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Tere jaane ke baad |
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(#1)
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Registered User
 
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Posts: 410
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Jammu, J&K.
Rep Power: 14
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Tere jaane ke baad -
15th July 2015, 08:52 AM
Haazreen-e-mehfil ko mera adaab !
Dosto, kuchh bikhre huye tinkey, jo baraa-he-raast dil se sdc pe utaar raha huN, bina kaaghaz ke upar likhe huye.. To isko shayari ki kasauti pe mat toliyegaa. Aur yeh shayari hai bhi nahi, isliye maazrat chahunga agar yeh ghustaakhi huyi mujh se isko sdc pe daal kar. Aap chhaheiN to isko tavajjo dein aur chaahein to khaarij kar dein. main koshish karunga ismeiN thoDa tarmeem karne ki. Islaah ka talabgaar rahunga. Kuchh mushkileiN to haiN tere jaane ke baad... Raat ko neeNd ab jaldi aati hai NeeNd ka yuN aana to achha hai, lekin.. neeNd chhoD kar "Das minute aur.." baat karna achha lagta thaa har roz tumhara milne ka naya waada karna achha lagta thaa Din bhar masruuf rehta huuN magar phone pe nazreiN rehti haiN Ke tumhara paighaam aayegaa zaruur, aur iss tarah Meri masruufiyat mujh pe kabhi bhaari nahi hoti Ba-taqarrur shaam aati hai, par saawan meiN bhi be-qaraari nahi hoti Tumhein muskurana achha lagta thaa ba-zaahir tum hansti thii, aur itna hansti thii... Ke gham palkoN pe khushi ke aansu ban jaata thaa Aur phir.. dheere se peechhe muD kar, saari ke pallu se aansu ponch leti thii aur mere puuchhne par, daftan phir hans kar taal deti thii.. Woh be-lawas hansi... aaj bhi mujhe yaad hai yaad hai woh tumhara mujhe kehna, ke "tum bhi hanste huye achhe lagte ho" Tumhaari dii huyii hansii, laboN se ghaayab hone lagi hai meri apnii pehchaan, meri zaat, mujh se khone lagii hai MaiN ab uss jheel meiN kankar nahi maarta Jiss ke kinaare baiThe hum baateiN kiyaa karte thae Jheel ka paani bhi ab khaamosh rehtaa hai Phir bhi... Wo chaand ka aks ab nazar nahi aata Aata hai har parindaa uss sairgaah meiN aksar Wo guzra waqt humara, magar nahi aata Ek chaand, kuchh sitaare aur muThhi bhar sapne Yehi thii meri khwaahish, tumhaare liye Mere khwaab aur ehbaab, sab chuut gaye haiN peechhe Tera peechhe muD ke dekhna wo aakhri dafeh Ab bhi ghumaan hotaa hai, ke tum waapis aaogii Aur.. Hansne ka hunar, phir mujhe sikhaaogii Kuchh mushkileiN to haiN tere jaane ke baad.. .. .. .. **************** Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota |
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(#2)
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Moderator
 
Offline
Posts: 5,211
Join Date: Jul 2014
Rep Power: 28
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15th July 2015, 10:09 AM
Sagar ji ...kya kahoon bas aapki ye peshkash padh ke isme khoti chali gayi main....sahi kaha aapne ye shayri nahi hai...pure feelings hain...jazbaat jinko lafzon me kuch yoon utara hai aapne ki bas padhne wale ko dard apne dil me mahsoos ho...aksar yoon hota hai ki mashroofiyat aur duniyadari ke beech ham khud hee nahi jaan pate ki andar he andar kya baat dil ko sata rahi hai....aur jab samajh pate hain to bas vo yadein yoon hee doston ke samne kah di jati hain...bina kisi tabdeeli ke...
shukriya share karne ke liye...aate rahiye Likhte rahiye..... khush rahiye..... अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे madhu.. |
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(#3)
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~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
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15th July 2015, 10:34 AM
"tum bhi hanste huye achhe lagte ho"
kaun kahta hai ke ye shaayri nahi..... shayari har wo cheeez hai jo dil se likhi gayee ho kisii dil waale ke liye..... aapko padhnaa waaqai bahut acchaa lagta hai Sagar saahab.. har baar kuch nayaa kuch apnaapan kuch alag mithaas ke bas padh kr dil se waah nikal jaae.... Ek chaand, kuchh sitaare aur muThhi bhar sapne Yehi thii meri khwaahish, tumhaare liye Mere khwaab aur ehbaab, sab chuut gaye haiN peechhe Tera peechhe muD ke dekhna wo aakhri dafeh Ab bhi ghumaan hotaa hai, ke tum waapis aaogii Aur.. Hansne ka hunar, phir mujhe sikhaaogii aap yaqeen maaniye sir in misron ne mujhe andar tak jhakjhor diyaa hai... kitnii h der tak main ise bas padhta raha padhta rahaa aur zubaan se ek harf na likhaa...... uffff kitnaa dard bayaan kar diyaa hai aapne is baar..... samajh nahi aa rha hai ke kaise tareef karun..... bas itnaa hi kah sakunga that you have created a masterpiece this time.. i salute your emotions and expressions sir .... take care Shaad..... |
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(#4)
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Anshumali
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Posts: 7,420
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: DELHI (INDIA)
Rep Power: 87
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15th July 2015, 10:56 AM
Kyaa Ehsaas Nazm Hue HaiN
Bahut UmdaaH Nazm Mubaaraqbaad !!!  YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#5)
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RADHE RADHE
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Posts: 4,115
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: DELHI
Rep Power: 58
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15th July 2015, 01:47 PM
Sagar bhaiya bahut khoob rahi aapki yeh rachna............
yun hi likhte rahe duaon ke saath Aapka Apna Ishk 'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है email: rkm179@gmail.com 
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(#6)
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 451
Join Date: Feb 2013
Rep Power: 14
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15th July 2015, 06:03 PM
Sagar ji...aapki yeh rachna dil ke kuch jyada hi kareeb rahi...I have read it multiple times...aur phir sochte rahe ki aapki iss rachna ki tareef kaise Karen...Kisi ka bahaut kareeb hona aur phir achanak duriyaa aa jana bakhoobi dikhayi diya ismai.
Yeh kuch lines jo dil ke sabse jyada kareeb rahin and baar baar padhi humne. Raat ko neeNd ab jaldi aati hai NeeNd ka yuN aana to achha hai, lekin.. neeNd chhoD kar "Das minute aur.." baat karna achha lagta thaa har roz tumhara milne ka naya waada karna achha lagta thaa Din bhar masruuf rehta huuN magar phone pe nazreiN rehti haiN Ke tumhara paighaam aayegaa zaruur, aur iss tarah Meri masruufiyat mujh pe kabhi bhaari nahi hoti Ba-taqarrur shaam aati hai, par saawan meiN bhi be-qaraari nahi hoti Woh be-lawas hansi... aaj bhi mujhe yaad hai yaad hai woh tumhara mujhe kehna, ke "tum bhi hanste huye achhe lagte ho" Tumhaari dii huyii hansii, laboN se ghaayab hone lagi hai meri apnii pehchaan, meri zaat, mujh se khone lagii hai Aapki iss rachna mai kuch hum bhi likh rahe hain...aapne itna accaha likha hai ki hum majoob ho gaye kuch kehne par. woh baat baat pe roothna...woh baat baat pe ladna aur humare rooth jaane pe tumhara yun manana aaj bhi yaad aata hai masruf ho tum bhi masruf hai hum bhi par aaj bhi tumhare jawaab ka intezaar rehta hai Hua ek arse tumse guftgoo kiye hue Hua ek zamana tumhari hansi sune hue par jaante ho tum bhi, jaante hain hum bhi ke dil mai aaj bhi tumhara ehsaas rehta hai Yeh shabd bas apne aap ban pade...gustakhi ke liye maufi chahenge. Dua rahegi ki yeh sirf ek rachna thee hakekkat nahi...khayal rakhiye. |
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(#7)
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Humanity
Offline
Posts: 6,227
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Delhi
Rep Power: 42
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15th July 2015, 09:23 PM
Sagar dost,
Main Shaad miyaan ki baat se sehmat hoon... Kaun kehta hai yeh shayri nahin... Isne to jhanjhodh ke rakh diya... Aapke ehsaas, woh pyaar woh dard hum aapke aashaar me mehsoos kar paa rahe hain, isse khoobsurat shayri aur kya hogi. Meri dil se dheron daad aur duaayen aapke liye. Yunhi ehsaasaat ko aawaaz dete rahiye... Apna khayal rakhiye... Lagta hai is baar "Pulkit", kismat teri bhi rang laayii hai |
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(#8)
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Shayri.com Moderator
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Posts: 10,551
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: INDIA
Rep Power: 59
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15th July 2015, 09:31 PM
Sagar bhaii
Namaste Aapki soch ko salaam.... aik behteein koshish ke liye dil se daad Duaaon ke saath ijaazat Aapka Dhaval |
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(#9)
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 410
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Jammu, J&K.
Rep Power: 14
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15th July 2015, 10:33 PM
Quote:
Madhu ji, aapki iss zarranawazi se na jaane kitni himmat mili hai, warna yeh koshish to bas yuNhi baithe huye bhatakte khayalaat ka nateeja thi jo maine casually he yahaN par utaar diye. Bohot bohot shukriyaa. yuNhi saaTh dete rahiye. **************** Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota |
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(#10)
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 410
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Jammu, J&K.
Rep Power: 14
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23rd July 2015, 12:22 PM
Quote:
Khaak ilfaaz ko bhi itni tehseen ataa karte haiN jenab aap. Aapki iss baat keliye aapko dil se shukriyaa. Isi tarah hausla baDhaate rahiye jenab, to shaayad kalam ko kuchh quwwat mil jaaye aur wo chlti rahe. Pazeerayi keliye ek baar phir se mamnuun huN. Aate rahiye. **************** Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota |
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(#11)
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Moderator
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Posts: 1,113
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Mumbai
Rep Power: 38
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23rd July 2015, 01:05 PM
Sagarji jazbaat jab dil se umad kar panno par bikharte hain to sailaab aa jata hai.
Kuch aisa hi manzar yaha nazar aaya. Bakhoobi aapne is nayaab rachna ko kaagaz par ukera hai. Ek ek shabd jaise dilke dariya meinkankar maar raha ho. Iske liye mubaarakbaad. Sarika |
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(#12)
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 410
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Jammu, J&K.
Rep Power: 14
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1st September 2015, 01:00 PM
Quote:
Sab se pehle takheer keliye muazrat chahunga Mehra sahib. Aur aapki aamad se mera likhna safal ho gaya, aisa maiN maanta huN. Tehseen keliye bohot bohot shukriya. Apna aashirwaad hamesha mere saTh rakhiyega. Regards **************** Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota |
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(#13)
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 410
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Jammu, J&K.
Rep Power: 14
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1st September 2015, 01:03 PM
Quote:
Radhe Radhe Rajender sahib. Aapka bohot bohot shukriya ke aapne isko paDha aur aapko achha bhi laga. Aate rahiye. **************** Qaul thae ke 'Sagar' milengae kal magar Taareeki musalsal hai, savera nahii hota |
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(#14)
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Moderator
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Posts: 15,199
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chandigarh (Mohali)
Rep Power: 63
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1st September 2015, 05:25 PM
Quote:
Jagdish...kya kahun kuch bhi samaj nahi aa rha, tadap, kasak aur bahut sara dard hai es meiN, shayri karne ka aik fayada yeh bhi hai ki ham dil ki baat jo kisi se keh bhi nahi sakte usko shayri mein kehna accha lagta hai, dard ko lafzoN ka parhen dena dil ko sakoon deta hai...aik aik lafz par dil dard mehsoos hua. beete pal lout kar to nahi aate par zehan meiN hamesha yaadoN ke roop meiN tazza rehte haiN. khush rho  .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए... 
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