ek khuwaahish

[akelijaan]

doston,
kaafi din baad kuch likhne koshish ki hai.jaanti hun meri shayri mai alfaaz zayada umda nahi hote,saadah se jo roz marra ki bol chal mai istamaal hote hai wahi mai use karti hun.ek hakeer si koshish aapki nazar kar rahi hun,umeed hai aapko pasand aaye.



apni muhabbat ko tere dil ki gehraaiyon tak pahunchaana chahti hun,
tere har khayal ka aghaaz ban na chahti hun,

doori na rahe koi tere mere darmiyaan,
tere jism ke raom-roam mai samajana chahti hun,

mujh se door hone ka na soch sake tu kabhi,
apni chahat ka koi aisa jadoo chalana chahti hun,

tujh se bichad kar jeene ka koi armaan nahi mera,
kuch aisa hi jazbaa tere dil mai jagaana chahti hun.

[Taish]

muhtarma aapne jo kahamain us baat se sehmat nahi.dekhiye bade bade shayar v aasaan lafzon me likhna chahte hain par likh nahi paate.bahut tough hota hai aasaan lafzon me ek ahcha kalaam likh jana.ise apni kamzori nahi balki taakat banaiye.

aur rahi baat is kalaam ki to aap kosish kijiye ki aake saare sheron ki lambai ek hi rahe.isse flow ahcha banta hai.aur doosri baat.kuch alfaaz aise hote hain jinke bina v kalaam poora hi rehta hai.aise alfaazon ko hata diya kijiye.umeed hai aap samjhengi.

waise humari koi baat aapko buri lage to main maafi ka talabdaar hun.umeed hai ki aap aage v yunhi likhti rahiyega.will b waiting for ur coming posts.

AAPKA

[akelijaan]

ghayal ji,
aapki kisi bhi baat ka mujhe bura nahi laga balkeaapka shukriya adaa karna chahungi ke aapne kuch samjhaana chaha hai mujhe.i hope mai aage se is baat par amal karun.aap meri post par aaye ,acha laga bahut.shukriya.

akelijaan.

[sandy11]

bahut khub likha

[akelijaan]

shukriya sandeep ji meri post par aane ka aur meri shayri saraahne ka.isi tarah aate rahiye

[passionatelover]

Originally posted by akelijaan
doston,
kaafi din baad kuch likhne koshish ki hai.jaanti hun meri shayri mai alfaaz zayada umda nahi hote,saadah se jo roz marra ki bol chal mai istamaal hote hai wahi mai use karti hun.ek hakeer si koshish aapki nazar kar rahi hun,umeed hai aapko pasand aaye.



apni muhabbat ko tere dil ki gehraaiyon tak pahunchaana chahti hun,
tere har khayal ka aghaaz ban na chahti hun,

doori na rahe koi tere mere darmiyaan,
tere jism ke raom-roam mai samajana chahti hun,

mujh se door hone ka na soch sake tu kabhi,
apni chahat ka koi aisa jadoo chalana chahti hun,

tujh se bichad kar jeene ka koi armaan nahi mera,
kuch aisa hi jazbaa tere dil mai jagaana chahti hun.

hello madam
aacha laga aapko padkar..........yuhi likhti rehiyega.......

pata hai maine bhi issi theme par ek poetry khud likhi hai.......aap isse padiyega jarrur

http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthr...threadid=48294

bye and take care
passionate..........

[masoomshayer]

sab se pahala kam hai jo dil main hai woh likhiye
sheron ka meter lambayee baad main dekhiye agar alfaz ko shuroo se hee havee kar liye to dil kee baat kho jayegee aur ek baat kahoon har khayal kamal ka hai

radeef aur kafiya waqt ke sath ayega waqt se pahale nahee pahale aa gaya to khayal kho jayenge kuch baten bahut achee lageen is main yahan likh raha hoon

tere har khayal ka aghaaz ban na chahti hun,
wah kya baat hai

mujh se door hone ka na soch sake tu kabhi,
apni chahat ka koi aisa jadoo chalana chahti hun,

tujh se bichad kar jeene ka koi armaan nahi mera,
kuch aisa hi jazbaa tere dil mai jagaana chahti hun.

bahut hee khoobsoorat hai ye
Anil

[akelijaan]

anilji,passionateji,
aapko meri shayri pasand aayi,bahut khushi hui.jaanti hun dheere dheere hi sudhaar aata hai.meri yehi koshish rahegi ki mai acha aur sahi likh sakun.

thanx anil ji meri hoslaafzaai karne ka,

akelijaan

[karan_s21]

nice dear
bhut acha likha apne

[akelijaan]

karan ji,
der se reply karne keliye maafi chahti hun.aapne apne keemti waqt mai se mere liye bhi waqt nikala,bahut bahut shukriya.umeed hai aage bhi aapka saath barqaraar rahega.