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Bewafa....
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Fanah....
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Bewafa.... - 15th April 2003, 02:53 PM

aaj phir uski yaad bahot dino baad aayi hai
bus inhi yadon se uski tasveer si bun aayi hai
hamein to bus yahi ek ghum satata hai
kya is tarha koi kisi ko chod jata hai

aarzoo to thi tere pyar me jan dene ki
Qasmein,Vade hain sirf baten kehne ki
koi to wajha hogi tere bewafai karne ki
tujhe aadta to nahi thi mujhe dard dene ki

ab tera naam lene se zuban ladkhadati hai
jub chaha tera naam lena yahi kehti jati hai
kyon us bewafa keliye mujhe takleef deta hai
ab to uska naam le jo tera naam leta hai

socha tha ab is dil ka faisla karna hai
jo tujhse na keh saka kisi aur se kehna hai
magar yeh mera dil ganwara nahi karta hai
isiliye abhi bhi tera dard sahta hai

tere hur ek dhoke aub mujhe yaad rakhna hai
jo tune zakhm diye hain unhe hara rakhna hai
Khuda poochega bata "Fanah" tera qatil kaon hai
to vaqte aakhir mein tujhpe haanth rakhna hai
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
i know it is not a ghazal..in any way but it's my first attempt
in writing ghazal....so i hope some attention for my this ghazal...
main aap logon ke reply ka muntazir rahoonga.....


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kabile tarif
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akant
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kabile tarif - 15th April 2003, 04:22 PM

Fanah jee,
aapki line pasand aayi. kafi achchha likha hai aapne.ek line vishes taur per pasand aayee.

[I]koi to wajha hogi tere bewfai ki,[I]
tujhe aadat to nahi thi mujhe dard dene ki.


keep up writting,

Akant..


*********
आहट सी कोइ आये तो समझ लेना कि तुम हो...
AahaT si koi aaye to samajh lena ki tum ho...
   
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Fanah....
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15th April 2003, 04:48 PM

Thanks Akant...for u'r response...

i will try my best.....


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Dard ki daastan
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15th April 2003, 07:54 PM

aapne bahut hi achha likha hai, dard aapke geet main dikhai deta hai. Likhte rahiyega.


Doston...pyar ki baatain na karo

Guzare hain mohabbat main aise mukaam se
Nafrat si ho gayi hai mohabbat ke naam se

Jai Mata Di
   
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damal
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16th April 2003, 12:45 PM


Fanah aap ki ghazal padhi achcha likha hai aapne..
thodi aur koshish kariye jisse aap aur achcha likh sakein..
waise aap ka yeh sher zyada pasand aaya..

aaj phir uski yaad bahot dino baad aayi hai
bus inhi yadon se uski tasveer si bun aayi hai
hamein to bus yahi ek ghum satata hai
kya is tarha koi kisi ko chod jata hai

aise hi likhte rahiye...



Damal.
...........
kuch too hi mere dard ka mazmoon samajh le
hansta hua chehra to zamane ke liye hai

Last edited by damal; 16th April 2003 at 12:50 PM..
   
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ghayalparwana
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16th April 2003, 06:30 PM

Fanah ji,

Achhi nazm likhi hai aapne.Ji isse hum ghazal to nahin keh sakte,ghazal ki definition jaanne ke liye you can refer to the first thread posted by Maikhash sahab in shayri-e-dard section.

Par aap yeh kyon sochte hain ke yeh nazm kisi ghazal se kam hai..main to yeh kahoonga ke bahut der baad aise nazm parne ko mili hai jisne dil ko chuaa hai.Aapki likhti yeh lines bahut pasand aayi

tere hur ek dhoke aub mujhe yaad rakhna hai
jo tune zakhm diye hain unhe hara rakhna hai
Khuda poochega bata "Fanah" tera qatil kaon hai
to vaqte aakhir mein tujhpe haanth rakhna hai

Likhte rahiye
Ghayal parwana


kyon zindagi ki raah mein akele chalta hai dost
chal waha chal jahan tere jaise aur bhi hai...
   
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Fanah ji
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Ishiqka
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Fanah ji - 16th April 2003, 06:45 PM

Hi. aap kaise hai? peheli baat ye ke welcome to shayri.com. aap aapne pehli shayri mei hi kamal kar diya. bahut khush hue par kar. dua karte hai aap yaha aur likhe aur hum aise hi parte rehe. take care and have a great time
Ishiqka


Jee rahe hai kaise ye hum hi jaane
   
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Thanks...Thanks..
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Fanah....
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Thanks...Thanks.. - 17th April 2003, 02:27 PM

To..Ghayal Parwana

Parwana main i aapriciate with u'r suggesion...
aur main poori koshish karoonga aap logon ki umeed pe
khara utarne ki....thanks for u'r reply.
aise hi saath dete rahiye...

To..Ishiqa

Ishiqa firstly i m sorry that i have been registered to
shayri.com since two or three months.
but i m not a regular viewer of shayri.com....i have post some of
six sher...only.
u like my writing, thanks for that...Ishiqa ain koshish karoonga
aur achcha likhne ki, jisse aap hamesha mujhe padhti rahen.
thanks once again.
Take care___


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Fanah....
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17th April 2003, 02:47 PM

To..Damal

Damal aap ko mera likha hua pasand aaya uske liye main aap
ka shukriya ada karta hoon...umeed hai aap aise hi saath dete
rahenge....
aap bhi likhte rahiye..aap ki ghazal padhkar mujhe bahot achcha
lagta hai...
Take Care...
khudahafiz...


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damal
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17th April 2003, 03:41 PM

thanks Fanah jo aap meri ghazal padhna pasand karte hain..
umeed hai aap achcha likhte rahenge..
yahi dua hai aap ke liye......
Allahafiz...


Damal.
...........
kuch too hi mere dard ka mazmoon samajh le
hansta hua chehra to zamane ke liye hai
   
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~~Khamoshi~~
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17th April 2003, 05:56 PM

hi Fanah ji,

i really like this post. esp the lines

"aarzoo to thi tere pyar me jan dene ki
Qasmein,Vade hain sirf baten kehne ki
koi to wajha hogi tere bewafai karne ki
tujhe aadta to nahi thi mujhe dard dene ki"

zadadar wohi log itna gehera zakhm de jate hai jinse yeh kabhi umeed bhi nahin hoti aur kabhi socha bhi nahin hota. issliye woh choot itni deep ho jati hai.
once again bohot acha likha aap ne!


~~Meena~~


Na kisi apne ki arzoo aab, Na kisi baigane ki talash hai,
Mai to phool hoon tanhaiyon ka, Mujhe bas virane ki talash hai.

   
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Fanah....
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18th April 2003, 12:50 PM

khamoshi aap ko mera likha hua pasand aaya uske liye main
aap ka shukr ghuzar hoon..main bhi aap ki ghazal padhta rahta
hoon bahot achcha likhte hain aap....
thanks once again..umeed hai aap aise hi saath dete rahenge....
Khudahafiz....


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hi
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hi - 18th April 2003, 07:11 PM

fana
how r u,
i read ur post first time itys really
nice n well written,what can i say mope is good
bye4 now khan banjara'''
<mohabbat ka maza to judai main hay>
   
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Fanah....
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19th April 2003, 12:25 PM

thanks Banjara that u like my post to read...
i m really very delighted to get a lot of viewer of my post..
Banjara i will try to fulfil the expectation of every people..
I think u r new art shayri.com...
Welcome my friend...
and keep in touch...


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hi
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hi - 19th April 2003, 03:31 PM

fanah
how r u
thanks 4 replying me,
i but infact all people expecting to
to give better n better posts,
rahi bat new hone ki to mujhay kuch waqt ho gya hay
join kiye hwe,agar aap meri posts read
karna chaho to members area main b ki
sereies main chek kar sakte ho
oki
bye 4 now
khan banjara'''
<mohabbat ka maza to judai main hay>
   
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