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aik bhujhtaa hua diyaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye
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maikasH
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aik bhujhtaa hua diyaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye - 1st December 2001, 07:40 AM

aik bhujhtaa hua diyaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye
thehraa hua dariyaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

saare jahan ki dard mere dil mein rakh diya
main khuda ki ik khataa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

mere daaman mein ranj-o-gam ke siwa kuch nahin
main toote dilon ki duaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

tamaam zindagi , maut se main bhaagtaa raha
ab main thakk gaya hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

na manzil milegi kahin na morr hi koi aayega
main aik aisa raastaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

muddaton jaltaa raha main aapki judaai mein
sooraj tha , dhal chukaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

patthar hain aap ye dil bhi patthar hai aapka
main sheeshe ka banaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

aap thehre samandar ke dil mein rehne waale
main saahilon ki hawaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye

maikasH


.........................................

is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai
goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai

maikash
...............................

Last edited by maikasH; 1st December 2001 at 07:51 AM..
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ekanjaan
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1st December 2001, 12:02 PM

incredible maikasH ji
jawab nai aapka

"muddaton jaltaa raha main aapki judaai mein
sooraj tha , dhal chukaa hun mujhe bhool jaaiye"


Jinki yaad hai dil mein nishaani ke tarah.....vo bhool gaye humiN kahani ki tarah..
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
ishq aakhda eh tera kakh reheN ve nai dena, chup reheN ve ne dena, tay kuch keheN ve nai dena.
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shukriya...!!
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maikasH
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Thumbs up shukriya...!! - 2nd December 2001, 10:27 AM

aapki mohabbat hai.....hum kya hain...?


shukriya


adaab
maikasH


.........................................

is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai
goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai

maikash
...............................
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WAZAN>>>WAZAN>>>WAZAN
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Dr Beebani
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WAZAN>>>WAZAN>>>WAZAN - 3rd December 2001, 12:35 AM

very good thoughts but the problem remains the same almost all the misraas are in different bahars and they lack wazan.
There are also qafia mistakes.

Dr Muhammad Karim Beebani


Dr Muhammad karim Beebani
   
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beebani sahab
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gjgjgj
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beebani sahab - 3rd December 2001, 03:00 AM

although i have a keen interest in shayri, i have not had the opportunity of gaining the level of knowledge that you possess Beebani sahab. Could you please explain the terms here
" almost all the misraas are in different bahars and they lack wazan." I am sure this would help the people out there who are trying to write good shayri.

Thanx a lot for visiting shayri.com and I hope that we will continue to benefit from your knowledge.
   
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maikasH
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3rd December 2001, 06:41 AM

shukriya beebani saahab.....

be-shaq aap acchhe shayar hain.....
aap mujhse umar mein bade hain...tajurbe mein bade hain....zaahir hai ke shayri ke lihaaz se mujhse kahin jyaada maloomaat rakhte hain......

aik arse baad kisi ne ehsaas dilaya hai be-tuke shayar hone ka....

ek aakhiri sheyr nazar karta hun....

khudaya kisi se jo koi pyaar kare
koi dhokha de koi jaa.n nisaar kare
kitne din , kitne mahine , kitne saal..?
aakhir kab tak koi intezaar kare...?
har chehre ke peeche aik chehra hai
kisi ka kaun yahan aitbaar kare...?

aapki tassali ke liye bataye deta hun.....mujhe shayri ka koi ilam nai....wazan,kafiye, radeef meri samajh se baahar hain.....jo dil mein aaye likhtaa hun.......daad ki tammana to hargiz nai rakhtaa....ghaalib saahab ka aik sheyr to suna hoga aapne....

na satayish ki tamaana , na sile ki parvaah
gar nahin mere ashaar mein maane....NA SAHI...!!

chaliye ye mehfil ab aapke hawaale.....lafzon ko bandish mein rakh ke likhnaa hamare bas ki baat nahin....aap aa gaye hain....hamara daana-paani utth gaya samajhiye....kabhi-kabhi aapki ghazlen parrhne zaroor aayenge...salaam.....!!


bahot shukriya...!!

aadaab
maikasH


.........................................

is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai
goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai

maikash
...............................

Last edited by maikasH; 4th December 2001 at 09:27 AM..
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Pyarali Rajan
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3rd December 2001, 01:39 PM

MaikasHji,

Itna atcha aap likhtey hai aur aap mehfil chor janey ki batey kartey hai- Please aisey nahin karna- Mai to samjahta hun kay aapney bahot hi khoob, bahot bahot hi khoob likha hai, aur umeed hai ke issi tarah lihtey rahengey...all the best-
Rajan


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3rd December 2001, 04:32 PM

maikasH ji
Mein koi shayar toa nai hoon....aur na he mujhe wazans ya aise cheezo'n ke ziyada samaj hai......but i do know that..........
your shyari doesn't......need any wazans ya kuch,
because you write from your heart, and what you feel...
your shyari is not too wordy, its just perfect, written straight from the heart on to paper.....and thats what makes it best.

sirf itna kahu'n ge...

"Aasoon ko aankhon ke dehleez par laya na karo
apne dil ke haalat kisi koi bataya na karo
log muthii bhar namak liye ghooma karte hai
apne zakam kisi ko dikhaaya na karo"

we are not here to criticize anyones shyari..........balki we are here to share each others pain....understand each other...
I believe the best shyari is the one that comes truly from the heart......and thats exactly how you write...


"Kaabile maafi hoti hai vo bhool
jo karo anjaane mein
jaankar kyon karo vo bhool
aur bhi hoti hain , gam zamane mein"

EkAnjaan








Jinki yaad hai dil mein nishaani ke tarah.....vo bhool gaye humiN kahani ki tarah..
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
ishq aakhda eh tera kakh reheN ve nai dena, chup reheN ve ne dena, tay kuch keheN ve nai dena.
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I agree with u ekanjaan jee
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molly
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I agree with u ekanjaan jee - 3rd December 2001, 07:15 PM

agar sahi mayne mein dekha jai tou koi bhi aisa nahin jise shayri ki puri samajh ho.hum jaise anari ke liye to shayri ek jariya hai apne dukh dard kagaz pur utarne ka.

maikasH ji jo shayri karte hain, it comes straight from his heart.There is no need of any wajans or anything as such.


maikasH ji aapka apna ek makaam hai sabhi shayri.com ke members ke dil mein.

For all of us u r the best.


Any fact is better established by two or three good testimonials tahn by a thousand arguments. n maikasH ji's shayri doesnt need all this stuff to be the best ..It is THE BEST


Lets stop critizing each other.

As ekanjaan ji said "we are not here to criticize anyones shayri..........balki we are here to share each others pain....understand each other...
I believe the best shyari is the one that comes truly from the heart......and thats exactly how you write... "

Jonathan Swift had said.." Vision is the art of seeing invisible"


We all see the depth with which maikasH ji writes n nothing else.


Gaurav what do u have to say abt this.

I request all the shayri.com members to put their tots on this.


molly


[COLOR="Plum"]"When people come together, they find ways to separate."[/COLOR]
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Bilkul sahi farmaaya aap ne molly ji and ekanjaanji...
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shumaila
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Bilkul sahi farmaaya aap ne molly ji and ekanjaanji... - 3rd December 2001, 08:03 PM

Maikashi ji ki shayris bilkul dil ki ghahrayoon se nikalti hai...aur is ki sabse badhi khasiyat hai ki itni seedhe seedha lafzon me likhi hoti hai ki har kisi ke samajh me aa jati hai....

Mai bhi khud ko shayra kahti hoon lekin hume bhi in sab cheezon ka ilm nahi hai......hum to bas apne jazbaaton ko kaagaz pe likh lete hain....lekin maikashi ji ki shayris ki baat hi kuch alag hai...jaisa maine maikashji se pehle bhi kaha ke badhe badhe shayron ki sher-o-shayri hamare sir se upar nikal jati hai......lekin ek maikashji hai ki inki har shayri samajh me aa jati hai....hum jaise aam insaano ke liye hi khaaskar aapki shayriz hai

Umeed karti hoon aise hi likhte rahenge aur mehfil chorh kar nahi jaayenge!!


Duaoon ke saath,
shumaila


kabhi kisi ko muqammal jahan nahi milta
kahiiN zameeN to kahiiN aasmaN nahi milta!!
   
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hello
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gjgjgj
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hello - 3rd December 2001, 08:39 PM

Molly,

I would frame a detailed reply on this entire issue very soon. (have my grad school exams :-( )Meanwhile i think my views about Maikash staying on the boards are clearly enunciated in the announcement that you might have seen.

Gaurav
   
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Pyarali Rajan
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4th December 2001, 04:50 PM

Ekanjaanji, Mollyji, Shumailaji,


Aapney bilkul sahi-durast likha hai kay:

we are not here to criticize anyones shyari..........balki we are here to share each others pain....understand each other...
I believe the best shyari is the one that comes truly from the heart......and thats exactly how you write...

Umeed hai kay Maikashji yeh mehfil chor kay nahin jayegey.

Rajan


cool

Last edited by Pyarali Rajan; 4th December 2001 at 04:53 PM..
   
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