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my own (kindly comment)!!
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alishah07
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my own (kindly comment)!! - 22nd April 2009, 10:53 PM
Ashqq lahuu ko daboota he nahi
Ishqq kiya jis mein samjhoota he nahi

Saaray jahan mein jis ki koi misaal mille
Aise shajjar ka beej mein boota he nahi

Meri he daastaaN hai chand ki zuban per
Aik shaks hai jo raat ko soota he nahi

Jaanay kya khoo gya is tanha mazaj ka
Hansta nahi hai aur kabhi roota he nahi

Kertay ho jaffa aur iss yaqeen ke saath
Haider to kisi se khaffa hoota he nahi
   
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zakhmee ashiq
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23rd April 2009, 10:50 PM
bahut khoob likkha hai qafiya bhi bahut achchha hai. agar apko bura na lgae to ek baat kehna chahoon ga, the double O's ("oo") are usually used for extended sound of "u" but in your case you should use just one otherwise it gets really confusing. but very well written though keep it up
   
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alishah07
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25th April 2009, 05:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zakhmee ashiq View Post
bahut khoob likkha hai qafiya bhi bahut achchha hai. agar apko bura na lgae to ek baat kehna chahoon ga, the double O's ("oo") are usually used for extended sound of "u" but in your case you should use just one otherwise it gets really confusing. but very well written though keep it up
thankx for ur suggestion .....
   
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alishah07
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25th April 2009, 05:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zakhmee ashiq View Post
bahut khoob likkha hai qafiya bhi bahut achchha hai. agar apko bura na lgae to ek baat kehna chahoon ga, the double O's ("oo") are usually used for extended sound of "u" but in your case you should use just one otherwise it gets really confusing. but very well written though keep it up

Jinab Burra kyun lagay ga ..... Ap nay pasand kiya itna he kafi hai mere liye ...

I think i oo theek hai but Jo ghalti ap ko nazar vo main theek ker leeta hun .... Thankx for correcting me ...


Ashqq lahuu ko dabota he nahi
Ishqq kiya jis mein samjhota he nahi

Saaray jahan mein jis ki koi misaal mille
Aise shajjar ka beej mein bota he nahi

Meri he daastaaN hai chand ki zuban per
Aik shaks hai jo raat ko sota he nahi

Jaanay kya khoo gya is tanha mazaj ka
Hansta nahi hai aur kabhi rota he nahi

Kertay ho jaffa aur iss yaqeen ke saath
Haider to kisi se khaffa hota he nahi
   
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zainy
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25th April 2009, 05:46 PM
bohat khoob haider saheb.....................yuhi likhte rahiye


zainy



Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm
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sapana
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27th April 2009, 08:02 PM
very nice alisha.
CHANDKI ZUBA....BEST LINES
Quote:
Originally Posted by alishah07 View Post
Ashqq lahuu ko daboota he nahi
Ishqq kiya jis mein samjhoota he nahi

Saaray jahan mein jis ki koi misaal mille
Aise shajjar ka beej mein boota he nahi

Meri he daastaaN hai chand ki zuban per
Aik shaks hai jo raat ko soota he nahi

Jaanay kya khoo gya is tanha mazaj ka
Hansta nahi hai aur kabhi roota he nahi

Kertay ho jaffa aur iss yaqeen ke saath
Haider to kisi se khaffa hoota he nahi
   
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alishah07
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27th April 2009, 10:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
bohat khoob haider saheb.....................yuhi likhte rahiye


zainy
thankx Zainy for building more confidence in me .... !!
   
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kshitiz
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5th May 2009, 01:01 PM
bahut khoob haidar saahib !

Jaanay kya khoo gya is tanha mazaj ka
Hansta nahi hai aur kabhi roota he nahi

Kertay ho jaffa aur iss yaqeen ke saath
Haider to kisi se khaffa hoota he nahi

ye ashaar dil ke behad kareeb rahe ...

aapka zarf salaamat rahe !

daad ke saath !

andaaz
   
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alishah07
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9th May 2009, 09:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
bahut khoob haidar saahib !

Jaanay kya khoo gya is tanha mazaj ka
Hansta nahi hai aur kabhi roota he nahi

Kertay ho jaffa aur iss yaqeen ke saath
Haider to kisi se khaffa hoota he nahi

ye ashaar dil ke behad kareeb rahe ...

aapka zarf salaamat rahe !

daad ke saath !
Thankx Kshitiz !! Thankx for compliments .... !!
   
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zidd
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10th May 2009, 05:23 PM
haidersaab, bahut achaa likha hai....
specially apka yeh sher...


Kertay ho jaffa aur iss yaqeen ke saath
Haider to kisi se khaffa hoota he nahi
   
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thankx
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alishah07
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thankx - 29th May 2009, 04:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chocboy View Post
haidersaab, bahut achaa likha hai....
specially apka yeh sher...


Kertay ho jaffa aur iss yaqeen ke saath
Haider to kisi se khaffa hoota he nahi
Thankx for appreciating ... !! its an honor for me ...
   
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