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~.. khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
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janumanu
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~.. khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi - 8th November 2010, 09:28 AM

Salaam namstey
choti si ghazal nazr kar raha hun, chahe jaisa salook kareN
( 2122 2122 212)


खाब की ताबीर होने से रही

ऐसी भी तकदीर होने से रही

पहले सी झुकती नहीं तेरी नज़र
अब कमां ये तीर होने से रही

चाहे जितने रंग भर लो खाब के
पानी मे तस्वीर होने से रही

कर लो पैना फ़िक्र' जितनी तुम कलम
जौक, ग़ालिब, मीर, होने से रही 


_______




khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

kar lo paina ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi



Last edited by zainy; 9th November 2011 at 12:49 AM..
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loveforgudia
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Smile 8th November 2010, 11:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
Salaam namstey
choti si ghazal nazr kar raha hun, chahe jaisa salook kareN
( 2122 2122 212)


खाब की ताबीर होने से रही

ऐसी भी तकदीर होने से रही

पहले सी झुकती नहीं तेरी नज़र
अब कमां ये तीर होने से रही

चाहे जितने रंग भर लो खाब के
पानी मे तस्वीर होने से रही

कर लो पैनी ' फ़िक्र' जितनी तुम कलम
जौक, ग़ालिब, मीर, होने से रही 


_______




khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi


Namaste Dost Ji ....... Happy Diwaliiiiiiiiiii ... ab aap hammesha hi achchha likhate hai ... aur humaare paas wo shabd kaha jo har baar aap ke likhe ki tareef kar paaye .... to kya kahe .... ki aap ki ghazal kaisi lagi .... ...uuuummmmm

Baatein Masoom si aur ghazalein aap ki aftaab si rahi,
aap naa jaane Fikr ki aap ki kalam toofaan si chal rahi,

Dosh humaara kya jo na kar paaye tareef in shabdo ki,
Dost Ji ko de daad humaari daad mai wo baat kab rahi,


ab iss se jyaada bayaan nahi kar sakte ki ... aap ki ghazal kaisi lagi .... so aap ke style mai ... humne jesa chaahe sulook kar liya hai ... Apna khayaal rakhiyega

Bhagwaan Ji aap ko har khushi de,

Aapki Dost: Gudia

Jay Ambe


------------------------------------------------------------
Puri Hoke Bhi Jo Puri Na Ho Hoon Zindagi Ki Wo Ankahi Kahaani......
-------------------------------------------
-----------------
Ek Aaina Jiski Tasveer Dhundhla Gai,
Ek Dil Jiski Dhadkan Ruksi Gai,
Ek Zindagi Jiski Manzil Ka Koi Pata Hi Nahi,
Ek Daaman Jahaan Se Khushi
yaan Galti Se Bhi Guzarti Nahi.



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sameer'shaad'
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8th November 2010, 11:59 AM

bahot khoob likha hai janumanu... ehsaas behad pasand aaye.. yoon hi likhte rahen
maqta kabile tareef tha.

aapka bhai
shaad...


Shaad...
   
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ISHK EK IBADAT
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Love 8th November 2010, 12:28 PM

vikas bhai
radhe radhe

bahut khoob...............daad dil se kubul karen
duaon ke saath


Aapka Apna
Ishk


'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है
इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है


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naresh_mehra110
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8th November 2010, 05:48 PM

chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

Bahut khoob raha aapka yeh khayal ... Vikas Ji !

matlaa bhi pehli pasand raha ... aise hi likhte rahen aage bhi ...

khush rahen ...
duaaon ke saath ...




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----
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kuhulika
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8th November 2010, 06:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
Salaam namstey
choti si ghazal nazr kar raha hun, chahe jaisa salook kareN
( 2122 2122 212)


खाब की ताबीर होने से रही

ऐसी भी तकदीर होने से रही

पहले सी झुकती नहीं तेरी नज़र
अब कमां ये तीर होने से रही

चाहे जितने रंग भर लो खाब के
पानी मे तस्वीर होने से रही

कर लो पैनी ' फ़िक्र' जितनी तुम कलम
जौक, ग़ालिब, मीर, होने से रही 


_______




khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi







bahut khoob likkha hai aapne

choti si ghazal mein bahut kuch likh diya aapne....


aise hi likjhte rahein...


taecaer


SHWETA


jab yaad karte hai kisi ko
wo waqt suhana hota hai

uth jati hai kalam likhne ko
wo pyar deewana hota hai

kar deti hai haal-e-dil bayaan
wo kalaam shayraana hota hai

jab yaad karte hai kisi ko
wo waqt suhana hota hai...


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
duniya mein kitna gam hai
apna gam phir bhi kam hai
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
   
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janumanu
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janumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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9th November 2010, 02:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by loveforgudia View Post
Namaste Dost Ji ....... Happy Diwaliiiiiiiiiii ... ab aap hammesha hi achchha likhate hai ... aur humaare paas wo shabd kaha jo har baar aap ke likhe ki tareef kar paaye .... to kya kahe .... ki aap ki ghazal kaisi lagi .... ...uuuummmmm

Baatein Masoom si aur ghazalein aap ki aftaab si rahi,
aap naa jaane Fikr ki aap ki kalam toofaan si chal rahi,

Dosh humaara kya jo na kar paaye tareef in shabdo ki,
Dost Ji ko de daad humaari daad mai wo baat kab rahi,


ab iss se jyaada bayaan nahi kar sakte ki ... aap ki ghazal kaisi lagi .... so aap ke style mai ... humne jesa chaahe sulook kar liya hai ... Apna khayaal rakhiyega

Bhagwaan Ji aap ko har khushi de,

Aapki Dost: Gudia

Jay Ambe
Thank u . so much ........... !!..........

god bless..... achy logo ki sohbat mai raho ... aur aise hi raho
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janumanu
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9th November 2010, 02:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
bahot khoob likha hai janumanu... ehsaas behad pasand aaye.. yoon hi likhte rahen
maqta kabile tareef tha.

aapka bhai
shaad...
shukriyaa shaad bhayeee ........!!

rahi maqte ki baat to

sachi bateN achi hi hoti haiN
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sajid_ghayel
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9th November 2010, 03:58 PM

Subhan_allah mere bhai bohat bohat shaandaar rahi peshkash..........bas kamaa.N ka teer hona yeh misra thoda ajeeb laga uske alawaaa har sher par karodo daad tumhe.

Rep++++


Jhoot kehdu yeh meri fitrat me nahi shamil

Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta...

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zidd
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10th November 2010, 08:33 AM

khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

tecnical angle se perfect sher kaha hai aapne.
bus bahut is tarah ka suna hai ...tadbeer aur taabeer ke combination ki zameen ab banjar hai.isme koi kuch nahi ugaa sakta ab.
varna sher to accha tha


pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

hahahhaa...
accha sher hai....bus zara samjhne ke liye mawaali wala background chaiye
mere khayaal se agar kisi tarah ulaa me lafz 'ankhen' hota to sher khul jata
magar kya kare ...jo bandish hai so to hai
good attempt


chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi


hmmmm
misra e saani accha hai...magar ulaa kuch aur hota to accha hota...
ek -2 suraten aapko batata lekin mujhe pata hai ki apko surat sunna accha nahi lagta kisise..
ek koshish aur kijiye yaha.....
is sher ka lehza aur adaigi magar best rahi is ghazal me


kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi


bataulebaazi hogayi ab.......sirf bharti.

-------------------------

magar ab aapki tecnic ki pakad aTooT hai....
ghazal apki ye khas hai...
sentence construction bahut seedha hai.....jaisa hona chaiye....
is ghazal ka tense kamaal hai har jagah ..aur khas kar apke maqte me....perfect tense ka combination.

yun samjh lijiye ki tecnique ek rasta hai jispar ashaar ki ghadi chalti hai...
aapne to highway bana liya hai...bhale uspar ambasador chala rahe hai filhaal....mujhe yakeen hai ab us highway par 1-2 mahine me rolls royce chalne lagegi

tecnically perfect..metrically ,gramatically and poetically......
bus ab car upgrade karte rahiye.

Last edited by zidd; 10th November 2010 at 08:38 AM..
   
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Amanush...
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11th November 2010, 11:57 AM

khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi


pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

chahe jitne rang bhar lo khaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi

Bahut accha laga aapka kalaam, Vikas Bhaayi...!

Quoted sher is awesome

Quote:
chahe jitne rang bhar lo khaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi


Keep it up










Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai

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janumanu
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janumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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11th November 2010, 12:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

tecnical angle se perfect sher kaha hai aapne.
bus bahut is tarah ka suna hai ...tadbeer aur taabeer ke combination ki zameen ab banjar hai.isme koi kuch nahi ugaa sakta ab.
varna sher to accha tha


pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

hahahhaa...
accha sher hai....bus zara samjhne ke liye mawaali wala background chaiye
mere khayaal se agar kisi tarah ulaa me lafz 'ankhen' hota to sher khul jata
magar kya kare ...jo bandish hai so to hai
good attempt


chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi


hmmmm
misra e saani accha hai...magar ulaa kuch aur hota to accha hota...
ek -2 suraten aapko batata lekin mujhe pata hai ki apko surat sunna accha nahi lagta kisise..
ek koshish aur kijiye yaha.....
is sher ka lehza aur adaigi magar best rahi is ghazal me


kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi


bataulebaazi hogayi ab.......sirf bharti.

-------------------------

magar ab aapki tecnic ki pakad aTooT hai....
ghazal apki ye khas hai...
sentence construction bahut seedha hai.....jaisa hona chaiye....
is ghazal ka tense kamaal hai har jagah ..aur khas kar apke maqte me....perfect tense ka combination.

yun samjh lijiye ki tecnique ek rasta hai jispar ashaar ki ghadi chalti hai...
aapne to highway bana liya hai...bhale uspar ambasador chala rahe hai filhaal....mujhe yakeen hai ab us highway par 1-2 mahine me rolls royce chalne lagegi

tecnically perfect..metrically ,gramatically and poetically......
bus ab car upgrade karte rahiye.

ek -2 suraten aapko batata lekin mujhe pata hai ki apko surat sunna accha nahi lagta kisise..

Are ye apne kis se sun liyaa, jisse bhi suna hoga...... uski zubaan mai fislan hogi bhayee........

aap batayeN hum na mane, ye to ho hi nahi sakta ... fir aap kabse auroN ki maanne lage ..... apne takhluss pe jayeN humesha ........!!

kuch line hai, jagjit sahab ne gayee haiN, likhaa jane kisne ...

tumne agar suna nahi , kissa-e-gham sunega kaun
kisi zubaaN khulegi fir, lab na agar tum hilaa sake


plzz batayeN zaroor........ aur kaun batayega, aur bataya bhi kisne hai ........!!

rest thanx , aur car upgrade karne ki koshish mai hun par, apne bas mai jo hai kar raha huN ........
shayed ye baat khud hi aati hai, so khud hi aayegi,,

baaki kheench-taan ke le to aaya hun ......

regards

Last edited by janumanu; 11th November 2010 at 12:28 PM..
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Harash Mahajan
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11th November 2010, 01:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
Salaam namstey
choti si ghazal nazr kar raha hun, chahe jaisa salook kareN
( 2122 2122 212)


खाब की ताबीर होने से रही

ऐसी भी तकदीर होने से रही

पहले सी झुकती नहीं तेरी नज़र
अब कमां ये तीर होने से रही

चाहे जितने रंग भर लो खाब के
पानी मे तस्वीर होने से रही

कर लो पैनी ' फ़िक्र' जितनी तुम कलम
जौक, ग़ालिब, मीर, होने से रही 


_______




khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi


Adaab jaanu ji...peshkarda tamaam qalaam bahoot hi oomda our ahsaasat se bharpoor .....bade hi itminaan se kahi gayi mehssos hoti hai......yuN hi bazm ki rounaq meiN izaffa kerte rahiyega...


Harash
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abdulqadeert
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11th November 2010, 06:19 PM

Fikr sahab aadab ,,


Takhir ke liye mazrat ,, Apki ghazal nazar nawaz howi ,, Ghazal ka har har sher mukkamal hai ,, Aisi purmagaz , pur acar , pur kashish , purlutf , o murassa ghazal ke liye ap ik nahi balke hazarah dad ke mustahiq hain ...saath hi saath mubarak baad bhi khubool ho ...allah apko mazeed taraqiyun se nawaze .. takhalus pasand aaya .....apki shaqsiyat pe mabni hai ...


dua go

qadeertoopchi
   
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LAMHA
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Smile 11th November 2010, 07:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
Salaam namstey


choti si ghazal nazr kar raha hun, chahe jaisa salook kareN


( 2122 2122 212)




खाब की ताबीर होने से रही
ऐसी भी तकदीर होने से रही

पहले सी झुकती नहीं तेरी नज़र
अब कमां ये तीर होने से रही

चाहे जितने रंग भर लो खाब के
पानी मे तस्वीर होने से रही

कर लो पैनी ' फ़िक्र' जितनी तुम कलम
जौक, ग़ालिब, मीर, होने से रही 


_______




khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi

Vikas,

wahhhhhh... bahut khoob bani hai aapki ye chhoti si ghazal... dil se daad hazir hai... yuhi koshish jaari rakhiye... likhte rahiye.... khush rahiye....
rep++++++++++++++++++++added


"LAMHA"

mujhko acchaa nahiiN lagtaa ko’ii hamnaam teraa ,
ko’ii tujhsaa ho to phir naam bhii tujhsaa rakhe....
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sunita thakur
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11th November 2010, 07:37 PM

खाब की ताबीर होने से रही
ऐसी भी तकदीर होने से रही

पहले सी झुकती नहीं तेरी नज़र
अब कमां ये तीर होने से रही

चाहे जितने रंग भर लो खाब के
पानी मे तस्वीर होने से रही

कर लो पैनी ' फ़िक्र' जितनी तुम कलम
जौक, ग़ालिब, मीर, होने से रही 



Vikas jii................bahut khoob ahsaas pesh kiye haiN aapne, accha laga padkar, aur last wala sher dil ke khaas kareeb raha.

god bless u


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...


   
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12th November 2010, 12:49 AM

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi

excellent JanuManu.......................


इक रोज़ क़यामत बराबर कर ही देगी इसे
हमने ना की मुकम्मल ज़िंदगी, तो न सही
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vikramjethi
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Love 13th November 2010, 09:00 PM

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi

wah...wah...!!!
kya baat hai vikas bhai...ye bahut hi badhiya hai, padhte hi laga ki mere ehsaas mere haiN aur alfaaz aapke...
daad hi daad is sher ke liye....


'E Taahire Laahuti!!!
Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali
Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho
Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi....



vikramjethi@gmail.com
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Pradhyuman
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15th November 2010, 09:06 AM

yeh khyaaloeN ki saadgi..yeh adaayegi kahin aur nahi nazar aati. daad

chaahe jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi


-------------------------------------------------

gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
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masoodhassas
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15th November 2010, 02:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
Salaam namstey


choti si ghazal nazr kar raha hun, chahe jaisa salook kareN


( 2122 2122 212)




खाब की ताबीर होने से रही
ऐसी भी तकदीर होने से रही

पहले सी झुकती नहीं तेरी नज़र
अब कमां ये तीर होने से रही

चाहे जितने रंग भर लो खाब के
पानी मे तस्वीर होने से रही

कर लो पैनी ' फ़िक्र' जितनी तुम कलम
जौक, ग़ालिब, मीर, होने से रही 


_______




khaab ki tabeer hone se rahi
aisi bhi taqdeer hone se rahi

pahle si jhukti nahi teri nazar
ab kamaaN ye teer hone se rahi

chache jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

kar lo paini ' fikr' jitni tum qalam
Zouk, Ghalib, Meer, hone se rahi


aadaab
bahot khoob naazuk khiyaalat ne samaan baandh diyaa
masood hassaas
   
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janumanu
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8th November 2011, 12:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by masoodhassas View Post
aadaab
bahot khoob naazuk khiyaalat ne samaan baandh diyaa
masood hassaas
shukriyaa masood bhayeee ...................
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janumanu
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8th November 2011, 12:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pradhyuman View Post
yeh khyaaloeN ki saadgi..yeh adaayegi kahin aur nahi nazar aati. daad

chaahe jitne rang bhar lo khbaab ke
paani mai tasveer hone se rahi

shukriyaaa bismil bhayeeee .............. ....................
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