kii aap ke ta'assuraat se zaruur dostoN ko kaafii faa'eda hoga(mujeh to huaa hi hai bhaaii )aur dostoN ko aage likhane meiN madad milegii.. ummed-o-yaqeen hai kii aap saath hamesha yuuN hee bana rahega... Apna Khayaal rakhiyega..aap ka behad mamuun, Mayank |
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(#22)
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6th August 2007, 11:47 PM
DostoN,
mujhe ess baat kaa behad dukh aur afsoos hai kii maikash jee itnii hausilah afzaa'ii ke babjuud sabhee dostoN ne yahaaN apnee maujuudgee kaa ehsaas dilaana tak zaruuri nahiiN samjha. so, maiN chaahta huuN kii aage ess silsile ko na baRhaauN. Shukriyah!, Mayank |
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(#23)
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7th August 2007, 11:04 AM
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regards .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#24)
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Yaadon ka!
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7th August 2007, 12:43 PM
are mayankjee aap itne gusse main kyun hain?????????? Plzzz compeition ko bandh na karna............... Jaane kya samjhi main useN Faasla nazar aaya....Kuch kadmon ke saath se |
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(#25)
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7th August 2007, 01:16 PM
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huN majaamaa chhu.. Quote:
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mu'aaf kijiYeNgaaQuote:
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Jai Shree KriShnaa.. aapka ~ Dhaval |
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(#26)
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7th August 2007, 01:25 PM
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aap aisaa na kaheN.. maikaSh jee sey hum sab ko Bahot kuch seeKhne ko milaa haii.. aur hum sab kii khwaahiSh haii kii aage aor bhee Bahot kuch seeKheN.. to plz aap yeH silsilaah aage baRhaaYeN,, ess ko baNdh na kareN.. duaaoN ke saath ijaazat Khair Khwaah Dhaval |
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7th August 2007, 01:57 PM
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Namaste Maikash ji, Ji sabse pahale to shukriyaa ke apne itni kiimti raay dii mujhe, pahali dafaa shayri ke itne bariik pahalu se ru'b'ru hui hu yahaa aake......ji main jaruur behar ki study karungi...apki saari baate maine gour se padhi hain...inpe jaruur amal karungi... aur bura lagne ki to koi baat hi nahi hai, mujhe to khushi hai ke mujhe apke dvaraa itna kuch sikhne ko mila aur chaahungi ke aage bhi milta rahe...main aage behatar likhne ki puri koshish karungi... Quote:
...kahane ka maksad thha ki....Mere yaar ne bewaffai ki mujhse(kewal shayri me, hakikat me nahi ) jab tak usne mujhse pyaar kiya tab tak main lover ki hessiyat se uski salaamati ki dua karti tthi, lekin usi bewafaai ke baad mujhe usse pyaar nahi dushmani sii ho gai....to dua ye ki maine ki usne jo mujhse bewaffai ki, use bhi koi mile jo usse bewaffai kare aur use bhi gum ho bewffai ka, iilm ho use bhi....aur ye dua maine dushman banke ki....meri yaari me to asar naa thha lekin ab dushman hu to dushman ki duao me to asar hoga...Mayank bhaiya ke reply bhi padh liye hain maine...aap dono ko bahot shukriya honsla'afzaahi ke liye aur itna kuch samjhaane ke liye... Ijaazat chaahungi.... Grazie Aapki dost Pooja  ===========Deepika=========== Pyaar Hai Yaa sazaa ayi mere Dil bataa Toot'ta Kyu.N naHi.N Dard Kaa Silsilaa
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(#28)
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7th August 2007, 02:03 PM
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aur apko iski ijaazat hargiz nahi di jayegi ke aap is sil'sile ko band kare..hume bahot kuch sikhna hai Maikash ji se, aap se...to aage waqt ke paaband rahenge hum...is baar maafi dedijiye bhaai ...ummid hai aap ise aage badhayenge aur bahot jald Gazal of the month August 2007 shuru hogi Ijaazat!!! Grazie Aapki dost Pooja ===========Deepika=========== Pyaar Hai Yaa sazaa ayi mere Dil bataa Toot'ta Kyu.N naHi.N Dard Kaa Silsilaa
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7th August 2007, 03:14 PM
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Namaste bhaiya, Aailaa itni galtiyaa.N  ...meri shayri to galtiyo.N ki misaal ban gai..Mayank bhaiya apka bahot bahot shukriya apne meri galtiyaa.N mujhe bataai..main aage koshish karungi ke itni galtiyaa.N naa ho.N..Quote:
hahaah.....bhaaijaan apki daad aur duao.N ke liye bahot bahot shukriyaa...main age behatar likhne ki puri koshish karungi...ummid hai aap age bhi saath denge..aur aage bhi aapse bahot kuch sikhne ko milega.. Ijaazat!! Grazie Aapki dost Pooja ===========Deepika=========== Pyaar Hai Yaa sazaa ayi mere Dil bataa Toot'ta Kyu.N naHi.N Dard Kaa Silsilaa
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(#30)
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7th August 2007, 05:21 PM
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aapko muaafi maaNg'ne ki zaroorat nahiiN hai maiN apni Ghalatii tasleem karta huuN alba'tta maiN aapse muaafi chahta huuN ba-har-haal aapne she'r ke maf'huum ki jo tafseel jaari ki hai uske mutaabiq she'r ki position vahiiN ki vahiiN hai jahaaN pehle the **mere yaar ko bhii maar daale gum'e'bewaffaaii **tere dushman ki duao.N me.N to koi asar hoga "mere yaar" aur "tere dushman" meiN koi rabt nahiiN hai, aapke liye ho to ho padhne waale ke liye nahiiN hai, lafz "tere" ko padhte hi she'r ke may'iine hawaa ho jaate haiN aur isii wajah se she'r uljhaa hua hai, aapne jo khayaal darj kiya hai usmeiN koii nuqs nahiiN hai lekin aap us khayaal ko bayaan nahiiN kar paayiiN aur jab aisa ho to she'r raqm karne ka ko'ii fai'daa nahiiN hota agar aapki Ghazal ki ko'ii beh'r pakaD meiN aati to maiN zaroor kohshish karta ke koi duusri suurat tajveez kar sakuuN mazrat chahta huuN rab raakha maikash Note for all members : I will not play any part in this competition in the future. regards is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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9th August 2007, 03:44 PM
Note for all members :
I will not play any part in this competition in the future. regards maikash ji...aapke yeh lafz dil ko dukha gaye. very sorry........agar hamari koi baat buri lagi ho to..... hum accha nahi likhtey par likhna chahtey haiN....agar aap aise chorr jaogey to hum kaise seekh payNgey god bless u .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#32)
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9th August 2007, 08:33 PM
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yaqeen kijiye maiN yahiiN huuN aur jitna ilm mujhe hai, jo ke bohat zyada nahiiN hai, uske mutaabiq aapke koii bhi sawaal ka jawaab dene ke liye maiN aapki khidmat meiN har waqt haazir huuN maine uupar jo note likha voh isliye ke is thread par apne khayaalaat darj karne ke liye maine bohat waqt kharch kiya aur jinke fa'iidey ke liye yeh sab kiya gaya unka farz ban'ta hai kam-se-kam apni haaziiri yahaaN darj karaa jaate, agar ehbaab ke paas "apne" fa'iidey ke liye waqt nahiiN hai to mujhe shayad be'wajah apna waqt barbaad nahiiN karna chahiye, aisa karna "saraasar be'wakoofi" samjhaa jaayega. aapko kisi madadd ki zaroorat ho to bilaa-jhijhak mujhe PM kar saktii haiN rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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12th August 2007, 10:51 AM
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dostoN, maiN jawaab meiN taaKhiir ke liye ma'azraat khwaah huuN... maiN bhii dil se aisa nahiiN chaahta kii, yeh Silsile ko khatm karuuN... lekiN maiN bas itna chaahata thaa, kii maikash jee jin dostoN ke liye itna mehnat kiya, apna beSh qeemati waqt diya aur apne ab tak ke tajribah ke aadhaar par baRe KHuluus ke saath ta'assuraat diye to kam se kam woh dost bhii kuchh sañjiidah ho jaayeN. taa'ki unhe faa'eda ho..aue maikash bhaaii kii mehnat bhii jaaya nah jaaye... aur agar ess silsile se koii kuchh nahiiN sikhana chaahega, nahiiN sikhega , to aise kaaGhazii silsile se kyaa faa'eda.. bas esi baat se mujhe aur maikash bhaai ko dukh pahuNcha tha... dostoN, aap sab ne yahaaN aakar apnii raa'ey dee ess ke liye maiN, aap sab ka tah-e-dil se Shukr-guzaar huuN.... meri bhii maikaSh bhaaii se yeh guZaariSh hai kii agar kii agar kisii aihbaab-e-sukhan kii baat unhe burii lagii ho to usay dil se nikaal deN kyuN kii yahee baRoN ka farz aur pahle kii tarah as a judge apna waqt dene ka waada kareN... aur maikash bhaaii jaise kuSHaadah dil insaan se hame yeh ummeed bhee hai.. Mayank |
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(#34)
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14th August 2007, 09:03 AM
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namaskaar mayank ji, maiN bhi aapki baat se sahmati rakhti hoon.....aur mujhe bhi yakeen hai ki maikash ji hum sab ki baat nahi thukrayNge...aur es thread par phele ki tarah bane raheNge....! humey unka intjaar hai...... Sunita Virender Singh .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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14th August 2007, 09:12 AM
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maikash ji ek baat kahuN, shayad aapko yakeen na aaye....aapne jo meri gazal par suggestion diye thy....maiNe uska print nikaal kar aapne paas rakha hua hai...aur office se jab ghar jati hoon to sab kaam karne ke baad free hokar usko padti hoon aur koshish kar rahi hoon ki usi gazal ko phir se sudhaar kar likh sakuN, par abhi tak na-kaam hoon, likh hi nahi paye, jab kuch likhti hoon to lag raha hai ki nahi baat kuch jam nahi rahi.... par us gazal ko pura jaroor kauNgi. bas aap apna saath yu hi banaye rakhna.kush rahiye khuda aapko tandrusti de duaoN ke saath .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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23rd August 2007, 08:22 PM
Its a shame that this competition has been abandoned!!
No doubt Maikash ji had put in a lot of effort going through every ghazal meticulously and criticise and applaud the poets as they deserved. Through the whole process, he had been directing poets objectively and in the best possible manner citing the examples and explaining in minute details. His sole aim seemed to be helping others to have an honest appraisal of their writing and to give them the inspiration and guidance on writing better. Going through his posts, I gained a lot of insight into urdu ghazal writing. I totally understand his disappointment at the apparent apathy the participants displayed at acknowledging his efforts. As any other self-respecting teacher, he was obviously hurt and it is conspicuous in his later posts. I want to congratulate the contestants for their participation as it needed an effort and courage, not exhibited by others including myself. But at the same time I am greatly disappointed at the failure of what could have been a great learning exercise. My regards to Mayank for his initiative and for Maikash for his invaluable suggestions. chal waha chal jahan tere jaise aur bhi hai... |
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