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My First One!!!~~!!!
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mohsinlove
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Love My First One!!!~~!!! - 15th April 2002, 12:03 AM

raat ke sapne kiss ko sunae
raat ke khwab suhane the

dhondhle dhondhle chehre the
par aap jaane pehchane the

aankhein thi woh ya ghazal koi
hum jis par sab huwe begane the

humme inhi se kyun milna para
yahan kitne aur thekane the

aur jab issi se milana tha to
kyun itne lakh bahane the

hum ne to likh di un par ghazal puri
kissi ne nahin pocha hum kis ke deewane the


!~~~~MOHSIN LOVE~~~~!
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Hi Mohsin...
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shumaila
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Hi Mohsin... - 18th April 2002, 03:58 PM

Lijiye Hum haazir haiN Lekin hum koi expert to hai nahi isliye aapko takneeki baatein jaane ke liye kisi expert ka sahara lena hoga(maikashji and Ferozji can help u out) bas itna zaroor kahungi ke khayalaat bahut acche haiN..maine aapki dono ghazlein paRhi and aap accha khaasa likh lete ho ..lekin ek cheez maine notice ki ke aapki dono ghazloN mein 'MATLAA'(First sher having same words(Radeef) in both lines) missing hai....aur aapki ghazlein Beher mein nahi hain jo meri ghazloN ki bhi khamiyaN hain...I'm trying to understand Beher though..dekho kab palle parta hai

aur u can also put ur name or Takhallus in the 'maqtaa' ie; last sher.

Waise ye sher bahut khoob likha hai...

hum ne to likh di un par ghazal puri
kissi ne nahin pocha hum kis ke deewane the

Wah!!!Chalein hume bata dein aap kiske deewane the...

Keep trying!!

All the best...!!

shumaila


kabhi kisi ko muqammal jahan nahi milta
kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!!
   
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mohsinlove
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19th April 2002, 05:38 PM

thnkx shumaila ji for liking my ghazal well that was my first try .....i m trying to contact mahkash ji i hav read her technical aspect.... inspite i m having some prob understanding this behr aur jab ye behr mujhe samjh aagaya to aap ko mila kar mere buhat saare fans hone wale hain


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