meri kahani

[tanha_vaib]

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kuch kuch alfaaz marathi main hai plz samaz lena
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I know it will sound rude but I’m really confused about the thing I’m going to tell you. On my behalf I am telling my whole story which I often considered as my dark side.
“Haan me tyala ajun kai naav deu shakto?”
But before reading you must assure me that you r not going to reopen the subject again in front of me. It always hurt. I can’t run from those memories. These are my nightmares. I can’t ignore them.

Well all these begin with my child hood ………………
I used to reside at a Chawl in Borivali in those days. Just after two blocks away (may be called as room) there lives a girl “Manisha”. I used to play with her all the day .24*7 I stay with her. Then it comes the school season. I used to go regularly in school. She learnt in another school. When I came home I used to do my homework in such a hurry that it always ends up in beating by mother coz I want to meet her..

This goes until sixth standard when my friends started teasing me about my friendship with her. Then one day I told her about all the stuff my friends say about her. I asked what name should we give to this relationship? And she remained calm. Just as usual.

In the seventh STD once my father beat me in such a way that with my hand I can’t even eat. My mother at that time has gone to visit my grandma at chembur. And I remember when my father gone for the night duty at 11pm, she came and feed me with her own hands and I was still crying and she said just one line

“mala samjat nahi re tuza kasa honaar mayzya nantar? Kon sambhalel tula? ”
And she started crying in such a way that I stopped my crying and tried to calm her.

Then at the end of seventh std I proposed though I don’t know what is love, what’s life at that time I did it coz my friends insisted me to do that. Anyhow she agreed but I remember her saying that
“ prem kai aahe naa mala mahit naa tula. Pan tu khush honaar ashil tar mala manya aahe”

When I used to go at her home her father used to tell my father that
“More, tuza mulga aataa mala deun taak bar kaa? ”

Her mother used to know my affection (may be my attraction towards her) towards her.
Her father used to work in mill I don’t remember now which one. But by my ill fate that mill is closed. Then her father decided to go to his native place cause he own a big land
(May be 4 or 5 acres) and do something for earning a living. They don’t have so many relatives in Mumbai due to which she also has to go with them. She asked if they could let her stay in a hostel for further studies but her father disagreed. So she packed up everything and went with them.

I was in the school at the time they were at the S.T. Stand waiting for their bus. My friend came hurriedly and told me that she is going. I just run through backdoor of my school and some how I reached there on ST stand the bus was yet to come. Her father asked me if my school’s over and I lied that due to some reason they declare leave.
And I just looked into her eyes and she started crying. Somehow I managed to stop her but I myself can’t hold on and I was just about to burst and she said

”Tula samzun ghena khup kathin aahe re. aata kon samzoon gheil tula? ”

And I just can’t believe my ears still now cause no one except Sunil (my friend) has understood me better, even viju (Vijay) also can’t. So the day she left for her new home I just sat near the window of my home and still thinking why she said that?

The day after she called me (of course my father owned the phone) saying that they had reached their native place and gave me her land line which her uncle residing there owned.

So after vacation on my first day of eight std I called her and talked with her nearly half an hour though the distance is long enough I had always found her just beside me.

And June and July went happily and came that black august. On the very first day of august, I fought with her because she said that if anything happens to me plz take care of you. I can’t be there all the time to help you and I just keep on insisting that nothing will happen to her and she kept repeating her sentences I lost my temper and said that now on I won’t call you cause you don’t love me and I didn’t called her until 9th august evening and somehow I managed my anger and called her home. Firstly her brother picked up the receiver as usual and I asked him to give the phone to his sister and he started crying. I asked him if there was any quarrel in between them but he said nothing. I was confused so I asked him to give the phone to his mother when she came I asked her about ‘her’. At the first she remained calm so I said if she don’t want to talk with me then let it be. Just tell her that I am sorry about the last incident and her mother started crying and I was unable to understand the situation so I kept asking about her. Then at last her father came on the phone and said that from now onwards she won’t be able to receive my calls personally and answer them I asked why and he said that in the morning while she was going for school and crossing the road a truck came and rode over her body she died on the spot. I just can’t believe my ears I feel nausea and I fell on the floor of STD booth. I awake at night somewhere about 2pm in my family doctors hospital in the bed. Near by my father was sleeping in the chair. I wake up and check for my cloth I found them lying near my bathroom wardrobe. I put on those and check my wallet for money I found out merely 200 Rs. and unwillingly for the first and the last time in my life I pick pocketed my fathers wallet and jump from the window (I was on the ground floor and that time renovation of hospital is going on so grills were removed) and run for the St Stand. I got bus at 4am and I reached there at 6pm evening I just run towards her house but I was late. Her crematory procedures had already over and I just get to see her smiling from the photo and whenever I felly lonely I always hear her smile in my heart still.

From then my progress curve started going downwards and no one except me knows why? I engaged in lot of bad activities like smoking, drinking and many more. But one day when I was seated on my special spot I just think of her, crying for gods mercy and sow her coming laughing.
I just can’t believe on my eyes. All the dizziness came from excessive drinking has gone like I never had drink on that day.

And the very next day when I was at the school I saw her again in my class. I just can’t believe that she is in my class I was just going to talk to her and suddenly madam called her name “Shraddha come here” and all my joy vanished cause she was not my girl. But somehow she looks quite similar to her. Her speech, posture and gesture are similar to her in such a way that I got confused. Then I met Sunil at very first time and we remained friends still now. Then he told me that Shraddha used to be in their class, which is division ‘c’. I was thinking how I have not known her from the start?

And here begins my second phase.

Form that day onward I started recovering from my nightmares I used to have. they still occurs but not in the same quantity. I have started liking her. One mind says it’s illegal you r betraying your first love another says she is your love. I was confused. Though until ninth std I didn’t even talked to her except once. Somehow my friend Sunil managed to make my friendship with her, the longer I’m going near to her friendship I am engulfing with her due to my emotions.

Then came ‘Sandeep’. He was in our class from eight std though we become friends but not as deep as Sunil. Somehow she learnt about my feelings towards her and started ignoring me. She said if you want to be just friends you can but I couldn’t love you. Then one day she proposed “Sandeep” and except me everyone is in deep shock that how can she proposed him? But I laughed away the situation that time. And he said no because he want to concentrate on his studies. Then everything went in calm until I join with you in the second year for diploma. At that time Sandeep proposed her but she refused saying that now she wants to concentrate on her studies.

He approached me though he knows about my feelings towards her he asked me to pursue her for saying yes. I met her, explained the whole situation to her and tried my best, I swear to pursue her mind but all she said, ”It is TIT FOR TAT. ” so at the end Sandeep met her lonely and said some vulgar words and she was disappointed by that. All she said after words that “I know some times it hurts in love but why always me?”

Then it comes that dark December. I remember the day before I was having backache and it was unbearable and I slept all the day & the next day in the morning (it was gudhi paadwa) somewhere at 11 am Sunil called me saying that Sandeep has expired due to flu (Nimonia). I was not able to lift my foot even for a cm but I still managed to reach there by 12 noon.(now sorry I can’t write in English so plz read all next in Marathi) te tuachi arthi gheun jaat hote theva mala te rastyatach bhetale (I know Bhaskar you definitely knows all our last procedures)me tyachya arthile khandaa dila aani mala he maahit hote ki aai aani vadil jivant astaana konaachya arthila khand deta yet naahi tari pan me hey sarv kela (I still no why I did this all for what? friendship, love, or else I don’t know ) but deep in my heart I was still crying that though she won’t be mine but through she would be happy for remained life . aani toch aasaa nighun gela.

No one dared to tell her about this incident because her exams were going on that time. So they requested me to do this. I went to her home after going to my home for bath I reached there at 3 pm. When she opened the door by her expression I knew that the news have already reached her before me. Her father asked me that “tell her why to cry for a friend who died which she doesn’t know even rather than tell her to concentrate on studies.” We both sat in the balcony. And the first word she said “ you don’t talk to me. Why you lied to me about all this? Even because of you I can’t get to see him for the last moment also. So you played your revenge on him but why this way don’t you know that I loved him though we live apart?” I was astonished but for all sakes I took the blame on me and said ”I know I should have to tell you. You certainly deserve your rights but due to your exams I told everyone not to tell anything about this. it was all my decision” I knew in my heart that by doing this I have lost her last remained faith on me but tell me what should have been done at the moment? Then I tried my best to help her to recover from the incident by visiting her for all the remaining 9 to 10 days at the collage to drop her at home (now Bhaskar so you get why I was absent for a week in December?). Though she was friendly to me when I asked her about the proposal in March she said “nahi .me tuzya laikichi raaheleli nahi.”

So this was all I have to say can you give me the answer why she said that? Can you help me to pursue her? I know no one can help me now I have to live my own life with this all killing me. So why it is not right to drink and kill all grieves? Why it is not right to smoke and try to forget her? Why it is not right to do suicide? Why? Just tell me why? Where I was wrong?

muze batana dosto aab main kya karu?

[Ricky_the_KAVI]

No one yet answered it but is it real ?

hi there

i m not regular user of shayri.com but yes i do log in couple of times to read stories or shayries.

I understand your feelings but i think you love this girl just coz she looks alike your childhood friend. Dont force her leave her for sometime. Give her good time to decide whether she would like to marry a good friend like you or somebody else.

one more thing dont get into habits of drinking or smoking.

"apne pyar pe garv ho aisa karo ye sab karne se apne pyar ko nicha mat karo. Make your love your strength and not your weakness. Make it light and not darkness of your life "

life mein aksar aise incidents hote hai jo present mein bahut mushkil and bade lagte hai but you dont have to stop your life for this...pls move ahead trust me aaj bi kuch khushiyan apka intezar kar rahi hai...wake up smile and open the door for happiness to come in ur life!!!

[aarya]

"tanha_vaib"

all I can say after reading this story is that God gave youa chance to understand love and thus understand yourself.

By drinking, smoking etc. you are wasting your time and your purpose of life.

You may think that your purpose of living is no more clear, but remember GOD has a greater plan for all of us and we don't always see it clearly.

Get into better habits like meditation( if you believe in it), read good books which will bring you closer to the purpose of life, try to undertand spiritualism in your own way and best suited for you... once you can synchronize with GODs plan for you in this life, maybe your life will take a turn for the better as you will know yourself better.Alongside fulfill your duites towards life....



Things happen in all our lives for a reason, may be you will find the reason for your living.


Take Care
Regards
aarya

[tanha_vaib]

thanks AARYA.... actually i was away form all the earthly thing for a while ,so i was not here for a quite long time.. . but sure now.. i'm back and will post some of my new and special threads as soon as i get a chance to post them.. thanks for your views... and yours messages.