vasl ji,pahla,chuntha aur panchwa sher bahut acche hai,bahut khoobsurat ahsaas diya hai,dusra aur teesra bhi bahut kalatmak hai par vicharo me vividhta dikhai deti hai jahaa tak meri soch jaati hai,wese aap jyada samjhte hai bahut bade kalakar hai aap,mai bahut sankoch ke sath ye baat likh raha hu,ye likhte hue mujhe sharm bhi aa rahi hai ki mai apko esa likh raha hu,par kyoki aap hi kai baar kahte hai ki kuch ninda karo,isliye kah diya,ummeed karta hu ki aap bura nahi manenge.
apka prasansak aur kayal
baagi.........
Baagi saaheb
Aap ka sawal bahut achha hai..yahi to confusion hai logon mein aaj kal.gazal ka har sher jo do lines (jinhe misra kahte hain)ka hota hai apne aap mein mukammal..complete bat kah deta hai..aur gazal jo kai sheron ki hoti hai mein ye paabandi nahi hoti ki poori gazal ka khayal(concept) ek hi ho.isiliye koi shaayar(sachmuch ka) gazal sunaane ke pahle ye nahi kahta ki gazal suna raha hoon jiska title..sheershak..unvaan..ye hai.ye nazm mein hota hai jo chaahe jitni lambi ho shuru se aakhir tak ek hi kahani ke ird gird ghoomti hai.mukhtsar mein 'GAZAL KAI RANG..KAI KHUSHBUON ka ek aisa guldasta hoti hai..jis mein har phool(har sher) apna alag rang hone ke baad bhi in toto(mukammal taur par)bahut khoobsurat ..khushbudaar lagta hai..ummed hai meri baat aap aur jagah bhi confirm karenge aur asla mein gazal kya hai ye samjh paayenge.
shukriya
prashant vasl
AISE AISE FAREB KHAAYE HAIN
LAGTE APNE BHI AB PARAAYE HAIN.
JAB HAVA SAANKLEN BAJAATI HAI
HUM SAMAJHTE HAIN AAP AAYE HAIN.
IS NAGAR KA AJEEB AALAM HAI
LOG RO RO KE MUSKURAAYE HAIN.
KAUN ROTA HAI AB KISI KE LIYE
SAB KO APNE HI GUM SATAAYE HAIN.
MERE MURDA PARAST YAARON NE
MARNE WALON KE BUT BANAAYE HAIN.
(SAANKLEN-chain to secure the door.)
PRASHANT VASL in GHUTAN (published 1984)
Prasant vasl jee:
Namaste:
aap ki yeh puuraani Ghazal hame behad achchhi lagii... aur sabhi sher rawaan-dawaan hai.n... aap ne piichhli baar hame kaha tha kii ham taariif karne ke alaawa thoDi bohat alochana bhi kare.n to aap ko khushii hogiii.... par aap chu.n kii ek khuna-mashq shaayar hai.n aur ham ek nau-waariid to aap hi bataaiye kii ham aap ki shaan mai.n gustaakhi kis tarah kar sakte hai.n!! phir bhii ham apnii 2 kauDi kii raa'ey de rahe hai.n..aur is ke liye peshgii mai.n hi ham mazarat khwaah huu.n... kahii.n koii baat burii lage to mouse scroll kar ke yeh 'mazrat' lafz ko dubaara dekh leejiyegaa.....
Quote:
AISE AISE FAREB KHAAYE HAIN
LAGTE APNE BHI AB PARAAYE HAIN.
JAB HAVA SAANKLEN BAJAATI HAI
HUM SAMAJHTE HAIN AAP AAYE HAIN.
yuu.n to yeh sher bhi mujhe pasand aaya.. khayaal behad khuub aur bayaan bhii.... par 'saa.nklen' lafz mujhe itna ja.nch nahii rahaa hai... agar koii aur lafz ke istemaal se agar yehi khayaal rehta hai to mere khayaal se sher ke khuub-suurati me.n nikhaar aayega....
Quote:
IS NAGAR KA AJEEB AALAM HAI
LOG RO RO KE MUSKURAAYE HAIN.
sher pasand aaya! daad!
Quote:
KAUN ROTA HAI AB KISI KE LIYE
SAB KO APNE HI GUM SATAAYE HAIN.
sher me.n kahii.n koii kamii nahii, par phir bhi hame sher ka pahla misra aur khuub-suurat ho sakta hai....
Quote:
MERE MURDA PARAST YAARON NE
MARNE WALON KE BUT BANAAYE HAIN.
khuub-suurat maqta.......
Prasant jee, aap kii Ghazal behad achchhi hai.... is ke liye hamaare jaanib se daad haazir hai.... qubool keejiye...
Mayank Ji
Mehrbani suggestins ke liye..aur Khuada ke liye main koi itna bada aur qaabil shayar nahi .mujhe aap sirf ek 'obsessive poet'samajhen..jo kisi bhi 'technical format' mein bandhe bina 'dil ki baat'ko imaandaari se kahna zyada pasand karta hai.
Rahi baat sheron ki to bhai..ye saare sher meri 'GHUTAN' mein qareeb 24 saal pahle shaaya hue the aur vaise hi yahan bhi haazir kiye gaye hain. ghaliban aaj main khud kai misre alag tarah se likhna chaahoon..magar jo likha hai main us se naraz nahi..wo mere safar ka ek padav tha..aur meri buniyadi parwaz ka ek behad khas hissa..
Haan 'salakhen' lafz ki jagah aj bhi main koi doosra lafz nahi istemal karna chahonga...ya yun kahen mujhe samajh nahi aata..aap kuchh soch kar likhen aur thoda mood change karne ke liye,ye sher is andaaz mein padhen..
JAB KOI DOOR BELL BAJAATA HAI
HUM SAMAJHTE HAIN AAP AAYE HAIN.
shukriya ke saath. PRASHANT VASL
Mayank ji
Vaise to aap samajh gaye honge magar phir bhi..aap ko diye jawab mein galti se main SAANKLEN ki jagah SALAAKHEN likh gaya hoon.maafi chaahta hoon.
prashant vasl
Mayank Ji
Mehrbani suggestins ke liye..aur Khuada ke liye main koi itna bada aur qaabil shayar nahi .mujhe aap sirf ek 'obsessive poet'samajhen..jo kisi bhi 'technical format' mein bandhe bina 'dil ki baat'ko imaandaari se kahna zyada pasand karta hai.
Rahi baat sheron ki to bhai..ye saare sher meri 'GHUTAN' mein qareeb 24 saal pahle shaaya hue the aur vaise hi yahan bhi haazir kiye gaye hain. ghaliban aaj main khud kai misre alag tarah se likhna chaahoon..magar jo likha hai main us se naraz nahi..wo mere safar ka ek padav tha..aur meri buniyadi parwaz ka ek behad khas hissa..
Haan 'salakhen' lafz ki jagah aj bhi main koi doosra lafz nahi istemal karna chahonga...ya yun kahen mujhe samajh nahi aata..aap kuchh soch kar likhen aur thoda mood change karne ke liye,ye sher is andaaz mein padhen..
JAB KOI DOOR BELL BAJAATA HAI
HUM SAMAJHTE HAIN AAP AAYE HAIN.
shukriya ke saath. PRASHANT VASL
Prashant jee:
aap ka jawab paRh kar achchha laga.... aur mujhe bhi filhaal saa.nkalen ki jagah koii lafz nahii mil raha hai jawaab dene ke liye aap ka mamuun huu.n.. ummeed hai aap ko aage bhi yuu.n paRhte rahe.nge, mehfil ki raunaq afzaayii ke liye shukriyah!
Chauthi Line Ka Sher Jyada Pasand Aaya Mujhe..
Waise To Sare Sher Umda Hain.., Par 4th Line Unme Se Jyada Achhi Lagi Shayad Apni Feelings Ki Wajah Se..
Nice Gazal
GOPAL K. DAS
NAMAK BHARKAR MERE ZAKHMO PE TUM KYUN MUSKURATE HO?
MERE ZAKHMO KO DEKHO, MUSKURANA ISKO KEHTE HAIN...!!