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Ghazal: unhe kya kaheN ke kahaa jaa sake |
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(#1)
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'Bismil'
  
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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Ghazal: unhe kya kaheN ke kahaa jaa sake -
12th August 2011, 03:04 PM
aadaab dosto,
aaj pehli baar ek koshish ki hai behr mein likhne ki..kitnaa kaamyaab rahaa yeh to aap sab mahaa guru hi bataa sakte hai  badi mehrbaani hogi gar koi iss ghazal ki taqtee kar den..unhe kya kaheN ke kahaa jaa sake kyu khaamoshi ko na sunaa jaa sake wo dil meiN base to rahaa jaa sake zehen se nahiN to bhulaa jaa sake muhobbat tu aiisi ho aasaan ke hum akele jiyeiN aur jiyaa jaa sake wo manzil ki ummeed karte rahen na jaana ke kyun na chala jaa sake mite gaa ye saayaa bujhegi ye lau raha kuch jo “maiN” to jalaa ja sake na rakhnaa zamaane se naataa tu koi yun Bismil magar ho ke aa jaa sake Pradhyuman - Bismil gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#2)
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Anshumali
Offline
Posts: 7,420
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: DELHI (INDIA)
Rep Power: 87
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12th August 2011, 07:38 PM
Pradhyuman Ji ... Bah'r Ki Aaapki Pehli Koshish Ko Mubaaraqbaad ! Ghazal Ki Taqtee Toh Bah'r Ke Jaankaar Dost Zidd Sahab Vikas Bhai Yaa Masood Bhai Jyadaa Behtar Dhangh Se Kar Sakte HaiN ... Main Toh Bas Itnaa Kah Saktaa Hoon ... Aise Hii Mehanat Karte Rahiye ... Aapke Paas Ehsaas Lafz Bayaani Aur Adaayegi Sab Kuch Hai ... !
YuuN Aapne SDC Ke Zariye Hume Kitni BehtreeN Ghazal Padhvaaii HaiN ... ! Iss Umdaa Koshish Ke Liye Dilee Daad Aur Mubaaraqbaad ... !  YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#3)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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12th August 2011, 08:13 PM
maine ise gaake likha hai.. to kaise kiya woh bhi likh detaa hun..sahi hai yaa galat pataa nahin..maine unn words ko bhi highlight karr diya hai jahaan mujhe doubt hai..dhun mein to aa jaata hai magar comfortably nahin
un he kya ka heN ke ka haa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa kyu khaa mo shi ko na su naa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa wo dil meiN ba se to ra haa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa ze hen se na hiN to bhu laa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa mu ho bbat tu aii si ho aa saan ke hum la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa a ke le ji yeiN aur ji yaa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa wo man zil ki umm ee d kar te ra hen la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa na jaa na ke kyun na cha la jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa mi te gaa ye saa yaa bu jhe gi sha maa la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa (yaabu ko saath gaaya..short short..aur shammaa ko stress nahi kiya..phir kyaa sahi pronounciation hai ke nahi? ra ha kuch jo “maiN” to ja laa ja sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa na rakh naa za maa ne se rish taa bhi koi la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa yun Bis mil ma gar ho ke aa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa Naresh bhai..bahot bahot shukriyaa aapka..aap sab ka pyaar aur protsahan hi hai jo mujhe likhne ke liye prerit karta hai..aage bhi aapke saath ki hamesha ummeed rahegi..god bless u..khush rahiye.. aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#4)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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12th August 2011, 10:43 PM
kuch changes kiye hai..use aur meter mein laane ke liye..
unhe kya kaheN ke kahaa jaa sake kyu khaamoshi ko na sunaa jaa sake wo dil meiN base to rahaa jaa sake zehen se nahiN to bhulaa jaa sake muhobbat tu aiisi ho aasaan ke hum akele jiyeiN aur jiyaa jaa sake wo manzil ki ummeed karte rahen na jaana ke kyun na chala jaa sake mite gaa ye saayaa bujhegi ye lau raha kuch jo “maiN” to jalaa ja sake na rakhnaa zamaane se naataa tu koi yun Bismil magar ho ke aa jaa sake gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#5)
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Tanhaa Raahi
Offline
Posts: 3,700
Join Date: Oct 2003
Rep Power: 54
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12th August 2011, 11:56 PM
HameiN aapki yaha rachna bahut acchi lagi, Bismil Ji...! Matlaa-e-saani khaas pasand aayi...!
Beh'r maiN aapki yaha pehli koshish ke liye hamari taraf se mubaarakbaad...! Keep it up, ok...? With blessings Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai 
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(#6)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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15th August 2011, 01:26 PM
Quote:
kaise hain aap? hounslafzai ke liye tahe dil se shukriya adaa karna chaahta hun...aap ki duaaen saath hai to aage aur bhi behtar likhne ki koshish karunga..ghazal kehnaa to abhi shuru hi nahi kiyaa..woh to dil behlaane ke liye apne ashaaroeN ko ghazal keh leta hun god bless..khush rahiye... aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#7)
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
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18th August 2011, 07:27 PM
bismil sahab aadaab....
aapne bahut hi kaamyaab koshish ki hai....wakai dekh kar dil khush ho gaya. maine ise gaake likha hai.. to kaise kiya woh bhi likh detaa hun..sahi hai yaa galat pataa nahin..maine unn words ko bhi highlight karr diya hai jahaan mujhe doubt hai..dhun mein to aa jaata hai magar comfortably nahin un he kya ka heN ke ka haa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa laa la laa la la laa( matlab aapka beher hai 122 122 122 12..badan pe sitaare lapete huye) aapne takhti thodi galat ki hai magar misra perfect wazn me hai !!jaha takhti galat hai waha mark kar deta hu...magar takhti se ka?...aapka wazn to sahi hai kyu khaa mo shi ko na su naa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa bus pahla takhta out hai...baki perfect hai aise kar sakkte hai...kyu ko aagee kar dijiye khamoshi ko kyu naa suna jaa sake( kuch log 'naa' par aitraaz kar sakte hai....magar daag sahab,hasrat mohani sahab ne kiya hai to koi aur kaise galat?) aha khaamoshi ka 'kha' chota hai wo dil meiN ba se to ra haa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa bulls eye ze hen se na hiN to bhu laa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa asl lafz zehn hai(21)...magar aam taur se 'zehan' istemaal hota hai.... aapka misra perfect beher me hai... mu ho bbat tu aii si ho aa saan ke hum la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa perfect bhai perefet.....bus aasaa padiye ,aasaan padne ki zarurat nahi a ke le ji yeiN aur ji yaa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa perfect wo man zil ki umm ee d kar te ra hen la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa perfect na jaa na ke kyun na cha la jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa perfect sir....kya baat hai mi te gaa ye saa yaa bu jhe gi sha maa la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa wah....flawless waise pahle bhi sahi tha( ye lau) (yaabu ko saath gaaya..short short..aur shammaa ko stress nahi kiya..phir kyaa sahi pronounciation hai ke nahi? dono lafz sahi hai..shama bhi aur shamma bhi ra ha kuch jo “maiN” to ja laa ja sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa smooth...bhai aap to chaa gaye na rakh naa za maa ne se rish taa bhi koi la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa bus 'bhi'nikal dijiye....baki perfect hai yun Bis mil ma gar ho ke aa jaa sa ke la laa laa la laa la la laa la la laa flawless hai bhai... pahli koshish me itna perfection hai...you are a natural..... tarannum kabhi fail nahi hota....thodi practice ho jaaye to misra bilkulsahi beher hi me adaa hota hai....... |
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(#8)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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20th August 2011, 11:44 PM
Zidd bhai,
kya kahun? tum aa gaye ho noor aa gaya hai... bahot sambhal sambhal ke likha tha to socha ehsaas ke maumle mein maar khaa jaunga.. aapke comments dekh kar dil khush ho gaya.. aapke pur khuloos tabsire ke liye bahot mashkoor hoon.. aage aur mehnat karunga.. aur meiN aaj gar yeh koshish bhi karr paaya (behr mein likhne ki) to uska poora shrey aapko jaata hai.. thank you very much from the bottom of my heart god bless u always aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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