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agar hootaa
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Mujeeb
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agar hootaa - 3rd February 2013, 03:10 AM

Aadaab!

bahut dinoN ba'd aaj likhaa hai Ghaliban 4 saal ke ba'd . yaqeenan bahut se ghalt^iyaaN hoNgee , arbaab e meHfil or aHbaab e meHfil se taSleeH ki darKhuwaast hai . baaqee koshish apkey saamny hai .


Hasrat Mouhani ki aik ghazal ki zameen per t^arHee Ghazal

Bahr-e-Hazaj Akhrab meiN

Maf’oo’lu ... mafaa’ee’lun .......maf’oo’lu ..... mafaa’ee’lon
2 2 1 .............1 2 2 2 .............. 2 2 1 ...... 1 2 2 2

anjaam se nah dartaa , maqdoor agar hoota
makhmoor na maiN hootaa , manSoor agar hoota


haiN a'eib hazaroN poosheedah yahaaN warna , hai
har koii darindaa , sab mazhoor agar hootaa


dil koo nah Khalish hootee, tujhse gilaa nah kerty
too door agar hootaa , majboor agar hootaa

kis meiN hootee jurrat tujhko mujhse judaa kertaa ?
qismat meiN saath humdum , mast^oor agar hoota

sar kham kiyaa thaa too ney joo hai salaamat ab tak
sar dhaR se judaa hotaa , maghroor agar hoota

youN zindagee nah hootee taareek Mujeeb kee
Dil e’shq se tumhary , pur noor agar hootaa


ise she'r ki dosree Soorat

youN zindagee nah hootee taareek hamaaree bhee
Dil e’shq se tumhary , pur noor agar hootaa

maqdoor = qudrat HaSil ho , t^aaqat
makhmoor = nashay mai choor
manSoor = kaamyaab
poosheedah = chupaa huwa , invisible
mazhoor = z^aahir hoona , visible
mast^oor= likhaa huwa , teHreer kiyaa huwa
taareek = siyaah , andher , dark


kuch kahoN to sharm saar hoN
chup rahoN to guneh gaar hoN
   
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sameer'shaad'
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3rd February 2013, 08:05 AM

waaaahhh bhai waaahhh...

Bhai meri itni bisaat nahi ke is ummdah kalaam pe main Nuqtacheeni kar paauN... faqat itnaa kahungaa ke behad aaala, aur khoobsurat kalaam hai... waahh subhaan Allaah..

Meri jaanib se is aala shahkari ke liye laakhon daad quboool karen... likhte raheN....

Shaad...


Shaad...
   
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zainy
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3rd February 2013, 11:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mujeeb View Post
Aadaab!

bahut dinoN ba'd aaj likhaa hai Ghaliban 4 saal ke ba'd . yaqeenan bahut se ghalt^iyaaN hoNgee , arbaab e meHfil or aHbaab e meHfil se taSleeH ki darKhuwaast hai . baaqee koshish apkey saamny hai .


Hasrat Mouhani ki aik ghazal ki zameen per t^arHee Ghazal

Bahr-e-Hazaj Akhrab meiN

Maf’oo’lu ... mafaa’ee’lun .......maf’oo’lu ..... mafaa’ee’lon
2 2 1 .............1 2 2 2 .............. 2 2 1 ...... 1 2 2 2

anjaam se nah dartaa , maqdoor agar hoota
makhmoor na maiN hootaa , manSoor agar hoota


haiN a'eib hazaroN poosheedah yahaaN warna , hai
har koii darindaa , sab mazhoor agar hootaa


dil koo nah Khalish hootee, tujhse gilaa nah kerty
too door agar hootaa , majboor agar hootaa

kis meiN hootee jurrat tujhko mujhse judaa kertaa ?
qismat meiN saath humdum , mast^oor agar hoota

sar kham kiyaa thaa too ney joo hai salaamat ab tak
sar dhaR se judaa hotaa , maghroor agar hoota

youN zindagee nah hootee taareek Mujeeb kee
Dil e’shq se tumhary , pur noor agar hootaa


ise she'r ki dosree Soorat

youN zindagee nah hootee taareek hamaaree bhee
Dil e’shq se tumhary , pur noor agar hootaa

maqdoor = qudrat HaSil ho , t^aaqat
makhmoor = nashay mai choor
manSoor = kaamyaab
poosheedah = chupaa huwa , invisible
mazhoor = z^aahir hoona , visible
mast^oor= likhaa huwa , teHreer kiyaa huwa
taareek = siyaah , andher , dark

Hum is laayaq nahi ke aapki ghazal per islaah karein...

Bas daad diye beghair raha nahi gaya isiliye haazir hogaye...

MashaAllah...behad umda kalaam hai Mujeeb sahab.....har ek sher lajawaab....tareef ke liye alfaaz nahi mil rahe......dil ki gehraayiyon se daad qubool kijiye...

Aapna dubaara likhna shuru kiya iske liye special reps aur mubarakbaad.....

Yuhi apne khoobsurat kalaamoN se mehfil raushan kiya kijiye....

ShukriyaH!........




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm
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aliasgar25
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3rd February 2013, 12:13 PM

wa bhaothi umda baat kahi he apne mujeeb bhai
   
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Dhaval
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3rd February 2013, 12:40 PM

mujeeb bhaii:

namaste!

umdaah Ghazal bhaii ! dil se daad

duaaoN ke saath ijaazat

aapka

~Dhaval


*~*Dhaval*~*....Ek Ehsaas...
   
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3rd February 2013, 01:51 PM

mujeeb bhai .....hame to pata hi nahi tha ki aap itni accchi acchi baate karte hai.....

regards
   
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Mujeeb
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4th February 2013, 01:49 PM

anjaam se kiyoN dartaa , maqdoor agar hoota
makhmoor na maiN hootaa , manSoor agar hoota

mafhoom abhee bhee clear naheeN hai shayad . koee madad hoo saky too beHter ho jaaey ga

haiN a'eib hazaroN poosheedah yahaaN warna , hai
har koii darindaa , sab mazhoor agar hootaa

dossree Soorat dekh rahaa hoN .

dil koo nah Khalish hootee, tujhse nah gilaa kerty
too door agar hootaa , majboor agar hootaa

jurrat yeh kahaaN , koee tafreeq kary hum meiN
qismat meiN joo saath apnaa , mast^oor agar hoota

youN zindagee nah hootee taareek Mujeeb kee
Dil e’shq se tumhary , pur noor agar hootaa

Dosree Soorat dekh rahaa hoN .


thoRee see rad o badal kee hai hai mulaHizah fermaaieN aur apnee besh qeemtee raaey se agaah fermaaieN

shukriyah


kuch kahoN to sharm saar hoN
chup rahoN to guneh gaar hoN
   
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zidd
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4th February 2013, 02:49 PM

Quote:
haiN a'eib hazaroN poosheedah yahaaN warna , hai
har koii darindaa , sab mazhoor agar hootaa
mujeeb sahab jab is sher par aap kasrat karenge to ye 2 points par khayaal rakhiyega

1] is meter me compulsory stoppage hai,
yani 221 1222 // par aapka lafz khatm ho jaana chahiye.koi ek lafz iske baad waale arkaan me carry nahi ho sakta..
221 1222 // 221 1222

hai aib hazaro po // ...........so galat.
har koi darinda sab // ................correct
( hasrat mohani sahab ne jaha stoppage hai meter ke last do arkaan repeat hone ke pahle, waha ek extra syllable ke istemaal ki possibilty rakhi hai. so agar aapka misra waisa ban raha ho to bhi istemaal kar sakte hai mohani sahab ki ijaad ke hisaab se....waise muamla ab tak controversial hai...agee aapki marzi hai ki mohani sahab ke exception ko maane ya na maane)

2] sher ke dusre misre ko pahle misre hi me shuru nahi kar sakte.
(arabic poetry me possible hai magar persian poetry me nahi hai...for unknown reasons urdu prosody me influence persian poetry ka hai for this purpose)

regards and all the best.
   
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4th February 2013, 03:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
mujeeb sahab jab is sher par aap kasrat karenge to ye 2 points par khayaal rakhiyega

1] is meter me compulsory stoppage hai,
yani 221 1222 // par aapka lafz khatm ho jaana chahiye.koi ek lafz iske baad waale arkaan me carry nahi ho sakta..
221 1222 // 221 1222

hai aib hazaro po // ...........so galat.
har koi darinda sab // ................correct
( hasrat mohani sahab ne jaha stoppage hai meter ke last do arkaan repeat hone ke pahle, waha ek extra syllable ke istemaal ki possibilty rakhi hai. so agar aapka misra waisa ban raha ho to bhi istemaal kar sakte hai mohani sahab ki ijaad ke hisaab se....waise muamla ab tak controversial hai...agee aapki marzi hai ki mohani sahab ke exception ko maane ya na maane)

2] sher ke dusre misre ko pahle misre hi me shuru nahi kar sakte.
(arabic poetry me possible hai magar persian poetry me nahi hai...for unknown reasons urdu prosody me influence persian poetry ka hai for this purpose)

regards and all the best.


Karriiii informations dii hain zidd saahab, mazaaa aa gaya.... Yaqeen maniye point No. 2 ke baare me maine kuch sunaa hi na tha ab tak.... bahot khushi hui jo aapne hamaare shaath ye baaten share kiin......

aate raheN... gyaan ka pitaara kholte raheN..................

Shaad...


Shaad...
   
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Mujeeb
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4th February 2013, 05:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
1] is meter me compulsory stoppage hai,
yani 221 1222 // par aapka lafz khatm ho jaana chahiye.koi ek lafz iske baad waale arkaan me carry nahi ho sakta..
221 1222 // 221 1222

hai aib hazaro po // ...........so galat.
har koi darinda sab // ................correct
( hasrat mohani sahab ne jaha stoppage hai meter ke last do arkaan repeat hone ke pahle, waha ek extra syllable ke istemaal ki possibilty rakhi hai. so agar aapka misra waisa ban raha ho to bhi istemaal kar sakte hai mohani sahab ki ijaad ke hisaab se....waise muamla ab tak controversial hai...agee aapki marzi hai ki mohani sahab ke exception ko maane ya na maane)
yeh huwee na baat aakhir appkee t^araf se kuch sunaa to sahee humne

dosree baat to paly baandh lee mager is baat ki ager viZaHat hoo jaaey ke stopage kis liye hai , to maShq kerne mai aur mazaa aaye ga


beHad shukriyah in baareekiyoN se agaah kerny ke liye


kuch kahoN to sharm saar hoN
chup rahoN to guneh gaar hoN
   
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kshitiz
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4th February 2013, 06:08 PM

Mujeeb bhai ..
Darasal aapka doosra arkaan wahaN khatm nahi ho raha jahaaN aapne stop liya po. Pe ..
waise ye koi nuks nahi hai par . .
koi unglii to utha hi sakta hai

Muaaf kijiyega jaldi jaldi meiN aapse rubru hu
Jaldi hi tafseel se baate hongi

Apna khyaal rakheiN


andaaz
   
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zidd
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4th February 2013, 06:35 PM

.................................................. ..............................................
Kshitiz sahab aadaab..........
aapki authority ke agee jaana mai munasib nahi samjhta..
magar yaha direct contradiction hai...so mujhe bhi pata chal jaaye ki mai kaise galat hu.aur baki members ko to faida hoga hi is debate se.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
Mujeeb bhai ..
Darasal aapka doosra arkaan wahaN khatm nahi ho raha jahaaN aapne stop liya po. Pe ..

kshitiz sahab phir kaha khatm ho raha hai....?
221 /1222 // 221 / 1222
hai 2 / ai 2 / b 1==first
ha 1 / zaa 2 / ro 2 / po 2= second


[COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]waise ye koi nuks nahi hai par . .

yaha baat sahab ,specially Bahr-e-Hazaj Akhrab ki hai.
to is meter me ye chooT nahi hai ki lafz carry ho sake ,next repeating arkaan me.
exactly A/b//A/b hai...is meter me ye chooT nahi hai.
dusre meters me to hota hi hai aisa .
[/COLOR]


koi unglii to utha hi sakta hai

[COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]mai bematlab nishaaan nahi lagaa raha hu...aur agar aap kahte hai 'koi ungli to uTha hi sakta hai' ,to shayad aapko bhi to doubtful lag raha hai?
varna aap kyu kahe ki ungli uTh sakti hai?
khitij sahab is section ka maqsad hi ye hai ki debate ho.
[/COLOR]


Muaaf kijiyega jaldi jaldi meiN aapse rubru hu
Jaldi hi tafseel se baate hongi

[COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]ji sahab , aap samjhaiye aur mai apne aap ko correct kar lunga.
[/COLOR]

Apna khyaal rakheiN
   
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zidd
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4th February 2013, 09:06 PM

Quote:
dosree baat to paly baandh lee mager is baat ki ager viZaHat hoo jaaey ke stopage kis liye hai , to maShq kerne mai aur mazaa aaye ga
= jo maine kaha vo musamman ghazal ke liye applicable hai, yani 4 arkaan ho jisme

= misre ke pahle do arkaan ke rukn alag combination me hone chaiye.
yani pahle do arkaan ek se nahi hone chaiye.
(chunki aap letter scanning jaante hai isliye ye bata sakta hu aapko ki watad(+variations) aur sabab(+variations) ka combination ,rukn banne ke baad dono arkaan me alag ho )

= uske baad pahle 2 arkaan ke order me last 2 arkan repeat hone chaiye a/b//a/b...dusre lafzo me : pahla aur teesra arkaan ek sa aur dusra aur last arkaan ek sa.

=ab aap gaur kijiye ki pahle 2 arkaan ek alag hi bahr hai,
is case me bahr rajaz aur uspar zihaf akhrab ( ab akhrab derive kaise hua ,ye batane ke liye bahut saare preliminaries samjhne honge...so yaha iska discussion scope me nahi hai)

= jab aisa position aata hai(upar bataya)...to repeat hone ki wajah se beech me caesura ( stoppage) dala gaya .kyuki aap gaur kijiye 'ek tarah se' misra khatm ho gaya hai pahle do arkaan me (jaise bahr hi khatm ho gaya ho.).aur 'in a way' a new misra is being started in the last 2 arkan...isliye is type ki bahrs me lafz overflow nahi karna chaiye...second aur third arkaan me.

( yehi reason hai mohani sahab ne ek extra takhte ki ijaad ki 2 arkaan ke last syllable me.jaise permission hai ek misre ke end me ek last chota takt lagane ki.
unko yehi laga hoga ki bahr to 2 arkaan me khatm ho hi gaya hai...aur teesra aur 4 arkaan to mahaz repetion hai first two ke.to kyu na waha bhi ek last short syllable lagaya jaaye agar koi chahe to.
dusri tarah se kahu to...jaise ek sher me do misra treat hota hai yaha ek misra me adhe misre ko ek misre ka darja diya hai.)

koi clarification chaiye to pooch lijiyega.

-----------------------------------------------
jo kuch maine upar kaha is not knowledge. its mere information and some normal basic interpretations and analysis..koi ye na soche ki ye bahut vabaal wali cheez hai...ye bahut simple cheez hai...baya karne me bahut saare lafz lagte hai magar samjhne ke liye 1 minute hi kaafi hai. ye sab to sirf usi ke liye hai jo tecnically minded hona chahta hai by choice.
phir reiterate karta hu ki beher ke tools ko bahr na samjha jaaye.

Last edited by zidd; 4th February 2013 at 09:13 PM..
   
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4th February 2013, 09:27 PM

mujeeb....behad umda likha hai tumne, bahut accha lga tumhe arse baad padkar....! ahsaas jo gazal meiN hai ham bahut acchi tarah samaj sakte hai mahsoos kar sakte hai...!

islaah ke liye Zidd sahiib jaise umda shayar hai aapke saath...ham to bas aap sab ki poetry par hoti debate padte hai...!

god bless u brother


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...


   
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kshitiz
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4th February 2013, 10:17 PM

Zidd saaheb adaab ..

Kya kah raha tha maiN ..haaN

Darasal mera kahne ka matlab tha ki mufaaiilun to khatm ho gaya par posheeda nahi ..aap mufaaiilun ko po pe khatm nahi kar sakte koi bhi aisa lafz hota jo mufaaiilun pe khatm ho raha hota to ye jaayaz rehta..


Nuks isliye nahi hai ki jab aap misra thoda jaldi jaldi parhenge to po aur sheeda ke beech ka faasla khatm ho raha hai aur ek had tak aap posheeda samjhaane meiN kaamyaab ho raheN haiN ..

Unglii isliye utth saktii hai ki ek misra jo ki beher meiN to hai par lafz tootne ki wajah se parhne meiN vo maza nahi aa raha jo ki ek mauzooN sher meiN aana chaahiye ..

Ijaazat dijiye


andaaz
   
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Hamdam
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5th February 2013, 05:37 AM

Mujeeb bhai Adaab,

Pehle to apka shukrguzar hun ki apne bhi urdu lafzon ke mayane neeche likh diye jisse mujh jaise gair urdu jaankar ko bhi aapki poori gazal ke mayane samajh me aaye aur main apkee ghazal ka pura luthf utha paya.

Gyani (knowledgeable people) log apkee ghazal ko decipher and interpret kar rahe hain aur hum nadan log us analysis ko hazam karne ki koshish kar rahe hain..

Last ke two types of Ashar mein se ye mujhe better laga :

youN zindagee nah hootee taareek hamaaree bhee
Dil e’shq se tumhary , pur noor agar hootaa
regds

Sanjay Sehgal



khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
   
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Mujeeb
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10th February 2013, 12:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
Hum is laayaq nahi ke aapki ghazal per islaah karein...

Bas daad diye beghair raha nahi gaya isiliye haazir hogaye...

MashaAllah...behad umda kalaam hai Mujeeb sahab.....har ek sher lajawaab....tareef ke liye alfaaz nahi mil rahe......dil ki gehraayiyon se daad qubool kijiye...

Aapna dubaara likhna shuru kiya iske liye special reps aur mubarakbaad.....

Yuhi apne khoobsurat kalaamoN se mehfil raushan kiya kijiye....

ShukriyaH!........

tareef or reps ke liye beHad mamnoon hoN appka , yeh appkee Aalaa Zarfee hai ke mere in TooTee phooTey alfazoN ko passand kiya .

beHad shukriyah


kuch kahoN to sharm saar hoN
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Mujeeb
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10th February 2013, 12:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aliasgar25 View Post
wa bhaothi umda baat kahi he apne mujeeb bhai
moHteram janab Ali asghar saHb meree koshish ko passand kerne ke liye teh dil se appka shukriyaH adaa kerta hoN


kuch kahoN to sharm saar hoN
chup rahoN to guneh gaar hoN
   
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Masoom Pyar
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14th February 2014, 02:30 PM

Waah Waah Janab...Bahot hi accha kalaam.............
   
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Mujeeb
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23rd August 2014, 03:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dhaval View Post
mujeeb bhaii:

namaste!

umdaah Ghazal bhaii ! dil se daad

duaaoN ke saath ijaazat

aapka

~Dhaval
beHad shukriyah , dhaval saHb

youNhi saath banaey rakhiye


kuch kahoN to sharm saar hoN
chup rahoN to guneh gaar hoN
   
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Hassan
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Thumbs up 9th September 2014, 12:29 PM

haiN a'eib hazaroN poosheedah yahaaN warna , hai
har koii darindaa , sab mazhoor agar hootaa

jurrat yeh kahaaN , koee tafreeq kary hum meiN
qismat meiN joo saath apnaa , mast^oor agar hoota

youN zindagee nah hootee taareek Mujeeb kee
Dil e’shq se tumhary , pur noor agar hootaa


Waahh! waahh! Mujeeb bhai,

Aik khuhsgawaar hairat ke saath aap ki ghazal phaD'hi
aur maan gaye saheb.. ke aap ki baatoN ke saath saath aap ke
alfaazoN meiN bhi jaadu hai....... quoted ashaar be-had pasand aaye.

aap ko aik mukammal ghazal ke liye daad beshumaar an-ginat-o-behisaab...

Reps added.. Allah kare zor-e-qalam aur ziyaadaH..

Aap ke aglay kalaam ka intezaar rahe ga,

DuaooN ke saath ijaazat,

Allah hafiz


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")

Last edited by Hassan; 9th September 2014 at 12:32 PM..
   
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bipin76
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14th March 2015, 11:20 AM

wah.......wah............wah......................
Alfaz nahi mil rahe kya likhu tarif me .........
Agar likh diya to had ho jayegi tarif me......
had to galiyo me hoti hai, behad hai tarif me.....
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