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Daastaan-e-gHam kahi to
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Sagar Aashna
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Daastaan-e-gHam kahi to - 22nd September 2015, 10:26 PM

Haazreen-e-mehfil ko mera adaab !

dosto, pesh kar raha huuN beh'r meiN apni pehli koshish. Ummid hai aapko pasand aayegii. ismeiN islaaH ki zaruurat hai, isliye usaatza hazraat se darkhwast hai ke islaaH zaruur kkareiN, bil khasuus beh'r pe.




Daastaan-e-gHam kahii to aap bhi ruswaa huye
Aap hee batalaaiye, wo ehed saare kyaa huye

ehed= promise(s)/ commitment(s)

Baarhaa mujh ko nigaaheiN hausla deti rahiiN
vasl ki shab ka gumaaN Tha raaz saare vaa huye

vaa= open/ khule huye

Kyaa huyii taqseer aakhir iss dil-e-beemaar se
YuN muqaabil baiThkar wo kyun hain afsurda huye

taqseer= gustaakhi

muqaabil= saamne/opposite

afsurda= sad/gHamgeen


Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chhupii baateiN na thiiN
Aaj gar haiN hum mile kyuN mouzu-e-charchaa huye

marasim= ta'aluqaat/ relationship

barmala= khullamkhulla/ in public view


Raahat-e-jaaN na mili ruswaaiyoN ke sheher meiN
Baais-e-taskeen Thay jo, aur gHam afzaa huye



baais-e-taskeen= raahat ya dilaasa dene wala

gHam-afzaa= gHam baDhaane wala


Zindagii kaa har taqaaza raft karne keliye
Baar-ha marte rahe hum aur phir zinda huye


raft= gone/past/done away with

Waqt ke haaThoN mile kuchh daagH kuchh naasuur bhi
Kal talak thay barhana jo aaj sar-bastaa huye



barhana= naked

sar-bastaa= hidden/ posheeda

'Ashna' ko gHam mile goyaa gHiza milne lagii
Bhuul kar duniya-o-dhande hum to beparawa huye

gHiza= nutrition


Sagar Aashna
****************
Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar
Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota

Last edited by Madhu 14; 1st October 2015 at 12:16 PM..
   
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ISHK EK IBADAT
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22nd September 2015, 10:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagar Aashna View Post
Haazreen-e-mehfil ko mera adaab !

dosto, pesh kar raha huuN beh'r meiN apni pehli koshish. Ummid hai aapko pasand aayegii. ismeiN islaaH ki zaruurat hai, isliye usaatza hazraat se darkhwast hai ke islaaH zaruur kkareiN, bil khasuus beh'r pe.


Daastaan-e-gHam kahii to aap bhi ruswaa huye
Aap hee batalaaiye, wo ehed saare kyaa huye

Baarhaa mujh ko nigaaheiN hausla deti rahiiN
vasl ki shab ka gumaaN Tha raaz saare vaa huye

Kyaa huyii taqseer aakhir iss dil-e-beemaar se
YuN muqaabil baiThkar wo kyun hain afsurda huye

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chupii baateN na thii
Aaj bhi ho luuN mukhaataib un se be-pardaa huye

Raahat-e-jaaN na mili ruswaaiyoN ke sheher meiN
Baais-e-taskeen Thay jo, aur gHam afzaa huye

Aashna ko gHam mile goya gHiza milne lagii
gHamzada ki iss adaa pe log dildada huye

Wah Sagar bhai bahut umda ghazal likhi hai aapne............


Aapka Apna
Ishk


'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है
इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है


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Bahut khoob..
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Madhu 14
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Bahut khoob.. - 22nd September 2015, 11:34 PM

waah!! Sagar sahab...sabse pahle to main dili mubarakbaad dena chahoongi aapki behr par ki iss pahli koshish ke liye...ye khushi kya hoti hai maine haal hee me mahsoos ki hai...aap to mashaAllah kya khoob likhte hain...aur behr ne chaar chaand laga diye aapki ghazal me..

Apni ghazal ki shakl me khoobsoorat tohfa diya hai bazm ko aapne..purasar andaaz raha is baar bhi..aapki mehnat saaf jhalak rahi hai isme..

Sabhi ashaar khoob rahe..meri vocabulary me izafa bhi hua hai isme koi shak nahi.....
Sabhi hazrat ki ray aur daad zaroor milegi aapko...
Bahut sari daad meri taraf se...aur pahli kaamyaab koshish par rep+++ bhi...
yun hee kalam chalti rahe...
Khush rahiye..
Aur aate rahiye...



अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
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24th September 2015, 08:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagar Aashna View Post
Haazreen-e-mehfil ko mera adaab !

dosto, pesh kar raha huuN beh'r meiN apni pehli koshish. Ummid hai aapko pasand aayegii. ismeiN islaaH ki zaruurat hai, isliye usaatza hazraat se darkhwast hai ke islaaH zaruur kkareiN, bil khasuus beh'r pe.




Daastaan-e-gHam kahii to aap bhi ruswaa huye
Aap hee batalaaiye, wo ehed saare kyaa huye

Baarhaa mujh ko nigaaheiN hausla deti rahiiN
vasl ki shab ka gumaaN Tha raaz saare vaa huye

Kyaa huyii taqseer aakhir iss dil-e-beemaar se
YuN muqaabil baiThkar wo kyun hain afsurda huye

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chupii baateiN na thii
Aaj bhi ho luuN mukhaatib un se be-pardaa huye

Raahat-e-jaaN na mili ruswaaiyoN ke sheher meiN
Baais-e-taskeen Thay jo, aur gHam afzaa huye

Aashna ko gHam mile goya gHiza milne lagii
gHamzada ki iss adaa pe log dildada huye
Wah Janaab Bahut khoob Bahut khoob !!

Meri jaanib se daad qubool farmaiyeGaa janaab har sher umdaa aur har misre ko aapne badi baariki se buna hai aapki ghazal par mehnat saaf nazr aa rahi hai. Yun to har sher la jawaab hai par 4th sher ki saani ek baar doobaara dekh le shayad thodi atak rahi hai....

Khoobsurat Matle se shuruaat ki hai aapne aur rawaangi behad umdaa hai is kalaam ki ek sher jo dil azeez raha aur jis par dil daraaz taur par muqarrar raha use bayaan kar raha hoon..

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chupii baateiN na thii
Aaj bhi ho luuN mukhaatib un se be-pardaa huye


kaamyaab ahle-qalam ka dastoor raha hai ki vo daad khud loot le aur aapne vo kaam kar dikhaaya hai dar-haqeeqat banayangi ko mehfil mein rakhte rahiYeGaa

Aapse ek aur darkhwaast karna chahunga ki agar aap mushkil alfaazon ka translation bhi de paaye aur humhare aur dost jo urdu ke gehre alfaazon se rubaruu nahi hai unhe bhi iska lutf mil paayegaa



Qasid


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नाम-ए-वफ़ा की जफ़ा बताएं
क्या है ज़हन में क्या बोल जाएँ

रफ़्तार-ए-दिल अब थम सी गयी है
'क़ासिद' पर अब है टिकी निगाहें

Last edited by Qasid; 24th September 2015 at 09:55 AM..
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24th September 2015, 10:25 AM

Sagar ji

Bohut achi koshish rahi aur pasand bhi aayi. urdu mein haath tang hai, aap mushkil words ke meaning bhi diya kijiye mere jaiso ke liye.

likhte rahiye.


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Thumbs up 24th September 2015, 10:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagar Aashna View Post
Haazreen-e-mehfil ko mera adaab !

dosto, pesh kar raha huuN beh'r meiN apni pehli koshish. Ummid hai aapko pasand aayegii. ismeiN islaaH ki zaruurat hai, isliye usaatza hazraat se darkhwast hai ke islaaH zaruur kkareiN, bil khasuus beh'r pe.




Daastaan-e-gHam kahii to aap bhi ruswaa huye
Aap hee batalaaiye, wo ehed saare kyaa huye

Baarhaa mujh ko nigaaheiN hausla deti rahiiN
vasl ki shab ka gumaaN Tha raaz saare vaa huye

Kyaa huyii taqseer aakhir iss dil-e-beemaar se
YuN muqaabil baiThkar wo kyun hain afsurda huye

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chupii baateiN na thii
Aaj bhi ho luuN mukhaatib un se be-pardaa huye

Raahat-e-jaaN na mili ruswaaiyoN ke sheher meiN
Baais-e-taskeen Thay jo, aur gHam afzaa huye

Aashna ko gHam mile goya gHiza milne lagii
gHamzada ki iss adaa pe log dildada huye


wahhhhh....kya kamaal ki gazal pesh ki hai aapne, muje behr ki koi jaankaari to nahi hai par etna jaroor kahuNgi ki bade flow meiN padi gye yeh gazal...sabhi ashiyaar bahut khoobsurati se gazal meiN baandhe hai aapne, meri taraf se dheroN dher mubarakbaad kabool kijiye.

yu hi khoobsurat gazleN bazm ki nazar karte rhiye aur bazm ki rangeeni badate rhiye.

khoobsurat gazal par reps +++

khush rhiye
duaoN ke saath


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...


   
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Sagar Aashna
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24th September 2015, 09:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ISHK EK IBADAT View Post
Wah Sagar bhai bahut umda ghazal likhi hai aapne............
Bohot bohot shukriya jenab.
Yunhi saaTh dete rahiye.


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28th September 2015, 10:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagar Aashna View Post
Haazreen-e-mehfil ko mera adaab !

dosto, pesh kar raha huuN beh'r meiN apni pehli koshish. Ummid hai aapko pasand aayegii. ismeiN islaaH ki zaruurat hai, isliye usaatza hazraat se darkhwast hai ke islaaH zaruur kkareiN, bil khasuus beh'r pe.




Daastaan-e-gHam kahii to aap bhi ruswaa huye
Aap hee batalaaiye, wo ehed saare kyaa huye

Baarhaa mujh ko nigaaheiN hausla deti rahiiN
vasl ki shab ka gumaaN Tha raaz saare vaa huye

Kyaa huyii taqseer aakhir iss dil-e-beemaar se
YuN muqaabil baiThkar wo kyun hain afsurda huye

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chupii baateiN na thii
Aaj bhi ho luuN mukhaatib un se be-pardaa huye

Raahat-e-jaaN na mili ruswaaiyoN ke sheher meiN
Baais-e-taskeen Thay jo, aur gHam afzaa huye

Aashna ko gHam mile goya gHiza milne lagii
gHamzada ki iss adaa pe log dildada huye

waahhh janaab waahh..... behad haseeb matlaa se aaghaaz karte hue aapne anjaam tak abkhubii pahuchaaya hai Saagar saahab.... aapki is ghazal ko padh kar ham yaqeen maniye aapke mureeedd ho gaye..... kyaa khoob likhte hain aap.... bahut shaandaar.......... likhte rahiye...
duaaon ki darkhaast.....

Shaad....


Shaad...

Last edited by Madhu 14; 28th September 2015 at 10:50 AM..
   
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Sagar Aashna
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Smile Nawazish - 28th September 2015, 11:00 AM

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Originally Posted by Madhu 14 View Post
waah!! Sagar sahab...sabse pahle to main dili mubarakbaad dena chahoongi aapki behr par ki iss pahli koshish ke liye...ye khushi kya hoti hai maine haal hee me mahsoos ki hai...aap to mashaAllah kya khoob likhte hain...aur behr ne chaar chaand laga diye aapki ghazal me..

Apni ghazal ki shakl me khoobsoorat tohfa diya hai bazm ko aapne..purasar andaaz raha is baar bhi..aapki mehnat saaf jhalak rahi hai isme..

Sabhi ashaar khoob rahe..meri vocabulary me izafa bhi hua hai isme koi shak nahi.....
Sabhi hazrat ki ray aur daad zaroor milegi aapko...
Bahut sari daad meri taraf se...aur pahli kaamyaab koshish par rep+++ bhi...
yun hee kalam chalti rahe...
Khush rahiye..
Aur aate rahiye...

Aapki khoobsurat basaartoN ka kamaal hai mohtrama Madhu ji jo aapko iss qadar pasand aayi meri yeh koshish. MaiN aapka behad mashkoor-o-mamnoon huN.
Aap jaise qadardaanoN ki wajah se hee yeh kalam chalti hai.
SaTh dene keliye ek baar phir se tah-e-dil se shukriya.


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Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota
   
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Sagar Aashna
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Darkhaast baraaye tarmeem - 28th September 2015, 11:58 AM

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Originally Posted by mast View Post
Wah Janaab Bahut khoob Bahut khoob !!

Meri jaanib se daad qubool farmaiyeGaa janaab har sher umdaa aur har misre ko aapne badi baariki se buna hai aapki ghazal par mehnat saaf nazr aa rahi hai. Yun to har sher la jawaab hai par 4th sher ki saani ek baar doobaara dekh le shayad thodi atak rahi hai....

Khoobsurat Matle se shuruaat ki hai aapne aur rawaangi behad umdaa hai is kalaam ki ek sher jo dil azeez raha aur jis par dil daraaz taur par muqarrar raha use bayaan kar raha hoon..

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chupii baateiN na thii
Aaj bhi ho luuN mukhaatib un se be-pardaa huye


kaamyaab ahle-qalam ka dastoor raha hai ki vo daad khud loot le aur aapne vo kaam kar dikhaaya hai dar-haqeeqat banayangi ko mehfil mein rakhte rahiYeGaa

Aapse ek aur darkhwaast karna chahunga ki agar aap mushkil alfaazon ka translation bhi de paaye aur humhare aur dost jo urdu ke gehre alfaazon se rubaruu nahi hai unhe bhi iska lutf mil paayegaa

Mast sahib, sab se pehle to bohot bohot shukriya iss qadar hausla afzaayi keliye. Yaqeen maaniye, aap jaise dost hausla afzaayi karte haiN to likhne ka mann bhi karta hai. Aur lagta hai hum shayari ki taraf raagHib ho rahe haiN.
Bohot bohot SHUKRIYA sahab.

Aapne ek nuqt'a rakha Thaa 4th sher ke saani ko lekar. Toh bhai mujhe yeh kehte huye fakhar mehsuus ho raha hai ke mere dost ne itni gHaur se mutaalya kiya meri iss koshish ka aur ussmeiN jo kami lagii uski be-jhijak nishandehi bhi ki.
Aapke uss nuqt'e pe gHaur karte mujhe bhi laga ke sher kuchh bikhra hua saa hai. Toh sahab maine uss meiN tarmeem karne ki soch lii.

Meri darkhwast hogi mods se ke iss meiN edit kar ke misra change kar deiN.

4th sher meiN yuN likhna chaahunga:

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chhupii baateiN na thiiN
Aaj gar haiN hum mile kyuN mouzu-e-charchaa huye

Iske alawa 2nd sher ko hatana chahta huN. Please remove it.

2nd sher ki banawat se mein mutmaiyan nahi huN, jaldbaazi meiN likha gaya Tha.

Maqta se pehle do ash'aar ka izaafa karna chahta huN.

Zindagii kaa har taqaaza raft karne keliye
Baar-ha marte rahe hum aur phir zinda huye

aur

Waqt ke haaThoN mile kuchh daagH kuchh naasuur bhi
Kal talak thay barhana jo aaj sar-bastaa huye

aur aakhir meiN
Maqte ka saani bhi badalna chahta huN. Agar ijaazat ho toh.

'Ashna' ko gHam mile goyaa gHiza milne lagii
Bhuul kar duniya-o-dhande hum to beparawa huye


Itni si tarmeem agar respected mods kar dengae to maiN mashkuur rahunga aur meri hausla afzaayi hogi.

Thanks a ton.


Sagar Aashna
****************
Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar
Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota
   
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28th September 2015, 04:21 PM

Sab kuch baqamaal hai .. bohat hi dilfareb ghazal raqm ki hai bhai jaan .. pehli koshish bohat hi aala hai.. jiske hisaab se ghazal bohat sahi jaan padti hai.. thoda sheron ke khayaal main mutafarriqiat laayeN to aur behtar hoga .. baaki sab accha hai .. bhadiya hai ..

Sifar


KunaaL (Sifar).........

Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa..
Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi..
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30th September 2015, 08:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagar Aashna View Post
Mast sahib, sab se pehle to bohot bohot shukriya iss qadar hausla afzaayi keliye. Yaqeen maaniye, aap jaise dost hausla afzaayi karte haiN to likhne ka mann bhi karta hai. Aur lagta hai hum shayari ki taraf raagHib ho rahe haiN.
Bohot bohot SHUKRIYA sahab.

Aapne ek nuqt'a rakha Thaa 4th sher ke saani ko lekar. Toh bhai mujhe yeh kehte huye fakhar mehsuus ho raha hai ke mere dost ne itni gHaur se mutaalya kiya meri iss koshish ka aur ussmeiN jo kami lagii uski be-jhijak nishandehi bhi ki.
Aapke uss nuqt'e pe gHaur karte mujhe bhi laga ke sher kuchh bikhra hua saa hai. Toh sahab maine uss meiN tarmeem karne ki soch lii.

Meri darkhwast hogi mods se ke iss meiN edit kar ke misra change kar deiN.

4th sher meiN yuN likhna chaahunga:

Thay marasim barmala ko_ii chhupii baateiN na thiiN
Aaj gar haiN hum mile kyuN mouzu-e-charchaa huye

Iske alawa 2nd sher ko hatana chahta huN. Please remove it.

2nd sher ki banawat se mein mutmaiyan nahi huN, jaldbaazi meiN likha gaya Tha.

Maqta se pehle do ash'aar ka izaafa karna chahta huN.

Zindagii kaa har taqaaza raft karne keliye
Baar-ha marte rahe hum aur phir zinda huye

aur

Waqt ke haaThoN mile kuchh daagH kuchh naasuur bhi
Kal talak thay barhana jo aaj sar-bastaa huye

aur aakhir meiN
Maqte ka saani bhi badalna chahta huN. Agar ijaazat ho toh.

'Ashna' ko gHam mile goyaa gHiza milne lagii
Bhuul kar duniya-o-dhande hum to beparawa huye


Itni si tarmeem agar respected mods kar dengae to maiN mashkuur rahunga aur meri hausla afzaayi hogi.

Thanks a ton.
Jagdish ji pehle to maaufi chahta hoon der se changes kar paaya aur aapke bataaye huye sher padh kar dil masroor hai, jis hunar se aapne is ghazal mein izaafah kiya hai aur na sirf aapke kaamil shayar hone ki bayaani hai par aapki deen-daaree ki misaal hai. Bahut khushi hai mujhe ki humari mehfil mein aap jaise shayar maujuud hai....

yunhi likhte rahiYe aur fayz-yaab rahiYe



Qasid


___________________________________________

नाम-ए-वफ़ा की जफ़ा बताएं
क्या है ज़हन में क्या बोल जाएँ

रफ़्तार-ए-दिल अब थम सी गयी है
'क़ासिद' पर अब है टिकी निगाहें
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maikasH
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1st October 2015, 04:18 AM

sagar miyaaN, aadaab arz hai

bhai, Ghazal khoob huii hai, aur aapne kahaa hai to maane leta hooN ke yeh aapki beher meiN aapki pehli kohshish hai vagarnaa padhne ke baad aisa qata'ii jaan nahiiN paDta ke aapko wazan meiN she'r raqm karne meiN koi diqqat pesh aati hogi


ba-har-haal, bohat aala Ghazal hui hai saahab, aap maubarakbaad aur hazaar mooNh daad ke haqdaar haiN, qabuul farmaiiye

rab raakha
maikash


.........................................

is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai
goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai

maikash
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Hamdam
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1st October 2015, 09:36 AM

Jagdish bhai ,

bahut achchi ghazal likhi hai aapne .. AAp se guzarish hai ki difficult urdu words ke mayne neeche astrik se likh diya kareiN jisse hum jaise log jo urdu meiN thora kamzor haiN aap logon ki koshish ka poora luthf utha sake ...

Jaise yahan word taskeen aur marasim ke mayne mujhe maloom nahi, so it se relating sher mujhe samajh nayi aye ..

Regds

Sanjay Sehgal



khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.

Last edited by Hamdam; 1st October 2015 at 09:38 AM..
   
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Sagar Aashna
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1st October 2015, 11:46 AM

Muaziz qaar'yeen ko mera adaab !

Sab se pehle maiN taakhiir keliye maazrat chaahuNga. Waqt ki qillat ke chalte aap se ruubaruu nahi ho paaya.
Aap dostoN ka itna achha response dekh kar yaqeenan bohot baDi hausla afzaayi huyii hai meri, uskeliye tah-e-dil se shukriya.

Hasb-e-istadaa-e-arbaab-e-zouq, kuchh mushkil alfaaz ke maaine likhne ki koshish kar raha huuN. Ummeed hai aap sab ko iss ghazal se mazeed lutf-andoz hone meiN madad milegii. Aur phir aap sab ke taasuraat aur besh-qeemti aara ka intezaar rahegaa.


ehed= promise(s)/ commitment(s)

vaa= open/ khule huye

taqseer= gustaakhi

muqaabil= saamne/opposite

afsurda= sad/gHamgeen

marasim= ta'aluqaat/ relationship

barmala= khullamkhulla/ in public view

baais-e-taskeen= raahat ya dilaasa dene wala

gHam-afzaa= gHam baDhaane wala

raft= gone/past/done away with

barhana= naked

sar-bastaa= hidden/ posheeda

gHiza= nutrition


Respected moderators are requested to incorporate these word-meanings after each she'r at the relevant places enabling the esteemed readers to understand each n every she'r in a better way.

Taqseer muaaf

Regards


Sagar Aashna
****************
Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar
Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota
   
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Madhu 14
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1st October 2015, 12:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagar Aashna View Post
Muaziz qaar'yeen ko mera adaab !

Sab se pehle maiN taakhiir keliye maazrat chaahuNga. Waqt ki qillat ke chalte aap se ruubaruu nahi ho paaya.
Aap dostoN ka itna achha response dekh kar yaqeenan bohot baDi hausla afzaayi huyii hai meri, uskeliye tah-e-dil se shukriya.

Hasb-e-istadaa-e-arbaab-e-zouq, kuchh mushkil alfaaz ke maaine likhne ki koshish kar raha huuN. Ummeed hai aap sab ko iss ghazal se mazeed lutf-andoz hone meiN madad milegii. Aur phir aap sab ke taasuraat aur besh-qeemti aara ka intezaar rahegaa.


ehed= promise(s)/ commitment(s)

vaa= open/ khule huye

taqseer= gustaakhi

muqaabil= saamne/opposite

afsurda= sad/gHamgeen

marasim= ta'aluqaat/ relationship

barmala= khullamkhulla/ in public view

baais-e-taskeen= raahat ya dilaasa dene wala

gHam-afzaa= gHam baDhaane wala

raft= gone/past/done away with

barhana= naked

sar-bastaa= hidden/ posheeda

gHiza= nutrition


Respected moderators are requested to incorporate these word-meanings after each she'r at the relevant places enabling the esteemed readers to understand each n every she'r in a better way.

Taqseer muaaf

Regards
meanings likhne ka shukriya sagar ji....
ghazal edit kar di gayi hai dekh lein...

aate rahiyega...



अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
   
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