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kabhi haNsaa diya mujhe, kabhi rulaa diyaa mujhe.....she'r |
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(#1)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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kabhi haNsaa diya mujhe, kabhi rulaa diyaa mujhe.....she'r -
30th December 2007, 12:10 PM
aaj Ghar ki safa'ii ke dauraan ek puraani kitaab milii, jis meiN college ke zamaane ke kuch ash'aar mile, un meiN se ek (wazn ki marramat ke baad) darj kar raha huuN, saada sa she'r hai, mulaahiza kijiye
kabhi haNsaa diya mujhe, kabhi rulaa diyaa mujhe aadmii tha, tumne tamaashaa banaa diyaa mujhe maine khud ko bhi miTaa diyaa tumhaari yaad meiN tumne ek bhool samajh kar bhulaa diyaa mujhe maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#2)
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Registered User
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Location: udaipur
Rep Power: 35
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30th December 2007, 12:24 PM
Quote:
it'tefaaqan aaj aap aur maiN aik hii waqt pe forum me maujood hai! merii khush naseebii! kaise haiN aap? um'miid kartaa huN khairiyat hogii! av'val to pehlaa sher mujhe pasand aayaa! daad qabool kareN. doosraa : aik choTaa saa sawaal zaeh'n meiN qauNdh rahaa thaa, sochaa aap online haiN to kyoN nah poochh luN. maine apnii ghazal meiN lafz e "zaayaa" istemaal kiyaa haiN. kyaa ise "zayaa" likhnaa aur paDhnaa chaahiye yah phir "zaaye"...... shayad sawaal betukaa hoN.. magar abhii India se door US meiN huN.. to mere paas urdu dictionary bhii nahiiN. aur ye sawaal mujhe pareshaan kar rahaa hai (tab se , jab ye ghazal kahii hai) kyoNki meiN ise kafiye ke taur pe istemaal kar rahaa huN. agar ye sahii nahii hai to mujhe aik sher haTaanaa hogaa! zaraa raushnaayii Daale aur khat likhne ki zehmat uThaayiyegaa. taqleef dene ke liye mu'aafii chaahtaa huN. shukriyaa !! |
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(#3)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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30th December 2007, 12:38 PM
aadaab miyaaN
agar aap puura she'r yahaaN darj kareiN to mere liye jawaab dena qadran aasaan hoga aur agar aap apni taaza Ghazal ki baat kar rahe haiN jis par maiN apna tabsiraa haazir kar chuka huuN to us par tafseelii bahas darkaar hai, aap wajaahat farmaayeN to achcha hoga maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#4)
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Location: udaipur
Rep Power: 35
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30th December 2007, 12:51 PM
Quote:
maajhraa kuchh aisaa hai keh... merii taazaa ghazal ke sher : " ik dafaa hotaa hai raushan aaftaab e zindagii, aik bhii qatraa nah iske noor kaa zaayaa kare" is sher par mere ek nadeem ko ye aitraaz thaa keh lafz-e-zaayaa ko hindi-punjaabi me "zaayaa" paDhaa jaataa hai, nah ke urdu meN. urdu meiN ise "zaaye" kahaa jaataa hai! chuNke aap thoRe se masroof rahte haiN, to maiN Sarwar saHeb ko aksar apne sawaaloN se pareshan karta huN.  (abhii Sarwar saHeb bhii India meiN hii haiN) ,aaj khushqismatii se aap mil gaye to sochaa ke aapse maaloom kar luN. kyaa maine iskaa istemaal sahii kiyaa hai ? |
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(#5)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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30th December 2007, 01:19 PM
Quote:
iske do jawaab mumkin haiN pehla : maine yeh pehli baar sunaa hai ke urdu meiN "zaaya" ko "zaaye" paDhaa jaata hai jo ke mere liye saKht hai'raani ki baat hai, amooman jab aisaa aitraaz uThaaya jaaye to aap un hazrat se darkhuvaast kijiye ke ba-misaal koii aisaa she'r aapke hawaale kareiN jis meiN yeh farq saaf ta'ur par zaahir hota ho, mujhe nahiiN lagta ke is baat meiN koii damm hai lekin phir bhi aap unse yeh zehmat uThaane ki guzaarish kijiye, mere khayaal se to aapne ye lafz sahii istemaal kiya hai, go she'r sahii tareeqe se bayaan nahiiN ho paaya lekin voh judaa mas'alaa hai, that's a matter of personal opinion, techincally that verse is sound. duusra : yeh dusrust hai ke Ghazal ko jitna ho sake urdu zabaan ke daayre meiN reh kar adaa karne ki kohshish honi chahiye lekin har shaay'ir ka apna-apna nazariiya hai aur jo tarqeeb uski das'taras meiN hai voh usey istemaal karta hai, maslan aap Dr. Bashir Badr saahab ko hi le lijiye, unhone apni qalaam meiN be-shumaar hindi alfaaz istemaal kiye haiN aur badi khoobsuurti se kiye haiN aur khud maine apne sukhan meiN hindi alfaaz ka'ii baar bar'te haiN, agar aapne janaab raj kumar "qais" saahab ko nahiiN paDhaa to waqt nikaal kar unki Ghazliiyaat pe nazar daaliye, mera daava hai ke unko paDhne ke baad aap un dostoN se saKht parhez kareNge jinko urdu Ghazal meiN hindi alfaaz barte jaane par aitraaz hai. so do baatoN ki ek baat, pehel to yeh aitraaz hi naa'jaayaz hai duusre agar jaayaz hai bhi to aapko is par kaan dharne ki qata'ii zaroorat nahiiN hai ummiid hai ke aapko apne sawaal ka jawaab mil gaya hoga rab raakha maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#6)
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Registered User
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Location: udaipur
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30th December 2007, 01:35 PM
Quote:
aapne merii mushkil aasaan kar dii maiKash saHeb! maine bhii aisaa kabhii sunaa nahii thaa. khair aapse maaloom kar ke kuchh tasal'lii huii. baakii aap jaanet hai , apnii likhii ghazal ke aik sher ko bhii kam karnaa dil pakkaa kar ke karnaa hotaa hai! abhii fursat milne par iskii final editing karungaa aur aapko pesh karungaa. mujhe yakiin hai ke aapko pasand aayegii. takliif dene ke liyee mazaarat chaahtaa huN. apnaa khayaal rakhiyegaa! |
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(#7)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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30th December 2007, 01:39 PM
Quote:
mujhe aap jaise mehnat'kash sukhanwar ke kisi bhi sawaal ka jawaab dene meiN ko'ii pareshaani mehsuus nahiiN hoti aur yeh kori laffaazii nahiiN hai, yeh baat alag hai ke maiN pichhle kuch mahine behadd masroof raha huuN lekin aane waale kuch hafte maiN bilkul faariGh huuN aur aap jaise dostoN ki khidmat ke liye haazir rahuuNga, bila-jhijkhak huqm farma'iiye, yahaaN subah ke 8 baj rahe haiN aur ab to nasha bhi utar gaya hai  thoDa sustaa liya jaaye  phir mulaqaat hogi maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#8)
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Registered User
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Location: apni dillii
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30th December 2007, 05:13 PM
aadmii tha, tumne tamaashaa banaa diyaa mujhe
bohat khoob maikash ji... kafi kam yahan aana hota hai...par aapka har sher apne main hi khoob hota hai... likhte rahiye... ruchika jain (sanam) aik mutthi main kaid kar loon, yeh aasman hai jitna!" |
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(#9)
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Birha Tu Sultan
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31st December 2007, 11:13 PM
Quote:
maikash is tarhe teri yaad meiN har shaam dhaley hai goyaa koyi nagin si kalejey pe chaley hai maikash ............................... |
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(#10)
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Registered User
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Location: Khariar, Odisha
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6th April 2008, 06:52 PM
Quote:
PaRh kar bas mooh se yeh bol nikal paDe..... aadaab arz! kaise hai.n bhaaii aap? ek muddat ke baad aap se guftaguu ho rahii hai... kuchh aap masruuf reh gaye aur kuchh ham... aaj kaam kuchh kam tha, to socha kii dekha jaaye kii in dino aap kya kya kiye hai.n? sabab bas yehi tha kii aap ki koii Ghazal ya Sher paRhne ko mil jaaye, bas isi maqsad se ham khaaak chhaan rahe the kii aap ke yeh takhliqaaat paRhne ka ittefaaq haasil huaa..kya khuub baat kahii hai aap ne, waah! paRh kar behad lutf aayaa...kabhi haNsaa diya mujhe, kabhi rulaa diyaa mujhe aadmii tha, tumne tamaashaa banaa diyaa mujhe waah!lafz nahii aa rahe zubaan par taariif ke liye.. aur agar kuchh kahuu.n bhi to samjhiye suuraj ko diya dikhaane ke baraabar hi hoga.. aur baRo.n ne kaha hai kii agar aap ka zubaan aap ka saath na de kuchh bolne se achchha chup rehna hota hai. maine khud ko bhi miTaa diyaa tumhaari yaad meiN tumne ek bhool samajh kar bhulaa diyaa mujhe ab kya kahe.n.. ek woh hai.n aur ek ham... ham ne un kii yaad me.n duniya bhula Daala aur ek woh hai kii hame ek bhool samjh kar bhula diye... khuubsuurat ehsaas par Dher saare daad haazir hai.. qubool ho yuu.n hi likhate rahe.n.. ek aur darkhwaasth hai... Ghar ki safaa'iii aur achchhi se keejiye... shaayad kuchh aur aise hi achchhe Sher hame paRhne ko mil jaaye! aur huzuur! jald hi aap hame is zameen par aikGhazal bhi suna deejiye.. Mayank |
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