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Ghazal: na mazhab kaa na jaat ka rahaa... |
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(#1)
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'Bismil'
  
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Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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Ghazal: na mazhab kaa na jaat ka rahaa... -
7th September 2011, 04:04 PM
Aadaab dosto,
aik nayi peshkash liye aaya hun aap sab ke saamne..ise aap ki nazr karna chahunga..apni aara se zarur nawaziyega Na mazhab kaa na jaat ka rahaa Par taalib deeniyaat ka rahaa Aik qissah iltifaat ka rahaa Aik masalaa ihtiyaat ka rahaa Na maiN raha na khauf-e-khuda aur khudaa hi hayaat ka rahaa Behtaa patta, sookha ek taraf Dooba jo mann barsaat ka rahaa lamhaa lamhaa bas dekha kiyee jo arsaa mulaaqaat ka rahaa bas poochhna maaine rakhta hai mujhe gham jo bhi baat ka rahaa ulfat ka nahi hoke charcha jismaani taalluqaat ka rahaa go maanga tab hi diya mujh pe karz tere ehasaanaat ka rahaa sabse zyaada kya yaad aayega wo jo haal shuruaaat ka rahaa aaj kal ka nahi maiN be-taab aik silsilaa jazbaat ka rahaa aas ka dum jo bharaa to bismil ab intezaar nijaat ka rahaa Pradhyuman - Bismil gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#2)
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A Passing Stranger
Offline
Posts: 149
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Terra Nullius
Rep Power: 15
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7th September 2011, 04:33 PM
Quote:
Reps ++++++++++++++ Will miss ya poetry..... Take care  Is Kehkashaan Mein Mai He Nahi Waahid Shaye Faanee! Ajnabi |
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(#3)
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~"REBELLIOUS IN LOVE"~
Offline
Posts: 3,264
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ruatonga, Cook Islands
Rep Power: 52
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7th September 2011, 05:02 PM
Quote:
bahot khub Pradhyuman ji daad qabul farmaye Regards _______________________________________________ PRANEETA
 Kaash k khamoshi bhi ek zabaaN hoti Main dekta rehta unhe aur haal-e-dil bayaaN hota Ananthpak |
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(#4)
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Banned
Offline
Posts: 2,586
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Delhi
Rep Power: 0
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7th September 2011, 10:23 PM
[QUOTE=Pradhyuman;430185]Aadaab dosto,
aik nayi peshkash liye aaya hun aap sab ke saamne..ise aap ki nazr karna chahunga..apni aara se zarur nawaziyega [B][COLOR="Red"] kaise ho bismil bhayee , ye bata duN ki ye ghazal mujhe sabse jydaa pasand aayee ............ bhayee jo meter tumne bataya hai ye usme to hai nahi...... magar fir bhi dekhte hain ...... baaqi ...... iske baad ..... badi class wale logo ka zimmaa Na mazhab kaa na jaat ka rahaa Par taalib deeniyaat ka rahaa agar takhti kareN to na 1 maz2 hab 2 kaX na1 zaa 2 t 1 ka X raha 12 1 22 x121x12 baaki misro mai lagbhag 2 se hi misraa start hai to maiN na ,,,, ko hata detaa hun..... baaqi matlaa theek hai 222 2 121 2 12 mere hisaab ye meter hai tumharaa .... do teen sher iske aaspas hai to ise hi rahne dete hai.... --- ab matle se shuru karte haiN Na mazhab kaa na jaat ka rahaa Par taalib deeniyaat ka rahaa na ki jagah maiN kar do ...... 222 2 121 2 12 Aik qissah iltifaat ka rahaa Aik masalaa ihtiyaat ka rahaa masala.... lafz sahi nahi hai..... mas-a-laa hoga ..... 22 wazn ka lafz daalna hoga aik ko IK kar do like Ik qissa iltifaat ka raha ik mudda ehtiyat ka raha .... Na maiN raha na khauf-e-khuda aur khudaa hi hayaat ka rahaa ye sher khula nahi mujhpe isliye chhod deta hun ise ... aage ka tum try karo..... mujhe kuch sher nahi sahi se khul rahe hai ..... isliye unko eidt ni kar saktaa ,unkaa maanhi change ho jayega baaqi tumhare jabaab ke baad |
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(#5)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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7th September 2011, 11:17 PM
[QUOTE=janumanu;430226]
Quote:
aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#6)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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7th September 2011, 11:25 PM
Quote:
sirf ek baat samjh nahi aayi mainu..."will miss ya poetry"..tussi kithe jaa rahiyaa si? tussi jaa rahe ho..tussi naa jaao.. mazaak ek taraf..lekin sach mein dil ko bahot khushi hui aapke comments padhkar.. kise khushi nahi hoti apni taareef sunkar..magar baat woh nahi hai..baat yeh dil ko sukoon deti hai ki koi meri hi tarah sochta hai aur wohi mehsoos bhi karta hai jo main likhte waqt kartaa hun.. bahot bol gaya ji..itna to interview mein bhi nahi bolta... khush raho ji..god bless. aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#7)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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7th September 2011, 11:28 PM
Quote:
aapki daad dil se kubool hai..thanks for your reputation points... khush rahiye..god bless.. aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#8)
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udta parinda
Offline
Posts: 159
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Now srilanka
Rep Power: 18
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7th September 2011, 11:46 PM
Quote:
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(#9)
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~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
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8th September 2011, 08:33 AM
Quote:
waaahh bismil saab.. kya khoob kalaam kaha hai aapne ke bas mazaa aa gayaa.. har sher cheeekh cheekh ke apne hone ki gawaahi de rahaa hai.. har sher mukammil... likhte rahiye shaad.. |
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(#10)
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RADHE RADHE
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Posts: 4,115
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: DELHI
Rep Power: 58
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8th September 2011, 01:48 PM
Quote:
radhe radhe Aapka Apna Ishk 'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है email: rkm179@gmail.com 
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(#11)
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Anshumali
Offline
Posts: 7,420
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: DELHI (INDIA)
Rep Power: 87
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9th September 2011, 08:16 PM
Behtaa patta, sookha ek taraf
Dooba jo mann barsaat ka rahaa lamhaa lamhaa bas dekha kiyee jo arsaa mulaaqaat ka rahaa go maanga tab hi diya mujh pe karz tere ehasaanaat ka rahaa aas ka dum jo bharaa to bismil ab intezaar nijaat ka rahaa Waah ! Pradhyuman Ji ! Kyaa Khoob Ashaar Nikaale HaiN ... Behtreen ! Dilee Mubaaraqbaad !  YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#12)
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Registered User
Offline
Posts: 473
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: New Delhi
Rep Power: 18
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9th September 2011, 09:16 PM
Bismil sahab,
bahut accha likha hai aapne....! daad hazir hai janab.....! aapka. mitaya mujh ko hone ne, na hota main to kya hota !! (NM) |
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(#13)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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9th September 2011, 09:33 PM
Vikas bhai,
der se reply karne ke liye maufi chahunga...sabse pehle to yeh bata dun ki maiN iss ghazal ki taqti karne ki aukaat nahi rakhta... na mujhe abhi behr ka itna ilm hai.. gungunaane se gar theek lagta hai to likh deta hun..halaaki yeh ghazal to gungunaai bhi nahi jaa rahi thi to behR mein to hai hi nahi.. aap ise kharij hi kar dijiye..agli baar jo likhunga thoda meter ka dhyaan rakh ke likhne ki koshish karunga. phir bhi ek koshish zaroor kar raha hun...seekhne ki.. ise hi pakad kar chalta hun..itna aata nahin to galtiyaan bata dijiyega.. 222 2 121 2 12 Naa 2 maz 2 hab 2 kaa 2 na 1 jaa 2 t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 Par 2 taa 2 lib 2 dee 2 ni 1 yaa 2 t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 pehle "naa" ko lambaa bhi taan sakte hai? flexible nahi hai? ik 2 qis 2 sah 2 il 2 ti 1 faa 2 t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 ik 2 mud 2 daa 2 ih 2 ti 1 yaa 2 t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 maslaa aise nahi kahaa jaa sakta? mas 2 laa 2 ? aam boli mein to beech waala "a" khaa jaate hain.. Naa 2 maiN 2 ra 2 ha 2 na 1 khau 2 f 1 e 2 khu 1 da 2 aur 2 khu 2 daa 2 hi 2 ha 1 yaa 2 t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 yahaan "rahaa" ko do tareeke se kahaa gaya hai..pehle misre mein 2 2 aur doosre misre mein 1 2..sahi hai ki nahi aap hi bataa dijiye.. sher ke maaine yeh hai ki..jab mujhme "main" nahi raha to khuda ka khauf bhi nahi raha..kyunki mujhme jab "main" nahi rehta to mujhme khuda hi to hayaat hai..ye rabt hai 222 2 121 2 12 Beh 2 taa 2 pat 2 ta 2, soo 2 kha 2 ek 2 ta 1 raf 2 yeh to behr se out hai..magar kya chal sakta hai isi soorat mein yeh sawaal hai..kyunki do baar 1 1 ko ek baar 2 nahi keh sakta Doo 2 ba 2 mann 2 jo 1 bar2 saa 2 t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 yeh to totally out hai mere hisaab se..magar mere hisaab se kya hota hai..koi jaankaar hi bataa sakta hai lam 2 haa 2 lam 2 haa 2 bas 2 de 2 kha 2 ki 1 yee 2 phir wohi sawaal hai....222 2 121 2 12 meter mein 222 2 22 2 12 kehna kya waajib hai? jo 2 ar 2 saa 2 mu 1 laa 2qaa 2t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 out.."jo" ko is tarah kahaa gayaa hai..stretch karke..jaisa aam bhasa mein bolte hai na "joo maze kiye" bas 2 poo 2 chh 1 na 2 maai 2 ne 1 rakh 2 ta 2 hai 2 out mu 2 jhe 2 gham 2 jo 2 bhi 1 baa 2 t 1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 mu ko phir stretch kiya hai aur bhi ko jaldi keh liyaa jaay to fit hota hai.. ul 2 fat 2 ka 2 na 1 hi 2 ho 2 ke 1 char 2 cha 2 out.. jis 2 maa 2 ni 2 taa 2 llu 1 qaa 2 t1 ka 2 ra 1 haa 2 ok go 2 maan 2 ga 2 tab 2 hi 1 di 1 ya 2 mujh 2 pe 2 out kar2 z2 te2 re2 eh1 saa2 naa2 t1 ka2 ra1 haa2 ok sabse zyaada kya yaad aayega wo2 jo2 haa2 l 1 shu 2ru 1aa2 t1 ka2 ra1 haa2 out aaj 2 kal 2 ka 2 na 1 hi2 maiN2 be 2-taa 2 b1 out aik2 sil2 si 1 laa2 jaz 2 baa 2 t1 ka2 ra 1haa2 out aas 2 ka2 dum2 jo2 bha 1 raa2 to1 bis 2 mil 2 out ab 2 in2 te 1zaa 2 r1 ni 1 jaa 2 t1 ka2 ra 1 haa2 out aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#14)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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9th September 2011, 09:35 PM
Quote:
aapse zyaada parichay nahi ho paaya hai..magar khushi hui ki aapko meri yeh adna si kavish pasand aayi..aage bhi aapke saath ki umeed rahegi god bless u aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#15)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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9th September 2011, 09:37 PM
Quote:
bahot bahot shukriya janaab..aapki duaeN rahi to aage aur bhi behtar likhunga.. khush rahiye..god bless u aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#16)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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9th September 2011, 09:40 PM
ishq ek ibaadat ji namaste,
shukriyaa sahaab..bas allah ka reham hi hai ki aapko mera likha pasand aata hai... khush rahiye..aabaad rahiye...god bless u always.. aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#17)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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9th September 2011, 09:42 PM
Quote:
Naresh ji namaste, aapki dilee mubaaraqbaad ke liye dil se shukriyaa.. aapke saath ki hamesha umeed rahi hai..rahegii.. god bless u aapka dost, Pradhyuman gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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(#18)
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'Bismil'
Offline
Posts: 773
Join Date: Mar 2006
Rep Power: 38
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9th September 2011, 09:46 PM
Quote:
nawaazish karam shukriyaa mehrbaani.. aapki daad dil se kubool hai.. khush aur aabaad rahiye..god bless u yeh aapka likhke jo aap rehne dete ho..woh aapke pen name ke saath fit hota hai aapka...secret_admirergore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai? musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai? -------------------------------------------------- |
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