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Ankita
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Love umeed - 5th May 2008, 10:49 AM
dhaagay ko khul kar lehraatay dekha hai
meri umeed bhi aisay hi udti rahti hai
hawa kay saath badal kay sang sang
chand say raaton ko baatain karti hai
meinay laakh chaaha is ko band karna
meri umeed sab khidki todh ud jaati hai
khayalon kay saath dharkan kay sang sang
bhaavon kay brush say teri tasveer banati hai

meri yeh namuraad umeed...
   
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rizi_humtum
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5th May 2008, 01:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankita View Post
dhaagay ko khul kar lehraatay dekha hai
meri umeed bhi aisay hi udti rahti hai
hawa kay saath badal kay sang sang
chand say raaton ko baatain karti hai
meinay laakh chaaha is ko band karna
meri umeed sab khidki todh ud jaati hai
khayalon kay saath dharkan kay sang sang
bhaavon kay brush say teri tasveer banati hai

meri yeh namuraad umeed...



wah kya baat hai.....bohat acha likha hai....

EK SITAM AUR MERI JAAN ABI JAAN BAKI HAI,DIL MAIN AB TAK TERI ULFAT KA NISHAN BAKI HAI.
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Ankita
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6th May 2008, 01:23 AM
thank you rizi for the encouragement.
   
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rizi_humtum
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7th May 2008, 12:27 PM
plesure janab ...apna khayal rakhna....

EK SITAM AUR MERI JAAN ABI JAAN BAKI HAI,DIL MAIN AB TAK TERI ULFAT KA NISHAN BAKI HAI.
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Ankita
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8th May 2008, 02:36 AM
jaanay kis umeed par dil yeh thehra hai
kismat par bhi zamanay ka pehra hai...
   
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rizi_humtum
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12th May 2008, 04:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankita View Post
jaanay kis umeed par dil yeh thehra hai
kismat par bhi zamanay ka pehra hai...


wah kya baat hai bohat acha ankita nice ..one...

EK SITAM AUR MERI JAAN ABI JAAN BAKI HAI,DIL MAIN AB TAK TERI ULFAT KA NISHAN BAKI HAI.
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Lovely_yaadein
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12th May 2008, 04:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankita View Post
dhaagay ko khul kar lehraatay dekha hai
meri umeed bhi aisay hi udti rahti hai
hawa kay saath badal kay sang sang
chand say raaton ko baatain karti hai
meinay laakh chaaha is ko band karna
meri umeed sab khidki todh ud jaati hai
khayalon kay saath dharkan kay sang sang
bhaavon kay brush say teri tasveer banati hai

meri yeh namuraad umeed...
mai aksar apki shyari aur poem padta hu
mujse achi lagti hai aap aishe likhte rahna


Inder
Din beet jate hain suhani yaadein bankar,
Baate rah jati hai kahani bankar,
Par chahat to humesha dil ke pass rehegi,
kabhi muskan to kabhi ankhon ka pani bankar.
   
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Ankita
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12th May 2008, 11:46 PM
hello Lovely_Yadein,

aap ka toh naam hi itna sunder hai aur har insaan kay dil ko acha lagega. mujhe bhi laga kyon kii jindagi kay future ka toh insaan ko pata nahin hota han past yaanikay yaadein jaroor saath hoti hain. Thanks ki aap ko mera likha pasand aaya aur itna toh meinay yahan post hi nahin kiya pata nahin aap kis site par padh rahay hain. lekin poetry ki thodi si diwaani hoon aur jo bhi dil mein attta hai likh deti hoon.

haar yaad ki ek kahani hai
kisi kay lab ki muskooraahat
kisi ki aankh ka paani hai
beet jaati yoon hi jindagani hai
tum meri yaadon mein rahna
meinay preet tujhe say nibhaani hai.
A
   
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Taish
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13th May 2008, 12:11 AM
ek bar fir aapko mera aadaab,

dhaagay ko khul kar lehraatay dekha hai
meri umeed bhi aisay hi udti rahti hai
hawa kay saath badal kay sang sang
chand say raaton ko baatain karti hai
meinay laakh chaaha is ko band karna
meri umeed sab khidki todh ud jaati hai
khayalon kay saath dharkan kay sang sang
bhaavon kay brush say teri tasveer banati hai


isme pehli baar mujhe ehsash thode ahche lage, do-teen choti baateN kehna chahuNgaa, pehle english ke shabdoN ka istemaal mat kijiye, jaise brush ki jagah aap aaram se rang ka v istemaal kar sakti thiN, doosri bat aapne jo do jagah sang-sang kaha hai vahaaN ek sang rakh kar padhiye jyada behtar lagega....!! aur ye abhi v poori poetry ke lai meN nahiN aaya, aapke pehle do line prose ki tarah the ki dhaagoN ko udte dekha hai waise hiN meri v umeed udti hai...!! aur ye v clear nahin ho raha ki tasveer kaun bana raha hai aur chaand se raatoN ko baateN kaun kar raha hai...!! ye cheezeN clear nahIN hai poori tarah se....!! bura lage agar koi baat to maafi ka talabgaar rahunga aur bachha samajh ke maaf kar dijiyega...!!
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Ankita
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13th May 2008, 01:15 AM
Hello Ghayal ji,

sab say pehlay toh yeh maafi mangna choriye. yeh poetry ki duniya hai aur meray khayal say yahan koi na toh bacha hai aur na bada. aap mujhe salaah de rahay hain jo sahi hai toh ismein bura mannay ki baat hi kya hai? mein is poem ko sahi say likhna chhahoongi so jo corrections aap suggest kar rahay hain unko aap correct kar kay post kar dijiye. I would like to read it with correction. Thanks. aur han aap ko kya kah kar likhoon? yeh ghayal ji kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai.
A
   
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Lovely_yaadein
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Thumbs up 13th May 2008, 11:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankita View Post
hello Lovely_Yadein,

aap ka toh naam hi itna sunder hai aur har insaan kay dil ko acha lagega. mujhe bhi laga kyon kii jindagi kay future ka toh insaan ko pata nahin hota han past yaanikay yaadein jaroor saath hoti hain. Thanks ki aap ko mera likha pasand aaya aur itna toh meinay yahan post hi nahin kiya pata nahin aap kis site par padh rahay hain. lekin poetry ki thodi si diwaani hoon aur jo bhi dil mein attta hai likh deti hoon.

haar yaad ki ek kahani hai
kisi kay lab ki muskooraahat
kisi ki aankh ka paani hai
beet jaati yoon hi jindagani hai
tum meri yaadon mein rahna
meinay preet tujhe say nibhaani hai.
A
Thanks for give the respect muje poetry padna bahad pasand hai, aur love story mai jab kabhi shyari.com kholta hu to agar muje apki posting usme dikhai deti hai to mai usse jaroor padta hu. mai jayada to kuch nahi janta shyari ke baare mai lekin itna janta hu ki agar dil ki baate hum kisi se nahi kah pate ho to unhe hum yahan bayan kar sakte hai.
Birth is start of life,Beauty is art of life,
Love is part of life, Death is last of life,
But Friendship is Heart of life is very true


Inder
Din beet jate hain suhani yaadein bankar,
Baate rah jati hai kahani bankar,
Par chahat to humesha dil ke pass rehegi,
kabhi muskan to kabhi ankhon ka pani bankar.
   
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muskaan76
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13th May 2008, 11:51 AM
gud ankita pad ke bahut acha laga.......thnxs for sharing

**** Muskaan ****
   
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Mayank
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13th May 2008, 07:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankita View Post
meinay laakh chaaha is ko band karna
meri umeed sab khidki todh ud jaati hai
khayalon kay saath dharkan kay sang sang
bhaavon kay brush say teri tasveer banati hai

meri yeh namuraad umeed...

waqaii na-muraad ummeed hai !

likhti rahe.n yuu.n hii

Mayank
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