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Ek HaseeN KhawaB
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kwahish
An Incomplite Dream
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Love Ek HaseeN KhawaB - 17th January 2010, 03:51 PM

Ek HaseeN Khawab Doston main ek kishtwar novel aapke samne pesh kar raha hun jise main weekly update karunga........ Ummid hai aap logoN ko meri yeh novel pasand aayengi..............

24 ghante ke lambe safar ke bad Zaid apne aunty ke ghar pahuncha..... Sufi aunty apne chahite bhanje ko dekh bahut khush huyi, us waqt fari ( faridaa ) sufi aunty ki ladki college gayi huyi thi..... Jo final year ki student thi……………
Sufi aunty ne Zaid ko nashta karwaya aur aaraam karne kaha Zaid bhi lambe safar se kafi thak chuka tha...Bed per lette hi usey nind ne aa ghera...........



“Fari tum aaj college se jaldi kyun aa gayi?” ek khubsurat si aawaaz sunkar Zaid ki nind khul gayi.. Per Zaid ne mudker nahi dekha, tab hi Fari se dusra sawal kar diya gaya,” yeh janab koun hai....?” Toh Fari ne use bataya yeh mere Bhaiya hai jo lucknow mein rehte hai..... aaj hi subha aaye hai main inke liye hi jadi aayi, aur yeh hai ke abhi tak soye hua hai, to phir se Fari ki dost ne shararat se kaha “achcha aur dekho janab kaise so rahe hai inke sone ke andaaz se to lagta hai ke yeh dobble bed ko 4bed bana denge...” Tab hi Zaid ne deewaar per mukka mara.... To Fari ne usse pucha “kya hua bhaiyaa.....?”

Zaid ne kaha” achcha khasa ek haseen khawab dekh rahe the aap logoN ne tod diyaa....” to Fari ki dost ne phir shararat se kaha “achcha hi hua khawab tutne ke liye hote hai!”, toh Zaid ne palat ker dekha ke yeh khubsurat si anjaani aawaaz kiski hai, woh thi Fari ki dost Ruby ki jo Fari ke saath college mein padhti thi aur pados mein hi rehti thi........




Zaid ne jab palat ker dekha to ruby ki khubsurat ankhoN mein kho sa gaya usey aisa laga jaise woh abhi abhi jo khawab dekh raha tha uski tabeer mein yehi khubsurat chehra tha, yehi dilnashin ankhen thi Zaid use dekhta hi reh gaya, phir Zaid ne kaha” mohtarma khawab haqeekhat bhi hote hai.” to Ruby ne phir shoki se kaha “aaji janab woh subha paheli paher ke hote hoge! yeh kounsa waqt hia sone ka aur khawab dekhane ka...” To Fari ne unki baaton ko roka aur Zaid se kaha Bhaiya yeh meri friend Rubi hai.... mere saath college mein padhti hai aur yahiN pados mein rehti hai kuch der ke bad Ruby apne ghar chali gayi aur Fari Zaid se baaten karne lagi, Fari ki aur Zaid ki baaten kabhi khatam nahi hoti kyun ki dono bahut achche dost bhi the, har choti badi baat ek dusre se share karte.......





Sufi aunty ne apne bhanje ke liye behtreen dinner ki taiyaari ki thi.... dinning table per Sufi aunty, Uncle, Fari aur Zaid the..... Sufi aunty ne Zaid se pucha beta padhai khatam kiye ab aage kya karna hai...? Zaid ne abhi M.Ba compalete kiya tha, aur chuttiyan manane Sufi aunty ke yaha aaya tha.... Zaid ne kaha abhi to Kuch rest lunga, uske bad dekhege ke kahan achchi job milti hai..... phir uncle ne kaha barkhurdar job koi bhi ho kar lena, expirence zaruri hota hai education hi kafi nahi...... Zaid ne jawab mein sir hila diyaPhir Sufi aunty ne kaha ab jaldi se shadi bhi kar lo, kafi umar ho gayi hai..... Zaid 27 saal ka ho chuka tha... Fari khil khilaker hasi aur kaha bhaiya kaho to main aapke liye ladki dekhuN..? to Sufi aunty ne Fari ko dante hua kaha....." rehne de ek achchi dost to nahi dhund payi aur achchi ladki dhundne ki baat ker rahi hai.. Sufi aunty ne Ruby per tanz marte hua kaha tha, Aunty ko Ruby katai pasand nahi thi, kyunki Ruby kafi shoukh aur chanchal mijaz ki thi, har waqt uski hasi mazak aur patar patar baaten sufi aunty ko pasand nahi thi....




Dusre din jab subha Ruby Fari ko college le jane ke liye aayi to sidhe Zaid ke kamre ki taraf jhankne lagi per Zaid apne kamre mein nahi tha, Ruby soch mein gum ho gayi, kyun ki Zaid ki shaksiyat ne uske dil mein bhi halchal macha di thi..... Ruby ne zor se Fari ko aawaaz lagayi “Fari jaldi chalo der ho rahi hai.......” Zaid us waqt bathroom mein naha raha tha jo Ruby ki aawaaz sunker uska bhi dil machal utha per kya karta bus sunta reh gaya usey Ruby ki aawaaz sunayi de rahi thi, Fari aa gayi to Ruby ne usse puch liya tumhare bhaiya kahan hai, Fari ne bataya ke woh naha rahe hai... Ruby koi geet gunguna rahi thi to wohi geet Zaid ne hi zor se gana shuru ker diya to ruby hasker Fari se kahi “bathroom singer ki aawaaz achchi hai... per bathroom mein hi?”




Shaam ko Zaid chat per khada shaam ke nazare ka lutf le raha tha ke Wahan Fari aur Ruby aa gaye, Ruby ne Zaid se shararti andaaz mein kaha “Janab aap yahan hi hia, aray jaiye humara shahar ghumiye dekhiye Kitna khubsurat hai hamara shahar “ Zaid ke muh se achnak nikal gaya ke aapka Shahar tanha ghumne ke kaam ka nahi yahan koi sathi ho to hi maza aata hai………Agar aap company deN to aur bhi jyada maza aa jayenga….. Zaid ki shararati baat se Ruby Ka chehara zard pad gaya tha, useki ammi ki aawaaz per woh chali gayi, .............

Fari ne kaha “Bhaiyaa aap bhi naa kuch bhi kehte hai, aap nahi jante Ruby ke ghar ka mahol kaisa hai, uski ammi usey kahin jane aane nahi deti bahut mazhabi mahol hai uske ghar ka aur agar uski ammi ko pata chala ke aap yahan aaye hua hai to uska yahan aana bhi band ho jayenga…………. Zaid ne Fari ki taraf hairat bhari nazroN se dekha kunki Ruby kisi bhi hisab se aise mahol ki nahi lagti thi? To Fari ne bataya ke “Ruby ghar mein bahut khamosh rehti hai usey ghar jaise katne daudta hai..Woh to mere saath hi khush rehti hai……” aur who aapke saath kahin nahi ja sakti!” Zaid ne kaha” Fari aapki is saheli ko hum apne saath ghumane lekar hi jayenge?! aur dekhna agar hum ek mahina yahan hi rahe naa aapki yeh saheli hume chithiyaan likhne laginge humare jane ke bad” To Fari ne has dii ha ha ha ha ha ha ………. Bhaiyaa aap to Ruby ka hi dailog bol diye? To Zaid ne kaha “achcha kya kaha tha Ruby ne?”, to Fari ne bataya ke “agar aap yahan ek mahina rah gaye to who aapko deewaana bana ke chorengi……………….”. Zaid mann hi mann muskuraya, aur Fari se kaha” Fari aap dekhana koun kiska dil jitta hai………… “ Fari ne bhi Zaid per tanz marte hua kaha ke ab to dekhana hi padenga ke koun dil harta hai…..


1 chapter close………………………………………………… Next chapter will be post after a week keep reading……………. J



Last edited by kwahish; 17th January 2010 at 03:59 PM..
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Hassan
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17th January 2010, 04:15 PM

Sameer Bhai,,

Wowwww.... Aap writer bhi ho....
Boht achi hai story... keep writing...

I'll wait for next chapter........

Regardz,,


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")
   
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naresh_mehra110
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17th January 2010, 10:26 PM

Sameer Ji....Aadaab ! Kahaani padhte waqt laga nahi......ki koi naya likh raha hai.....ek achhi shuruaat keh sakte hai....kahaani mai paatron ke samwaad chhote aur gatisheel hai...isse kahaani ruki hui nahi lagti....yeh baat mujhe aapke lekhan mai achi lagi....aage bhi yeh dhiyaan rakhna ki koi baat cheet itni lambi naa ho jaye.....ki kahaani oobaau ho jaye......samwaad aur drishiye chitran se kahaani aage badhti hui dikhni chaahiye....yahi kathakaar ki kushalta hoti hai........samwaad mai kahaani aage badhti lagni chaahiye....aur chitran mai bhi... jis tarha aapne shuruaat ki hai woh abhi tak sahi lag raha hai......

..jab kahaani itni likh li jaati hai.....toh aage uske paatr likhwaate jaate hai......bas shuru karna zara mushkil hota hai....mujhe aapki shuruaat achi lagi........bhagwaan aapko likhne ki shakti de.....aur safalta purvak puri karne mai madad karen....meri yahi duaa hai.....phir kahunga......acha likh rahe ho....ab tak ka likha .....mujhe bahut pasand aaya .....khush rahen....

apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath...




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----
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kwahish
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Smile 18th January 2010, 04:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan View Post
Sameer Bhai,,

Wowwww.... Aap writer bhi ho....
Boht achi hai story... keep writing...

I'll wait for next chapter........

Regardz,,
Thanks for reading......... Insha Allah Jaldi post karunga.......

Quote:
Originally Posted by naresh_mehra110 View Post
Sameer Ji....Aadaab ! Kahaani padhte waqt laga nahi......ki koi naya likh raha hai.....ek achhi shuruaat keh sakte hai....kahaani mai paatron ke samwaad chhote aur gatisheel hai...isse kahaani ruki hui nahi lagti....yeh baat mujhe aapke lekhan mai achi lagi....aage bhi yeh dhiyaan rakhna ki koi baat cheet itni lambi naa ho jaye.....ki kahaani oobaau ho jaye......samwaad aur drishiye chitran se kahaani aage badhti hui dikhni chaahiye....yahi kathakaar ki kushalta hoti hai........samwaad mai kahaani aage badhti lagni chaahiye....aur chitran mai bhi... jis tarha aapne shuruaat ki hai woh abhi tak sahi lag raha hai......

..jab kahaani itni likh li jaati hai.....toh aage uske paatr likhwaate jaate hai......bas shuru karna zara mushkil hota hai....mujhe aapki shuruaat achi lagi........bhagwaan aapko likhne ki shakti de.....aur safalta purvak puri karne mai madad karen....meri yahi duaa hai.....phir kahunga......acha likh rahe ho....ab tak ka likha .....mujhe bahut pasand aaya .....khush rahen....

apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath...
Naresh Jee Aadaab.......


Main aapko isliye hi invite kiya tha ke mujhe kuch tips mil jaye..........
coz I m little bite selfish also........... Je main aapke sabhi baaton ko achche se samjha hun, aage bhi dhayan rakhunga aur aapne kaf uchit aur sahin margdarshan iya hia aage aage jahan aapo lage tab margdarshan karte rahiye, mujhe bahut khushi hogi...........

Apna saath banaye rakhiye,
Khush rhaiye,
Apna khayal rakhiye
Khuda Hafez............


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Tahir kkkhan
A SOUL OF LOVE
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18th January 2010, 09:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kwahish View Post
Ek HaseeN Khawab Doston main ek kishtwar novel aapke samne pesh kar raha hun jise main weekly update karunga........ Ummid hai aap logoN ko meri yeh novel pasand aayengi..............

24 ghante ke lambe safar ke bad Zaid apne aunty ke ghar pahuncha..... Sufi aunty apne chahite bhanje ko dekh bahut khush huyi, us waqt fari ( faridaa ) sufi aunty ki ladki college gayi huyi thi..... Jo final year ki student thi……………
Sufi aunty ne Zaid ko nashta karwaya aur aaraam karne kaha Zaid bhi lambe safar se kafi thak chuka tha...Bed per lette hi usey nind ne aa ghera...........



“Fari tum aaj college se jaldi kyun aa gayi?” ek khubsurat si aawaaz sunkar Zaid ki nind khul gayi.. Per Zaid ne mudker nahi dekha, tab hi Fari se dusra sawal kar diya gaya,” yeh janab koun hai....?” Toh Fari ne use bataya yeh mere Bhaiya hai jo lucknow mein rehte hai..... aaj hi subha aaye hai main inke liye hi jadi aayi, aur yeh hai ke abhi tak soye hua hai, to phir se Fari ki dost ne shararat se kaha “achcha aur dekho janab kaise so rahe hai inke sone ke andaaz se to lagta hai ke yeh dobble bed ko 4bed bana denge...” Tab hi Zaid ne deewaar per mukka mara.... To Fari ne usse pucha “kya hua bhaiyaa.....?”

Zaid ne kaha” achcha khasa ek haseen khawab dekh rahe the aap logoN ne tod diyaa....” to Fari ki dost ne phir shararat se kaha “achcha hi hua khawab tutne ke liye hote hai!”, toh Zaid ne palat ker dekha ke yeh khubsurat si anjaani aawaaz kiski hai, woh thi Fari ki dost Ruby ki jo Fari ke saath college mein padhti thi aur pados mein hi rehti thi........




Zaid ne jab palat ker dekha to ruby ki khubsurat ankhoN mein kho sa gaya usey aisa laga jaise woh abhi abhi jo khawab dekh raha tha uski tabeer mein yehi khubsurat chehra tha, yehi dilnashin ankhen thi Zaid use dekhta hi reh gaya, phir Zaid ne kaha” mohtarma khawab haqeekhat bhi hote hai.” to Ruby ne phir shoki se kaha “aaji janab woh subha paheli paher ke hote hoge! yeh kounsa waqt hia sone ka aur khawab dekhane ka...” To Fari ne unki baaton ko roka aur Zaid se kaha Bhaiya yeh meri friend Rubi hai.... mere saath college mein padhti hai aur yahiN pados mein rehti hai kuch der ke bad Ruby apne ghar chali gayi aur Fari Zaid se baaten karne lagi, Fari ki aur Zaid ki baaten kabhi khatam nahi hoti kyun ki dono bahut achche dost bhi the, har choti badi baat ek dusre se share karte.......





Sufi aunty ne apne bhanje ke liye behtreen dinner ki taiyaari ki thi.... dinning table per Sufi aunty, Uncle, Fari aur Zaid the..... Sufi aunty ne Zaid se pucha beta padhai khatam kiye ab aage kya karna hai...? Zaid ne abhi M.Ba compalete kiya tha, aur chuttiyan manane Sufi aunty ke yaha aaya tha.... Zaid ne kaha abhi to Kuch rest lunga, uske bad dekhege ke kahan achchi job milti hai..... phir uncle ne kaha barkhurdar job koi bhi ho kar lena, expirence zaruri hota hai education hi kafi nahi...... Zaid ne jawab mein sir hila diyaPhir Sufi aunty ne kaha ab jaldi se shadi bhi kar lo, kafi umar ho gayi hai..... Zaid 27 saal ka ho chuka tha... Fari khil khilaker hasi aur kaha bhaiya kaho to main aapke liye ladki dekhuN..? to Sufi aunty ne Fari ko dante hua kaha....." rehne de ek achchi dost to nahi dhund payi aur achchi ladki dhundne ki baat ker rahi hai.. Sufi aunty ne Ruby per tanz marte hua kaha tha, Aunty ko Ruby katai pasand nahi thi, kyunki Ruby kafi shoukh aur chanchal mijaz ki thi, har waqt uski hasi mazak aur patar patar baaten sufi aunty ko pasand nahi thi....




Dusre din jab subha Ruby Fari ko college le jane ke liye aayi to sidhe Zaid ke kamre ki taraf jhankne lagi per Zaid apne kamre mein nahi tha, Ruby soch mein gum ho gayi, kyun ki Zaid ki shaksiyat ne uske dil mein bhi halchal macha di thi..... Ruby ne zor se Fari ko aawaaz lagayi “Fari jaldi chalo der ho rahi hai.......” Zaid us waqt bathroom mein naha raha tha jo Ruby ki aawaaz sunker uska bhi dil machal utha per kya karta bus sunta reh gaya usey Ruby ki aawaaz sunayi de rahi thi, Fari aa gayi to Ruby ne usse puch liya tumhare bhaiya kahan hai, Fari ne bataya ke woh naha rahe hai... Ruby koi geet gunguna rahi thi to wohi geet Zaid ne hi zor se gana shuru ker diya to ruby hasker Fari se kahi “bathroom singer ki aawaaz achchi hai... per bathroom mein hi?”




Shaam ko Zaid chat per khada shaam ke nazare ka lutf le raha tha ke Wahan Fari aur Ruby aa gaye, Ruby ne Zaid se shararti andaaz mein kaha “Janab aap yahan hi hia, aray jaiye humara shahar ghumiye dekhiye Kitna khubsurat hai hamara shahar “ Zaid ke muh se achnak nikal gaya ke aapka Shahar tanha ghumne ke kaam ka nahi yahan koi sathi ho to hi maza aata hai………Agar aap company deN to aur bhi jyada maza aa jayenga….. Zaid ki shararati baat se Ruby Ka chehara zard pad gaya tha, useki ammi ki aawaaz per woh chali gayi, .............

Fari ne kaha “Bhaiyaa aap bhi naa kuch bhi kehte hai, aap nahi jante Ruby ke ghar ka mahol kaisa hai, uski ammi usey kahin jane aane nahi deti bahut mazhabi mahol hai uske ghar ka aur agar uski ammi ko pata chala ke aap yahan aaye hua hai to uska yahan aana bhi band ho jayenga…………. Zaid ne Fari ki taraf hairat bhari nazroN se dekha kunki Ruby kisi bhi hisab se aise mahol ki nahi lagti thi? To Fari ne bataya ke “Ruby ghar mein bahut khamosh rehti hai usey ghar jaise katne daudta hai..Woh to mere saath hi khush rehti hai……” aur who aapke saath kahin nahi ja sakti!” Zaid ne kaha” Fari aapki is saheli ko hum apne saath ghumane lekar hi jayenge?! aur dekhna agar hum ek mahina yahan hi rahe naa aapki yeh saheli hume chithiyaan likhne laginge humare jane ke bad” To Fari ne has dii ha ha ha ha ha ha ………. Bhaiyaa aap to Ruby ka hi dailog bol diye? To Zaid ne kaha “achcha kya kaha tha Ruby ne?”, to Fari ne bataya ke “agar aap yahan ek mahina rah gaye to who aapko deewaana bana ke chorengi……………….”. Zaid mann hi mann muskuraya, aur Fari se kaha” Fari aap dekhana koun kiska dil jitta hai………… “ Fari ne bhi Zaid per tanz marte hua kaha ke ab to dekhana hi padenga ke koun dil harta hai…..


1 chapter close………………………………………………… Next chapter will be post after a week keep reading……………. J
Bhai abhi do hi paragraph padhe hai.mashallah aapne use bahut hi khoobsurat andaaz me is love story ki masoomiyat ko bayaan kiya hai..inshallah jaise jaise waqt milenga,inshallah padhta jaonga..fe amaan allah..khuda hafiz,
waka'atan bahut khoobsurat lavzo ka istemaal kiya hai aapne..


shayer mit jaate hain jahaa se magar unka qall fanaah nahi hota,
Tanhaai bhie tanha hoti hain magar,TAHIR tanha nahi hota................./
   
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m.mayoos
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22nd January 2010, 10:56 PM

Bhai Khwahish,

Agar Novel likh rahe ho to aur detail men likhna padegaa

Aisaa nahin chalegaa thode aur expressions chahiye isme, thodaa context chahiye aur surroundings aur mahol ka zikr detail men honaa chahiye, agar nahin hogaa to sirf kahaani lagegee, kitaab nahin.

Toh Fari ne use bataya yeh mere Bhaiya hai jo lucknow mein rehte hai..... aaj hi subha aaye hai main inke liye hi jadi aayi, aur yeh hai ke abhi tak soye hua hai, to phir se Fari ki dost ne shararat se kaha “achcha aur dekho janab kaise so rahe hai inke sone ke andaaz se to lagta hai ke yeh dobble bed ko 4bed bana denge...” Tab hi Zaid ne deewaar per mukka mara.... To Fari ne usse pucha “kya hua bhaiyaa.....?”

characters bhi build karne padenge - main characters ek doosre se introduce ho us se pehle vo build ho jaane chahiye. upar Zaid ke character or behaviour ke baare men pataa nahin isliye yeh samajh nahin aataa ke usne mukka kyon maara

Shaam ko Zaid chat per khada shaam ke nazare ka lutf le raha tha ke Wahan Fari aur Ruby aa gaye, Ruby ne Zaid se shararti andaaz mein kaha “Janab aap yahan hi hia, aray jaiye humara shahar ghumiye dekhiye Kitna khubsurat hai hamara shahar “

Zaid kiskaa lutf le rahaa thaa? us chat se kyaa deekhaai de rahaa thaa? Zaid ka shahar kahaan thaa? vo kyon is shahar aayaa? - yeh sab details nahin hai ismen. details honge to hi padhne ka mazaa aayegaa.

Sirf raaye de rahaa hun, kyoki raaye muft men de detaa hun
ab raaye ka pahaad mat banaa denaa


इक रोज़ क़यामत बराबर कर ही देगी इसे
हमने ना की मुकम्मल ज़िंदगी, तो न सही

Last edited by m.mayoos; 22nd January 2010 at 11:07 PM..
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23rd January 2010, 12:56 AM

bada hi late hai yeh,
Zaid ne abhi M.Ba compalete kiya tha, aur chuttiyan manane Sufi aunty ke yaha aaya tha....


aisaa kyaa huaa thaa aage ki halchal mach gayee - (dil men earthquake kyon aaya) ? sirf do lines hi to bolee gayee thee

Ruby soch mein gum ho gayi, kyun ki Zaid ki shaksiyat ne uske dil mein bhi halchal macha di thi


ruby kyaa padhtee hai? agar vo undergraduate padhtee hai to kaafee faaslaa hogaa donon ki umr men.
zaid 27 ka hai, usne kyaa padhaai kee? bachelor's degree 21 years men haasil ho jaatee hai, mba ke liye do saal aur. so uskee umr takreeban 23/24 baras ki huee. teen saal kahaan ganwaa diye? fail hone men yaan fir kahin naukri kar rahaa thaa?

yeh sab pehle bataanaa padegaa, tabhi kirdaar aur uskaa character saamne aayegaa. fir us character ka style hogaa jis ko tum dialogs men use kar sakte ho i.e. har character ka bolne aur sochne ka andaaz alag honaa chaheeye, nahin ki sab ek saa bol rahe hon.

fir baad men aakaar aur bhee kheenchaaee karoongaa
bahot mazaa aa rahaa hai isme lagtaa hai tabiyat hi kambakhat badal gayee hai meree


इक रोज़ क़यामत बराबर कर ही देगी इसे
हमने ना की मुकम्मल ज़िंदगी, तो न सही

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23rd January 2010, 02:25 PM

Thanks to All................

Main aap logon ko isliye hi invite kiya hun ke mujhe kuch tips mil jaye......... Aur main apne khayal ko bayan kar sakuN............

................ And...........

Thanks Mayoos main isiliye aap log ko invite kiya tha ke mujhe kuch tips mil jaye....... coz mujhe story likhane ka koi knowledge nahi hai but kuch khayal the jise sirf shayari mein nahi keh sakta tha isliye story likha raha hun ........ and Im realy thanks Bro ke aapne mujhe bahut sari sahin tips dii...... Aage bhi apni rai dete rahiye......... mujhe sahin baat kabhi buri nahi lagti..... so don't worry apni rai bejhijhak de dena......

Keep visiting, I ll post next chapter soon......


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26th January 2010, 03:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen View Post
Bht achchi shuruwaat hai........jitni khoobsurat tum ghazal likhte ho utni hi khoobsurti tumhari story mein bhi hai.........i hope tumhari kahani ka hero heroine keliye koi sher ya ghazal bhi kahega aur wo sher ya ghazal kisi aur ka nahin tumhara hona chahiye will b waiting 4 ur next chapter........
Thanks Naaz ........Aap bhi bahut achchi story writter hai janta huN........ aur ummid karta hun ke jald hi aap bhi koi story post karengi...............

Aapko humari story pasand aayi iske liye tahe dil se shukriyaa aage bhi padhte rhiaye, aur apna saath banaye rakhiye......... Khush rhaiye,
Khuda Hafez.........


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26th January 2010, 04:00 PM

Dusre din subha Zaid jaldi se taiyar hoker ghumne nikal gaya….. usey ghar se bahar nikle kuch kadam per hi Ruby mil gayi jo college jane ke liye Fari ko lene hi aayi thi …… per Ruby ne usey dekhaker sirf salam kiya jiska jawab Zaid ne muskuraker diyaa aur ek nazar use dekhker kuch ruka per naa Ruby ne usse kuch baat ki aur na hi uski Ruby se baat karne ki himmat hui……….. Zaid muskurata hua aage badh gaya……… kuch kadam dur jane ke bad Zaid ko yaad aaya ke woh apna wallet to ghar mein table per hi bhul gaya………. Zaid ghar ki taraf wapas chal pada, usne ander kadam rakha hi tha ke usey Ruby aur Fari ke zor zor se hasne ki aur baaton ki aawaaz aayi jise sunker Zaid wahan hi ruk gaya………. Ruby keh rahi thi “Fari tere bhaiyaa ki toh poket bhi khali hai”, Toh Fari bhi shararat se kahi zara dekh to unki girlfriend ki photos hai kya?” Ruby ne mazak badate hua kaha” aray isme to bus 100 rehal ka note hai aur ek 100 rs ka note hai baki sab kangal hai, na kisi ki photo hia na rupye hai! …….

Ruby ki baaton se Zaid samjh gaya ke Ruby ne wallet ke invisible hisse ko nahi dekha isliye woh ander aa gaya aur kehne laga, wah ! kya ho raha hai? Hamare batwe ki talashi chal rahi hai, “aaji mohtarma rehne dijiye kafi kimti cheezen hai usme” Ruby khil khila ker hasi aur kahi……. Lijiye khali batuwa hai aur keh rahe hia ke kimti cheezeN hia ,”humne sab check ker liya hia aapke batwe ko……” ha ha ha ha………………….! Zaid ne wallet hath mein lete hua kaha” achcha sab check ker liya….. phir to 500/ ke note bhi gin liye hoge aur meri friends ki photos bhi dekh li hogi aapne……… is per Fari aur Ruby zor se has pade… Kyunki unhe aisa kuch nazar nahi aaya tha aur unhe laga ke Zaid badai mar rahe hai…………. Tab Zaid ne unhe 500 ke note nikal ker dikhaye to woh chup ho gaye aur dekhte reh gaye, phir Zaid ne apne family ki photo ko hath mein chupaker bataya ke achcha hua aap logoN ne inhe bhi dekh liya.. to Fari aur Ruby ki ankhen fati ki fati reh gayi…………… Woh dono samjhi ke Zaid ne unhe apni girlfriends ki hi photos batayi…………. Phir Zaid ghumne nikal gaya aur Fari aur Ruby college ke liye chale gaye………………

Shaam ko Zaid bahut late night ghar lauta, Usne dinner bahar hi kiya tha, jiski wajah se use Sufi aunty ki dant kha ker sona pada……… Sufi Aunty Zaid ko bête ki tarha chahti thi……. Jo Sufi aunty ko koi ladka nahi tha……. Late night aane ki wajah se Zaid aur Fari ki bhi koi baat nahi huyi aur Zaid so ne chala gaya, kuch hi pal mein use nind aa gayi aur woh phir wohi haseen khawab ki talash mein uski ankhe taras si gayi……. Late sone ki wajah se Zaid der tak bed per pada raha………. Uski ankhen tab khuli jab Ruby ne Fari ko college le jane use aawaaz lagayi………. Fari ke aane tak Ruby Zaid ke kamre tak aa gayi usne dekha ke Zaid so rahe hai to usne phir Fari ko zor se aawaaz lagayi, jiski wajah se Zaid uth ker baith gaya………. Ruby ne use Good morning kaha aur muskurane lagi………… Zaid ne use jawab mein Good morning kaha aur kaha chalo achcha hai hume jaldi uthne ke liye alarm lagane ki zarurat nahi padengi…….. Fari aayi aur Zaid se ladne lagi ke who raat ko ghar late kyun aaye……… usne Zaid se kafi narazgi jatayi jis per Zaid ne usse wada kiya ke woh aaj kahin ghumne nahi jayga………. Fari aur Ruby ke college jane ke bad Zaid fresh hua aur Sufi aunty aur uncle ke saath breakfast karne baith gaya……….

Chapter 2 closed………………
Next chapter will be post after a week keep reading…………….


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27th January 2010, 07:22 PM

Sameer Ji....Aadaab ! novel ke hisaab se aap dharawahik theek thaak likh rahe hai....kahani ka chitr varnan...ghatnaaye...paatron ke rishton ko thoda aur vistaar dene ki zarurat dikhaai de rahi hai....aapki kahani ka dusra bhaag yun toh sahi laga mujhe....par har bhaag aisi jagah par roke......jisse aagla hissa padhne ki zigiyasa bani rahe......maslan......jaise naye paatr ka achank aagman....koi aisi ghatna ka khulasa hote hote reh jana.aadi.....aapki koshish daad ke kaabil hai......likhte rahen....

apna khayal raken....
duaaon ke saath....




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----

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28th January 2010, 04:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by naresh_mehra110 View Post
Sameer Ji....Aadaab ! novel ke hisaab se aap dharawahik theek thaak likh rahe hai....kahani ka chitr varnan...ghatnaaye...paatron ke rishton ko thoda aur vistaar dene ki zarurat dikhaai de rahi hai....aapki kahani ka dusra bhaag yun toh sahi laga mujhe....par har bhaag aisi jagah par roke......jisse aagla hissa padhne ki zigiyasa bani rahe......maslan......jaise naye paatr ka achank aagman....koi aisi ghatna ka khulasa hote hote reh jana.aadi.....aapki koshish daad ke kaabil hai......likhte rahen....

apna khayal raken....
duaaon ke saath....
Naresh jee AadaaB!

Aapki baat main samjh gaya main jaise ke kahani likhane mein ek dum naya hun isliye aisi baat mujhe samjh mein nahi aayi ke maine kuch twist chona chahiye har chapter ke end mein... chaliye aapki aur ek suggestion mere bahut kaam aayengi..... aage bhi apni rai dete rahiye, main aur behtriN tarike se is kahani ko likhane ko koshish jari rakhunga........

Take care,
Khuda Hafez........


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22nd March 2010, 02:51 PM

Quote:
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second chapter bhi padh li lekin story aage nhi badhi is chapter mein tum 3rd chapter ek week k pehle post kar do if possible....................
Haa Haa Naaz Aapki demand kya huyi ....... story aage badhne ka naam hi nahi lii do mahine hone aa gaye....... Insha Allah kal post karunga........


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:) - 22nd March 2010, 05:13 PM

nice ..bahot acha likhte hain aap.....All the best

when will be the next part?
   
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23rd March 2010, 01:41 PM

Breakfast ke dauran Zaid soch mein tha ke ab woh kya karenga, tabhi uncle ne usse kaha Zaid aap aaj humare saath office chale aap ghum bhi lenge aur kaam kaaj ka kuch tarika bhi samjh lenge, Zaid ne haan mein sir hila diyaa………. Breakfast ke bad Zaid uncle ke saath unke office chala gaya………. Wahan use uncle ne kafi achche tarike se kaam ki techniques batayi jisse Zaid ka mann puri tarha se usme lag gaya…… aur Zaid kafi intrest se uncle ki baaten sunne laga aur kaam ko samjhne laga……… Is tarha dekhate dekhate lunch ka time ho gaya to Zaid se uncle ne pucha lunch karne kahan jayenge? Kyunke uncle lunch bahar hi karte the per Zaid ke chehre ko dekhker who use ghar le aaye aur ghar per hi lunch kiye……… Ghar aane ke bad Zaid ko Fari se kiya hua wadaa yaad aaya to woh phir ghar per hi ruk gaya…….


Shaam ke pahele hi Fari aur ruby ghar aa gaye….. Zaid unhe dekh ker khush ho gaya aur teeno mein guppe shuru ho gaye…….. Fari ne kaha, Bhaiya aap hai main samjhi wada kar ke bhul gaye” to Zaid ne Ruby ki taraf dekhte hua kaha “ hum wada karke bhulne walon mein se nahi, nibhane walon mein se hai……… Ruby aaj kuch khamosh lag rahi thi…… to Fari ne Zaid aur Ruby ko akele chorte hua wahan se bahar nikal gayi…. Zaid ne waqt naa gawate hua Ruby se puch liye kahan khoyi hia mohtarma? Lagta hia kal ki tasveer nigahoN se gayi nahi aapke…….? Kahte hua us tasveer ka raaz khola jise Ruby sach mein Zaid ke friend ki samjh rahi thi………. Tab jakar Ruby ke chehre per muskaan aayi aur dono hans pade………. Phir Zaid ne kaha Chaliye kahin ghumne jaate hai…… Ruby na yaa haan karti uske pahele Zaid ne kah diya,” aaji abhi nahi to kal jayenge? Waise bhi shaam dhalne wali hai…. To Ruby ne haan mein sar hila diya, par uske hont sharm se khamosh hi rahe………. Zaid mann hi mann bahut khush ho gaya……… To kahiye kahan le jayengi aap hume ghumane…….. Zaid ne Ruby ki khamoshi ko todne ke liye pucha”…. “aap jana jana pasand karenge… Jannat yaa jahannum, Fari ne piche se kaha to phir 3no khilkhilane lage………

Sufi Aunty Raat ke dinner ki khaas taiyaari mein juti thi, chunki Fari ke chachu ki family dinner per aane wali thi, jinse Zaid jyada waqif nahi tha bus Fari ne itna bataya ke Imraan uske chachu ka ladka hai aur Madihaa uski chacheri bahen hai….. Imraan electric engineer hai, aur Madihaa abhi MBBS kar rahi hai…. Uske chachu Abroad mein job karte hai, jo yahan kuch hi din pahele wapas aaye hai…… Unke aane ki khushi mein unhe Sufi aunty ne dinner per bulaya hai………… To Fari apne ammi ki help karne chali gayi aur Zaid chat per khade hoker Ruby ke ghar ki taraf nihar raha tha, kahin se use Ruby ki jhalak mil jaye…………. Kuch hi der mein, ek car aakar Sufi Aunty ke darwaze ke samne ruki jismein se ek handsom banda nikla phir usne car ki door kholi aur ek behad rubabdar shaksiyat wale uncle nikle, phir ek khubsurat si ladki aur ek Aunty nikle to Zaid samjh gaya yeh Fari ke chachu ki family hai…….. jo kafi hasmukh aur achche mijaz ke log lag rahe the……. Zaid unlog se milne ke liye foran niche aaya……… Tab tak who log ghar mein dakhil ho chuke the………….

Zaid hall mein dakhil hua aur sab ko salaam kiya, to Sufi Aunty ne use sabka introduction karwaya, aur Zaid bhi mehfil mein baith gaya…… Imraan aur Madihaa behad sanjida aur aadabi the, Uncle to beshak apne bade bhai ki tarha rubabdar the aur Aunty behad pyare mijaaz wali thi…….. Zaid bhi ghul gaya unme, Madihaa ki nazre baar baar Zaid ki taraf utha rahi thi jaise uska koi hisab baki ho Zaid ki taraf………. Imran kafi khush mijaaz ho gaya tha…… Dinner table per sab baithe the aur khana shuru hi hua tha ke wahan Ruby aa gayi, jise sab harat bhari Nazron se dekhane lage, Aur Ruby un sabko dekhkar Udaas ho gayi aur wahan se chale gayi……………………….?


[FONT='Georgia','serif']Chapter 3 closed……………
Next chapter will be post after a week keep reading…………….J


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23rd March 2010, 02:55 PM

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nice ..bahot acha likhte hain aap.....All the best

when will be the next part?
Abeer aapki farmaish to ek hi din mein pouri ho gayi.......
Waise aap yaad nahi dilati to yeh story pata nahi kab post hoti fir......

Keep reading.....
Apna saath banaye rakhiye......
Khuda Hafez........


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5th April 2010, 08:29 PM

Sameer Ji .....Aadaab ! 3rd Chapter tak aate aate tak aapki kahaani ki prashth bhoomi par pakadh acchi bani hui hai......aur qirdaaron ki guftagu jahaa kahaani ko aage le jaati dikhi....wahi baatcheet me rochkta barqarar rakhne me bhi aap safal nazar aayen.....

aage likhte rahiyega.....der se aane ke liye muafi chaahunga...

khush rahiye....
apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath....




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----
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4th June 2010, 04:29 AM

Quote:
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Sameer Ji .....Aadaab ! 3rd Chapter tak aate aate tak aapki kahaani ki prashth bhoomi par pakadh acchi bani hui hai......aur qirdaaron ki guftagu jahaa kahaani ko aage le jaati dikhi....wahi baatcheet me rochkta barqarar rakhne me bhi aap safal nazar aayen.....

aage likhte rahiyega.....der se aane ke liye muafi chaahunga...

khush rahiye....
apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath....

........................................ ...............

Sorry friends and Naresh jee main to bhool hi gaya tha ke meri ek kahani adhuri adhuri si chor rahkhi hia maine.....

Insha Allah Insha Allah jaldi hi ise aage badhaunga......

Apna saath banaye rakhiye....
Khush rahiye....
Khuda Hafez.......


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18th September 2011, 03:15 PM

Sameer Sahab you lost somewhere?
No upcoming part of the story?
   
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