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do ashq meri yaad mein bahaa jaate to kya jaata |
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(#1)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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Posts: 1,810
Join Date: Aug 2001
Rep Power: 10
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do ashq meri yaad mein bahaa jaate to kya jaata -
18th September 2002, 10:15 AM
do ashq meri yaad mein bahaa jaate to kya jaata
chaNd kaliyaaN laash par bicHaa jaate to kya jaata aaye ho mayyat par sanam ooDh kar naqaab tum agar ye chaand ka tukda dikhaa jaate to kya jaata poochte the log tumse kiska hai janaazaa yeh marne waala kaun tha bataa jaate to kya jaata sabke saamne merii ulfat ko ruswaa kar diyaa nazar ki talKhii_yaaN ,cHupaa jaate to kya jaata har zakhm ne mere tumhe diiN haiN duaayeN umr bhar haye, ik baar seene se lagaa jaate to kya jaata tumko yaad karte-karte jaan de di "maikasH" ne ikk chiraag hi mazaar par jalaa jaate to kya jaata maikasH is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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excellent |
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(#2)
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PYAASA SHAYAR
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Posts: 368
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: in a womens heart
Rep Power: 23
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excellent -
18th September 2002, 01:58 PM
ab is ghazal ki tareef ke liye mere paas alfaaz nahi hain
bahut hi achha likha hai aapne APNI LAASH JALAAKAR TERE CHEHRE PAR UJAALA LE AAYENGE ****************************** PHOOL KHILTE HAIN LOG MILTE HAI PATJHAD MEIN JO PHOOL MURJHA JAATE HAIN WOH BAHARON KE AANE SE KHILTE NAHI KUCH LOG EK ROZ JO BICHHAD JAATE HAIN WOH HAZAARON KE AANE SE MILTE NAHI UMRA BHAR CHAHE KOI PUKARA KARE UNKA NAAM WOH FIR NAHI AATE WOH FIR NAHI AATE |
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(#3)
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None
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Posts: 88
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Canada
Rep Power: 23
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22nd September 2002, 03:48 AM
janaab maikash sahab
aap kii ghazal padhii aur aap kaa makhsus rang liye huey hai.. mubaarak ho.. haalaaNkey "overall" ghazal achchii hai lekin phir bhii kuchch baateiN... >do ashq meri yaad mein bahaa jaate to kya jaata chaNd kaliyaaN laash par bicHaa jaate to kya jaata - khyaal ke lihaaz se matlaa pasaNd aayaa. lekin is ghazal kii bahr ne mujhey thodaa sa confuse kar diya hai.. mainey isey kai tareekoN se padhnaa chaahaa lekin bahr ko kuch samajh nahiiN aa sakaa aap zaraa wazaahat kiijiiyegaa maiN is sher ko kuch is bahr meiN kahtaa merii mayiyat pe do aansuu bahaa jaatey to achchaa thaa. ye kaliyaaN laash par meri bichchaa jatey to achaa thaa. 2. aaye ho mayyat par sanam ooDh kar naqaab tum agar ye chaand ka tukda dikhaa jaate to kya jaata >. pahlaa misrey ko phir se likhiye. doosraa misraa bilkul theek bahr meiN hai. merii aap se ghuzaarish hai ki aap is ghazal par phir se nazar saanii kareiN.. koshish kareiN ki jo bahr mainey bataayii hai us ko dhyaan meiN rakheiN.. Feroz Feroz ye zindagi hai kya 'feroz' shayari hai kya kuchh haulnaak haadsey asha'ar ho gaye |
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(#4)
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Registered User
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Posts: 166
Join Date: May 2002
Location: US
Rep Power: 23
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25th September 2002, 01:34 AM
Namaste Jashan-Jee - bahut dinon baad aapki koi ghazal padhi - kaafi achchi koshish hai - as usual - wahi theme - wahi dard - wahi andaaz
 do ashq meri yaad mein bahaa jaate to kya jaata chaNd kaliyaaN laash par bicHaa jaate to kya jaata - wah wah! aaye ho mayyat par sanam ooDh kar naqaab tum agar ye chaand ka tukda dikhaa jaate to kya jaata - bahut khoob!poochte the log tumse kiska hai janaazaa yeh marne waala kaun tha bataa jaate to kya jaata - wah wah! sabke saamne merii ulfat ko ruswaa kar diyaa nazar ki talKhii_yaaN ,cHupaa jaate to kya jaata - 'talkhii_yaan' ka matlab? har zakhm ne mere tumhe diiN haiN duaayeN umr bhar haye, ik baar seene se lagaa jaate to kya jaata - wow - bahut hi khoob tumko yaad karte-karte jaan de di "maikasH" ne ikk chiraag hi mazaar par jalaa jaate to kya jaata -wah wah - achchi ghazal hai - aashaa hai ki aap khaireeyat se hai - take care - Mahek - ye zamIn chAnd se behatar nazar AtI hai hamein surkh phUlon se MAHEK uThatI hain dil kI rAhen din Dhale yUN terI AvAz bulAtI hai hamein ---------------------------------------------- taeray Gham ki KhuShbu say jism-o-jaaN MAHEK uTThay saaNs ki havaa jab bhi Choo kay maeray lab guzri aek saath reh kay bhi, door hi rahay ham bhi dhoop aur Chaa'ooN ki dosti ajab guzri |
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