Shayri.com  

Go Back   Shayri.com > Shayri > Shayri Ki Paathshaala

 
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Sdc ghazal 1- draft
Old
  (#1)
zidd
Registered User
zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
zidd's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
Sdc ghazal 1- draft - 7th July 2014, 08:10 PM

dosto , aapke sher kuch is tarah se corrections kiye hai maine.
ye final graft nahi hai.
aap sabko ijazat hai ki aap ko agar kuch pasand nahi aaye to self correct kar den.
kuch sher beher se out the unhe shayar hi ke lafzo me beherband karne ki koshish ki hai...jisse thought na badle.
kuch grammatical errors hataii hai.
thats all.
any one can comment on any sher and provide his version for any sher.
if the writer consents to further correction done by any member , then that sher will be accepted.

Mere AaGhaaze muhabbat ki kahaanii hai ye,
kisii gulposh haseenaa ki nishaanii hai ye.....(Shaad)

roz karte hain muhabbat meiN jo marne ki baat
ye muhabbat hai puraanii ke jawaanii hai ye.... (zarraa)

hai chaman unse hi roshan ,hai ye mehfil bhii jawaaN,
hai karishma ya adaa unki suhaani hai ye........ (aadeil)

Ishq ki raah meiN wo tod ke taare laaye
Dil e khushfehm ko ummeed jataani hai yeH... (zainy)

Imtehaa, shokiyaa bhi lene lagi hain mere
Tishnagi qurbato se abto mitani hai ye.......(naaz)

Kabhi ye khilte nahi gul ki tarah din me par
Karay mad-hosh ye shab, raat kee raani hai ye!... (Ahmad hyderabadi)

Mai bhi ashiq ,nahi hone ka, bharam rakh lunga
Tum bhi kah dena ke afwaah puraani hai ye ....... (zidd
)

Last edited by zidd; 7th July 2014 at 08:12 PM..
   
Reply With Quote
 


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com