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!!dil kee nazar se tujh ko, dil hee meN DhooNDhtaa huN!! -
3rd July 2010, 01:22 PM
namaste dostoN!
mahino baad kuchh TooTe phooTe ashaar hue haiN! mulaaheza farmaayiyegaa.
dil kee nazar se tujh ko, dil hee meN DhooNDhtaa huN,
"har raah se guzar kar, dil kee taraf chalaa huN!" - Fani Badayuni
tabdilyoN ko pehle, apne meN laa rahaa huN,
insaan ban rahaa huN, insaan chaahtaa huN!
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
(For my spiritual Guru)
maalik tiree Dagar par, bhejaa jo toone rahbar,
baa-aitbaar uske, qadamoN pe chal paRaa huN!
khairandesh
-dheer
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Registered User
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Location: Mohali
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3rd July 2010, 01:37 PM
Bahut khoob dheer ji,,...............................
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Anshumali
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Location: DELHI (INDIA)
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3rd July 2010, 02:30 PM
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
Its too good.........dheer ji........
bahut umdaa khayal se labrez rahi aapki ghazal....adaayegi aur rawaangi bhi khaas rahi.......dil se daad hazir hai.....yunhi behtar kalaam ke saath aate rahiye...khush rahiye...
apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath....
YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...
Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...
---Naresh Mehra----
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3rd July 2010, 02:33 PM
nice creation dheer ji................
Na tha main to khuda tha, kuch na hota to khuda hota?
mitaya mujh ko hone ne, na hota main to kya hota !! (NM)
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RADHE RADHE
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3rd July 2010, 03:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dheer
namaste dostoN!
mahino baad kuchh TooTe phooTe ashaar hue haiN! mulaaheza farmaayiyegaa.
dil kee nazar se tujh ko, dil hee meN DhooNDhtaa huN,
"har raah se guzar kar, dil kee taraf chalaa huN!" - Fani Badayuni
tabdilyoN ko pehle, apne meN laa rahaa huN,
insaan ban rahaa huN, insaan chaahtaa huN!
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
(For my spiritual Guru)
maalik tiree Dagar par, bhejaa jo toone rahbar,
baa-aitbaar uske, qadamoN pe chal paRaa huN!
khairandesh
-dheer
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dheer bhai
radhe radhe
bahut sundar har ashar par dil se daad nikli hai kubul karen
aur ye do ashar to dil me chhaa gaye
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
(For my spiritual Guru)
maalik tiree Dagar par, bhejaa jo toone rahbar,
baa-aitbaar uske, qadamoN pe chal paRaa huN!
aate rahiye mehfil ko roshan karte rahiye
duaon ke saath
Aapka Apna Ishk
'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है
इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है
email: rkm179@gmail.com
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Moderator
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3rd July 2010, 04:53 PM
Dear Dheer.....bahut accha likhtey ho aap, har baar ki tarah es baar bhi bahut khoobsurat likha hai....dil se daad hazir hai.
duaoN ke saath
diiiii
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.....Sunita Thakur.....
यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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Shayri.com Moderator
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3rd July 2010, 11:46 PM
Dheer bhaiya:
Pranaam
aapke qalaam ko bazm me.n deKh kar jo KhuShi mehsoos ho rahi hay wo lafzo.n me.n bayaa.n nahii.n kar paau.ngaa.. Ik taveel arse baad aapko paRhne ka mauqaa milaa.. Aapka andaaz-e-bayaa.n sadaa mere dil par gehra aCar ChhoD jaata hay... ees baar bhi wahi hua... Ghazal to aapne behterin kahi hay ..dil se daad
aate rahiye.. KhuSh rahe.n
duaao.n ke saath ijaazat
aapka
~Dhaval
*~*Dhaval*~*....Ek Ehsaas...
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An Incomplite Dream
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4th July 2010, 12:22 AM
Dheer Sahab AadaaB!
Aapki tazaaH koshish ko padhker dil bahut khush ho gaya......
Bahut achche ashaar se nawaaza hai aapne is gazal ko.....
Dil se daad kabool kijiye.......
Khush rahiye......
Khuda hafez...
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Registered User
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Location: Toronto,Canada
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4th July 2010, 09:35 AM
Dheer jee,
Namasatey,
Kafii samaye baad aapko yahan dekh kar bahut aacha laga .....
aapne bahut umda khayalon se nawaza hain ...
har sher dil ke kareeb raha hain
likhte rahe ... mehfil ko saajatey rahe
duaaon ke saath
mandeep
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4th July 2010, 11:34 AM
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN
very nice dheer ji..
keep writing..
take care..
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4th July 2010, 03:30 PM
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Quote:
Originally Posted by dheer
namaste dostoN!
mahino baad kuchh TooTe phooTe ashaar hue haiN! mulaaheza farmaayiyegaa.
dheer sahab namaste.......mai samajhta hu aap bahut busy rahte hai...magar jab aa hi gaye the sdc par to 2-3 doston ke kalaam par bhi islaah kar dete??
aapki ghazal acchi lagi.....aur ek aap hi hai jisse kuch na kuch hamesha seekhne ko milta hai.....
dil kee nazar se tujh ko, dil hee meN DhooNDhtaa huN,
"har raah se guzar kar, dil kee taraf chalaa huN!" - Fani Badayuni
45 kilo daad haazir hai...( swimming karta hu ab)...kyuki matla tarahi hai
tabdilyoN ko pehle, apne meN laa rahaa huN,
apne men laa raha hu.....galat to nahi kah sakta bus kano ko sahi nahi laga
ek adna si gusthaki kar raha hu...ek surat pesh karta hu...
tabdilyoN ko pehle, mai khud meN laa rahaa huN,
insaan ban rahaa huN, insaan chaahtaa huN!
khoob sahab....mujhe aise jumle bahut pasand hai
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
hmmmm......
yha tajrubeh zara sahi nahi lagaa......shayad aisa word nahi hai
tajrubah= tajrubey...rutbah=rutbey
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
khoob sahab.....daad haazir hai
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
is aas meN ki ab ke
is aas me ki=yaha present tense me junla khatm ho gaya
yaha 'ki' lagana kaan ko nahi bha raha sahab....
yaha conjuction ki jagah hai aur sense hai isliye shayad ki nahi lagega ke hoga yaha...
for example....
humne socha tha ke...( as conjunction= sudarshan faakir)
ke khushi se mar na jaate(as conjunction= ghalib)
phir
is aas meN ke abki ( abki / abke=one word ...muhavra)
ab agar pahle ke kar diya to yaha do ke se bache ke liye ki lagana munaasib hoga
abki---yaha ki conjunction nahi hai...ek muhavra hai...so nibhega
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
khud beej ban janaa.......pahla misra realism ke poore dayre me hai sur dusra usko opposite....meri aukaat nahi ki yaha kuch kahu....ab mashuka/ishq ki baat hoti to kitna bhi abstract ho jaye koi...magar is limited mafhoom me ??
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
apne saa??? bhi zara hatke hai sahab....
shayad mujh saa hi natural hota...aap behtar samajhte hai.....
aur saani me main bhi hai....zara bataiyega sahab.....
yaa..
kyun mujh saa<---->. shayad ( rabt )
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
kya khoob nibhaya hai...........
bahut jaldi ye sher kabuul nahi hoga....bahut sochna hoga....
shayad mera dimaag hi slow hoga
daad haazir hai...1 percent kam bus
(For my spiritual Guru)
maalik tiree Dagar par, bhejaa jo toone rahbar,
baa-aitbaar uske, qadamoN pe chal paRaa huN!
nice prayer and loyalty....
khairandesh
-dheer
ragards...jald milenge
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Sifar
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Location: Dubai, UAE
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4th July 2010, 06:32 PM
Dheer Saahab...
Jaisa ki yahaN ghazal pe zidd bhai apni raa'ii rakh chuke hai ... to isi ke wabasta maiN kuch jyada nahi keh sakta ... par haaN maiN zidd bhai ki baatoN se poora ittefaaq rakhta huN .. sath hi maiN kehna chahuNga ...ki is martba mujhe ghazal kuch feeki hi lagi .. rabt kam nazar aaya aur bayaani dheeli lagi .. jaisa ki zidd bhai ki baatoN se bhi zaahir hota hai...
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
maiN is sher ke wabasta ye khas taur pe kehna chahunga ki mujh kam aqla ke samajh main to aaya hi nahi .. jiska pehle miCre main hi atak ke reh gaya maiN ...
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
aur ye sher do alag baatoN ki taraf ishara karta sa nazar aa raha hai .. aap samjhayenge to bohat accha lagega mujhe ... aur maiN to ye bhi chahuNga ki aap apne ustaad JanaaB Sarvar.A.Raj saahab se iska tabsirah karayeN .. aur use yahaN chaspa kareN .. jisse mujhe lagta hai ki hum kam aqloN ko bohat kuch seekhne ko milega...
phir bhi akhiri sher maiN aapne apne hone ka ehsaas kara diya ... meri daad kabool kijiyega.. aur aapse apke lavel ki ek ghazal ki umeed zaroor karunga maiN .. jaldi hi .. phir bhi kuch galat keh gaya huN to muafi ka talabgaar rahuNga...
Khaaksaar
Kunaal
KunaaL (Sifar).........
Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa..
Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi..
Last edited by KunaaL; 4th July 2010 at 06:42 PM..
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Registered User
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4th July 2010, 06:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by r_singla95
Bahut khoob dheer ji,,...............................
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bahut shukriya!
dua go!
Dheer
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4th July 2010, 06:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by naresh_mehra110
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
Its too good.........dheer ji........
bahut umdaa khayal se labrez rahi aapki ghazal....adaayegi aur rawaangi bhi khaas rahi.......dil se daad hazir hai.....yunhi behtar kalaam ke saath aate rahiye...khush rahiye...
apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath....
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namaste Naresh saHeb,
ummeed hai sab khairiyat hogee.
is dili daad ke liye tah e dil se mamnoon huN!
khairandesh
Dheer
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4th July 2010, 06:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by secret admirer
nice creation dheer ji................
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ISHK EK IBADAT
dheer bhai
radhe radhe
bahut sundar har ashar par dil se daad nikli hai kubul karen
aur ye do ashar to dil me chhaa gaye
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
(For my spiritual Guru)
maalik tiree Dagar par, bhejaa jo toone rahbar,
baa-aitbaar uske, qadamoN pe chal paRaa huN!
aate rahiye mehfil ko roshan karte rahiye
duaon ke saath
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunita virender
Dear Dheer.....bahut accha likhtey ho aap, har baar ki tarah es baar bhi bahut khoobsurat likha hai....dil se daad hazir hai.
duaoN ke saath
diiiii
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dhaval
Dheer bhaiya:
Pranaam
aapke qalaam ko bazm me.n deKh kar jo KhuShi mehsoos ho rahi hay wo lafzo.n me.n bayaa.n nahii.n kar paau.ngaa.. Ik taveel arse baad aapko paRhne ka mauqaa milaa.. Aapka andaaz-e-bayaa.n sadaa mere dil par gehra aCar ChhoD jaata hay... ees baar bhi wahi hua... Ghazal to aapne behterin kahi hay ..dil se daad
aate rahiye.. KhuSh rahe.n
duaao.n ke saath ijaazat
aapka
~Dhaval
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN
very nice dheer ji..
keep writing..
take care..
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dostoN ko dheer kaa aadaab!
ummeed hai aap sab khairiyat se honge.
is dili daad aur zarrah nawaazee ke liye behad shukriya. yeh aap sabhee kaa saath hai jo SDC par der saver is naacheez ko haazir honaa laazmii rahtaa hai.
khairandesh
dheer
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Registered User
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4th July 2010, 06:54 PM
dheer sahab bhot khub likha hai aapne ehsaso ko lafzo main jis tarah piroya hai usse sukun jehen tak pahuch gaya hai
abhi ek sher yaad aa gaya hai aapki najar karta hu
mat puch kis kis ne dokhe diye hai muje,
btane laga to apno ke cehre bhi utar jayenge.
pawan(shayari)
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5th July 2010, 07:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
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huzoor aadaab arz,
kaise haiN aap? ummeed hai sab khairiyat hogee. ab aap jaise umdah kalam_kaar bazm e SDC ko sambhaale hue haiN to maiN mutmayeen huN. ab aap is mukaam par hai keh adabee guftgoo aur islaah jaise mud'daoN par baakee dostoN kee madad kar sakte haiN. khair yeh kah ke apnee zimmedaaree se peechhe naheeN haTunga aur waqt milte hee sevaa meN haazir huNga.
bah'r_haal , ghazal par aapkee chand tajweezoN kee baat karte haiN, aur us se pehle is tabsireh ke liye aapkaa dili shukriyaa adaakartaa huN!
Quote:
tabdilyoN ko pehle, apne meN laa rahaa huN,
apne men laa raha hu.....galat to nahi kah sakta bus kano ko sahi nahi laga
ek adna si gusthaki kar raha hu...ek surat pesh karta hu...
tabdilyoN ko pehle, mai khud meN laa rahaa huN,
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darj misre meN kuchh ghaltee naheeN, albatta jo soorat aapne dee hai use maine bhee sochaa thaa.
"maiN khud meN"
"khud hee meN"
"apne meN"
in teenoN soorat meN misraa darj hai. ahbaab kee rai kaa muntazir thaa keh kyaa istemaal kiyaa jaaye. aap kahte haiN to aap kee sujhaayee hee le letaa huN . mujhe pehle se behtar bhee lag rahee hai. shukriyaa!
Quote:
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
hmmmm......
yha tajrubeh zara sahi nahi lagaa......shayad aisa word nahi hai
tajrubah= tajrubey...rutbah=rutbey
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tajrubah bilkul saheeH lafz hai. aap lughwi dekh lijiyega. iske maanee hai "anubhav".. experience. isko aam zabaan meN "tajurbah" kah lete hai jo ki ghalat ul aam kaa shikaar hai. ab aap sher ko phir se paDhiyegaa. shaayad behtar lage. mujhe yeh sher haaSil e Ghazal lagtaa hai.
Quote:
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
is aas meN ki ab ke
is aas me ki=yaha present tense me junla khatm ho gaya
yaha 'ki' lagana kaan ko nahi bha raha sahab....
yaha conjuction ki jagah hai aur sense hai isliye shayad ki nahi lagega ke hoga yaha...
for example....
humne socha tha ke...( as conjunction= sudarshan faakir)
ke khushi se mar na jaate(as conjunction= ghalib)
phir
is aas meN ke abki ( abki / abke=one word ...muhavra)
ab agar pahle ke kar diya to yaha do ke se bache ke liye ki lagana munaasib hoga
abki---yaha ki conjunction nahi hai...ek muhavra hai...so nibhega
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saHeb! aap pehle "ki" meN shaayad confuse ho gaye haiN. urdu meN ise "keh" yah "ke" likhte hai. so aap "ke" paDh leejiye. hindi meN agar meN lafz e "kyoNki" kee misaal duN to bat saaf ho jaayegee.
rahee baat "abke" kee to yahaaN "abki" naa-munaasib hai. aap misre kaa gender dekhiye.
1 . abkii baar (faminine)
2. abke baras (masculine)
aur jab sirf "abke" likhte hai to baat aane waale waqt kee ho rahee hotee hai. mere khayaal se ab baat saaf ho gayee hogee.
Quote:
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
apne saa??? bhi zara hatke hai sahab....
shayad mujh saa hi natural hota...aap behtar samajhte hai.....
aur saani me main bhi hai....zara bataiyega sahab.....
yaa..
kyun mujh saa<---->. shayad ( rabt )
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
kya khoob nibhaya hai...........
bahut jaldi ye sher kabuul nahi hoga....bahut sochna hoga....
shayad mera dimaag hi slow hoga
daad haazir hai...1 percent kam bus
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aapke huzoor meN gustaakhee nah ho to sirf itnaa arz karuNga ki kaii sher sufiyanaa hote haiN unke mafhoom seedhe lafzoN se zaahir naheeN hote.
awwal to "mujh saa" aur "apnaa saa" meN zameen o aasmaaN kaa farq hai. "apnaa saa" ..."begaanaa saa" kaa opposite hotaa hai.
rahee baat ... sher ke mafhoom kee to, bandagee ke maanee rang-roop, jaat-mazhab, desh-kaal se uper uTh jaanaa hai. har shakhs jahaaN apnaa hai.. nah koee raqeeb nah begaanah. isee ko khudaa kee sachchee ibaadat kahte hai. aur sher bhee yahee kahnaa chaahtaa hai.
zaahir lafzoN meN sher ke donoN misroN meN rabt nazar naheeN aataa hai kabhee kabhee. aap is sufiyana sher ko hee leejiye,
"mujhe talaash nah kar zauq e bekhudee sujood,
nazar kee chand shuaaoN se ghir gayaa huN meN!"
waise mere kahe sher kee or ustaad e mohataram Sarwar saHeb ne bhee isharaa kiyaa hai, magar maiN maantaa huN keh mafhoom mere mutabik saHeeH hai!! haaN magar is baat se inkaar naheeN kiyaa jaa saktaa keh sher meN behtaree kee gunjaaish to hameshaa rahtee hee hai!
================================================== =====
Zidd saHeb!
meree khushee kaa Thikaanaa naheeN hai keh aaj SDC par phir se adabee guftgoo karne waale ahbaab aa rahe haiN aur jismeN aap bhee shumaar haiN. meree duaa hai keh aap sakhanwaree kee buladiyoN ko jald chhoo le.
khairandesh
Dheer
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5th July 2010, 07:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KunaaL
Dheer Saahab...
Jaisa ki yahaN ghazal pe zidd bhai apni raa'ii rakh chuke hai ... to isi ke wabasta maiN kuch jyada nahi keh sakta ... par haaN maiN zidd bhai ki baatoN se poora ittefaaq rakhta huN .. sath hi maiN kehna chahuNga ...ki is martba mujhe ghazal kuch feeki hi lagi .. rabt kam nazar aaya aur bayaani dheeli lagi .. jaisa ki zidd bhai ki baatoN se bhi zaahir hota hai...
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
maiN is sher ke wabasta ye khas taur pe kehna chahunga ki mujh kam aqla ke samajh main to aaya hi nahi .. jiska pehle miCre main hi atak ke reh gaya maiN ...
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
aur ye sher do alag baatoN ki taraf ishara karta sa nazar aa raha hai .. aap samjhayenge to bohat accha lagega mujhe ... aur maiN to ye bhi chahuNga ki aap apne ustaad JanaaB Sarvar.A.Raj saahab se iska tabsirah karayeN .. aur use yahaN chaspa kareN .. jisse mujhe lagta hai ki hum kam aqloN ko bohat kuch seekhne ko milega...
phir bhi akhiri sher maiN aapne apne hone ka ehsaas kara diya ... meri daad kabool kijiyega.. aur aapse apke lavel ki ek ghazal ki umeed zaroor karunga maiN .. jaldi hi .. phir bhi kuch galat keh gaya huN to muafi ka talabgaar rahuNga...
Khaaksaar
Kunaal
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namaste Kunaal saHeb,
aapkee raai ke liye behad mamnoon huN. ghazal ko pasand yaa naa-pasand karnaa sukhanfeh'm kaa haq hai. naa-pasandagee meN ghazal kaa aam rang fitrat e sukhanfehm se mel naheeN khaanaa bhee hotaa hai. ghazal kaa har sher umdah ho, yeh to behtareen se behtareen shaayar bhee apne 1-2 ghazloN meN hee kar paayaa to meree kyaa bisaat.
aur phir ek baat jo maine dekhee hai, "ziyadahtar shayar mahz apne 1-2 sheroN se jaane jaate haiN"
bah'rhaal aapkee hazoor meN mohataram Sarwar saHeb kaa tabsireh kaa link chaspa kar rahaa huN. aap dekh lijiyega.
http://www.bazm.urduanjuman.com/inde...cseen#msg34318
shukriya
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5th July 2010, 01:15 PM
Quote:
huzoor aadaab arz,
kaise haiN aap? ummeed hai sab khairiyat hogee. ab aap jaise umdah kalam_kaar bazm e SDC ko sambhaale hue haiN to maiN mutmayeen huN. ab aap is mukaam par hai keh adabee guftgoo aur islaah jaise mud'daoN par baakee dostoN kee madad kar sakte haiN. khair yeh kah ke apnee zimmedaaree se peechhe naheeN haTunga aur waqt milte hee sevaa meN haazir huNga.
bah'r_haal , ghazal par aapkee chand tajweezoN kee baat karte haiN, aur us se pehle is tabsireh ke liye aapkaa dili shukriyaa adaakartaa huN!
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dheere sahab phirse salaam.....
apka tabirah karne wale hum kaun aur hamaari aukaat kya?
apke ghazal par kuch kahna rasgulle ho apple ki tarah cheelne ke barabar hai
hum to jaan mujh kar apni ungli aag me daal dete hai ki dekhe kitna tapti hai....isliye ki apse seekhte hai ...bus....
aur ek baat....aap kabhi na sochiyega ki aapki shaan me hum kabhi gustakhi kar sakte hai....hota yun hai ki tabsirah karte karte aadmi ek bahaav me bah jata hai.....aur questioning direct ho jaati hai to lagta hai ki teekha swar hai...magar aisa katai nahi hai.....magar is baat se to aap bhali bhaati parichit hai.....vo directness teekhaman nahi hai...involvment ki nishaani hai
phir bhi agar kabhi aapko phir bhi kuch viprit lag jaaye ...to huzoor next time jab bhi milenge....aapka juuta to hai hi mera sar haazir kar dunga
Quote:
darj misre meN kuchh ghaltee naheeN, albatta jo soorat aapne dee hai use maine bhee sochaa thaa.
"maiN khud meN"
"khud hee meN"
"apne meN"
in teenoN soorat meN misraa darj hai. ahbaab kee rai kaa muntazir thaa keh kyaa istemaal kiyaa jaaye. aap kahte haiN to aap kee sujhaayee hee le letaa huN . mujhe pehle se behtar bhee lag rahee hai. shukriyaa!
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shukriyaa sahab
Quote:
tajrubah bilkul saheeH lafz hai. aap lughwi dekh lijiyega. iske maanee hai "anubhav".. experience. isko aam zabaan meN "tajurbah" kah lete hai jo ki ghalat ul aam kaa shikaar hai. ab aap sher ko phir se paDhiyegaa. shaayad behtar lage. mujhe yeh sher haaSil e Ghazal lagtaa hai.
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jee...magar maine kahi nahi kaha ki tajrubah galat lafz hai.....
maine ye kaha ki ...
tajrubah se tajrubeh nahi bantaa
tajrubah se sirf tajrube banta hai...tajrubeh nahi
jaise rutbaah se banta hai rutbe ya rutbey...rutbeh nahi
aapne misre me tajrubeh istemmaal kiya hai tajrubah nahi
Quote:
saHeb! aap pehle "ki" meN shaayad confuse ho gaye haiN. urdu meN ise "keh" yah "ke" likhte hai. so aap "ke" paDh leejiye. hindi meN agar meN lafz e "kyoNki" kee misaal duN to bat saaf ho jaayegee.
rahee baat "abke" kee to yahaaN "abki" naa-munaasib hai. aap misre kaa gender dekhiye.
1 . abkii baar (faminine)
2. abke baras (masculine)
aur jab sirf "abke" likhte hai to baat aane waale waqt kee ho rahee hotee hai. mere khayaal se ab baat saaf ho gayee hogee.
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ji...aap kahte hai to apki ghazal me abse mai ki ko ke pad lunga
aur abki baar sahab feminine gender nahi hai
aap dekhiye....
abke baar
abki baar..........dono sahi hai.....isliye ye neutral gender hai.....
Quote:
aapke huzoor meN gustaakhee nah ho to sirf itnaa arz karuNga ki kaii sher sufiyanaa hote haiN unke mafhoom seedhe lafzoN se zaahir naheeN hote.
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sahab....ab sufiyana sher kisi kahte hai ye masla bhi ajab hai....
mazhabi alfaaz se sher sufiyana to hota nahi lagta....vo to bus ek masnavi ki tarah[ ki tarah par zor de raha hu] ho jayega( in spirit not including the tecnical aspects )
ab sufiyana kya hai vo ek masla hai.....kya pata isko define karne me ek boook hi bhar jaaye....
bus popular culture ke hisaab se mujhe lagta hai ki sufiyana kalaam vo hai...jo ek saath dono taraf jaaye....matlab mehboob ko bhi kahe aur wahi baat rab par bhi laagu ho jaaye or vice versa( loosely speaking)
magar mudda ye hai ki is sher ke liye aap kah rahe hai ki bus smell liya jaaaye aur lutf uthaya jaaye...so vo bhi apni jagah theek.....
magar problem ye ki pahle maine apko benefit of doubt diya tha....magar ab aapne 'bandagi' ka khulaasa kar diya...is liye ab lagta hai ki ye sher ki dono line mil hi nahi sakti.....matlab rabt nahi hai........
haa...agar aap is sher me 'bandagi' ka matlab bina divine hawala diye sirf 'dosti ' kah dete to ek baar to mafhoom adaa ho jata.....
Quote:
awwal to "mujh saa" aur "apnaa saa" meN zameen o aasmaaN kaa farq hai. "apnaa saa" ..."begaanaa saa" kaa opposite hotaa hai.
rahee baat ... sher ke mafhoom kee to, bandagee ke maanee rang-roop, jaat-mazhab, desh-kaal se uper uTh jaanaa hai. har shakhs jahaaN apnaa hai.. nah koee raqeeb nah begaanah. isee ko khudaa kee sachchee ibaadat kahte hai. aur sher bhee yahee kahnaa chaahtaa hai.
zaahir lafzoN meN sher ke donoN misroN meN rabt nazar naheeN aataa hai kabhee kabhee. aap is sufiyana sher ko hee leejiye,
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jee ..apnaa sa ya mujh sa kaan accept karta hai...
magar apne sa ..........riwaa me kaha hai
Quote:
"mujhe talaash nah kar zauq e bekhudee sujood,
nazar kee chand shuaaoN se ghir gayaa huN meN!"
waise mere kahe sher kee or ustaad e mohataram Sarwar saHeb ne bhee isharaa kiyaa hai, magar maiN maantaa huN keh mafhoom mere mutabik saHeeH hai!! haaN magar is baat se inkaar naheeN kiyaa jaa saktaa keh sher meN behtaree kee gunjaaish to hameshaa rahtee hee hai!
mazrat fazrat nahi bolunga....aap dost hai....
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Zidd saHeb!
meree khushee kaa Thikaanaa naheeN hai keh aaj SDC par phir se adabee guftgoo karne waale ahbaab aa rahe haiN aur jismeN aap bhee shumaar haiN. meree duaa hai keh aap sakhanwaree kee buladiyoN ko jald chhoo le.
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aap ayenge to bahut khushi hogi......aate rahiye
khairandesh
Dheer
Last edited by zainy; 5th July 2010 at 04:27 PM..
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5th July 2010, 02:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''
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namaste Zidd saHeb!
1.
to baat is typo kee hai "apnaa saa" ko "apne saa" likhaa huaa hai. to bhaai yahaaN typo qabool kartaa huN [magar mere jawaab se baat zaahir ho gayee thee keh maiN "apnaa saa" likhnaa chaah rahaa thaa. baavjood iske, agar aap meree TaaNg pakaD kar giraanaa chaahe to kyaa kiijiye ].
yahee baat lagtaa hai "tajrube" ke saath bhee hai. aap Theek farmaate haiN lafz tajrube hee hai. aur is typo ke liye bhee kaan pakaRne meN koee harj naheeN.
rahee baat sher ke donoN misre ke rabt kee to , mere khayaal se jo maiN kahnaa chaahtaa thaa, adaa ho gayaa. phir sukhanfehm kaa apnaa haq hai ke use nakaar de.
2. "abki baar" feminine hai : maiN apnee baat par qaa'em huN. phir bhee kabhee mauqa milaa to ustaad e fan e shaairee se poochh kar aapko ittela kar duNga.
dua go
Dheer
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5th July 2010, 02:19 PM
areeee dheer sahab...........yaha to aadha lrsson aadha mazaak chal raha hai...
aap kya samajh rahe hai.....bhai itna serious na hoiye ...sunday hai aaj...bus hass mil rahe hai.....
is tarah ki baate na kijiye sahab....
varna aapke saath bhi formal hona padega... jo ki hona bahut difficult hai aapke liye bhi aur mere liye bhi
aur mujeeb sahab ke style me kahna hoga ...intehaaiii mazrat......
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5th July 2010, 02:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd
areeee dheer sahab...........yaha to aadha lrsson aadha mazaak chal raha hai...
aap kya samajh rahe hai.....bhai itna serious na hoiye ...sunday hai aaj...bus hass mil rahe hai.....
is tarah ki baate na kijiye sahab....
varna aapke saath bhi formal hona padega... jo ki hona bahut difficult hai aapke liye bhi aur mere liye bhi
aur mujeeb sahab ke style me kahna hoga ...intehaaiii mazrat......
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your always welcome big Bro. sukhan apnee jagah hai aur aapse hamaaraa rishtah apnee jagah hai ... khayaal na kijiyega. aur bhaai maiN chhoTaa huN. hazaar baar bhee kaan pakaD luN to koee harj naheeN. magar aap yeh "mazaarat" kee baat kar ke mujhe "2 ghaz zameen ke neeche mat dhakeliye ... khuda ke liye.
Last edited by dheer; 5th July 2010 at 02:42 PM..
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Aapki dost
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5th July 2010, 06:15 PM
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
Bohat khoob Dheer ji...dil se daad qubool kijiyega....
Aapse guzarish hai ke aap,Sdc per zara zyada waqt bataya kijiye,
Aap ki maujoodgi se ,Sdc per raunak si aa jati hai...
PLZ KEEP COMING ON SDC...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
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7th July 2010, 12:33 AM
Masha_allah kya thread hai ek to itna zabardast kalam aur uspar itni zabardast guftogoo Zidd saheb Dheer saheb aur Kunaal saheb ke beech ki jise padhkar maza aa gaya, achche logho ki achchi batein sunkar bada achcha lagta hai.
Dheer saheb itna kuch kaha ja chuka hai ab main mamuli aadmi kya keh sakta hu, bas itna kahuga ke is sher liye aapko manno man daad....
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
Jhoot kehdu yeh meri fitrat me nahi shamil
Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta...
Mob.: +971 501297654
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7th July 2010, 08:23 PM
Dheer jinaab,
aaj aap ki pahlee hee gazal parhee hai aur mai aap ka fan ho gaya ahuun. aap bahut hee umdaa shaayar ho. poori ki poori gzal bahut khoobsoorat hai. khayaalon me pukhtagee hai aur alfaaz bahot dilkash hain.
ye sher khaas kar pasand aayaa:
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
aur bhi parhne kee tamanna rahegee.
Arun BeKhabar.
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8th July 2010, 01:42 AM
Dheer sahab, namaste!
Ye aapkee pahalee ghazal parhee hai. bahut achha likha hai aapne. behad shukraguzar huun janaab ki aapne hume parhne ka mauka diyaa.
Aage bhee parhne ka mauka deejiyegaa.
Shukriyah ek baar phir se
Mann
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9th July 2010, 09:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dheer
namaste dostoN!
mahino baad kuchh TooTe phooTe ashaar hue haiN! mulaaheza farmaayiyegaa.
dil kee nazar se tujh ko, dil hee meN DhooNDhtaa huN,
"har raah se guzar kar, dil kee taraf chalaa huN!" - Fani Badayuni
tabdilyoN ko pehle, apne meN laa rahaa huN,
insaan ban rahaa huN, insaan chaahtaa huN!
waah !
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
bahut khoob!
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
kafi gehri baat kehdi tum nae
bahut achcha laga
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
bilkul tteek baat hai
(For my spiritual Guru)
maalik tiree Dagar par, bhejaa jo toone rahbar,
baa-aitbaar uske, qadamoN pe chal paRaa huN!
good !
khairandesh
-dheer
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tum nae bahut hi sachchi baat kahi hai
mujhae her aek shaer mukammil lagi
razia
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9th July 2010, 11:21 AM
dheer sahab aadab o tasleemat..
apki tarahi ghazal nazarnawaz howi ,, apki gazal apki sunch o fikar ko bayan karti hai ,, dad behad o hisab ..
maazi ki chai.ni aur mustaqbil ki murath ke istemaal bilkul naya hai .. behad khubsurati ada kiya hai apne .. dad hi dad .. umid hai aage bhi issi tarhan nawazte rahenge .. khush rahen hamesha ..
duwa go
qadeertoopchi
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9th July 2010, 03:44 PM
Dheer Mahoday...namaste..
Maazi ke tajurbeh ki chainee se kaam lekar,
main aane wale kal ki moorat tarashta hoon.
Bohot khoobsurat aur kaamaanewala sher lagaa yeh aapka..
Ek khoobsurat ghazal parr meri mubarakbaad qubool kijiyega..likhte rahiye..
Dua Go.
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13th July 2010, 07:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by talib
Dheer Mahoday...namaste..
Maazi ke tajurbeh ki chainee se kaam lekar,
main aane wale kal ki moorat tarashta hoon.
Bohot khoobsurat aur kaamaanewala sher lagaa yeh aapka..
Ek khoobsurat ghazal parr meri mubarakbaad qubool kijiyega..likhte rahiye..
Dua Go.
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aadaab arz talib saHeb!
mubaarakbaad ke liye behad mamnoon huN. jaan kar dili masarrat huee ki jo sher mujhe bhee ziyadah azeez hai, wo aapko bhee khaasaa pasand aayaa.
khairandesh
dheer
Quote:
Originally Posted by abdulqadeert
dheer sahab aadab o tasleemat..
apki tarahi ghazal nazarnawaz howi ,, apki gazal apki sunch o fikar ko bayan karti hai ,, dad behad o hisab ..
maazi ki chai.ni aur mustaqbil ki murath ke istemaal bilkul naya hai .. behad khubsurati ada kiya hai apne .. dad hi dad .. umid hai aage bhi issi tarhan nawazte rahenge .. khush rahen hamesha ..
duwa go
qadeertoopchi
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mohtaram Abdul Qadeer saHeb,
aadaab!
ye mere liye baaic e masarrat hai ki aap jais dost is mehfil meN aate haiN. meree dili tamanna hai ki ahbaab aapke yahaaN hone se mustafid ho aur yakeen hai ki aap waqt bewaqt unkee islaah farmaate raheNge. beh'r_haal aapkee purkhuloos dad ke liye mamnoon o mashkoor huN!
Quote:
Originally Posted by yasmeenraaz
tum nae bahut hi sachchi baat kahi hai
mujhae her aek shaer mukammil lagi
razia
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Razia ji! aadaab!
himmat_afzaayee ke liye behad shukriyaa!
dua go
Dheer
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mann-Limitless
Dheer sahab, namaste!
Ye aapkee pahalee ghazal parhee hai. bahut achha likha hai aapne. behad shukraguzar huun janaab ki aapne hume parhne ka mauka diyaa.
Aage bhee parhne ka mauka deejiyegaa.
Shukriyah ek baar phir se
Mann
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namaskar saHeb!
meree khush_naseebee hai ki aapne pehlee aamad me hee ghazal ko pasand farmaayaa. aayindah bhee saath dete rahiyega.
aabhaar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arun Bekhabar
Dheer jinaab,
aaj aap ki pahlee hee gazal parhee hai aur mai aap ka fan ho gaya ahuun. aap bahut hee umdaa shaayar ho. poori ki poori gzal bahut khoobsoorat hai. khayaalon me pukhtagee hai aur alfaaz bahot dilkash hain.
ye sher khaas kar pasand aayaa:
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
aur bhi parhne kee tamanna rahegee.
Arun BeKhabar.
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behad shukriyaa saHeb,
jis sher ko aapne khaasaa pasand kiyaa shaayad usee ko fakeeree kahte hai.
aate rahiyegaa,
dua go
Dheer
Quote:
Originally Posted by sajid_ghayel
Masha_allah kya thread hai ek to itna zabardast kalam aur uspar itni zabardast guftogoo Zidd saheb Dheer saheb aur Kunaal saheb ke beech ki jise padhkar maza aa gaya, achche logho ki achchi batein sunkar bada achcha lagta hai.
Dheer saheb itna kuch kaha ja chuka hai ab main mamuli aadmi kya keh sakta hu, bas itna kahuga ke is sher liye aapko manno man daad....
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
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aadaab sajid bhai,
aapkee daad sar aaNkhoN par hazoor!
khairandesh
Dheer
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
Bohat khoob Dheer ji...dil se daad qubool kijiyega....
Aapse guzarish hai ke aap,Sdc per zara zyada waqt bataya kijiye,
Aap ki maujoodgi se ,Sdc per raunak si aa jati hai...
PLZ KEEP COMING ON SDC...
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aadaab Zainy ji!
daad ke liye mamnoon huN. koshish yahee hai ke ziyadah waqt diyaa karuN. aur aapp dostoN ko chhoR kar jaaye bhee kahaaN .
khairandesh
Dheer
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'Bismil'
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8th August 2010, 06:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by dheer
namaste dostoN!
mahino baad kuchh TooTe phooTe ashaar hue haiN! mulaaheza farmaayiyegaa.
dil kee nazar se tujh ko, dil hee meN DhooNDhtaa huN,
"har raah se guzar kar, dil kee taraf chalaa huN!" - Fani Badayuni
tabdilyoN ko pehle, apne meN laa rahaa huN,
insaan ban rahaa huN, insaan chaahtaa huN!
maazee ke tajrubeh kee, chhainee se kaam lekar,
maiN aane waale kal kee, moorat taraashtaa huN!
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
(For my spiritual Guru)
maalik tiree Dagar par, bhejaa jo toone rahbar,
baa-aitbaar uske, qadamoN pe chal paRaa huN!
khairandesh
-dheer
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Dheer bhai namaste,
aapki yeh kaavish pehle bhi padhi thi..aaj phir se dhundhke padhi hai..bahot khoob bhaiyee..bahot umda baateiN kahi hai aapne..
is aas meN ki ab ke, chaahaa wo gulsitaaN hoN,
maiN khud hee beej ban kar, miTTee se jaa milaa huN!
wahhh..yeh sher mere dil ke behad kareeb raha
har shaks gaahe gaahe, apne saa lag rahaa hai,
shaayad maiN bandagee ke, maanee samajh gayaa huN!
yahaan aap "samajh rahaa hun" kehte to mujhe aur acha lagta.
apna khyaal rakhiye...aate rahiye...god bless
aapka dost,
Pradhyuman
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gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
--------------------------------------------------
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