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mai shayar badnaam.......
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Posts: 36
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: kabhii dhoop maiN, kabhi chaavN maiN, is shahar maiN us gaoN maiN
Rep Power: 0
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my first ghazal on shayri.com -
2nd August 2009, 10:41 PM
dosto mehfil mai naya hoon...........apni pehli ghazal yahan pesh kar raha hoon.....I hope you'll like it.
behar ka naam to maloom nahi lekin rhythm shaayad ye hai 2122 2121 212
apne 'comments' aur 'suggestions' se nawaaziyega
ye likhi hai baat kis kitaab maiN
aapko rehna hai bas naqaab maiN
hosh mai bas wo ke jis ko tu mila
sab bhatakte haiN yahaN saraab maiN
soch ko milta nahi kabhi sukooN
haiN kai sawaal har jawaab maiN
kar diya kaantoN ne jab lahoo se laal
husn aur badh gaya gulaab maiN
so sake phir ham kabhii na umr bhar
kar gaye vaada-e-vasl khaab maiN
(idea for the above sher is taken from Ghalib's sher
taafir na intizaar main neend aaye umr bhar
aane ka ahad kar gaye aaye jo khaab main'
)
yaad apna ishq rakhe ye jahan
doob jaate hain chalo chanaab maiN
ho hi jaata hai yahan deedar-e-yaar
bas yahi hai baat achhi khaab maiN
kashtiyaN 'saahil' tujhe hain dhoondti
aur tu dooba hai khud sailaab main
.........Saahil
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Anshumali
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Posts: 7,420
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: DELHI (INDIA)
Rep Power: 86
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3rd August 2009, 07:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 'Saahil'
dosto mehfil mai naya hoon...........apni pehli ghazal yahan pesh kar raha hoon.....I hope you'll like it.
behar ka naam to maloom nahi lekin rhythm shaayad ye hai 2122 2121 212
apne 'comments' aur 'suggestions' se nawaaziyega
ye likhi hai baat kis kitaab maiN
aapko rehna hai bas naqaab maiN
hosh mai bas wo ke jis ko tu mila
sab bhatakte haiN yahaN saraab maiN
soch ko milta nahi kabhi sukooN
haiN kai sawaal har jawaab maiN
kar diya kaantoN ne jab lahoo se laal
husn aur badh gaya gulaab maiN
so sake phir ham kabhii na umr bhar
kar gaye vaada-e-vasl khaab maiN
(idea for the above sher is taken from Ghalib's sher
taafir na intizaar main neend aaye umr bhar
aane ka ahad kar gaye aaye jo khaab main'
)
yaad apna ishq rakhe ye jahan
doob jaate hain chalo chanaab maiN
ho hi jaata hai yahan deedar-e-yaar
bas yahi hai baat achhi khaab maiN
kashtiyaN 'saahil' tujhe hain dhoondti
aur tu dooba hai khud sailaab main
.........Saahil
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Saahil ji...sdc mai aapka welcome hai...aapki likhi sabhi panktiya mujhe bahut pasand aai......aapki koshsih bahut umda hai...aise hi likhte rahiye...khush rahiye....
YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...
Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...
---Naresh Mehra----
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mai shayar badnaam.......
Offline
Posts: 36
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: kabhii dhoop maiN, kabhi chaavN maiN, is shahar maiN us gaoN maiN
Rep Power: 0
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3rd August 2009, 09:53 AM
Naresh ji aapki daad ke liye bahut bahut shukriya.
keep reading and encouraging.
Sandeep 'Saahil'
saahilspoetry.blogspot.com
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Huii Sabse Paraayi
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Posts: 5,283
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Kolkata
Rep Power: 44
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3rd August 2009, 10:32 AM
Saahil jee,
mahfil meiN aapka Swagat hai ........
aapne kaha hai ki yeh aapki pahli Ghazal hai .........mere khayal se gar yeh pahli Ghazal hai aapki to insha allah aap aage jakar aur bhi achhi ghazal kahenge..............
mahfil mein aate rahiye
apne ehesaas ko youN bayaan karte rahiye
DuaoN ke saath
aapki Dost
Diya
Mohabbat ke baad mohabbat mumkin hai faraz.
Magar toot ke chahna sirf ek baar hota hai
Goodbye SDC
Diya
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 4,715
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Khariar, Odisha
Rep Power: 0
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3rd August 2009, 10:43 AM
saahil saahab,
yahaa.n sdc par aap ka swaagat hai.. aap ne takhallus hi itna pyaara chuna hai kii kyaa kahe.n............. dekhate hi saahir ludiyanvi ki yaad aati hai... par yeh takhallus chun kar,aap ne thoDa sa apne liye mushkil khada kar liya hai.. kyun ki ab aap ko behtar hi likhan paDega.. aur aap ki yeh koshish dekh kar lagaa ki, aap kaafi behtar likh sakte hai.n.. ek achchhi koshish ke liye meri aur se daad qubool keejiye..
soch ko milta nahi kabhi sukooN
haiN kai sawaal har jawaab maiN
ho hi jaata hai yahan deedar-e-yaar
bas yahi hai baat achhi khaab maiN
kashtiyaN 'saahil' tujhe hain dhoondti
aur tu dooba hai khud sailaab main
bohat achchhe! likhte rahe.n
-mayank
reps + + +
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mai shayar badnaam.......
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Posts: 36
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: kabhii dhoop maiN, kabhi chaavN maiN, is shahar maiN us gaoN maiN
Rep Power: 0
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4th August 2009, 05:27 AM
Mayank ji
aapko sher pasand aaye, iski khushi hui. daad ke liye shukriya!
Naam to 'Saahir' ji se milta hai lekin kaam milne mai sadiyan lagengi. Waise ye keh kar aapne sucmuch dara diya. Ab to kaafi hard work karna padega.
aap jaise hausla badane wale milte rahen to aasani rahegi.
shukriya
Sandeep 'Saahil'
saahilspoetry.blogspot.com
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mai shayar badnaam.......
Offline
Posts: 36
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: kabhii dhoop maiN, kabhi chaavN maiN, is shahar maiN us gaoN maiN
Rep Power: 0
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4th August 2009, 05:31 AM
Diya ji
jitna khoobsurat naam hai utne hi khoobsurat comments padh kar achha laga. daad ke liye bahut bahut shukriya.
waise mere kehne ka matalab tha ke ye SDC maii meri pehli ghazal hai. Ye wali latest hai.....jald aur bhi post karoonga.......yun hi comments aur suggestions dete rahiye.
shukriya
Sandeep 'Saahil'
saahilspoetry.blogspot.com
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An Incomplite Dream
Offline
Posts: 3,017
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 30
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6th August 2009, 05:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 'Saahil'
dosto mehfil mai naya hoon...........apni pehli ghazal yahan pesh kar raha hoon.....I hope you'll like it.
behar ka naam to maloom nahi lekin rhythm shaayad ye hai 2122 2121 212
apne 'comments' aur 'suggestions' se nawaaziyega
ye likhi hai baat kis kitaab maiN
aapko rehna hai bas naqaab maiN
hosh mai bas wo ke jis ko tu mila
sab bhatakte haiN yahaN saraab maiN
soch ko milta nahi kabhi sukooN
haiN kai sawaal har jawaab maiN
kar diya kaantoN ne jab lahoo se laal
husn aur badh gaya gulaab maiN
so sake phir ham kabhii na umr bhar
kar gaye vaada-e-vasl khaab maiN
(idea for the above sher is taken from Ghalib's sher
taafir na intizaar main neend aaye umr bhar
aane ka ahad kar gaye aaye jo khaab main'
)
yaad apna ishq rakhe ye jahan
doob jaate hain chalo chanaab maiN
ho hi jaata hai yahan deedar-e-yaar
bas yahi hai baat achhi khaab maiN
kashtiyaN 'saahil' tujhe hain dhoondti
aur tu dooba hai khud sailaab main
.........Saahil
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saahil sahab aadaaB...........
Aapka SDC per swagat hai ............ aapki paheli peshkash behad khoob lagii.......
sabhi sher bahut achche lage......... puri Gazal hi umda hai....
Highlighted sher behad khoob lage...
Likhate rahiye aur hume ruberu hone ka moukha dete rahiye..
Khush rahiye..
Khuda Hafez...
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Registered User
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Posts: 2,855
Join Date: Sep 2007
Rep Power: 33
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6th August 2009, 07:11 PM
bahut umdaa !
acha laga appko peRh ker ... meHfil meN aaya kijiye ... chiraagh to yahaN haiN hi , chaar chaand ki zaroorat hai
Mujeeb
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mai shayar badnaam.......
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Posts: 36
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: kabhii dhoop maiN, kabhi chaavN maiN, is shahar maiN us gaoN maiN
Rep Power: 0
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7th August 2009, 06:11 AM
Khawahish Ji
daad ka bahut shukriya...........
cheers!
Sandeep 'Saahil'
saahilspoetry.blogspot.com
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mai shayar badnaam.......
Offline
Posts: 36
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: kabhii dhoop maiN, kabhi chaavN maiN, is shahar maiN us gaoN maiN
Rep Power: 0
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7th August 2009, 06:14 AM
Mujeeb ji,
daad ka shukriya. Aapke signature ka sher bahut pasand aaya. ho sake to poorii ghazal yahan post karigyega
shukriya
Sandeep 'Saahil'
saahilspoetry.blogspot.com
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