Shayri.com  

Go Back   Shayri.com > Shayri > Shayri-e-Dard

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
zakh^m bhar jaaye magar kyu.n dard yeh jata nahee
Old
  (#1)
acharya_mj
Zakhm-e-Rooh
acharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud of
 
acharya_mj's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,220
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ahmedabad
Rep Power: 33
Thumbs up zakh^m bhar jaaye magar kyu.n dard yeh jata nahee - 28th December 2008, 06:36 PM

SDC ke sabhi Dosto ko manu kaa pyaar bhara salaam. Dosto,n aaj qaafee vaqt baad mai.n ek ghazal yaha par post karne jaa raha hoon. Yeh ghazal maine taqreeban 6 mahine pehle likhi thi magar vaqt kii kamii ki vajah se mai ise post nahi kar paaaya. Ab mai apni is ghazal ko aaj yaha post kar rahaa hoon. mujhe ummid hai ki yeh ghazal sabhi dosto ko pasand aayegi. aur mujhe aur meri is ghazal ko pehle kii tarah aap sabhi dosto kaa pyaar aur saraahna milegii. is ghazal ke 8 aur 9 number ke sher maine mumbai mai hue aatankvaadi hamle ko dhyaan mai rakh kar likhe hai. aap sabhi dosto kii raay ka mujhe intzaar rahega.

zakhm bhar jaaye magar kyun dard yeh jata nahee
vaqt ke kyun ghaanv marham koii bhar pata nahee

husn chhal hai,ek bh’ram hai bas nazar ka,ishq men
chaut khaane par bhi kyun sach yeh nazar aata nahi

umrabhar maine bahaaye ashq ke dariyaa kaii
yaad men jis kii, vo mere zakhm sehlaata nahi

jab se dekhee hai fiZ^aa maiN ne tere rukhsaar kee
koee mausam meree beenaee ko ab bhaataa naheeN"

dil peh ulfat kaa acar hai yaa nigaahooN kaa fareb?
aaiina bhi juz tere kuchh aur dikhlaata nahii

ranj hai is baat kaa loota di jis par zindagi
shaksh woH yaado se meri khud ko behlaata nahi

chal diye aangan se dil ke saaye teri yaad ke
aalam-e-tanhaayi kaa ab lutf bhii aata nahi

maan kar jis ko khudaa karte rahe ham bandagii
wehsato.n ke vaqt hee kyun reh’m dil aata nahi

haadse ne jab kisee maasoom ki hai jaan li
kyun khuda dil ko tere maatam ye pighlaataa nahi

mai kharaa hoon hausalo ki phir vahii chattaaN ban
aandhiyaa aaye agar, mai.n un se ghabhraataa nahii.n


regards
manu

Last edited by acharya_mj; 28th December 2008 at 06:48 PM..
  Send a message via Yahoo to acharya_mj  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#2)
zainy
Aapki dost
zainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
zainy's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
28th December 2008, 08:50 PM

Bahut acchi ghazal hai manu jee...yuhi likhte rahiye...

zainy




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm
  Send a message via MSN to zainy  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#3)
Diya_Jale
Huii Sabse Paraayi
Diya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDiya_Jale is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
Diya_Jale's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 5,283
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Kolkata
Rep Power: 44
29th December 2008, 02:20 PM

Manu ji,
appki yeh kaavish ... mujhe to bahut passand aaii Youn hii mafhil ko sajate rahiye

Daad ke saath
Diya



Mohabbat ke baad mohabbat mumkin hai faraz.
Magar toot ke chahna sirf ek baar hota hai


Goodbye SDC

Diya
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#4)
kshitiz
.. ek andaaz
kshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud ofkshitiz has much to be proud of
 
kshitiz's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 1,681
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: lucknow , hindustaan
Rep Power: 37
30th December 2008, 01:16 PM

waHHHH !

mazza aa gaya ...

behad purasar ghazal kahi hai aapne .. har sher apne aap meiN ek misaal hai !

matle se le kar maQte tak palak jhapkane ka mauka nahi mila ...

jin 9 aur 10 number ki baat kee aapne vo to masha allah .. phir bhi maiN maQta ke saath matle ki khas taur pe tareef karna chaahunga !

manu saahib aapne bahut achhi ghazal behad zaheen mazmoon ke saath paRhi hai .. mujhe khoob pasand aayii ! ummeen karta huN aage bhi iss tarah ke kalaam paRhne ko milenge !

daad tah e dil se hai ...

Qabool farmaeiN

apna khyaal rakheiN !


andaaz
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#5)
Mayank
Registered User
Mayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
Mayank's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 4,715
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Khariar, Odisha
Rep Power: 0
30th December 2008, 06:59 PM






Dear Manu,

kaise ho? ummeed hai zindagii maze se guzar rahii hogii......sab se pahle me.n aap ko is behtarii.n Ghazal ke liye mubaaraq baad deta huu.n, to daad aur mubaaraq baad qubuul kii jaaye...... ab Ghazal par me.n apni 2 KauDi ki kuchh raa'ey bhi pesh kar raha huu.n jo ki meri jaati raa'ey hai. pasand aaye to aap Gaur farmaa sakte hai.n nahii.n to bejhijhak dar-kinaar kar deejiyegaa......

Quote:
zakhm bhar jaaye magar kyun dard yeh jata nahee
vaqt ke kyun ghaanv marham koii bhar pata nahee
is sher ka pahla misre to behad pasand aaya mujhe, aur haalki duusre misre ka khayaal behad achchha hai. par mujeh itna rawaa.n nahii.n lag raha hai, mujhe lagta hai ki duusra misre ko lafz idhar udhar kar ke aur behtar kiya jaa sakta hai......

Quote:
husn chhal hai,ek bh’ram hai bas nazar ka,ishq men
chaut khaane par bhi kyun sach yeh nazar aata nahi
sher bohat khuub hai, par duusre misre par meri raa'ey pahle sher ke jaise hi hai............ duusra misra is tarh likh kar dekhiye.....

chaut khaane par bhi yeh sach kyu.n nazar aata nahii

Quote:
jab se dekhee hai fiZ^aa maiN ne tere rukhsaar kee
koee mausam meree beenaee ko ab bhaataa naheeN"
sher achchha hai daad! par dusre misre me.n me.n lafz 'benaaii' mujhe Khatak raha hai wazan ke lihaaz se....... aisa sochaa jaa sakta hai...

Koii mausam ab mere dil ko kahii.n bhaata nahii.n
Quote:
dil peh ulfat kaa acar hai yaa nigaahooN kaa fareb?
aaiina bhi juz tere kuchh aur dikhlaata nahii
bohat khuub! daad haazir hai..

Quote:
chal diye aangan se dil ke saaye teri yaad ke
aalam-e-tanhaayi kaa ab lutf bhii aata nahi
waah! yeh sher mujeh behad pasand aaya..mai.n is se aap ki Ghazal ka sab se behtar sher kahuu.ngaa...bohat khuuub....!!

Quote:
maan kar jis ko khudaa karte rahe ham bandagii
wehsato.n ke vaqt hee kyun reh’m dil aata nahi
yeh sher bhi pasand aaya.daad!

Quote:
haadse ne jab kisee maasoom ki hai jaan li
kyun khuda dil ko tere maatam ye pighlaataa nahi
bohat khuub! sher achchha hai, par behtari ki gunjaaish hai is me.n...


Quote:
mai kharaa hoon hausalo ki phir vahii chattaaN ban
aandhiyaa aaye agar, mai.n un se ghabhraataa nahii.n
yeh hser bhi achchha hai.......


likhte rahiye........

best wishes....

Mayank









Last edited by Mayank; 30th December 2008 at 07:02 PM..
  Send a message via MSN to Mayank  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#6)
sakhi1909
raj
sakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud ofsakhi1909 has much to be proud of
 
sakhi1909's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,332
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: dil mein khud ke..aisa nahi kisi ko mera pata nahi hai mujhe dhundhne ki had tak koi dhundhta nahi hai..un
Rep Power: 34
31st December 2008, 01:12 AM

manu ji
acha laga har sher...

gazal purkashish lagi ...daad hazir hai

sakhi


कुछ ऐसे पल जिनको संजोना है ,
शब्दों में पिरोना है , जिससे वो हमारी यादों में महकते रहे
 Send a message via ICQ to sakhi1909  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#7)
dheer
Registered User
dheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant futuredheer has a brilliant future
 
dheer's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 875
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: udaipur
Rep Power: 35
31st December 2008, 11:01 AM

namaste Acharya saHeb!!
ghazal achchhee hai. meree daad qabool kijiye. Mayank saheb ne achchha tabsara kiyaa hai, un baatoN ko dhyaan meN rakh kar dobaaraa fikr kee jaa saktee hai.

dil peh ulfat kaa acar hai yaa nigaahooN kaa fareb?
aaiina bhi juz tere kuchh aur dikhlaata nahii

doosare misre meN "juz tere" naheeN khap rahaa. iske maanee hai "tere binaa", jab ke aap kahnaa chaahte hai keh "tere sivaa". chaahe to misraa yuN kar dijiye.

aayeen'ah tere sivaa kuchh aur dikhlaataa naheeN!

khairandesh
dheer
  Send a message via Yahoo to dheer  
Reply With Quote
Thanx a lot
Old
  (#8)
acharya_mj
Zakhm-e-Rooh
acharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud of
 
acharya_mj's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,220
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ahmedabad
Rep Power: 33
Smile Thanx a lot - 4th January 2009, 12:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
Bahut acchi ghazal hai manu jee...yuhi likhte rahiye...

zainy

bahut bahut shukriya zainy jee aap ka meri ghazal ko padhane ke liye aur saraahane ke liye.

yunhi aap aate rahenge yeh ummid karta hoon mere kalaam par
regards
manu
  Send a message via Yahoo to acharya_mj  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#9)
sunita thakur
Moderator
sunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsunita thakur is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
sunita thakur's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 15,199
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chandigarh (Mohali)
Rep Power: 63
4th January 2009, 10:28 PM

Manu jii, hume sabhi sher pasand aaye.....kisi ek sher ko behtar nahi kah sakti...sabhi sher khaas lage...!

god bless u


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...


   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#10)
Dhaval
Shayri.com Moderator
Dhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comDhaval is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
Dhaval's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 10,551
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: INDIA
Rep Power: 59
5th January 2009, 11:07 AM

Manu bhaa'ii:

namaste!!

aapki Ghazal bahot umdaah rahee.. aapne baRii mehnat kii haii apnii ees Ghazal par.. YuuNhi liKhate raheN aage bhee.. daad hi daad!!

KhuSh raheN... apnaa Khayaal raKheN

duaaoN ke saath ijaazat

aapka

~ Dhaval


*~*Dhaval*~*....Ek Ehsaas...
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#11)
acharya_mj
Zakhm-e-Rooh
acharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud of
 
acharya_mj's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,220
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ahmedabad
Rep Power: 33
15th January 2009, 11:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diya_Jale View Post
Manu ji,
appki yeh kaavish ... mujhe to bahut passand aaii Youn hii mafhil ko sajate rahiye

Daad ke saath
Diya
shukriya diyaa jee aap ka
regards
manu
  Send a message via Yahoo to acharya_mj  
Reply With Quote
Thanx a lot
Old
  (#12)
acharya_mj
Zakhm-e-Rooh
acharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud of
 
acharya_mj's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,220
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ahmedabad
Rep Power: 33
Smile Thanx a lot - 17th February 2009, 12:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
waHHHH !

mazza aa gaya ...

behad purasar ghazal kahi hai aapne .. har sher apne aap meiN ek misaal hai !

matle se le kar maQte tak palak jhapkane ka mauka nahi mila ...

jin 9 aur 10 number ki baat kee aapne vo to masha allah .. phir bhi maiN maQta ke saath matle ki khas taur pe tareef karna chaahunga !

manu saahib aapne bahut achhi ghazal behad zaheen mazmoon ke saath paRhi hai .. mujhe khoob pasand aayii ! ummeen karta huN aage bhi iss tarah ke kalaam paRhne ko milenge !

daad tah e dil se hai ...

Qabool farmaeiN

apna khyaal rakheiN !
kshitiz jee aap jaise puraane dosto ko yaha par vaapis aaya dekh kar bahut khushii huii, aur khushii aur badh gayi jab aap ne is naacheez ki ghazal ko padhaa aur pasand kiyaa, aap ka tah-e-dil se shukrguzaar hoon.aap ki farmaayish jald hee poori hogi. mai ummid karta hoon ki aap bhi is site ko chhor kahiin nahi jaayenge ab. aate rahiyega.

thanx a lot 4 words of praise
regards
manu
  Send a message via Yahoo to acharya_mj  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#13)
Purvi
~ Ek Ghazal ~
Purvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant futurePurvi has a brilliant future
 
Purvi's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 1,454
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: London
Rep Power: 32
17th February 2009, 09:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by acharya_mj View Post
SDC ke sabhi Dosto ko manu kaa pyaar bhara salaam. Dosto,n aaj qaafee vaqt baad mai.n ek ghazal yaha par post karne jaa raha hoon. Yeh ghazal maine taqreeban 6 mahine pehle likhi thi magar vaqt kii kamii ki vajah se mai ise post nahi kar paaaya. Ab mai apni is ghazal ko aaj yaha post kar rahaa hoon. mujhe ummid hai ki yeh ghazal sabhi dosto ko pasand aayegi. aur mujhe aur meri is ghazal ko pehle kii tarah aap sabhi dosto kaa pyaar aur saraahna milegii. is ghazal ke 8 aur 9 number ke sher maine mumbai mai hue aatankvaadi hamle ko dhyaan mai rakh kar likhe hai. aap sabhi dosto kii raay ka mujhe intzaar rahega.

zakhm bhar jaaye magar kyun dard yeh jata nahee
vaqt ke kyun ghaanv marham koii bhar pata nahee

husn chhal hai,ek bh’ram hai bas nazar ka,ishq men
chaut khaane par bhi kyun sach yeh nazar aata nahi

umrabhar maine bahaaye ashq ke dariyaa kaii
yaad men jis kii, vo mere zakhm sehlaata nahi

jab se dekhee hai fiZ^aa maiN ne tere rukhsaar kee
koee mausam meree beenaee ko ab bhaataa naheeN"

dil peh ulfat kaa acar hai yaa nigaahooN kaa fareb?
aaiina bhi juz tere kuchh aur dikhlaata nahii

ranj hai is baat kaa loota di jis par zindagi
shaksh woH yaado se meri khud ko behlaata nahi

chal diye aangan se dil ke saaye teri yaad ke
aalam-e-tanhaayi kaa ab lutf bhii aata nahi

maan kar jis ko khudaa karte rahe ham bandagii
wehsato.n ke vaqt hee kyun reh’m dil aata nahi

haadse ne jab kisee maasoom ki hai jaan li
kyun khuda dil ko tere maatam ye pighlaataa nahi

mai kharaa hoon hausalo ki phir vahii chattaaN ban
aandhiyaa aaye agar, mai.n un se ghabhraataa nahii.n


regards
manu
Manuji,

AAj pahli Baar aap ki Ghazal padh rahi hoon
Wakyi bahot acchi ghazal hai...........

Fursat se aapki aur ghazal padhi jayegai

Yunhi likhte rahen

Duwa.on ke saath

Purvi


~*~Kaash Dil ki aawaz mein aisa asar ho jaaye
Jise Hum Yaad karte hai use Khabar ho jaaye ~*~
   
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#14)
sameer'shaad'
~$uper M0der@tor~
sameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comsameer'shaad' is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
sameer'shaad''s Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
17th February 2009, 06:46 PM

bahot khoob likha hai manu likhte raho....aapki kalaam me alag hi ek lutf jo pahle tha wahi asar aaj bhi barkaraar hai...guzarish hai ki aise hi dilfareb alfaaz aage bhi padhne ko milenge..
keep writing.
shaad
   
Reply With Quote
thanx
Old
  (#15)
acharya_mj
Zakhm-e-Rooh
acharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud of
 
acharya_mj's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,220
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ahmedabad
Rep Power: 33
Smile thanx - 11th March 2009, 10:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunita virender View Post
Manu jii, hume sabhi sher pasand aaye.....kisi ek sher ko behtar nahi kah sakti...sabhi sher khaas lage...!

god bless u
sunita jee aap ka bahut bahut shukriya meri is ghazal ko padhane ke liye aur pasand karne ke liie...............yunhii aate rahiyega

regards
manu
  Send a message via Yahoo to acharya_mj  
Reply With Quote
thank you
Old
  (#16)
acharya_mj
Zakhm-e-Rooh
acharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud ofacharya_mj has much to be proud of
 
acharya_mj's Avatar
 
Offline
Posts: 2,220
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ahmedabad
Rep Power: 33
Smile thank you - 15th March 2009, 11:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayank View Post



Dear Manu,

kaise ho? ummeed hai zindagii maze se guzar rahii hogii......sab se pahle me.n aap ko is behtarii.n Ghazal ke liye mubaaraq baad deta huu.n, to daad aur mubaaraq baad qubuul kii jaaye...... ab Ghazal par me.n apni 2 KauDi ki kuchh raa'ey bhi pesh kar raha huu.n jo ki meri jaati raa'ey hai. pasand aaye to aap Gaur farmaa sakte hai.n nahii.n to bejhijhak dar-kinaar kar deejiyegaa......



is sher ka pahla misre to behad pasand aaya mujhe, aur haalki duusre misre ka khayaal behad achchha hai. par mujeh itna rawaa.n nahii.n lag raha hai, mujhe lagta hai ki duusra misre ko lafz idhar udhar kar ke aur behtar kiya jaa sakta hai......



sher bohat khuub hai, par duusre misre par meri raa'ey pahle sher ke jaise hi hai............ duusra misra is tarh likh kar dekhiye.....

chaut khaane par bhi yeh sach kyu.n nazar aata nahii


sher achchha hai daad! par dusre misre me.n me.n lafz 'benaaii' mujhe Khatak raha hai wazan ke lihaaz se....... aisa sochaa jaa sakta hai...

Koii mausam ab mere dil ko kahii.n bhaata nahii.n


bohat khuub! daad haazir hai..



waah! yeh sher mujeh behad pasand aaya..mai.n is se aap ki Ghazal ka sab se behtar sher kahuu.ngaa...bohat khuuub....!!



yeh sher bhi pasand aaya.daad!



bohat khuub! sher achchha hai, par behtari ki gunjaaish hai is me.n...




yeh hser bhi achchha hai.......


likhte rahiye........

best wishes....

Mayank








thanx a lot mayank for patience of reading my poetry and appreciating it in descriptive manner,

regards
ur friend and ur student
manu
  Send a message via Yahoo to acharya_mj  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
niiyat-e-shauq bhar na jaaye kahii.n Aryaan Shayri-e-Ishq 3 24th July 2007 12:04 PM
aaj zakh main khoon ka katra nahee hai masoomshayer Shayri-e-Dard 9 5th July 2006 04:54 PM
Mera Dard Chupaya Nahee Jata !!!! WASEEF- Unlucky Shayri-e-Dard 0 1st March 2006 01:29 AM
main tumhe bhool bhi jata magar...... amaan7am Shayri-e-Dard 4 18th December 2004 06:48 PM
Dara jab jab ik had se gujar jata hai, vo dard dard nahi rehta>>> shayri12345 Shayri-e-Dard 0 16th November 2002 11:49 PM



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com