Quote:
Originally Posted by Pradhyuman
aadaab dosto,
ek ghazal pesh kar raha hun..umeed hai pasand aayegi..aapki raey ka intezaar rahega..
iski behr hai: 122 122 122 122
arz hai..
maehz aab-o-daana zaraa dekh lena
hai tangdil zamaana zaraa dekh lena
ahal bhi naye aur shaher bhi nayaa ye
basar raas aana zaraa dekh lena
ye khwaboeN ki basti me kab tak jiyun maiN
ho behtar thikaana zaraa dekh lena
na rokega tu aur na rukna hai mujhko
magar kar bahaana zaraa dekh lena
tu apne karam ka ho khud hi muhaasib
khudaa gaayebaana zaraa dekh lena
muhobbat hai kaamil na terii na merii
sabab bhi fasaanaa zaraa dekh lena
jahaan tak main sochu wahaan tak nahin tu
tasawwur viraanaa zaraa dekh lena
khudi ko hai dekha saraapaa saraa sar
lagun kyun begaanaa zara dekh lena
yeh gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar ko na laazim
be-gham hi maikhaana zaraa dekh lena
O saaqi ye bismil chalakta paimaana
tamashaa puraanaa zaraa dekh lena
Pradhyuman - Bismil
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prdhyuman saheb aadaab....
wah, bahut khoob fiqr aaya hai aapki ghazal meN...mujhe behad pasaNd aayee....daad tahe dil se haazir hai qubuul kijiyega......
lekin jahaN tak bahar ki baat hai to mujhe isme kuchh khamiyaN lagi haiN...waise mujhe khud ko kuchh khas ilm nahi hai baharbaNdi ka lekin jitna hai use aapke saath baaNt raha huN aur ummeed karta huN ki aapko bura nahi lagega....aur agar lage to janaab muafi ka talabgaar huN....
1. aapne dekh ki 2 takhtiyaaN ki haiN, de+kh....de = 2 aur kh = 1, lekin dekh ka wazan 2 hota hai....ise aise samjha ja sakta hai ki jahaN koi bhi chhoti matra aati ho to next syllable uske saath jud jaata hai aur ek hi aawaaz deta hai....dekh meN d pe chhoti e ki matra hai....isliye dekh pura padha jayega...isi tarha se dil, kuchh etc ko bhi 2 ka wazan milta hai...
2. jahaN bhi kahiN izafat lage...matlab "-" laga kar aap do shabdoN ko jodeN wahaN par syllables ka wazan badal jaata hai....jaise ki...
"gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar" ki sahi takhti hogi..
gar/di/she/shaa/mo/sa/har = 2122X12
yahaN "X" ka matlab hai ki iska wazan 1 ya 2 kuchh bhi liya ja sakta hai....
mujhe lagta hai maine apne tajarbe se aapko sahi rae di hai....ho sakta hi ki maiN galat bhi huN...isliye aap kisi ustaad se zaroor mashwara kijiyega meri bataye points ko amal meN laane se pehle.....
bahut bahut shukriya....
aapka dost,
vikram