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kal shab tumhare naam pe...... |
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(#1)
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Mashahoor Shayar
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Posts: 289
Join Date: May 2001
Location: panvel
Rep Power: 25
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kal shab tumhare naam pe...... -
9th February 2002, 11:45 AM
after a long while i m posting my own thing here.....and this is because of molly....thanks to molly for regenerating my feelings towards poetry!!!!!
kal shab tumhare naam pe rote chale gaye aansu ke zevaraat pirote chale gaye zinda hain fir bhi zindagi se dillagi nahi marne ke naam pe tere aashiq chale gaye kal raat thi sharaab meri hamsafar bani kal raat tere saare karishmein chale gaye 'sagar' tuu tere raat ki har baat bhuul jaa ab yuun bhi tere roz ishq ke chale gaye...... anjane me muzko wo shayar bana gaya |
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kal shab tumhare naam pe rote chale gaye |
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(#2)
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None
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Posts: 88
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Canada
Rep Power: 23
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kal shab tumhare naam pe rote chale gaye -
10th February 2002, 06:22 AM
sagar sahab
sab se pahley to maiN aap ko is bazm meiN Khushaamded kahtaa huN. aap kaa kalaam paDhaa aur phir apne taasuraat dene chalaa aayaa............jaisaa ke aap ne kahaa hai ke aap abhii abhii sher kahney lagey haiN. lekin aap ke sher paDh kar lagtaa hai ke shauq aap ko der se haii. kyuNkey aap kaa har sher bahr meiN hai......  kuchh baateiN maiN arz karnaa chaahata huN......aap kaa matlaa qaafiye ke lihaaz se Theek hai, lekin us ke baad aap ne rote, pirotey........ke silsiley ko jaarii nahiiN rakhaa . ye shart laazmii hai.......aap ke matley ke baad har sher ko in alfaaz par khatm honaa chaahiyee thaa. rotey chaley gaye pirotey chaley gaye dhotey chaley gaye. sotey chaley gaye. bhigotey chaley gaye.......waGheraa waGheraa. kal shab tumhare naam pe rote chale gaye aansu ke zevaraat pirote chale gaye >.......achaa sher hai, lekin zevaraat piroye nahiiN jaatey. aap is ko yuuN kahiiye. sheroN meiN aaNsuoN ko pirotey chaley gaye. merey Khyaal meiN aap is Ghazal ko jaisaa mainey bataayaa hai, Theek kar ke dobaaraa likhiiye. aap meiN qaabiliiyat maujood hai. Feroz |
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thanx!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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(#3)
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Mashahoor Shayar
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Posts: 289
Join Date: May 2001
Location: panvel
Rep Power: 25
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thanx!!!!!!!!!!!! -
11th February 2002, 01:21 PM
feroz sahab.....
thanx for the suggetions and one more thing that i m not a reguler shayar so i m supposed to make some mistakes but people like you who are really have command on shayri can guide and make me write more perfect. thanx again. sagar anjane me muzko wo shayar bana gaya |
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