A celebrated lamentation

[zidd]

i am new to english writing....so i request ye all folks to point out glicthes without any hesitation..regards
Tried my hand at a bit of humour today...lol..lol

I yearn for that beautiful time in life
when i didnt have the mandatory wife

how pink were the taverns
and how rosy the wines
how azure the skies
and how groovy the dance lines
but now i write ghazals in the night

ere i combed my hair daily
now i do it once a fortnight
how i cuddled my messy room
now its a neat wretched sight
how i yearned for time offs before
now all holidays give me a fright
and now on sundays i am in the kitchen
working a dammed fillet knife !!

i used to yell at my mom
for a runny egg yolk
but now, i quite enjoy
even a burnt toast,
i yelled at my mom
for a little off crease
now i wear a crumpled shirt
with a swagger, off the fashion street.

but still would one have a life?
without the mandatory wife?
i now know this is 'a'life
with my mandatory fumbling wife.
and if she did all the things right
i reckon she would not have been mine.

[N@zneen]

Originally Posted by chocboy

i am new to english writing....so i request ye all folks to point out glicthes without any hesitation..regards
Tried my hand at a bit of humour today...lol..lol

I yearn for that beautiful time in life
when i didnt have the mandatory wife

how pink were the taverns
and how rosy the wines
how azure the skies
and how groovy the dance lines
but now i write ghazals in the night

ere i combed my hair daily
now i do it once a fortnight
how i cuddled my messy room
now its a neat wretched sight
how i yearned for time offs before
now all holidays give me a fright
and now on sundays i am in the kitchen
working a dammed fillet knife !!

i used to yell at my mom
for a runny egg yolk
but now, i quite enjoy
even a burnt toast,
i yelled at my mom
for a little off crease
now i wear a crumpled shirt
with a swagger, off the fashion street.

but still would one have a life?
without the mandatory wife?
i now know this is 'a'life
with my mandatory fumbling wife.
and if she did all the things right
i reckon she would not have been mine.

hahaha........excellent & refreshing, feelings well potrayed, hope its just a thought not ur real life story

reps added +

[zidd]

Originally Posted by N@zneen

hahaha........excellent & refreshing, feelings well potrayed, hope its just a thought not ur real life story

reps added +

thats the billion dollar question............
does a writer potrays his and his immediate surrounding scenerio so that the so called juzbat comes out
or
he runs his imagination free and tries whatever fancies him.....( people say that juzbat dont come out in this case...hahaha

[nick1983]

well written buddy..............

[zidd]

Originally Posted by nick1983

well written buddy..............

thanks buddy.......you are a real buddy
do visit again

[KunaaL]

Mr. Zidd

i really enjoyed the each line of this... it's a new lesson for us.. english poem in meter.. and seriously u proved that u are versatile, unique, and a true poet.. who can write anything or evething ... in any form ... also its really gud to see u in a new face ... after all every thing is fine for a change..

keep writing keep coming .. for us... to teach a new lesson every day...


Your friend

Sifar