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Ghazal: hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena...
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Pradhyuman
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Ghazal: hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena... - 1st November 2011, 11:45 PM

aadaab dosto,

ek ghazal pesh kar raha hun..umeed hai pasand aayegi..aapki raey ka intezaar rahega..

iski behr hai: 122 122 122 122

arz hai..

maehz aab-o-daana zaraa dekh lena
hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena

ahal bhi naye aur shaher bhi nayaa ye
basar raas aana zaraa dekh lena

ye khwaboeN ki basti me kab tak jiyun maiN
ho behtar thikaana zaraa dekh lena

na rokega tu aur na rukna hai mujhko
magar kar bahaana zaraa dekh lena

tu apne karam ka ho khud hi muhaasib
khudaa gaayebaana zaraa dekh lena

muhobbat hai kaamil na terii na merii
sabab bhi fasaanaa zaraa dekh lena

jahaan tak main sochu wahaan tak nahin tu
tasawwur viraanaa zaraa dekh lena

khudi ko hai dekha saraapaa saraa sar
lagun kyun begaanaa zara dekh lena

yeh gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar ko na laazim
be-gham hi maikhaana zaraa dekh lena

O saaqi ye bismil chalakta paimaana
tamashaa puraanaa zaraa dekh lena


Pradhyuman - Bismil


-------------------------------------------------

gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
--------------------------------------------------
   
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2nd November 2011, 12:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pradhyuman View Post
aadaab dosto,

ek ghazal pesh kar raha hun..umeed hai pasand aayegi..aapki raey ka intezaar rahega..

iski behr hai: 122 122 122 122

arz hai..

maehz aab-o-daana zaraa dekh lena
hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena

ahal bhi naye aur shaher bhi nayaa ye
basar raas aana zaraa dekh lena

ye khwaboeN ki basti me kab tak jiyun maiN
ho behtar thikaana zaraa dekh lena

na rokega tu aur na rukna hai mujhko
magar kar bahaana zaraa dekh lena

tu apne karam ka ho khud hi muhaasib
khudaa gaayebaana zaraa dekh lena

muhobbat hai kaamil na terii na merii
sabab bhi fasaanaa zaraa dekh lena

jahaan tak main sochu wahaan tak nahin tu
tasawwur viraanaa zaraa dekh lena

khudi ko hai dekha saraapaa saraa sar
lagun kyun begaanaa zara dekh lena

yeh gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar ko na laazim
be-gham hi maikhaana zaraa dekh lena

O saaqi ye bismil chalakta paimaana
tamashaa puraanaa zaraa dekh lena


Pradhyuman - Bismil
Waahh..... Bahut khoob
Kya kahoon iske alaawa
AAp ye padhiye


ahal bhi naye aur shaher bhi nayaa ye
basar raas aana zaraa dekh lena

na rokega tu aur na rukna hai mujhko
magar kar bahaana zaraa dekh lena


too good.
khayaal rakhiye


_____________________________________
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naresh_mehra110
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2nd November 2011, 07:26 AM

Waah ! Pradhyuman Ji ...
AchChhe Khayaalaat Leke Aaye HaiN ...
Umdaa Sher ... BehtreeN Ghazal ...

Dilee Daad O Mubaaraqbaad ... !!!




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----
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vikramjethi
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2nd November 2011, 11:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pradhyuman View Post
aadaab dosto,

ek ghazal pesh kar raha hun..umeed hai pasand aayegi..aapki raey ka intezaar rahega..

iski behr hai: 122 122 122 122

arz hai..

maehz aab-o-daana zaraa dekh lena
hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena

ahal bhi naye aur shaher bhi nayaa ye
basar raas aana zaraa dekh lena

ye khwaboeN ki basti me kab tak jiyun maiN
ho behtar thikaana zaraa dekh lena

na rokega tu aur na rukna hai mujhko
magar kar bahaana zaraa dekh lena

tu apne karam ka ho khud hi muhaasib
khudaa gaayebaana zaraa dekh lena

muhobbat hai kaamil na terii na merii
sabab bhi fasaanaa zaraa dekh lena

jahaan tak main sochu wahaan tak nahin tu
tasawwur viraanaa zaraa dekh lena

khudi ko hai dekha saraapaa saraa sar
lagun kyun begaanaa zara dekh lena

yeh gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar ko na laazim
be-gham hi maikhaana zaraa dekh lena

O saaqi ye bismil chalakta paimaana
tamashaa puraanaa zaraa dekh lena


Pradhyuman - Bismil
prdhyuman saheb aadaab....

wah, bahut khoob fiqr aaya hai aapki ghazal meN...mujhe behad pasaNd aayee....daad tahe dil se haazir hai qubuul kijiyega......

lekin jahaN tak bahar ki baat hai to mujhe isme kuchh khamiyaN lagi haiN...waise mujhe khud ko kuchh khas ilm nahi hai baharbaNdi ka lekin jitna hai use aapke saath baaNt raha huN aur ummeed karta huN ki aapko bura nahi lagega....aur agar lage to janaab muafi ka talabgaar huN....

1. aapne dekh ki 2 takhtiyaaN ki haiN, de+kh....de = 2 aur kh = 1, lekin dekh ka wazan 2 hota hai....ise aise samjha ja sakta hai ki jahaN koi bhi chhoti matra aati ho to next syllable uske saath jud jaata hai aur ek hi aawaaz deta hai....dekh meN d pe chhoti e ki matra hai....isliye dekh pura padha jayega...isi tarha se dil, kuchh etc ko bhi 2 ka wazan milta hai...

2. jahaN bhi kahiN izafat lage...matlab "-" laga kar aap do shabdoN ko jodeN wahaN par syllables ka wazan badal jaata hai....jaise ki...

"gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar" ki sahi takhti hogi..
gar/di/she/shaa/mo/sa/har = 2122X12
yahaN "X" ka matlab hai ki iska wazan 1 ya 2 kuchh bhi liya ja sakta hai....

mujhe lagta hai maine apne tajarbe se aapko sahi rae di hai....ho sakta hi ki maiN galat bhi huN...isliye aap kisi ustaad se zaroor mashwara kijiyega meri bataye points ko amal meN laane se pehle.....

bahut bahut shukriya....
aapka dost,
vikram


'E Taahire Laahuti!!!
Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali
Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho
Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi....



vikramjethi@gmail.com

Last edited by vikramjethi; 2nd November 2011 at 11:28 AM..
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janumanu
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2nd November 2011, 12:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pradhyuman View Post
aadaab dosto,

ek ghazal pesh kar raha hun..umeed hai pasand aayegi..aapki raey ka intezaar rahega..

iski behr hai: 122 122 122 122

arz hai..

maehz aab-o-daana zaraa dekh lena
hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena

ahal bhi naye aur shaher bhi nayaa ye
basar raas aana zaraa dekh lena

ye khwaboeN ki basti me kab tak jiyun maiN
ho behtar thikaana zaraa dekh lena

na rokega tu aur na rukna hai mujhko
magar kar bahaana zaraa dekh lena

tu apne karam ka ho khud hi muhaasib
khudaa gaayebaana zaraa dekh lena

muhobbat hai kaamil na terii na merii
sabab bhi fasaanaa zaraa dekh lena

jahaan tak main sochu wahaan tak nahin tu
tasawwur viraanaa zaraa dekh lena

khudi ko hai dekha saraapaa saraa sar
lagun kyun begaanaa zara dekh lena

yeh gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar ko na laazim
be-gham hi maikhaana zaraa dekh lena

O saaqi ye bismil chalakta paimaana
tamashaa puraanaa zaraa dekh lena


Pradhyuman - Bismil
bismil bhayeee................ achi ghazal hai bhayee sare sher achy lage ......
zara dekh lena ..... achi radeef nibhayee hai......
dekh ka wazn mere hisaab se aapne sahi baandha hai...
de--kh ..

21 wazn hoga iskaa,.... baaki as vikram bhayee said... ask any ustaad ...

keep it up...
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Pradhyuman
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3rd November 2011, 11:13 PM

bahot bahot shukriya anjaan ji ..ghazal aapko pasand aayi jaankar bahot khushi hui.

naresh bhai..pata nahi kyun lekin maiN jo kehna chahta hun..aur jo keh jaata hun aur jo nahi keh paata hun..woh sab mujhe lagta hai aapko pata chal jaata hai..magar phir bhi dilee-daad-o-mubarakbad hi aata hai mere hisse meiN..iske liye bahot bahot shukriya

vikram bhai namaskaar, pehle to aapne iss nacheez ki adna si kaavish ko padha aur saraaha uske liye bahot shukriya aapka...jahaan tak behr ki baat hai mujhe lagta hai ki dekh ko dono tariko se kahaa ja sakta hai "2" ya "21"..yeh depend karta hai meter pe...halaaki meri samjh bahot bahot kam hai..iss par comment karke apne aapko aur bewakuf nahi saabit karna chahta haha..waise ise gar gaaya jaaye to theek hi baithta hai..

gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar..yahaan mujhe bhi lag raha hai ki aap sahi hai aur sher behr mein nahi hai..

khair jo bhi hai..baat yeh important hai ki aapne apna keemti waqt meri iss koshish ko diya..shukriya

vikas bhai...shukriya bhai aapke saath aur daant ki hamesha umeed rahegi..

god bless

aapka dost,
Pradhyuman


-------------------------------------------------

gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
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zarraa
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4th November 2011, 12:40 AM

Wah bahaut acchha kalam kaha hai Bismil ji. Rawani bhi hai aur thehraav bhi. Daad aur mubarakbaad.




QUOTE=Pradhyuman;432411]aadaab dosto,

ek ghazal pesh kar raha hun..umeed hai pasand aayegi..aapki raey ka intezaar rahega..

iski behr hai: 122 122 122 122

arz hai..

maehz aab-o-daana zaraa dekh lena
hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena

ahal bhi naye aur shaher bhi nayaa ye
basar raas aana zaraa dekh lena

ye khwaboeN ki basti me kab tak jiyun maiN
ho behtar thikaana zaraa dekh lena

na rokega tu aur na rukna hai mujhko
magar kar bahaana zaraa dekh lena

tu apne karam ka ho khud hi muhaasib
khudaa gaayebaana zaraa dekh lena

muhobbat hai kaamil na terii na merii
sabab bhi fasaanaa zaraa dekh lena

jahaan tak main sochu wahaan tak nahin tu
tasawwur viraanaa zaraa dekh lena

khudi ko hai dekha saraapaa saraa sar
lagun kyun begaanaa zara dekh lena

yeh gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar ko na laazim
be-gham hi maikhaana zaraa dekh lena

O saaqi ye bismil chalakta paimaana
tamashaa puraanaa zaraa dekh lena


Pradhyuman - Bismil[/QUOTE]
   
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Pradhyuman
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4th November 2011, 06:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa View Post
Wah bahaut acchha kalam kaha hai Bismil ji. Rawani bhi hai aur thehraav bhi. Daad aur mubarakbaad.
bahot bahot shukriya zarra sahaab..aapki daad dil se kubool hai..

yunhi saath dete rahiyega...

aapka dost,
Pradhyuman


-------------------------------------------------

gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
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